Then you'll never get it. You're just one of the people who doesn't enjoy the Souls games. That's that. I'm playing the same game you played, and I adore it.
I will say though, it's not just the difficulty that makes Souls different. It is also very atmospheric, immersive in it's lack of instruction and subtle narrative, implies many details of the universe in item descriptions rather than states them, has a prodigious quantity of different weapons, has a very fluid system for builds that allows a lot of versatility, has sympathetic but understated NPCs, hidden areas and traps to test your attention, etc. It's brilliant.
I disagree about the items though. If anything, you're only playing properly the first time, when you don't know what's what. All of my runs now begin with a quick run through the Catacombs, defeat Pinwheel, retrieve the Covetous Silver Serpent Ring for more souls, then fighting my way out, at which point I'm generally level 20 and saved a few souls for the Seal of Artorias so I can farm Forest Hunters. I then go through the Valley of the Drakes and come up to the Undead Parish and Andre through Darkroot Garden, buy the seal, kill Sif and farm a few souls for pyromancy or whatever I need, and all of this before the Taurus Demon. That's not playing properly. That's playing with foreknowledge gained from previous playthroughs. The first time, you're supposed to find whatever weapon drops, improvise your build, explore but inevitably not find everything, die a number of times to every boss before even figuring out what tactic to use, etc. That's the real experience. After a number of playthroughs or looking at the Wiki (if that's what you like to do), you can still appreciate everything else, but you won't get that sense of discovery and the challenge of figuring things out that comes with the first handful of runs.
EDIT: PvP: I will say it could be better, but I still enjoy it somewhat. The main gripe I have with it is that it discourages low level PvP by having you able to invade basically anyone of a higher level than you, and the cost and accessibility being pretty high for new players. Basically, you get 3 Cracked Red Eye Orbs, which is 3 invasions per low level character who figures out how to use them. That's not much. I'd love to invade, and have other people invade me, constantly throughout the game during just normal play, but humanity's hard to come by for new players and invasion items even moreso, ensuring that the majority of invaders are overgeared veterans - and they have to be, because they could by blind chance encounter an SL120 Havel-wearing Int build. It discourages the sort of fluid, in-level PvP I'd like to see become more of the experience.
And have an Arena for straight PvP as well, why not. And have the Forest for people who want to fight 3 people at a time. I'd just like it if characters of all levels could invade in all areas and get a fun match at little or no cost to themselves, which is basically what Darkwraiths do, except they have to have beaten the Four Kings to have that ability and will therefore be pretty fucking good at that stage.
But please for the love of god, the lag in Australia is UNTENNABLE.