I feel lonely

[ParadoxQc]

Well you're just going to have to get off your lazy ass and do something about it then, aren't you? hm? I'm not going to pat you on the head and softly coo reassuring platitudes of "Oh people don't know what they're missing" or some shit because your situation is entirely of your own doing.

Oh my, i expected this one sooner. And i got to say that i totally agree with you. I use a lot of excuses. Its a defense mechanism. I'm scared of everything, I feel like if it does not go well once, it will not go well the next time. And i know its not true, but i didnt realize it yet.

 

[ParadoxQc]

Here's my question, OP. Why do you want a girlfriend? Because if it's just 'Something people do' or some such, fill that void with more video games! Is what I do.

I dont want a "girlfriend". Its just that i feel alone. I dont have any friends that likes the same things as me (expect those on internet). What i am looking for is someone to share my passion with and i would want that person to be a girl because, meh, i just think that would be more cool. Plus, its hard to fill this by playing more video games when that's already what im doing all day long.

 

[Kahunaburger]

Well you're just going to have to get off your lazy ass and do something about it then, aren't you? hm? I'm not going to pat you on the head and softly coo reassuring platitudes of "Oh people don't know what they're missing" or some shit because your situation is entirely of your own doing.

Oh my, i expected this one sooner. And i got to say that i totally agree with you. I use a lot of excuses. Its a defense mechanism. I'm scared of everything, I feel like if it does not go well once, it will not go well the next time. And i know its not true, but i didnt realize it yet.

"Fake it until you make it" is a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason.

 

[Kopikatsu]

Here's my question, OP. Why do you want a girlfriend? Because if it's just 'Something people do' or some such, fill that void with more video games! Is what I do.

I dont want a "girlfriend". Its just that i feel alone. I dont have any friends that likes the same things as me (expect those on internet). What i am looking for is someone to share my passion with and i would want that person to be a girl because, meh, i just think that would be more cool.

What's wrong with only having internet friends? They're people. Probably.

Of course, it's possible that everyone besides you is just an AI construct with the express purpose of tricking you into believing that you aren't alone in this world. Oh wait...Mother Box seems upset that I've let the cat out of the bag.

Buy a webcam! Use Skype! INTERACT WITH PEOPLE! GO, MY CHILD! LIIIIIIIVE!

Edit: Well, the Zalgo text generation doesn't work on The Escapist apparently. Just pretend like the second half of that last line is like this: http://www.eeemo.net/

 

[Indeterminacy]

I want some attention from someone i can see and touch but I think I'm not worthy.

I want to pick out this statement from your plea, because I think it highlights the main issue here. You've put your desire for physical contact in a glass cage - in plain sight and within arm's reach, but ungraspable.

You know what this glass cage is? It's desperation. Desperation has a way of framing your problem in an intractible and inaccessible box without actually altering what you see about the problem.

I think you're becoming desperate because you haven't thought to address the problem from a different perspective. Let's ask the following questions.

1) Why is this physical contact need so important to you? What do you hope to get out of it? Is this just a means to sustain your current way of viewing things?

2) What else do you do with your life? How does your physical contact need, or the satisfaction of it, play in with what you want to accomplish?

3) What kind of environment do you live in? Would your broader aspirations or goals be better served by removing certain aspects of that environment, or adding some things to it?

4) Who are you talking to about these sorts of questions? Are you simply trusting your own internalised responses as the guidelines for what to do at any given point? Would it be worth talking to people familiar with these kinds of questions and bouncing some ideas off them?

5) Are you afraid of getting hurt? Why? Is pain really all that bad?

 

[Lyri]

I don't really know what to expect by writing this. Its just that I really feel bad and lonely... And I though that a forum where people like what I like may not be the worst place to talk about it.

So, here it is. Probably the first time I ever really talk about it.
I am a 18 years old male that was never in a relation with a girl. By that, I mean i never had a girlfriend. And it really starts to affect me. My thoughts are just making me crazy. I really want to meet a girl and make the first move but there is something wrong with me. I don't know how to approach someone, I am scared every time I meet someone. I am scared of women, scared of getting insulted. I don't know what to say when i am with someone i don't know. I want some attention from someone i can see and touch but I think I'm not worthy. I don't take care of myself, I almost never go out of my parents house. I don't have any real friends in the real world because I find everyone boring or i feel like i am the only one who love what i do and have no one to talk about my passion.

I don't expect people to go crying on this but I needed to talk about it somewhere. I probably didn't say all of what i wanted to say because I always forget something.

If you are still reading this, I want to Thank You.

First of all I'm going to tell you that there is an advice forum on the Escapist, bloggy posts should probably go there.
Anyway...

Read what you wrote and just do the opposite, go get a haircut, take a shave, wash in that super awesome smelling shower gel, wear a little bit of cologne, find some neat clothes & go outside.
Go for a walk, go to the library try and find interesting books and see if people are picking from the same section as you.
Look for centers of your interest online, go to them, try online dating or something.

Hell just make yourself look and feel good and then go try whatever the hell you want, you're 18 the world is right in front of your eyes.
Go say hello to it.

 

[ParadoxQc]

Haha. I have a lot of internet friends, and i have a lot of fun with them. But Its not really the same thing. I want someone with who i can talk about stuff i like, my problems and listening to that same person who wants to talk about his/her (preferably her) problems and passions. My current friends are just people with who i play games. Of course, there are some with who i talk about stuff like that but we dont go too much in details. (I hope you understand what i mean :\)

 

[bauke67]

There's nothing wrong with you I hope, 'cause you sound like me in a couple of years('cept I do have normal friends).
All you need is some courage, talk to someone. Not like there's a lot you can lose from that.

 

[Kopikatsu]

Haha. I have a lot of internet friends, and i have a lot of fun with them. But Its not really the same thing. I want someone with who i can talk about stuff i like, my problems and listening to that same person who wants to talk about his/her (preferably her) problems and passions. My current friends are just people with who i play games. Of course, there are some with who i talk about stuff like that but we dont go too much in details. (I hope you understand what i mean :\)

If you already have friends, work on getting...friendier with them. (Yes, friendier. Not friendlier.)

Pursue a deeper relationship with one or more of them. (That doesn't mean romantic). Talk about your feelings, yo.

 

[NotSoLoneWanderer]

Why do so many people post about their relationship problems here? I don't mean to sound like a dick but ... This is a gaming website. If you really wanted a legitimate answer to your issues go to a website that specialises in relationship issues.

People with similar interests may have better answers? Maybe we can relate better?
OT:There's a girl I like and she likes me but I can't bring myself to ask her out. My friends want me to ask her out and mutual friends tell me she likes but but I'm still afraid. This is from someone who doesn't mind playing football in the position where I basically have to get past 2-3 people to tackle the QB. I'm not lacking in confidence overall is what I mean but asking a girl out is really hard but you've just gotta jump into it. She may so no but what if she says yes?

 

[ParadoxQc]

I want some attention from someone i can see and touch but I think I'm not worthy.

I want to pick out this statement from your plea, because I think it highlights the main issue here. You've put your desire for physical contact in a glass cage - in plain sight and within arm's reach, but ungraspable.

You know what this glass cage is? It's desperation. Desperation has a way of framing your problem in an intractible and inaccessible box without actually altering what you see about the problem.

I think you're becoming desperate because you haven't thought to address the problem from a different perspective. Let's ask the following questions.

1) Why is this physical contact need so important to you? What do you hope to get out of it? Is this just a means to sustain your current way of viewing things?

2) What else do you do with your life? How does your physical contact need, or the satisfaction of it, play in with what you want to accomplish?

3) What kind of environment do you live in? Would your broader aspirations or goals be better served by removing certain aspects of that environment, or adding some things to it?

4) Who are you talking to about these sorts of questions? Are you simply trusting your own internalised responses as the guidelines for what to do at any given point? Would it be worth talking to people familiar with these kinds of questions and bouncing some ideas off them?

5) Are you afraid of getting hurt? Why? Is pain really all that bad?

I didnt really see this. You made me realize that its something that i always think of. Thats kind of scary.

 

[The Austin]

I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm plenty happy. I've got two hands, TV, video games, a toaster, and a steady job. Maybe you should get some hands and a toaster too?

I love you.

OP: Cheer up mate! I know this will sound cliche and stupid, but you're a teenager! Our lives are filled with angst and suffering! It will get better, all in due time.

(Just to let you know, I'm 17, no girlfriend, a bit of a loner. Not the cool kind of loner that rides a motorcycle and has women flocking to him left and right either, I'm the "god-dammit-I-hate-people" kind of loner. My advice to you is don't try to amuse other people, just do what makes YOU happy.)

 

[The_Critic]

I'm a 25 year old male that's never had a girlfriend, and this is what I've learned.

For me it was rejection, when I was younger I was quite social, very popular, but going to a small school where you don't have many options was my downfall, the only few girls that I liked rejected me, and with each rejection I became less confident. After about the 7th rejection I just up and quit. Became a recluse, never really left my house, never really talked to anyone, I lived like that for 3 years. In and out of states of Depression, and just recently I realized something. You have to go out.

If you don't out, you'll never meet anyone. I wish I had been able to ignore the rejections, and forced myself to learn to interact socially, but guess what, there is still hope for me and still hope for you too.

Force yourself to be social, and by being social learn to interact with people, you don't have to be the next Brad Pitt, but you do have to speak well in a public setting. You also have to learn how to listen. Also if you get reject just shrug it off.

Get out there and practice, and though you may not get it on the first try, you will eventually.

Good luck

 

[ParadoxQc]

Yeah, im the kind of loner that hates people too. But something happened and i'm not sure if i want to be that guy again (Even tho i love this). I think i'll just stop fighting for this and enjoy what i am doing. I dont know why i feel like this. I am alone like i've always like it. I do what i love (Playing games) and i have no other problems.

I should just stop worrying about that and continue what i was doing before this "depressive period" happened.

 

[The Funslinger]

Best thing I could recommend is don't actually try (read to the end before you assume I'm putting him down). This doesn't just apply with dating, but a lot of situations. It's remarkable how much easier some people function when they don't have some kind of big finish in mind. Just talk to them with no specific goal in mind. Not necessarily just to women either. That said, at least figure out some sociable things to say before you dive in. The below situation can be a little embarrassing:

You: Hi!

Person: oh, hey.

You: ...

Person: You okay there, mate?

You: *goes cross eyed and start drooling a little*

Point is, not having an aim makes it impossible to fail, and knowing subconsciously there isn't any possibility of failure can work wonders. I'd just work up from there. That said, I don't know if this sounds condescending or not. Just seems like the simplest thing, but you know how it is. What seems blatantly obvious to you isn't always to someone else, and I want to try help.

 

[The_Critic]

I do what i love (Playing games) and i have no other problems.

I should just stop worrying about that and continue what i was doing before this "depressive period" happened.

never stop doing what you love to do, just moderate it so it doesn't rule your life. Have you ever thought about going to some conventions. Gaming cons or anime cons (lots of gamers there) yeah your gonna have to burst from your shell, be proactively social, and yeah some people might not like you, but that's the way things go, you have to a adopt a "screw it" attitude, if they don't want to be your friend it's not your loss it's theirs.

 

[Indeterminacy]

I didnt really see this. You made me realize that its something that i always think of. Thats kind of scary.

It should be. Getting stuck in a positive feedback loop, like often happens with depression (and did, with mine), should be one of the most terrifying things you ever encounter. But often, pride, shame and fear make you want to just ride it out, and if you're already stuck in the loop, it can be difficult to see any alternative.

I think if you're at the point of realising that you need to break a destructive cycle you're in, now's the time to just take what willpower you can muster and throw it at your psychological obstacle, whether that's a lack of confidence, whether you're too proud to seek outside advice, or whether you're simply scared of failing or getting hurt. Because really, what are those things but your own constructs anyway?

 

[axlryder]

you take life too seriously and you take woman too seriously. First, make sure you're note being picky or having unrealistic standards based off your own appearance/economic status/idiosyncrasies, etc.. I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't go after '10s', just be prepared to date someone who isn't your ideal woman, especially if you aren't the ideal man. Second, just talk to people, that way you can at least get accustomed to talking to woman. Third, start making jokes, showing off a little (be subtle about it) and don't crowd. Every woman is different. Some like assholes, some like nice guys. Treat them like individuals, get to know her without being overly probing. Be observant and observe quickly and adjust your behavior to the input you're getting. Most importantly, don't be a panzy. You're going to get rejected, live with it.

As to my own personal opinion, make sure you're not in it just because you want to date someone, you will regret it down the road. Egotism is far more common than people think and truly detrimental to you and everyone around you. Make sure you're in a relationship because you're interesting in benefiting the both of you, not just yourself. Even seemingly altruistic motives can be narcissistic at their core.

 

[crystalsnow]

Maybe you should get some hands and a toaster too?

I cannot tell you how hard this made me laugh good sir. +1 Internets.

As for the OP, I'd try joining some sort of group or clan for a game you like (I PRESUME you're into gaming seeing as you're on a gaming website). Get to know the members within it, and build up your confidence with other people. It's hard to find people who are similar to you in the real world, but luckily for you, the internet has search engines. New friends can be found in minutes if you know where to look.

As for the whole ordeal about not having a girlfriend, I wouldn't worry about it. You're only 18. That's honestly not that old at all. Sure you hear these stories about 8 year olds having sex, but those kids are fucking stupid or don't even know what they're doing a lot of the time.

If you aren't able to make regular friends, a real relationship won't last very long. Don't rush these things.