I feel lonely

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

I'm a 25 year old male that's never had a girlfriend, and this is what I've learned.

For me it was rejection, when I was younger I was quite social, very popular, but going to a small school where you don't have many options was my downfall, the only few girls that I liked rejected me, and with each rejection I became less confident. After about the 7th rejection I just up and quit. Became a recluse, never really left my house, never really talked to anyone, I lived like that for 3 years. In and out of states of Depression, and just recently I realized something. You have to go out.

If you don't out, you'll never meet anyone. I wish I had been able to ignore the rejections, and forced myself to learn to interact socially, but guess what, there is still hope for me and still hope for you too.

Force yourself to be social, and by being social learn to interact with people, you don't have to be the next Brad Pitt, but you do have to speak well in a public setting. You also have to learn how to listen. Also if you get reject just shrug it off.

Get out there and practice, and though you may not get it on the first try, you will eventually.

Good luck

Listen to this man, and I can say the exact same thing, except I'm a girl, but most of this is true.

Do yourself a favor OP, go out and meet people. Hell even if it's online through gaming, I've meet some awesome people from that. Don't try too hard though otherwise you're just gonna make yourself more miserable because the results might not be up to what you were looking for.

It's going to get really damn ugly before things get better. Trust me on that, I've lived a good portion of my life thinking things are never going to change and every effort I make is just going to fail. Thankfully that all changed. Go out of your comfort zone and try something new, you just might meet people that way, and if you don't, that's okay! It's a confidence builder and that might just get you out of your funk.

I hope this helps and go get 'em!

 

[ParadoxQc]

I'd love to go to some sort of convention or anything like that but i live to far away from all this and i dont have the luxury to let me take a break and go there. And where i live isnt really the place where there is a lot of diversity for its population. What i see is just a bunch of teenagers who are all the same. Or those who are different just look weird (in a bad sort of way)

 

[The_Critic]

that is rough, another way that you might meet some gamers is wait for the release of a big title like WoW expansion CoD Battlefield Mass Effect, one of these large franchises, and go to your gamestop for the midnight release. When WoW came out last year I met some people at gamestop while waiting in line for the midnight release, also if your town has a card shop, or board game shop visit there, alot of gamers play Magic or other games like such, and many card shops host tournaments.

The only other thing I could think of is try some new things, things you've never tried before and never thought you would like, maybe sports, or some other "hobby" like thing. If you end up liking this use that as a springboard to find friends, if not, well you can't lose having a little no how about some subjects, which will help you with conversations and social interactions.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

I really want to meet a girl and make the first move but there is something wrong with me. I don't know how to approach someone, I am scared every time I meet someone. I am scared of women, scared of getting insulted.

You mean like the majority of this community? You aren't scared of being insulted, you're scared of humiliation. No decent person will insult you for trying to talk to them and if they do then you should have a staple comeback for them so they get caught in the blast too.

Just try going out somewhere, anywhere, and say hi to everyone you see. Then go out and say hi to every woman you see. Then go out and say hi to every beautiful woman you see. Then go out to a bar, find the prettiest girl you can and repeat the word penis to her.

Eventually you'll stop caring what happens and be able to approach women.

 

[ParadoxQc]

I'd love to do a lot of what everyone here suggest me to do, but it's a small town and we dont have any game store like GameStop. And everyone know each other. As far as i know, there is only 1 bar where people of my age go, and if I'd go there too, i swear i could tell you the name of 90% of the people there. And for the other 10%, the others would probably warn them about who i am. Let's say that i dont have a very good reputation.

 

[Therarchos]

I know how you feel. I was the same when I was 18 and it took a lot of work for that to change.

Sorry that this becomes one of those my life story posts but I wouldn't write if I didn't hope it would help. I am 27 now and I used to be terrible at socialising. When I was your age which contrary to cummon belief isn't such a long time ago I didn't now how to have a conversation I didn't now how to meet new people. Most seemed boring to me and girls... if anyone says they understand girls they are without a doubt lying.

Today I have so many friends I can't count them I am known to meet new people everywhere I go and even though most people at first glance seem boring to me and I have the job of my dreams a job that rejected me on account of being physically unfit when I was 18.

The major difference to me was to look my fears in the eye and move foreward. I know it sounds corny and I can't promisse that it will work for you but it did for me.I was afraid of being rejected by people. I was afraid of being unlikeable I was afraid of getting hurt most of all I was afraid of being alone for the rest of my life not being able to find a girl I could relate to. Now I am honest to the point where some people find me uncomfortable. I can chat up any person I want to. Just last friday I met this girl whom I had an instant chemestry whith and who told me at the end of the night (I quote) "You had me at Star Wars".

My point is all of this happened because I looked my fears in the eyes. I have been hurt more than I thought bareable by people (especially my ex) who I really cared for and none of that have ever been worse than that feeling of being alone. Trust me rejection hurts but it is nothing compared to being alone.

Go out there go at it like a videogame. Trial and error works in real life too.

Dont get scared. Get angry.

 

[aei_haruko]

I don't really know what to expect by writing this. Its just that I really feel bad and lonely... And I though that a forum where people like what I like may not be the worst place to talk about it.

So, here it is. Probably the first time I ever really talk about it.
I am a 18 years old male that was never in a relation with a girl. By that, I mean i never had a girlfriend. And it really starts to affect me. My thoughts are just making me crazy. I really want to meet a girl and make the first move but there is something wrong with me. I don't know how to approach someone, I am scared every time I meet someone. I am scared of women, scared of getting insulted. I don't know what to say when i am with someone i don't know. I want some attention from someone i can see and touch but I think I'm not worthy. I don't take care of myself, I almost never go out of my parents house. I don't have any real friends in the real world because I find everyone boring or i feel like i am the only one who love what i do and have no one to talk about my passion.

I don't expect people to go crying on this but I needed to talk about it somewhere. I probably didn't say all of what i wanted to say because I always forget something.

If you are still reading this, I want to Thank You.

yikes man. I kind've been where youve been. Then i walked into a bares and nobel one day, and instantly fell in love with this one girl, I mustered up the courage to go to talk to her, and I eventually got her number. The only problem is that she lives 1000 miles away... I was on vacation. Now while i hate this fact, I do love her. I also used to be a total dork...
so anyway, i overcame this by trying to be outlandish, weird, and smart. And if you'd like to chat with me, by all means, i enjoy meeting folks and talking ^^

 

[Magicmad5511]

I've got mostly the same thing going on myself. I'm not looking for a girl yet but I can understand your pain in not knowing how to make the first move.
I've never had a girlfriend and the only girls I've ever fancied moved away shortly after they found out (unrelated moving, not because they found out). Haven't tried since.

Really first step get some mates in the real world. If your going to school or collegge then I recommend some people there. Just start up a converstation. A good way to start is find out if they play games or not or what they watch on TV.
I recently had to make new friends in a class when I first went to college. I just satrted chatting and now I can talk with most people in there pretty confidently.

For girls though just try talking to them. They are not aliens. If it doesn't work then try again. One thing to remember though. DO NOT USE CHEESY PICK UP LINES. Just talk and find common interests.

Good luck to you.

 

[franconbean]

In the interim (now to when you do meet someone, and most likely it is a case of "when" rather than "if"; I've been there, man), i recommend meeting up with some people who you share some interests with. Now i mean actually meeting them physically; human beings need real life interaction, and it works wonders to helping you feel a little less lonely, even if just for a little while.

 

[Powereaver]

im 25 and feel the same way a lot of the time and im even 26 in just over 2 weeks and a lot of the time i just end up making excuses to myself so now im thinking of just going to Europe and living there instead because aussie women just totally dont seem interested AT ALL! so why not try a whole new fresh field

 

[Malrock]

I think many people feel like that at some point, but so long as you get out and do stuff every once in a while you will definately meet someone, but you shouldn't feel rushed.

If its something you genuinely crave then fair enough, but it is better to not be in a relationship than be in a bad one.

I didn't have a proper girlfriend until I was 19, but I found out I was happier single. I think like you, I found a girl to be with only because I thought I should have had a girlfriend by then. It was a mistake lol, I rushed into it and we really weren't long term compatible.

You live and learn, and now I have a lovely wife. Trust me, I felt like you at one time but I promise you there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

PS. Best piece of advice I can offer: Online dating sites are KING!!! Try it, forget the stigma.

 

[dvd_72]

I don't really know what to expect by writing this. Its just that I really feel bad and lonely... And I though that a forum where people like what I like may not be the worst place to talk about it.

So, here it is. Probably the first time I ever really talk about it.
I am a 18 years old male that was never in a relation with a girl. By that, I mean i never had a girlfriend. And it really starts to affect me. My thoughts are just making me crazy. I really want to meet a girl and make the first move but there is something wrong with me. I don't know how to approach someone, I am scared every time I meet someone. I am scared of women, scared of getting insulted. I don't know what to say when i am with someone i don't know. I want some attention from someone i can see and touch but I think I'm not worthy. I don't take care of myself, I almost never go out of my parents house. I don't have any real friends in the real world because I find everyone boring or i feel like i am the only one who love what i do and have no one to talk about my passion.

I don't expect people to go crying on this but I needed to talk about it somewhere. I probably didn't say all of what i wanted to say because I always forget something.

If you are still reading this, I want to Thank You.

As a 20 year old I can say I know -exactly- how you feel. I'm 20 and still haven't dated, and I was exactly where you are right now. Thing is, recently I've been able to work my way out of that mindset, and if you'll let me I'll be more than happy to try to help you too. Everything I say below is stuff I have realised about myself and gone through myself, so I know it works.

First off, you're a little young for your lack of dates to be troubling you just yet.

And this may seem harsh, but I realised this about myself in hindsight as I was in almost the exact same situation as you, but you're not ready for a relationship. The feeling that you need someone else to validate who you are undermines not only your growth into your own entity that is completely seperate from someone else, but leads to this depressing lonely feeling you're having now. I know saying is easier than doing, but try to let go of that need for others.

Focus on learning who you are, what philosophies apply to you, what you do and don't like about yourself, and then work on improving what you don't like untill you can look at yourself and say "I may not be perfect, and I still have allot of growing to do, but I am happy with the person I am right now". I'm telling you from expirience, figuring out who you are, even if you can't put it into neat words, feels immensly good. This will give you a confidense boost as you'll no longer have any need to fear the interactions with others, and your sense of inadequecy will be reduced aswell.

 

[Circusfreak]

I had it like that for 6 years. I got out of it when I got into engineering school and started hanging out at the local Magic the gathering hub. There are usually very friendly and funny people there that probably has about the same interests as you if you are here at The Escapist.

Now I don't know if you are into Mtg or board/card games in general but I'm just trying to give a practical example that is pretty easy to actually do.

Good luck

 

[Simeon Ivanov]

Well, I'm more or less the same, mate. I've ranged from bummed to suicidal. But then I discovered the internet, games, ponies, porn, and metal, and I got better ... so ... well I'm not really helping, but find some stuff to distract yourself with.

 

[Diablini]

Get out, meet people, build up your nonexisting self-esteem and get a few girls's skypes. I had the same story when I realised I don't want to have a girlfriend if it's just for the sake of not being alone. Then my life started improving a lot and now I'm a happy single guy.


When you find a girl you can talk to without faking to be interested, you have found your target. Just talk and be friendly like you would be with your closest guy friend. And good luck .

 

[Necroid_Neko]

I can't offer you a girlfriend, but I can offer you a hug
/hug
I think everyone's world would be a better place if we randomly hugged lonely looking strangers in the street, I know it would make me happier XD

 

[HardkorSB]

I don't know how to approach someone, I am scared every time I meet someone. I am scared of women, scared of getting insulted. I don't know what to say when i am with someone i don't know.

OK, here's the deal:
The first time you approach a woman, you do it to fail. It's like you pick up a pad for the first time in your life. You're going to get annihilated in the first few minutes, that is if you'll learn the controls on your first try. As you play more and more, you learn how to control your character and even beat some levels. As you try more and more games, you start to notice patterns in the gameplay. So much so that unless you're trying something completely new, you can pick up and play a new game without any problems. If you play long enough, you become able to beat games.
I hope that analogy isn't all that difficult to decode.

I want some attention from someone i can see and touch but I think I'm not worthy. I don't take care of myself, I almost never go out of my parents house. I don't have any real friends in the real world because I find everyone boring or i feel like i am the only one who love what i do and have no one to talk about my passion.

If you don't think that you're worthy then others won't either. Attitude is the most important thing here.
Instead of trying to be emo for no real reason other than laziness and irrational fear, put some effort into developing your own life. If you won't even try, you won't succeed.

Here's a way to make it easier:
Take your money or a console or a PC (whatever it is that you don't want to lose and use often) and give it to a friend (I'm sure you have at least one). Tell that person that until you walk up to a girl and start a conversation, he can't give you your stuff back. Once you have something to lose, the fear of talking to girls suddenly disappears.

 

[imnot]

I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm plenty happy. I've got two hands, TV, video games, a toaster, and a steady job. Maybe you should get some hands and a toaster too?

This man is the voice of reason, grow some hands OP!

OT: In all seriousness Im sure it will be fine just be nice to people.
Which is bloody rich coming from me, Dickhead is my middle and last name!

 

[Kursura]

Same thing here basically, except replace girlfriend with friend and 18 with 22. Do something you enjoy, like listening to music, should make you feel better. Also, keeping yourself busy helps with depression.