I feel lonely

[irrelevantnugget]

I don't really know what to expect by writing this. Its just that I really feel bad and lonely... And I though that a forum where people like what I like may not be the worst place to talk about it.

So, here it is. Probably the first time I ever really talk about it.
I am a 18 years old male that was never in a relation with a girl. By that, I mean i never had a girlfriend. And it really starts to affect me. My thoughts are just making me crazy. I really want to meet a girl and make the first move but there is something wrong with me. I don't know how to approach someone, I am scared every time I meet someone. I am scared of women, scared of getting insulted. I don't know what to say when i am with someone i don't know. I want some attention from someone i can see and touch but I think I'm not worthy. I don't take care of myself, I almost never go out of my parents house. I don't have any real friends in the real world because I find everyone boring or i feel like i am the only one who love what i do and have no one to talk about my passion.

I don't expect people to go crying on this but I needed to talk about it somewhere. I probably didn't say all of what i wanted to say because I always forget something.

If you are still reading this, I want to Thank You.

Had a similar thing when I was your age. I hadn't even kissed a girl by the time I hit 20. So, I tried to do something about it. Started taking dance class, and man... I can't even tell you how much my social life has improved in the meantime. I'm 23 years old now and I get looks of surprise now when I say I'm still single and not dating anyone (which is now by choice. I've turned down 4 girls over the past 2 years).

Also another thing that helped is, not sure if you wear glasses, but try wearing contacts. Also did wonders for the self confidence, I immediately WANTED to head out and see the world. You're 18 now, it's time to start taking your problems and doubts head on. Good luck, soldier.

tl;dr start trying out the things you've always wanted to try. Build up confidence. The world is your goddamn oyster.

 

[CManator]

I don't really know what to expect by writing this. Its just that I really feel bad and lonely... And I though that a forum where people like what I like may not be the worst place to talk about it.

So, here it is. Probably the first time I ever really talk about it.
I am a 18 years old male that was never in a relation with a girl. By that, I mean i never had a girlfriend. And it really starts to affect me. My thoughts are just making me crazy. I really want to meet a girl and make the first move but there is something wrong with me. I don't know how to approach someone, I am scared every time I meet someone. I am scared of women, scared of getting insulted. I don't know what to say when i am with someone i don't know. I want some attention from someone i can see and touch but I think I'm not worthy. I don't take care of myself, I almost never go out of my parents house. I don't have any real friends in the real world because I find everyone boring or i feel like i am the only one who love what i do and have no one to talk about my passion.

I don't expect people to go crying on this but I needed to talk about it somewhere. I probably didn't say all of what i wanted to say because I always forget something.

If you are still reading this, I want to Thank You.

I her you, more than you know. I'm pushing 30 and while I'm more sociable than I used to be, I still have difficulty initiating conversations. For some people it's just natural to be that way. I'm no self help guru, but I have a few tips.

First, accept who you are. Don't feel like you need to be someone else. If you're quiet, be quiet, just make thetimes you do speak up count. Try to keep a good story or joke up your sleeve for emergencies.

Second, don't think you need a girl to be happy. You may get a little self esteem, but it won't solve your problems, more likely it will make them more complicated. Work on loving yourself (no, not like that! ) before you love others. Don't feel worthy? Pinpoint the problem and either fix it or accept it as part of youself and focus on your strengths.

Third, I know it's hard but try not to put so much pressure on yourself. If you feel uncomfortable in social situations, it will show and may be misinterpreted as disinterest or dishonesty. And try not to think so much, just act and if you screw up, oh well, just learn from it.

It may help to start small, don't worry about gaining relationships, friendships or otherwise, just focus on getting through a conversation. Learn about popular subjects even if you have little interest in them. Just enough to where you can say something but still have room for others to teach you new stuff. Or you can go to special interst groups for the stuff you like. Like reading? join a book club. Video games? Hit up an arcade. If you're an academic person, college will be a great place to meet people with similar interests. Got a dog? Got to a park and meet other dog owners.

Most importantly, get out of the house more. The love of your life is not going to show up on your doorstep... Unless she delivers pizza.

 

[Tyrant T100]

I used to feel like you OP until I suddenly started believing in God. Not saying that will necessarily help you as true conversion comes from within, well at least it did for me.
Chin up though.

 

[SwiggleDyl]

Why do so many people post about their relationship problems here? I don't mean to sound like a dick but ... This is a gaming website. If you really wanted a legitimate answer to your issues go to a website that specialises in relationship issues.

It's probably (read as definitely) because this is a community where we all share similar interests and therefore some of us have probably been in situations like this and could give advice from their own experiences, which has happened wonderfully throughout this thread.

Back to the main topic, I get what you mean about meeting people, I'm 19 years old and recently my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me and now I'm having to go back to actually finding people (which is interesting considering I was in highschool when I met my ex). The best advice I can give is don't look for a girl who is a potential partner to approach but just talk to people in general whenever there are people to talk to. Eventually either someone will catch your attention or something about you will catch theirs. Just take it casually and don't stress too much about it and things will happen

Also you are obliged to keep this thread updated with how things turn out.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Stop thinking people are boring, and you'll soon make friends. Go to stuff that you're interested in (Animecons, expos, Warhammer figure painting classes, football practice, animal stroking classes...) you'll soon realise there's no reason to hate all people.

 

[Fooz]

-

 

[Kuilui]

I don't really know what to expect by writing this. Its just that I really feel bad and lonely... And I though that a forum where people like what I like may not be the worst place to talk about it.

So, here it is. Probably the first time I ever really talk about it.
I am a 18 years old male that was never in a relation with a girl. By that, I mean i never had a girlfriend. And it really starts to affect me. My thoughts are just making me crazy. I really want to meet a girl and make the first move but there is something wrong with me. I don't know how to approach someone, I am scared every time I meet someone. I am scared of women, scared of getting insulted. I don't know what to say when i am with someone i don't know. I want some attention from someone i can see and touch but I think I'm not worthy. I don't take care of myself, I almost never go out of my parents house. I don't have any real friends in the real world because I find everyone boring or i feel like i am the only one who love what i do and have no one to talk about my passion.

I don't expect people to go crying on this but I needed to talk about it somewhere. I probably didn't say all of what i wanted to say because I always forget something.

If you are still reading this, I want to Thank You.

Hello very similiar in many ways to myself four years younger version of me. I was in a dark place when I was 18. No friends outside of the ones online, found people boring, didn't bother taking care of myself, what was the point was my thought. I wanted a girlfriend I think but i was a shut in who was terrified of the world. I was trapped in my own personal hell for two long miserable years. Don't do that to yourself like I did. No one should have to go through that, being so horribly depressed and scared. I wish I could tell you some cure all for it.

My own personal cure was moving to my moms house a few hundred miles elsewhere. I was basically still the same for awhile but new people with different perspectives and a harder life was in the end a good thing for me. Started working out and taking better care of myself. Made me grow up and "Man up" I suppose. Right now you need to think of ways to pull yourself out of your life as much as possible and get a new perspective. Being in whats familiar won't help you. Just so you know I'm 22 and don't have a GF, never kissed a girl or even hugged one I think. By choice really could have lost my virginity at 14 and dated at least a dozen different girls but my own debilitating mental thought process kept me from doing anything. A job and college helped pull me out of my shell as well.

I'm still growing and have a ways to go still but at least I can really see. The road ahead of you wont be easy, in fact it will probably suck...alot but the light at the end is worth it. Like Johnny Cash says "Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out." (He wrote that song for Tom petty so yes he said it.)

 

[zelda2fanboy]

I'm a 25 year old male that's never had a girlfriend, and this is what I've learned.

For me it was rejection, when I was younger I was quite social, very popular, but going to a small school where you don't have many options was my downfall, the only few girls that I liked rejected me, and with each rejection I became less confident. After about the 7th rejection I just up and quit. Became a recluse, never really left my house, never really talked to anyone, I lived like that for 3 years. In and out of states of Depression, and just recently I realized something. You have to go out.

If you don't out, you'll never meet anyone. I wish I had been able to ignore the rejections, and forced myself to learn to interact socially, but guess what, there is still hope for me and still hope for you too.

Force yourself to be social, and by being social learn to interact with people, you don't have to be the next Brad Pitt, but you do have to speak well in a public setting. You also have to learn how to listen. Also if you get reject just shrug it off.

Get out there and practice, and though you may not get it on the first try, you will eventually.

Good luck

Where does one with no friends "go out" to?

 

[Powereaver]

and i can also say its not ALL about confidence ive talked to women whom it wouldnt matter if you were the most confident person ever they will just be very cold and REALLY uncomfortable you need to be confident with someone you know may be interested.

 

[Chalacachaca]

Get out of home and do something else with your time, take something that keeps you busy and fills you (even if it fills you just a bit, it's a huge step forward).
In my case, when I was 18 I joined my university drama club, and I was awkward as hell, didn't have any friends and I sucked at socializing, let alone entertain and entire audience of 100+ people.
But I did it and I still do it, I met a lot of people, formed connections with them, learned about a bunch of things and most importantly I learned stuff about myself that I didn't know.

I'm not telling you to join a drama club (although if you want to, go ahead), but I do insist that you put your talents (yes, you have them) to good use, I haven't read all of your posts but there must be something else you like doing other than videogames. Exploit that.

Oh, and like an above poster said, yes there are people who are judging you, but at the same time they think you are judging them too, in the end everyone has insecurities, it's just that some people don't pay too much attention to them or they know to hide them well.

(I hope nobody shots down my advices).

 

[Chri625w]

well i have kinda the same problem :/ except the 2 girls i liked and told them i liked them openly mocked me.. for days... even in school.. sometimes during class... and that is why i despise them, (the 2 girls) and i have a hard time being with people.. i got paranoid and scared..

 

[Therarchos]

By the way most people are interresting about something. almost everyone have their topic they are nerds on...
Some people are just boring. Ignore them

 

[Not-here-anymore]

On the dating front: Don't try. Seriously. I don't mean give up, I mean don't approach every social encounter with the idea of 'I need a girlfriend'. Desperation is not an attractive feature. Someone will come along at some point, and there will be a mutual interest, and that might develop in mutual liking or more.

On the more general social front: Do try. Get out of the house more. Find a local group that engages in a weird sport you like, look around for a D&D group or book club or something, join a few clubs at school/college. Hell, just ask someone in a class for help with homework, whether you need it or not, and see where that goes.
You've said that there is something you love doing, but not what it is. I assure you, other people will enjoy it too - you're never the only one. If it's something other than masturbation, it'll even be socially acceptable to talk about.

As long as there's something in life you enjoy, making friends is easy. If you enjoy it, you can talk about it. That's you halfway there. Yeah, it'll be awkward at times, but you have to accept that and push through it.

Out of curiosity, and more for you to think about than for my sake, what feat of mental gymnastics allows you to view yourself as 'unworthy' whilst also seeing other people as boring?

 

[loomis]

I recommend reading a book or two on how to talk to girls. Seriously, there's a lot of psychology to it that can be interesting. Just have to make a habit to talk to strangers and not care about what others around you might think when your talking to someone.

 

[Xaio30]

It's a big world. Maybe you should vagabond for a few months and meet new interesting people? You can get far by being humble and honest.

 

[natster43]

Hey I don't know if this helps but I have a lot of the same problems. I am 18, never been in a relationship and terrified of social interaction due to a fear of being ostracized. I guess the best advice I can give is just go out and do stuff, and if not, just be content with your life like it is. Apathy towards things like these does wonders for me.

 

[mega48man]

dude, i know exactly how you feel because i am in your exact same disposition (except i've had girlfriend before, the break-up was devastating.

if i were in a bad mood, i'd tell you to stay lonely because being with someone just means you'll eventually have to say goodbye, but i feel great right now. in my exeprience, BE YOURSELF because there's nothing that's more sad than being with someone that doesn't like you for you. don't pretend to be someone your not, be yourself, and someone eventually will like you for you, and chances are you'll like her to.

just don't get trapped in the friend zone, it's like feeling really confident going into the dwarven mines in skyrim but you end up realizing the only way to win is either to give up or come back 20 levels later and KILL those falmar mother fuckers. a couple weeks after getting dumped, we're all at a friends house watching a movie and she curls up nexy to me like it's nothing. i wanted to vomit. but despite the dark days ahead, it'll all be worth it. if only i realized it then.

man it feels great to be back on the forums, screw you probation.