I have a problem, but I'm not sure how big a problem this is.

[TheRightToArmBears]

Back in the advice section again... Joy.

I self harm. I thought I should get that out of the way because it's very hard to say with out euphemisms. I've never done anything to myself that's left any lasting damage beyond a scar, but I don't know how big a problem this is, or if it's a sign that there could be something properly wrong with me besides being unhappy. Earlier this year I broke up with my fiancée, and it was the hardest decision of my life. Recently my dad has been in and out of hospital with heart problems, and he's only just sixty. I worry a lot about how the rest of my family is taking this, and I'm the other side of the country (at university) to them. I live off-campus with a couple of my friends (formerly my fiancee too), but I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about how I feel. That's basically why I'm here. I hate that the only way I can tell someone about my problems is via internet-anonymity. I have friends, but none that I feel close enough to to talk to about this sort of thing (I miss having a relationship to have someone to rely on) I know a lot of people on here have a lot of theories about why people self harm, but I think there are two reasons I do. There's nothing I feel I can do to improve my situation so I cut myself to do something, because I don't have power over anything else in my life. I know it doesn't sound like it makes sense. I get pretty unhappy at night, and if I feel really bad I'll cry, and it makes sense. Sometimes I don't cry, and I feel angry that I'm not (again, no sense), so I cut myself as a substitute.

I don't give a fuck about anyone who wants to come here and tell me I'm pathetic, because that's nothing I don't know. I need to talk to someone who has been through this sort of thing that can give me advice on what to do. How serious should I think this is? What the hell should I do?

 

[Crazy]

Well, cutting yourself does what? Make you not angry? First I should suggest going to a boxing sort of gym and work your anger out. Less pain and you become stronger. Probably a psychiatrist or something like that too. Next, stop being so pessimistic, sure I understand that you're worried about your father, but going depressed over your ex-fiance? You'll more than likely get over it eventually, whether you like to think that or not. Next up, you should get closer to your friends. What are they if they can't help you out and you have to ask total strangers instead?

 

[Tiger King]

harming yourself is a problem.
being depressed is a problem as it stops you functioning normaly.
dont suffer in silence, get help there is no shame in saying 'hey im in trouble here, im hurting badly'

try to keep active to keep your mind off things.
mostly you need someone to talk to, either a close friend or a doctor.
your in a bad place but if you take positive action things can and will turn around.
just dont suffer in silence.

 

[Florion]

Judging yourself for how you respond to unhappiness in your life won't help you, so don't worry about whether the cutting means your problem is bigger or smaller than you think.

However, you yourself know that cutting isn't exactly a healthy way to deal with your problems, and probably wonder if you couldn't do anything else. Getting enough exercise and eating right are good ways to alleviate stress; if you aren't already doing that and then start, you may find that the end of the day is not so hard that you have to cut.

And then the bigger thing, I think, is that you say you don't feel you have anyone you're close enough to rely on. If you don't feel you can cultivate a trusting-enough relationship with those friends you live with, go out and try something where you'll meet new people. Keep an open mind and look for people you "click" with - not just for a romantic relationship, but friendships. (If you're shy about making friends, I find it helps to make friends with groups of people, because then there's no pressure to be constantly interesting right away; as long as you're contributing now and then, the group will accept you, and then you can develop closer friendships with individual members over time, naturally). Of course, you could also be brave and open up to your current friends - no need to feel guilty, if you love each other, then you would let them rely on you too, right?

(Oh, and no pressure, but if you ever decide you want to quit cutting, rubber bands can be helpful. If you cut on the wrist, then just stick a rubber band there, and whenever you feel like cutting, snap yourself with the rubber band instead. It'll hurt, but at least it won't scar.)

I used to cut, and periodically I'll do less drastic (more bruisy) things - the cutting was not for a very long period, thankfully, I had problems with myself that I didn't know how to deal with and I think I was just experimenting with ways to make it stop torturing me. But the feelings you describe are very familiar: I felt so angry with myself for being powerless, but there often wasn't a distinct, cathartic point such that I could cry. (I hated myself, but nothing was especially wrong with my life; it was just being me, which I felt I couldn't change.) So I would cut just to feel something concrete. I don't think those feelings are impossibly uncommon, so I hope you don't feel alone or ashamed that internet anonymity is a handy way to connect when it would be very difficult to ask about in real life outside of waltzing into a psychiatric office for a consultation (it's like "hm, should I walk to school in the rain or take a bus?" You take the bus, because it's easier. This is totally logical, not a cowardly way of avoiding the rain.).

Umm, last point of advice I can give is to forget about who you are, with respect to what you are able to do. Never think, "Oh, I can't do this or that because I'm me." Just think pragmatically, take it in baby steps. There's no shame in FEELING powerless, but you are not a "powerless" person. You have at least two strategies (diet/exercise/health approach, making/reconnecting with friends approach, stuff that other people on this thread have or will suggest) that you can take. I wish you best of luck and happiness!