Since this is about being honest, I'll admit, reading through your essay upset me. I feel like I was tricked into thinking I've found someone who thinks similarly to me, but then all the happy rainbow hippy stuff kicked in, and I lost my ability to relate. You say that you have poor confidence, yet you contradict yourself repeatedly. The very fact that you were able to make this thread proves that. If having low self esteem means having the confidence to write about yourself, and give people advice (albeit with a supposed sense of guilt or perverseness) then I wish my confidence was as bad as yours.
You say that you know you are loved, but sometimes you feel that you're not. For this reason I resent you. Sometimes I let myself feel I am loved, but really I know I am not. Sometimes I feel like I might amount to something, but I know I won't. Therein lies the difference. I haven't even been diagnosed with anything, which makes me think there's no justification for the way I feel and act. At least you have something clinical to fall back on. Also, your advice seems awful. I completely disagree. You're wrong. For some inexplicable reason I feel betrayed, and I don't even know you. It's as though I've fallen into the uncanny valley of emotion.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I hate you for managing to justify your existence, thereby succeeding where I failed, and I want to die.
Thanks for reading.
