I have two choices...

[Ephraim01]

Here's where I stand guys. I met this girl on craisglist a few weeks ago and we hit it off pretty fast, we both have the same interests and whatnot, we have a little chemistry, and we're both looking for a relationship. That would all be fine and dandy except for the fact that she lives 2 hours away, and neither of us have reliable transportation. Also, shes a bit chubby, not unattractive but... not amazing either. But hey, I figure why not keep a good thing rolling so I've been talking to her for the past few weeks. And thats when life decides the throw me a curve ball. See, I'm going home soon for Christmas break and I found out that one of my friends that I totally had the hots for wants to, to put it bluntly, have sex. And this wasn't just like "oh yeah, I'd totally do you LOL", this was "no bullshit, straight up I would absolutely love to have sex with you." We have always been great friends and we talked this over, she assured me that this wouldn't change our relationship in any way. We have always had this kind of fun, mutual but not too serious flirt thing going on, and we both see this as kind of the natural extension of that: No strings attached, just fun sex between friends. But I don't want to go behind my... pseudo girlfriend (if you could even call her that, we have never even met in real life) and lie to her about it. So my options are break it off with this girl and have sex with my friend that I've always wanted to have sex with, or bite my tongue and tell her, no sorry, I can't do this because I'm in a relationship... kind of. If I could hang out with the girl I met on craigslist in real life, if she didn't live 2 hours away with no transportation this would be a no brainier, but as it stands... I just don't know =/
Thoughts?

 

[EmzOLV]

By going on what you said, and my own opinion, it doesn't really sound like you really find this 'pseudo' girlfriend attractive and you've written this whole thing about all the negative things which would complicate you going out with her. Are you sure you even want to actually go out with *this girl* and not just because you want a relationship with someone?

I mean, its just that you're already doubting everything before you've even met her, it just kinda rings to me like you don't kinda wanna get committed with this girl as such. That's all *shrug*

And as for your friend, be warned, sex with your friend/best friend doesn't always turn out the way you expect and can get overly complicated. But to hell with it, you live once. If its mutual and whatever, why not.

 

[ComicsAreWeird]

You havent even met your "girlfriend" in real life? You dont find her attractive? She lives 2 hours away?

I say go for the one you´ve got the hots for. Just make sure that doesnt affect your relationship in a negative way.

 

[Zaik]

To start off, if you've never met, then you're not really dating to begin with, as the act of dating, by name, requires going on dates.

Secondly, get a decent supply of condoms stat, and DO NOT EVER BELIEVE FOR A SECOND THAT IT IS OK TO NOT USE A CONDOM, OR TO USE ONE PROVIDED BY A WOMAN. Any woman that tells you not to use one is either trying to trap you by getting pregnant, sharing her plague with you, or just retarded. Any woman who insists you shouldn't waste yours, she has plenty, has poked a ton of holes in it through the wrapper. Yes, sex is less enjoyable with a condom on. No, you shouldn't ever do it.

Third, go wild. You don't get that kind of offer every day.

 

[Cupid]

I don't know about anyone else, but it would be my opinion that there is a very big chance that having sex with your friend may change things. I have always heard that there is no such thing as innocent flirting. With that said, how many other guys has your friend had this kind of no strings attached sex with? I myself would never think of having casual sex, especially with someone I am very close to as friends. I'd prefer (although I am a virgin) to save that for someone I'm very much in love with and want to share such an intimacy with.

As for the girl you met online, I would say she isn't really your gf, but someone of interest. There is nothing between you both that would give the indication that you are a couple, therefore, it is none of your online frinds business what you do with another. You are not in a relationship IMO, so I'd say you are single. This leaves you open and free to engage in such offers, but that would have alot to do with your character and who and what your morals are. Just because someone offers sex, doesn't mean you have to say yes. I think you should think of all that there is to consider. I don't think it is a decision to be taken so lightly. Keep in mind too, that I don't know you or your friend who offered sex to you over Christmas, and this is just my own opinion of what you asked. I would hate to sound as if I am placing judgment. I am very much about making our own choices, but I am also more about consequences and looking past the ideas that we put in to play. How will you feel later? Is something I would think to consider. Very close friendships are hard to come by. I would hope you both stay close no matter what you both decide.

Having said that, I am not a fan of long distance relationships, although 2 hrs. isn't really much of a distance to speak of..however you both have no means of any reliable transportation. My opinion would be to remain friends and maybe one day one of you will have that way to get to drive to actually spend time with oneanother. It has been my experience that sometimes online we are an idea, and when you finally meet IRL, we are someone else. I have met quite a few friends online, and I'd say it is pretty much even as for meeting someone IRL who was much like they were online. But everything is a chance. Just be careful with your heart, and the hearts of others who may fall for you as you wouldn't want to lead anyone on and hurt them in the end when you fall short of your words.

 

[zombiesinc]

Thoughts?

By the sounds of it, you're already leaning towards having sex with your friend.

You're attracted to your friend, but not quite as attracted to this girl you met on Craigslist. This girl also lives two hours away, so it's unlikely you'll be able to meet up often, if at all. Also, one thing to always keep in mind, unless you've talked to each other (like actually talk), or have spent time together, things may not actually be the way they seem with this girl online. For the most part, it's quite possible to know how a person acts or feels, to some extent, but it's just as easy to hide things via text as well. I doubt you'd be all that happy to realize months after the fact that this girl is actually not someone you wish to date.

You need to consider what you want now, in the future, and which of the two options feels more concrete or definite. Do you feel a strong enough attraction to this online girl that you'd really want to continue a long-distance relationship? Or do you feel you'd be happier in the long run by ending that, and having fun with your friend?

Personally, I feel that unless you've talked to a person for an extended period of time via text (when it's only text), it's not worth dedicating yourself to, or getting into a long-distance relationship. Usually you end up with limitations in real life, for someone you in fact hardly know. One thing you could do, although it may not seem very considerate, is take a few steps back with this online girl, and be 'friends'. Enjoy some fun with your actual friend, and then see where your friendship/relationship/online-ness goes from there. In all honesty, so long as you're being mature and respectful, there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open. It is after all your own life.

 

[IrradiatedFish]

I don't know about anyone else, but it would be my opinion that there is a very big chance that having sex with your friend may change things. I have always heard that there is no such thing as innocent flirting. With that said, how many other guys has your friend had this kind of no strings attached sex with? I myself would never think of having casual sex, especially with someone I am very close to as friends. I'd prefer (although I am a virgin) to save that for someone I'm very much in love with and want to share such an intimacy with.

As for the girl you met online, I would say she isn't really your gf, but someone of interest. There is nothing between you both that would give the indication that you are a couple, therefore, it is none of your online frinds business what you do with another. You are not in a relationship IMO, so I'd say you are single. This leaves you open and free to engage in such offers, but that would have alot to do with your character and who and what your morals are. Just because someone offers sex, doesn't mean you have to say yes. I think you should think of all that there is to consider. I don't think it is a decision to be taken so lightly. Keep in mind too, that I don't know you or your friend who offered sex to you over Christmas, and this is just my own opinion of what you asked. I would hate to sound as if I am placing judgment. I am very much about making our own choices, but I am also more about consequences and looking past the ideas that we put in to play. How will you feel later? Is something I would think to consider. Very close friendships are hard to come by. I would hope you both stay close no matter what you both decide.

Having said that, I am not a fan of long distance relationships, although 2 hrs. isn't really much of a distance to speak of..however you both have no means of any reliable transportation. My opinion would be to remain friends and maybe one day one of you will have that way to get to drive to actually spend time with oneanother. It has been my experience that sometimes online we are an idea, and when you finally meet IRL, we are someone else. I have met quite a few friends online, and I'd say it is pretty much even as for meeting someone IRL who was much like they were online. But everything is a chance. Just be careful with your heart, and the hearts of others who may fall for you as you wouldn't want to lead anyone on and hurt them in the end when you fall short of your words.

This sums up pretty much every single thing I would say on the subject. So, essentially my advice would be to carefully read the advice put forth by this guy/girl.

Really though, how important to you is this one instance of "sex"? I'll just emphasize that while there may be "no strings attached", ultimately it could have unforeseen consequences on your friendship. I'm a virgin, so I can't really go from experience, but I can imagine this sort of thing could really stimulate an emotional response. Just my two cents.

Good luck with your decision

 

[Valiance]

I think we'd really need more information about your online girlfriend first.

You say that you'd feel bad about having sex with your friend because you're already "in a relationship...sort of" - How far have things gotten with the online one? If you are already having a sensation of wanting to stay loyal to her, then maybe you've developed more feelings for her than you're telling us?

If loyalty to a girl you aren't dating (but seem to have conflicting feelings for) and never met is what's telling you not to bang your friend, then I'm not sure what to say. Why not just be honest with her and let her know that you might take up the offer later, but you're still trying to figure stuff out for now?

That said, none of my friends have put me in this situation when I was single, let alone when I was in a relationship or building one with someone. I'm not sure how I would have taken it if it came up. I mean, I've been in love triangles (or pentagons, rather), but nothing that forward/honest was ever said or suggested.

That said, you seem to be leaning towards the other option, which I...Personally, I don't think I have much experience there. The only friend I ended up having sex with is the one that I'm now in a 3 and 1/2 year relationship with, and I find her much easier to tolerate than any other girlfriend I've had or seen a friend have. But again, this is just one example, and I'm sure most of the time it doesn't work out the same way (or very well at all).

Anyway, I just mean to say think of the long-term implications of either decision. If guilt is going to kill you inside from the sex with your friend, it would probably eventually come out to the girl you're considering this relationship with. This might sound like a stupid question, but would she be furious with you if you told her about this? Or would she be glad that you were open and up-front to her and explained the situation to her the same way you explained it to us?

Also, some more probably-useless generic advice: I don't know your real-life friend, but generally speaking, it's difficult for people to muster up the courage to ask their friends to have a sexual relationship - even if it isn't as "serious" as society would expect it to be. I don't know if she has any confidence problems or would be worried if you turned her down, but whatever you do, use compassion and try to be gentle to whichever one you end up letting down.

Either way, good luck.

 

[Imp Poster]

Well, what do you want to do? Forget about us. I wouldn't think escapists would think less of you either way and who cares if we did. It is your life after all. It is not much of a choice to me. Why can't you do both? Online girl isn't even serious yet and your friend just wants sex. And yes, the trojan man is your friend.

 

[quiet_samurai]

Any man who would give up time and experience with a flesh and blood woman at his fingetips for one he only knows through the fucking internet is a fool.

Which do you want more?
Now go do it.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

A girl you've only met online and a girl you've known for a while and you yourself call a great friend?

My choice should be clear.

 

[DiMono]

So you've only talked to the other girl online, have never met, and have obviously never discussed being exclusive what with never having met before. And there's another girl whom you've known for quite some time who wants to have sex with you, with no strings attached. If the girl online was actually your girlfriend, then you'd have a dilemma on your hands. As it stands, all you have is a choice between having fantastic sex and not having fantastic sex. Craigslist girl wouldn't even have to know that you know any other girls; seriously, why would you even bring it up?

So basically, I think you should go have sex with the girl who wants to have sex with you, and leave it at that.

 

[BonsaiK]

Here's where I stand guys. I met this girl on craisglist a few weeks ago and we hit it off pretty fast, we both have the same interests and whatnot, we have a little chemistry, and we're both looking for a relationship. That would all be fine and dandy except for the fact that she lives 2 hours away, and neither of us have reliable transportation. Also, shes a bit chubby, not unattractive but... not amazing either. But hey, I figure why not keep a good thing rolling so I've been talking to her for the past few weeks. And thats when life decides the throw me a curve ball. See, I'm going home soon for Christmas break and I found out that one of my friends that I totally had the hots for wants to, to put it bluntly, have sex. And this wasn't just like "oh yeah, I'd totally do you LOL", this was "no bullshit, straight up I would absolutely love to have sex with you." We have always been great friends and we talked this over, she assured me that this wouldn't change our relationship in any way. We have always had this kind of fun, mutual but not too serious flirt thing going on, and we both see this as kind of the natural extension of that: No strings attached, just fun sex between friends. But I don't want to go behind my... pseudo girlfriend (if you could even call her that, we have never even met in real life) and lie to her about it. So my options are break it off with this girl and have sex with my friend that I've always wanted to have sex with, or bite my tongue and tell her, no sorry, I can't do this because I'm in a relationship... kind of. If I could hang out with the girl I met on craigslist in real life, if she didn't live 2 hours away with no transportation this would be a no brainier, but as it stands... I just don't know =/
Thoughts?

If you haven't made any committments to either girl, whatever you decide in this scenario isn't exactly cheating. The girl on Craigslist hasn't exactly offered you her hand in marriage yet so if you want to have fun with the other girl I don't see why not. I'd always choose a real life situation over a computer-mediated one, because the computer ones have a way of often turning out to be different from what you expect. I don't care how many photos you've seen or how much text chat you've had, nothing prepares you for meeting a person for the first time face to face.

Also, be mindful of the following:

* Despite it being "fun between friends" feelings may still develop anyway
* Bring your own contraception, and use it