I just can't do it anymore. (Quite depressing stuff here, you were warned)

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Estranged180

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Mar 30, 2011
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I don't usually do this, but I'm going to give you a few words my mother gave to me before she died (of cancer, after the whole chemo/remission cycles for 4 years).

Two little bits of wisdom.

"Time heals all wounds." and "This too shall pass."

Remember these words. They should serve you well.
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
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Jul 18, 2009
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My advice is vent away and try and find a shoulder to cry on.

Having a parent get struck down by something they may not recover from is pretty fucking earth-shattering, so you have my sympathies.

Also, I know it's hard trying to keep an eye on your own life when a loved one's is sifting away, but keep at your studies.
 

Xaio30

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Nov 24, 2010
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Midgeamoo said:
Thanks for reading anyway guys, I needed to do this.
My stepmother is currently treated for breast cancer, but other than that I don't think I can directly relate. I have, however, spent a lot of time thinking about death in the last few years and have come up with a conclusion that calms me at least.

Everyone dies in the end; if the person in question has lived a good life then there's nothing to grieve for. I'm also non-religious, so I like to imagine whatever comes after death as an exiting mystery that we will all one day get the answer to.

Some just get the answer earlier than others.

And don't feel like you're left alone when it happens. You have the rest of the world on your side. Me included.
 

Roggen Bread

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Nov 3, 2010
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While I have just a slight idea how this strange school system of yours works, I can just give you my sympathies and maybe some kind of advice.

She isn't living for herself anymore, she is living for you (and your family). She does not want to leave you. Not due to her thinking, that you won't do without her, she is certain that you will. You proved this.

I have spent a lot of times in hospitals working, and I've seen heartbreaking things. Your situation is one.

Like others said before. Do it for her. You certainly can do it, if you only want to (you've proven before!).

And the day she passes away, be sad. But please do not forget to get happy again. For her salvation, and for her wanting you to be happy.

I think none of us can just imagine how painful, draining and numbing bone cancer is, at least I do truly hope so, so after all, I know it's cheap solace, but it will be better that way.
 

Phlakes

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Mar 25, 2010
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Midgeamoo said:
I've never actually had any family members in that kind of situation, but if I were you, I'd be doing whatever I could to make my mother proud. Don't just be at Cambridge, be the hell at Cambridge (since that's a phrase now) and win some Nobel Prizes or something. The more you let yourself slip now, the more you'll regret it.
 

Esotera

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May 5, 2011
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Midgeamoo said:
Esotera said:
Firstly if you haven't already, claim mitigating circumstances, which will help out with your academic results. Secondly, if you're bright enough to get an offer from Cambridge, that puts you pretty high up compared to most people. And it's totally possible to get great A level results in really shitty circumstances...I managed to get A*AA whilst in the middle of a psychotic episode. Just set aside time each day for reading textbooks, and practice exam papers.
One of the senior tutors at my college sent off a 'special circumstances' thing to cambridge at the same time as my UCAS application, but they still gave me an offer of A* in chemistry and AA in Physics/Further maths (meaning my A* in A level maths essentially doesn't count in it), so if I got A*AAA with no A* in chemistry, do you think that they will understand that with my circumstances getting even worse? Kind of what I'm hoping.
My friend's dad managed to get a place in medicine at Cambridge. And this is someone who accidentally set fire to his sixth form's sports hall by brewing whiskey underneath it. My point here is that university admissions are usually quite forgiving, even without special circumstances, so you'll probably be fine, even if your grades slip (which it doesn't really seem like they are at the minute - A* to A isn't that big of a drop). About half my housemates & a significant proportion of people on my course didn't get the required grades for their offer, but still got in, so I wouldn't worry about it that much.
 

Appleshampoo

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Sep 27, 2010
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This probably won't help you at all now, but in 10 years you'll look back and you'll realise you're stronger now because of the shit you've been through.

As for now? Well, there's crap all you can do except get on with it.
 

Xangba

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Apr 6, 2005
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Midgeamoo said:
I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just to vent, but I really had to type this out, and there's so much more I could say about it but I'm struggling to put it all into words, it's a really strange time in my life and I'm honestly clueless on what I should be doing right now, I just want everything to be fine and happy at home for a little while longer, and can't accept that it never will. I'm honestly struggling to keep going. Thanks for reading anyway guys, I needed to do this.
Venting is definitely the right thing to do, because when you keep things pushed down shit really goes south (trust me). Anyway, look, the plain and simple is you can't risk your grades if they get you where you plan to go. Nobody handles things the same way or to the same degree, but if your risking a Cambridge offer you need to find ways to push this out of your mind if you can't handle it, or face it and not let it control you. If you have to, see a councilor, or whatever else it takes. Sacrificing the future for the now is never acceptable, especially when due to grief, and even more so when things are out of your control. You can't change what's happening here, but you can change what you do with it.
 

Quiet Stranger

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I somewhat know how you feel, I lost three people just last year. My uncle had a massive heart attack at home (he was healthy too so it was out of the blue) then my grand father at his home and then my aunt who died of (I think) bone cancer. Even now for me I feel like my life isn't going any wheres or will go any wheres and I feel like I'll never find a job that's right for me and if I do I won't keep it for long (I've been fired from every job I ever had except one)


EDIT: Might as well vent more too. I don't know how many times I've contemplated suicide (or is it contemplated life?) only reason I'm still here is cause I have a trip with my grandmother to California at the end of this month and well I'd hate for her to have already paid for my ticket and the hotel and me up and killing myself, it'd be a dick thing to do.

My brother's also visiting and that doesn't help things either. I have a car (grand mother's) and I have to share it with my brother, now this might not seem bad but it is. He is a good driver but when he has the chance to avoid oh let's say, a dip in the road, pot holes, shitty man hole covers that might as well be pot holes cause they're sunk in the pavement (not level with the road) and speed bumps he doesn't try to avoid them. That's bad for the car and it's the only car I'll have for a while. Also there have been new noises since he's been here (some are noises that were there before but now are worse then before) and when I have to get the car fixed my brother is no wheres to be found. I feel like I'm the only one who cares about the car.
 

Terminate421

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Jul 21, 2010
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My mom died of lung cancer when I was 14.

It's something you grow used to after it happens unfortunately...
 

Marxaeus

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I know exactly how you feel. I lost my brother to leukemia when I was about seven or eight. He was three at the time. It is unbelievably hard to understand something like that as a child.

Over time my heart accepted it, my brother was unwell, and despite everything the doctors tried, he passed away. It's a natural thing, albeit a very shitty part of nature. But don't forget the most important thing of all. Whether your mom gets better or passes on, is that how much she loves you and your family won't change in any way. Lots of people think moms love their kids because of their accomplishments, but the truth is moms love their children BECAUSE they are their children. You are a part of her, just like she is a part of you.

So be by her side, support her always, and pray she pulls through (I know a lot of people are Atheists on here, but even Atheists pray at times when they need help). And remember that no matter what happens, at the end of the day you will always have your moms unconditional love and support, no matter where your journey through life takes you.

I wish you the best of luck.
 

vrbtny

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Sep 16, 2009
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To quote some movie somewhen.

"Be strong. For yourself, and for the ones you love."

and from Lord of The Rings.

"Courage. Courage for our friends."
 

ChildishLegacy

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Apr 16, 2010
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Acrisius said:
Sad to hear this bro. Do you have any good, close friends you can talk to? I know what you mean when you say you just need to vent. In my experience, while internet is good and all, real life is even better. Just talking to someone you can trust, someone you don't have to fake a smile to.
I do have friends that I could talk to about it, but at the moment they are the only part of my life that isn't really crappy right now, and it's nice to have a normal aspect of my life where I can have a laugh and let things go every now and then. That probably helps more than letting them know I'm upset, in which case I think whenever they saw me they'd just be sympathetic and not all pally like I'd prefer.
 

Guffe

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Jul 12, 2009
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Sory to hear.
Stuff like this is always upsetting/depressing.
I'm sorry there's nothing I can do but to hope from here.
Keep strong, study hard and take care of your mum!
 

Doitpow

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Mar 18, 2009
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Midgeamoo said:
So in the past 2 years we have all been learning to cope with what life has handed us, and I was proud of how I was handling it, I became an A* student with my first A level (my maths A level that I took in my first year of college) and got an offer to study Science at Cambridge University, quite frankly things were looking up, everything at home was in a kind of 'stasis' and although things were bad, nothing was getting much worse.
Right, I cannot help you with your grief, I really can't, but trust me when I say these grades you have are an EXCEPTIONALLY valuable asset. You are more intelligent than 90% of the people you will meet in your life. You have a chance to do amazing things.

Keep working, as hard as you can manage. If you get into Cambridge, outstanding, if not, DO NOT LET PEOPLE TELL YOU THAT IT MAKES YOU UNINTELLIGENT. Also do not sweat it too much, my girlfriends cousin failed to get into Cambridge and went to Hull. He now has a doctorate in Astrophysics, is a consultant for NASA and a Lecturer at UCL. He flys between Florida and London weekly, and probably gets all the scientist girlfriends in Christendom. He did not get three A* A-levels (well actually he couldn't, in my day we only went up to A's, but he didn't get 3 A's either).
You know you're smart. Don't let this take that away from you.