I just washed my hands of a friend who is in a relationship with an awful guy

[Jacco]

...did I do the right thing?

For the last year, this girl I know has been in a relationship with this asshole who for some reason took an instant disliking to me. Ever since then, he has been horrible and nasty to me on just about everything I posted on Facebook on his girlfriend's wall. And not just mean, I mean nasty. The girl then didn't do anything to curb it, she just let it continue to happen. So finally today I got fed up with it and wrote a message to the girl saying I was going to unfriend her because of him. The kicker is that she turned it right around on me and made me the bad guy in front of everyone on her wall and I'm positive she let the asshole read the message.

The problem is that her family hates the guy too and are convinced he is super controlling. I'm wondering if I did the right thing in washing my hands of the whole situation. Afterall, its not my place to get involved and to keep subjecting myself to that is ascenine, right?

Thats what I keep telling myself, but then that saying "All that it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" flashes through my mind.

Am I a good person doing nothing? Is there anything I CAN do?

 

[DoW Lowen]

Chances are you know you're doing the right thing, but you're probably looking for validation. So here it is... yes you did A right thing.

Whether you're a good person? Well that's relative. Would you have been a better person had you been more patient, the relationship was toxic and was bound to end, so had you waded through it with her would she have been a better person for it? Is she just your friend, or do you see her as more than that? Were you entirely honest throughout the preceding events?

I won't say you went down the optimal path, since I don't know the whole story. But if you were feeling uncomfortable, and you felt abused than yes - you had every right to cut her off. Maybe something more pertinent than Facebook would have been warranted, but that was your choice.

 

[Jacco]

Chances are you know you're doing the right thing, but you're probably looking for validation. So here it is... yes you did A right thing.

Whether you're a good person? Well that's relative. Would you have been a better person had you been more patient, the relationship was toxic and was bound to end, so had you waded through it with her would she have been a better person for it? Is she just your friend, or do you see her as more than that? Were you entirely honest throughout the preceding events?

I won't say you went down the optimal path, since I don't know the whole story. But if you were feeling uncomfortable, and you felt abused than yes - you had every right to cut her off. Maybe something more pertinent than Facebook would have been warranted, but that was your choice.

I didn't mean am I a literal good person. In the context of the quote, would I fall into the category of being one who lets evil happen by doing nothing.

And she wasnt anything more to me. She was a neighbor that lived up the street. And I had never met the guy in person, only over Facebook.

 

[Giftfromme]

Yep another validation thread. Well you can feel validated as obviously she is a **** and not deserving of your friendship. If she cared, she would have done something to stop her b/f, but since she didn't she is a **** and sounds like one of the those girls who doesn't take responsibility for anything she does. Give her the flick. Sucks that you lost her, but there are better friends to have.

 

[Jacco]

Yep another validation thread. Well you can feel validated as obviously she is a **** and not deserving of your friendship. If she cared, she would have done something to stop her b/f, but since she didn't she is a **** and sounds like one of the those girls who doesn't take responsibility for anything she does. Give her the flick. Sucks that you lost her, but there are better friends to have.

This is an advice forum. What do you expect?

That is kind of what I figured too. I just dislike being thought of as the bad guy in situations like these because I did what I could and it didn't matter.

 

[artanis_neravar]

...did I do the right thing?

For the last year, this girl I know has been in a relationship with this asshole who for some reason took an instant disliking to me. Ever since then, he has been horrible and nasty to me on just about everything I posted on Facebook on his girlfriend's wall. And not just mean, I mean nasty. The girl then didn't do anything to curb it, she just let it continue to happen. So finally today I got fed up with it and wrote a message to the girl saying I was going to unfriend her because of him. The kicker is that she turned it right around on me and made me the bad guy in front of everyone on her wall and I'm positive she let the asshole read the message.

The problem is that her family hates the guy too and are convinced he is super controlling. I'm wondering if I did the right thing in washing my hands of the whole situation. Afterall, its not my place to get involved and to keep subjecting myself to that is ascenine, right?

Thats what I keep telling myself, but then that saying "All that it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" flashes through my mind.

Am I a good person doing nothing? Is there anything I CAN do?

Just so you know if you blocked the BF he couldn't see anything you posted and you wouldn't see anything he posted.

 

[Jedoro]

Am I a good person doing nothing?

Not if you told her that you didn't like him and thought he was bad for her. Whether she stays with him or not isn't your decision, all you can do is try to influence her.

Is there anything I CAN do?

Technically, yes, but none I can think of are legal.

 

[Jacco]

Am I a good person doing nothing?

Not if you told her that you didn't like him and thought he was bad for her. Whether she stays with him or not isn't your decision, all you can do is try to influence her.

Is there anything I CAN do?

Technically, yes, but none I can think of are legal.

Ditto. Lol. Too bad we aren't like Klingons where we can just arbitrarily kill each other by dueling

 

[EpicEps]

I think that there could have been a better way to handle the situation, like asking her to please asking to stop harassing you (Your post was unclear as to whether or not you asked her) and if she didn't then tell her that you value her friendship, but it is difficult with her boyfriend harassing you, and to protect yourself, you're going to unfriend her on facebook so he can't be nasty to you any more.

But you did to the right thing in defriending her. I would worry about her though, because he could start being nasty to her. Maybe she's just a drama queen and made you the bad guy for attention, or maybe she was pressured into it by her boyfriend being controlling. So you can try to maintain an non-facebook friendship with her, or convince a mutual friend who has more influence on her to talk to your friend about her boyfriend.

 

[Rin Little]

I did the exact same thing before, one of my guy friends was dating a massive ***** of a girl who was nothing but nasty to me and some of my other friends. And I knew for a fact this girl was cheating on him with another guy after he graduated and then started chasing another guy. I gave it up once he refused to stand up to her when she was cutting him off from all contact with any of his friends...

 

[jacobythehedgehog]

...did I do the right thing?

For the last year, this girl I know has been in a relationship with this asshole who for some reason took an instant disliking to me. Ever since then, he has been horrible and nasty to me on just about everything I posted on Facebook on his girlfriend's wall. And not just mean, I mean nasty. The girl then didn't do anything to curb it, she just let it continue to happen. So finally today I got fed up with it and wrote a message to the girl saying I was going to unfriend her because of him. The kicker is that she turned it right around on me and made me the bad guy in front of everyone on her wall and I'm positive she let the asshole read the message.

The problem is that her family hates the guy too and are convinced he is super controlling. I'm wondering if I did the right thing in washing my hands of the whole situation. Afterall, its not my place to get involved and to keep subjecting myself to that is ascenine, right?

Thats what I keep telling myself, but then that saying "All that it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" flashes through my mind.

Am I a good person doing nothing? Is there anything I CAN do?

Well the fact of the matter is that you already made the choice and you have to face the consequences. However from her point of view you were the bad guy, and people in society are a lot quicker to believe a girl in a relationship then a guy, it is kind of a fact of life. I am not sure what gender you are. If your a girl you might have it easy because I find girls are forgiving with other girls, if your a guy, not so much. Your going to have to work really hard to work that apology. I am only taking this from experience, which if you want to know more about it let me know