I miss Him so much.

[Smiles]

I miss him so much, even though he's not gone anywhere. He is still there just sleeping. he is so sick, I just want him to wake up soon. All the little things I used to find so annoying I miss. Like how he would always tap his fingers on my leg in the car to the music, to make me feel better he said. Like how he would caress my cheek and I would only put up with it for five seconds before baring my teeth at him and he would fake being scared. When, in the mornings, my alarm would go off and he knows I'm not getting up so he runs his hands on my thighs and taps my bum. the way he always gets so excited when I walk around the apartment with no pants on. how he calls me sweetling and tells me he loves me. even how he whines until I say I love him. I miss how if I was cold in the night he would put his arm around me and keep me warm.

I miss him so much already I don't know what I would do if he dies. I can't do anything for him. It is so hard, just sitting there next to him, holding his hand. like he is so far away

 

[Lem0nade Inlay]

Stay strong, have hope. I can't say more because I don't know enough about the situation.

But this sounds terrible and heartbreaking, you are an amazing person for staying so strong so far and being there for him.

 

[JesterRaiin]

This sounds serious. Go on, expand it a little bit. We're here.

 

[Smiles]

My boyfriend of two years is in the hospital with pancreatitis. They said when they first brought him into emergency that they might not have caught it in time. Pancreatitis is when your pancreas gets inflamed and starts sending bad signals to the rest of your organs telling them to shut down. his liver and kidneys have stopped working and the doctor said yesterday even his brain is sleeping because of the pancreas. they took him off sedation almost two whole days ago now and he hasen't woken up yet. I was there for the ultrasound of his stomach and they said his kidneys and liver look good but just aren't working yet.

I really want him to wake up so I can be beside him and comfort and encourage him, and so they don't end up having to tie his arms down if he tries pulling at all the tubes down his mouth and nose. I want to be there when he wakes up so that he isn't scared. I don't know if anyone in his family knows his favorite way of being comforted.

In most cases of pancreatitis the cause is unknown and the only treatment is time. I feel so helpless, I wish there was more I could do.

 

[JesterRaiin]

The feeling of helplessness is probably the most horrible thing human being can experience.

I won't even try to give you some sh*y stuff like "ya know, everything's gonna be alright" and such. I'm afraid that simply won't do in your case.

Instead, know this - and this is from my personal experience - your presence, your wishes, your emotions matters. You may be unable to do more, but just by being who you are to your significant other, by not giving up, you're doing more than the rest of your world.

There's really nothing better in life than knowledge that there is someone that considers you special and that he or she cares about you no matter what. I don't want to touch mysticism, but i believe that on some level, even with our body "switched off" we know that someone thinks about us and wishes us only good things.

Hang on there, and whatever you do, don't lose hope.
It's important.

 

[requisitename]

Hope is the most important thing you have right now. Hold onto it with everything you've got.

On a more practical note, try to keep yourself busy. If you're a student, bring schoolwork to the hospital and do it while you sit. Bring a handheld gaming system. Do word finds or sudoku if that's what you're into. I sat by my mother's bedside in her final weeks, and many weeks before because she had a long-lasting terminal illness. and the only thing that saved my sanity was that I kept stuff there to do. It doesn't make it "count" any less if you're not holding his hand and looking at him every second, trust me. You can still keep an eye on him and monitor his responsiveness/condition while you do something else. Keeping your mind busy keeps it from dwelling so much on the "what ifs". Keeping from dwelling on the "what ifs" makes you less stressed out and.. you can ask the doctor if you don't believe me on this.. even though your boyfriend isn't aware in the sense that you think of as aware, he can probably still pick up on strong emotions in the room with him. In other words, your stress can stress him out.

Be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best. It's all any of us really can do, isn't it?

 

[Saint of M]

I've been here before with my father.

For right now, you are doing the human thing, and that what you are going through (very genuine Panic and terror)and that is completely normal. You need to find some escapes at the moment, something to get your mind to not focus on this, even for a little while. be they books, comics, movies, a season or two of your favorite tv show, or video games. When my father was in the hospital all the time, I explored the shops and restaurants near where he was at as a way to escape as well.

Also, regardless of what happens, you will never be ready for it, ever. This includes a miracle recovery or worse case scenario; the jackassess making stupid comments without realizing it or while trying to be nice; the fact people asking how are you gets old and irritating after a while; and any guilt (justified or not, your heart will not differentiate) you may have.

 

[Smiles]

Thanks guys. its been a hard week to be sure and your advice has helped me through it.

There is a long road ahead to recovery and we could use all the support we can get.

 

[JesterRaiin]

Thanks guys. its been a hard week to be sure and your advice has helped me through it.

There is a long road ahead to recovery and we could use all the support we can get.

We're here for you.
What's the situation out there ?

 

[Slash Dementia]

I'm sorry to hear this. It's really upsetting to even think of something like this happening to the person I love, and I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be. It's normal to be scared, and it's also okay to be.

Waiting is the only thing you can do for now, and it's also a really difficult thing to do, but you care about him this much and you will see him through. You're there for him, and therefore doing all you can.

I hope he wakes soon, so that he can see just how lucky he is to have you, and so that you can once again both be there for each other.

 

[Smiles]

He has woken up! He is still a little groggy and he says he doesn't feel very well(to paraphrase). I am so glad he is awake, I want so badly to hug him but he doesn't have the strength to lift his arms and I can't get to close for fear of dislodging any of his IV lines or his oxygen.

He seems to be doing better now as well, his kidneys are slowely getting a little better but that is not the most worrisome at the moment. He developed a lung infection from being on the ventilator for so long but the nurses say that is common in the ICU, or at least they know it can happen. They expect to keep him in the ICU for a little longer at least, they say he may be there for weeks but he will be there as long as he needs to be. I'm fine with that as long as they are working to make him better.

In one case of pancreatitis I have heard of the patient was in the hospital for three months and got diabetes afterwards. Both my boyfriends parents have diabetes...

 

[Archangel768]

He has woken up!

Congratulations. I know I haven't posted in this thread before but I've been hoping he'd wake up and I'm so glad for both you and him.

 

[JesterRaiin]

I'm fine with that as long as they are working to make him better.

All's well that ends well.

 

[Smiles]

I can't handle the stress. I am so exhausted all the time now. I don't want to do this anymore I'm so tired, I'm ready to snap. everyday it gets harder and harder. its been so long an he can still barely do anything by himself. he whines all the time that he can't do things and I don't believe him anymore because he is lying. he wants me to feed him when he is capable of doing that on his own, he just doesn't want to. I'm getting sick of hearing him whine.

he says he needs me, but I know he just "needs" me to put pillows under him so he can lie on his side, or feed him even though he can feed himself, or move his legs for him even though he can do it, with some effort, but if I'm doing it for him all the time what is the point? he says he can't but he just doesn't want to try. I'm wasting my time. the lazy basterd doesn't put any effort in anything, why should I?

 

[Jedoro]

Build a man a fire, you warm him for a day. Set a man on fire... Teach a man to build a fire, you warm him the rest of his life.

Gradually cut back on what you do for him, and explain that you're doing it because eventually he needs to build up his strength to take care of himself, and that won't happen when you do everything for him. If he doesn't want to put forth the effort, make him choose between trying and being uncomfortable/hungry for a little while longer. Don't ask for his permission or consent, just cut back.

 

[Smiles]

I dunno... I think he might be relying on me because he wants to show me he needs me... he sounds so deperate... I think he is afraid of me leaving him, even though I keep reassuring him. I'm getting damned tired of reassuring him.

 

[Smiles]

I dunno why he still has no faith in me even though its been over two months now.