I need a bit of help...

[the Dept of Science]

Girls don't date jerks, or if they do, its probably not because they are jerks.

The problem is, what most "nice guys" see as being "a nice guy", girls see as being, at best, an asskissing, submissive yes-man.
If its an attractive girl, and you suck up to her, how does that make you different from all the other guys that suck up to her? She's attractive, she gets that sortof treatment all the time. A "jerk" who comes along, offers a bit of fun and danger, and she is all over him.

Ultimately, the answer is, you can still be a nice guy, you don't have to be a dick. On the other hand, don't automatically agree with everything she says, show that you have your own personality and your own opinions. Don't be the pushover guy who will wait on her day and night on the off chance of sex, because she can see though that, she gets it all the time, and it doesn't interest her. Finally, be fun. Joke around, don't act as if her arse is made of gold and accept that she is just another person like anyone else.

 

[Judgement101]

Girls don't date jerks, or if they do, its probably not because they are jerks.

The problem is, what most "nice guys" see as being "a nice guy", girls see as being, at best, an asskissing, submissive yes-man.
If its an attractive girl, and you suck up to her, how does that make you different from all the other guys that suck up to her? She's attractive, she gets that sortof treatment all the time. A "jerk" who comes along, offers a bit of fun and danger, and she is all over him.

Ultimately, the answer is, you can still be a nice guy, you don't have to be a dick. On the other hand, don't automatically agree with everything she says, show that you have your own personality and your own opinions. Don't be the pushover guy who will wait on her day and night on the off chance of sex, because she can see though that, she gets it all the time, and it doesn't interest her. Finally, be fun. Joke around, don't act as if her arse is made of gold and accept that she is just another person like anyone else.

I never was the type of "nice guy" you defined. I was never submissive and the thing is I didn't ask her out, she asked me out.

 

[the Dept of Science]

Girls don't date jerks, or if they do, its probably not because they are jerks.

The problem is, what most "nice guys" see as being "a nice guy", girls see as being, at best, an asskissing, submissive yes-man.
If its an attractive girl, and you suck up to her, how does that make you different from all the other guys that suck up to her? She's attractive, she gets that sortof treatment all the time. A "jerk" who comes along, offers a bit of fun and danger, and she is all over him.

Ultimately, the answer is, you can still be a nice guy, you don't have to be a dick. On the other hand, don't automatically agree with everything she says, show that you have your own personality and your own opinions. Don't be the pushover guy who will wait on her day and night on the off chance of sex, because she can see though that, she gets it all the time, and it doesn't interest her. Finally, be fun. Joke around, don't act as if her arse is made of gold and accept that she is just another person like anyone else.

I never was the type of "nice guy" you defined. I was never submissive and the thing is I didn't ask her out, she asked me out.

All I'm going to say, to put it as bluntly as possible, if she broke up with you for this guy, he must be offering something that you are not. Maybe it's got nothing to do with being a nice guy or a jerk.
The second thing I will say is that girls will categorise guys. Maybe initially it was all hunkey dorey, but by the sounds of it, she probably sees you as "the ex that still fancies me, despite me going out with someone else, who hasn't moved on because he hasn't got anywhere else to go".

The peice of advice I would give you would be to get more women in your life, even if ultimately you want to be with this one girl. It will change her perception of you from being the "ex that still fancies me" to "the guy who I dated for a while, who has moved on, has women in his life, doesn't seem desperate or clingy etc."

 

[DefunctTheory]

All I'm going to say, to put it as bluntly as possible, if she broke up with you for this guy, he must be offering something that you are not.

I am resisting a 'bigger wang' joke with all my damn might.

But yup, what he said.

 

[the Dept of Science]

All I'm going to say, to put it as bluntly as possible, if she broke up with you for this guy, he must be offering something that you are not.

I am resisting a 'bigger wang' joke with all my damn might.

But yup, what he said.

Don't worry, I had one up my sleave as well. Thought better not to bring it out in polite company.

 

[Judgement101]

All I'm going to say, to put it as bluntly as possible, if she broke up with you for this guy, he must be offering something that you are not.

I am resisting a 'bigger wang' joke with all my damn might.

But yup, what he said.

Don't worry, I had one up my sleave as well. Thought better not to bring it out in polite company.

And this is why relationship threads never get anywhere.

 

[DefunctTheory]

All I'm going to say, to put it as bluntly as possible, if she broke up with you for this guy, he must be offering something that you are not.

I am resisting a 'bigger wang' joke with all my damn might.

But yup, what he said.

Don't worry, I had one up my sleave as well. Thought better not to bring it out in polite company.

And this is why relationship threads never get anywhere.

A solution has been given, it has been explained by people who have gone through the same thing, and multiple users have agreed with it.

The threads purpose has been met, whether you like the answer or not. It is now time to make rude, crude, and inappropriate jokes about other users penal size (All in good spirited fun, I assure you).

 

[Yureina]

I'd say that you may be able to help her to some degree, but you also way want to keep a little bit of distance, you know? Let her know that you are someone to talk to (if you actually want to be), but try to give an impression that you are not just someone she can run to for a short time. You are not a "in case of emergencies" sort of person, unless of course you actually want to be.

Anyway, that's just my opinion.

 

[Judgement101]

I'd say that you may be able to help her to some degree, but you also way want to keep a little bit of distance, you know? Let her know that you are someone to talk to (if you actually want to be), but try to give an impression that you are not just someone she can run to for a short time. You are not a "in case of emergencies" sort of person, unless of course you actually want to be.

Anyway, that's just my opinion.

I might just distance myself from her.

 

[AugustFall]

Cause nice guys give up the goods for free. Yeah that was odd, but true. Why not have all the fun of an exciting dating life with an asshat and all the emotional stuff on the side win win!Except for you and the plethora of "Nice Guys".
These girls seem nice but in reality they are using you and are not worth your time.
There are nice girls out there, but ones like your friend will always be like that.

 

[Judgement101]

Cause nice guys give up the goods for free. Yeah that was odd, but true. Why not have all the fun of an exciting dating life with an asshat and all the emotional stuff on the side win win!Except for you and the plethora of "Nice Guys".
These girls seem nice but in reality they are using you and are not worth your time.
There are nice girls out there, but ones like your friend will always be like that.

It seems more like she wants the excitment with her ex but the emotional support from me.

 

[Yureina]

I'd say that you may be able to help her to some degree, but you also way want to keep a little bit of distance, you know? Let her know that you are someone to talk to (if you actually want to be), but try to give an impression that you are not just someone she can run to for a short time. You are not a "in case of emergencies" sort of person, unless of course you actually want to be.

Anyway, that's just my opinion.

I might just distance myself from her.

You don't really have to say you are doing that, but you probably already know something like that by now.

 

[AugustFall]

Cause nice guys give up the goods for free. Yeah that was odd, but true. Why not have all the fun of an exciting dating life with an asshat and all the emotional stuff on the side win win! Except for you and the plethora of "Nice Guys".
These girls seem nice but in reality they are using you and are not worth your time.
There are nice girls out there, but ones like your friend will always be like that.

It seems more like she wants the excitment with her ex but the emotional support from me.

.. That's what I thought I said? "Exciting dating life with asshat" was referring to the jerks and the emotional support was the "nice guys".
Sorry if that wasn't clear.

 

[Judgement101]

Cause nice guys give up the goods for free. Yeah that was odd, but true. Why not have all the fun of an exciting dating life with an asshat and all the emotional stuff on the side win win! Except for you and the plethora of "Nice Guys".
These girls seem nice but in reality they are using you and are not worth your time.
There are nice girls out there, but ones like your friend will always be like that.

It seems more like she wants the excitment with her ex but the emotional support from me.

.. That's what I thought I said? "Exciting dating life with asshat" was referring to the jerks and the emotional support was the "nice guys".
Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Sorry, I misread it the first time. Well, I guess I'll just never talk to her again.

 

[the Dept of Science]

Cause nice guys give up the goods for free. Yeah that was odd, but true. Why not have all the fun of an exciting dating life with an asshat and all the emotional stuff on the side win win!Except for you and the plethora of "Nice Guys".
These girls seem nice but in reality they are using you and are not worth your time.
There are nice girls out there, but ones like your friend will always be like that.

It seems more like she wants the excitment with her ex but the emotional support from me.

Hey, you know what I said about girls putting guys into categories earlier? Boom.
If a girl isn't going to put the time into either finding or creating "the perfect package" (not a dick joke), she will just create a sort of composite guy out of lots of sources.
I know girls that have the guy they sleep with, the emotional support and the sugar daddy. Only one of those three gets laid, but the others are kept in circulation by the false hope that maybe they will as well.
Its not about being a "slut" or only dating "jerks", its more like they haven't found one guyt to fulfill all their needs, so they get a few guys to work in different departments. Maybe its immoral, although, I'll be honest, if I had the same control over women that an attractive girl can have over guys, I would be like that in a second.

 

[Wait...What]

All I'm going to say, to put it as bluntly as possible, if she broke up with you for this guy, he must be offering something that you are not.

I am resisting a 'bigger wang' joke with all my damn might.

But yup, what he said.

Don't worry, I had one up my sleave as well. Thought better not to bring it out in polite company.

And this is why relationship threads never get anywhere.

They never get anywhere because no one can understand the situation fully, but you.
In an attempt to help though...if you are deciding never to help her again PURELY because she's going out with someone you see as a jerk, you're obviously not a very good friend to her. If this guy really is a jerk she needs her friends more than ever.

 

[AugustFall]

Sorry, I misread it the first time. Well, I guess I'll just never talk to her again.

Honestly you'll be better off, sucks for a bit but just concentrate on other things. I was in a similar situation and after a week of telling her I was done with her I realised how much time I had wasted. My biggest regret was not cutting her out way earlier. In a situation like that you don't move on emotionally so ending that situation allows you to get on with your life and find new awesome people.
My friend was also in a similar situation and seeing it from both the outside and being part of it just showed me like a panorama of the whole thing and it sucks. He was basically in a one sided relationship and looking back on my experience so was I.


.. In fact just recently another one of my friends had this happen to him. A girl he liked started making advances but was seeing someone, she was getting all serious but not breaking up with her boyfriend. Luckily recently he just cut her out because she was, again, just using him or the emotional stuff she couldn't get from her boyfriend.

The common factor here is in all 3 of or situations we all realised how horrible those people really were and how much they weren't worth the effort.

 

[Mcupobob]

Well you see, she wants the fun that comes with bad boys, or drama and nice is boring or a real relationship is to much work. Now this all depends on where you are at in life a litte but I find its pretty much the same no matter what. So no don't help her otherwise she will keep going back to you to pick up the pieces and move on, and if she's the possive type then she'll try and stop you from every getting a reltionship, to make sure she still has you to fall back on.

I don't know much about either of you so this is just a toss in the dark, but if you're still in your youth just chalk it up to highschool drama and move on with your life its not worth the wasted effort.

EDIT: Just wanted to clarify, Girls don't always date the jerk, I found it all depends on the level of maturity of the person. I've seen guys dating horrible abusive women for stupid reason. Like I said I don't know enough about the situation and I'm only hear your side, Is this guy abusive as in physical or just emotional. How good of a friend has she been, are you thinking about not helping her just out of spite of an old relationship?

 

[ryderawsome]

help her but dont offer unconditional support. sometimes a little bit of "i told you so" helps.

 

[Outright Villainy]

So... was the 'twist' your little bit of misogynistic nonsense at the end? Because I mean bitter guys spouting stuff about how girls only date jerks is like M Night Shyamalan levels of twist.

You can see it coming a mile away and it stinks.

Again, personal experiences have lead me to think this way, I may be wrong and I probably am but what you wrote really doesn't help solve the problem.

Alright, here's my serious suggestion. Your generalisation that 'all women are X' implies that you don't think women are real people, but automatons built on a consistent response mechanism. This is invariably going to colour how you treat them, as all prejudices will, which will almost always lead you to having less successful relationships, especially when your prejudice is so unfavourable as to suggest that women are stupid, and so can't see what's good for them, unlike you (obv) and so will always end up with assholes.

Drop that opinion, refine your beliefs into something that recognises the essential humanity of the person you're trying to charm, and maybe you'll find people who -don't- try and get away from you.

Well said.

Women are not the fucking borg: there's no collective conciousness, and treating every woman the same based on an experience you've had one is fucking stupid.

Why do men always murder each other? Men suck!