I need help with my social skills.

[smearyllama]

One of my New Year's resolutions is to work o my social skills (along with losing weight and spending less money on games) and I'd like some help, if that's alright with the escapist.

You see, contrary to what my family assures me, my social skills are substandard.
I can talk to people fine, but I talk loudly and way too much, often killing conversations.
If a conversation turns to games, I end up making a huge monologue, after finding someone vaguely interested in some of the games I like. This turns people away from being able to have conversations with me, and causes a lot of issues.
Also, being a little overweight probably doesn't do much for my confidence (I'm 204-208, depending on the day, which is awful at age 14).
Yet another problem I face is the way people view me.
When a lot of the more popular people at school see me, they see "that fat kid with a stupid name that plays to many video games" hell, even my friends make the occasional remark.
You see, I've got a friend at school, and she's really nice, and I kinda-sorta like her, but the one time we even got close to going out, people started constantly badgering me about the subject, and I just dropped everything.

That's it, I guess.
Maybe I shouldn't just list out my problems and hope for them to be solved by the magical internet fairies, and maybe I should have posted this on the advice forum, but I don't know.
I feel kinda alone, and I know that's not true, but I've got no clue.

If anyone has any advice or anything, that'd be great.
Just, please try to be positive.
I know I'm opening myself up to some serious trolling here, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

 

[Hader]

Well first off...probably best suited for the Advice forum.

Okay okay okay, /moderator instincts!



I would never call myself an expert on social skills or whatever the heck anyone wants to call it, but I would say if you want to try improving on something, try to relate to people more specifically but less...intensely. Hopefully that's the right word to describe it. At least, you say you talk loudly and a lot, and that itself isn't really the problem but it likely seems to others as coming on way too strong when you don't need to. I liken it to someone who insistently brings up the same topic over and over when others make it clear they just don't care to talk about it more. You come off as craving attention, regardless of your true intentions.

Or I am just as clueless and my friends are only fooling me as well >_>

 

[almostgold]

Smile a lot and be the first to offer a handshake to someone you just met.

Honestly, those two tips saved my ass halfway through High School. I went through pretty much the same thing, except I was scrawny while everyone else was getting built to get girls. Now I'm known as a outgoing guy. Its all about smiles and handshakes.

 

[KefkaCultist]

One of my New Year's resolutions is to work o my social skills (along with losing weight and spending less money on games) and I'd like some help, if that's alright with the escapist.

You see, contrary to what my family assures me, my social skills are substandard.
I can talk to people fine, but I talk loudly and way too much, often killing conversations.
If a conversation turns to games, I end up making a huge monologue, after finding someone vaguely interested in some of the games I like. This turns people away from being able to have conversations with me, and causes a lot of issues.
Also, being a little overweight probably doesn't do much for my confidence (I'm 204-208, depending on the day, which is awful at age 14).
Yet another problem I face is the way people view me.
When a lot of the more popular people at school see me, they see "that fat kid with a stupid name that plays to many video games" hell, even my friends make the occasional remark.
You see, I've got a friend at school, and she's really nice, and I kinda-sorta like her, but the one time we even got close to going out, people started constantly badgering me about the subject, and I just dropped everything.

That's it, I guess.
Maybe I shouldn't just list out my problems and hope for them to be solved by the magical internet fairies, and maybe I should have posted this on the advice forum, but I don't know.
I feel kinda alone, and I know that's not true, but I've got no clue.

If anyone has any advice or anything, that'd be great.
Just, please try to be positive.

Sounds like the same bull that I went through (also being a large kid at that age). Honestly my social skills still suck so my advice is probably not going to be as good as some other people's, but I've made a conscious effort to improve my social skills and it has worked quite well. I've just been a lot more outgoing and speaking my mind but not ALL of my mind (if that makes any sense). I've found that this website has helped me come out of my shell a lot, find yourself an active group with a common interest and start making some friends.

I know I'm opening myself up to some serious trolling here, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

I doubt you'll have a problem with trolls, the members of this site are usually pretty good and for the ones that arent well... theres a nice little red button in the bottom left corner of their posts.

Also, the advice forum is great and I know Aylaine visits it a lot and she is really good with advice stuff

 

[smearyllama]

Well first off...probably best suited for the Advice forum.

Okay okay okay, /moderator instincts!



I would never call myself an expert on social skills or whatever the heck anyone wants to call it, but I would say if you want to try improving on something, try to relate to people more specifically but less...intensely. Hopefully that's the right word to describe it. At least, you say you talk loudly and a lot, and that itself isn't really the problem but it likely seems to others as coming on way too strong when you don't need to. I liken it to someone who insistently brings up the same topic over and over when others make it clear they just don't care to talk about it more. You come off as craving attention, regardless of your true intentions.

Or I am just as clueless and my friends are only fooling me as well >_>

I am sort of an unintentional attention seeker.
As someone who feels a little isolated, I really want to just be able to talk to people.
I should probably do some research into what junior-high kids actually like, and be able to talk about that.

 

[ExaltedK9]

I like to hang back during conversations and literally pick people apart, in order to come up with valid points. Choose your words wisely, smile alot, and be calm.

 

[Hader]

I am sort of an unintentional attention seeker.
As someone who feels a little isolated, I really want to just be able to talk to people.
I should probably do some research into what junior-high kids actually like, and be able to talk about that.

I wouldn't say 'research' is necessary. Or advised. Everyone is different. And honestly...it's junior high, it really won't mean anything in the long run. Instead, listen to people more. Learn from that. And, as others have been saying, be outgoing, but not assertively.

 

[Harlief]

The key to fitting in: observe. Next time you're at a social gathering, listen not only to what people are saying, but how they're saying it: are they using big words? Are they shooting the breeze? Also, go join a dojo, not only is it exercise, it's exercise with a purpose and it involves social interaction (of the quiet respectful kind).

Also, make a resolution to cook your food more than buying it. You'll have way more control over what goes into your body.

 

[AwayFromKeyboard]

Jogging, pushups and situps.

Follow Harlief's advice with the food, don't eat fast food or shop cooked stuff. For the social thing, try to find common ground with people(other than games)and let them do the talking.

 

[Dark Knifer]

My advice would be try listening to people more and holding your comments for later, or if they ask for it. That way it makes it easier to pick up on personality traits and you can make comments that they can relate to more, making you seem more appealing to talk to. It'll take some practice, but that's what I did, and it's worked brilliantly.

 

[Paksenarrion]

If your BICS (Basic Interpersonal Communications Skills) is as expressive as your writing, you have nothing to worry about.

I might not be the right person to listen to, since I'm socially awkward when it comes to other adults (I have a much younger mindset...probably why I get along with my kindergarten students so well), but I would find a like-minded social group that enjoys discussions about gaming.

I hope you're still friends with the girl you mentioned; hanging out and sharing interests are a good way to break the ice.

Pardon me for saying so, but you seem to be the type of student I'd enjoy having in my classroom. I hope you have a teacher on-site that supports you, especially with these so called "popular people".

If there is one thing I'd risk my teaching certification over, it's stopping bullies. I despise bullies. I will not allow them to drag down any of my students down to their level.

 

[smearyllama]

Jogging, pushups and situps.

Follow Harlief's advice with the food, don't eat fast food or shop cooked stuff. For the social thing, try to find common ground with people(other than games)and let them do the talking.

Yeah, my one issue isn't that I eat poorly, I just need more exercise.
If I can get the weight off, then I can keep it off easy.
It's mostly from when I was eating a lot in seventh grade because I was still in my growthspurt mindset.
Now that I'm about as tall as I'm gonna get, it's time to get rid of all the excess.

 

[smearyllama]

The key to fitting in: observe. Next time you're at a social gathering, listen not only to what people are saying, but how they're saying it: are they using big words? Are they shooting the breeze? Also, go join a dojo, not only is it exercise, it's exercise with a purpose and it involves social interaction (of the quiet respectful kind).

Also, make a resolution to cook your food more than buying it. You'll have way more control over what goes into your body.

I used to to Tae-Kwan-Do in elementary, and that was pretty cool.
If it weren't for mt robotics team (3-4 PM every weekday) and having a good-sized amount of homework, I'd definitely start it up again (though I'd probably want to go back to a lower skill level for a while)

 

[smearyllama]

About the only advice I can offer is that a lot of people misunderstand the dynamics of conversations. A conversation is about exchanging ideas and perspectives, which means that when the other person is talking you should be listening to them. A lot of people talk and then use the other person's exchange to think of what to say next, that's bad practice.

That makes a lot of sense.
I should definitely pay more attention to exactly whet people are saying.

 

[Continuity]

...

This may or may not be constructive advice, either way its probably not what you're looking for, but I say this: Don't sweat it too much, teenagers worry far too much about crap like this. Yes, loosing weight would be good for your health and self image, do it if you can. If you talk too much then talk less, if you're too loud be quieter, if you monologue - don't! stop and ask people what they think and listen to what they say. One of the easiest ways to get people to accept you is to be someone who listens.
At the end of the day you're 14, you've got plenty of time to work on this crap and you won't settle into a fully rounded person until several years from now, so relax.

 

[Sevre]

Quick! To the Advice Forum!

I'll be back in a minute to offer some actual advice. /cracks mod knuckles.

 

[smearyllama]

Quick! To the Advice Forum!

I'll be back in a minute to offer some actual advice. /cracks mod knuckles.

Hey, thanks man.

 

[Srdjan]

Well invest more skill points in your social skills

I'm kidding, just try to talk less it can't be that hard, if you have medical problem that made you fat (depression execluded) you should ask medical help, but if you are fat just because you are lazy and eat to much, you should fucking stop eating too much.

Also if you like being fat chunk you just need to dress nice and maintain personal hygiene, and fat part shouldn't be much of the problem, after all third of the your country is fat.