Hi guys,
So I'd like everyone's opinion on this since I'm really conflicted in this matter and don't really know what I should do about this. So here's the deal, last Friday during finals, the stress and anguish of school and things going on in my personal life reached a breaking point and I grabbed a large kitchen knife and attempted to ram myself through the abdomen with it. After a few mostly unsuccessful attempts, I thought about what I was doing and realized that I needed help, so I dropped the knife and went straight to my school's counseling office and talked to a counselor about everything I'd been going through recently.
After some helpful advice and guidance, we decided that it would be best if I spent the night in a psychiatric facility to get some more help and to ensure that I was safe until I was ready to go home. After the first day, I was dying to get out of that place (seriously, that place was awful) but the only way I could leave is if I had a family member or close friend pick me up from the hospital to watch over me that night. Since it was the last day of our finals when I tried to commit suicide, most of my friends were gone and I wasn't ready to tell my parents about this. My only option was contacting a fellow classmate whom I'd sat next to the whole quarter and had some (not many) conversations with and felt generally comfortable with. The only thing was, I didn't know how she'd react once she found out I was in a psychiatric ward, so after wrestling with what to do for several hours, I finally decided that she was my best shot and I'd give her full disclosure and see what happened. So I called her, I told her that I was in the hospital, I was in a psychiatric facility being treated because I attempted to take my own life, and did she still want to pick me up because I'd fully understand if she didn't, and then the most amazing thing happened. Without the slightest hesitation, she says, "I'm on my way right now" and she came and got me.
Then, when she got me from the hospital, she didn't ask me anything other than "Are you hungry? Let's get something to eat" and didn't say anything about me trying to commit suicide. She just let me talk when I was ready and was really, really cool about the whole thing. She asked me why I chose to give her full disclosure and I told her that I had to let her know just in case she wanted to run the other way once she found out what I was in there for. She just laughed and acted like everything was perfectly normal.
That alone would have been more than enough, but then she took me to her apartment and let me stay over that night, making sure I was comfortable and safe. The next morning, she took me to my apartment and even came with me while I faced the place where I attempted to kill myself just a day or two before. Then every day after that, she called me to see how I was doing and to see how my day was. This is where I'm torn. Call it the Florence Nightingale Effect, but the amount of caring, understanding, and affection she's shown for me has been incredible, and has completely transformed her from "random classmate girl" to "extremely close friend/trusted confidant" in just a short amount of time. I can't thank her enough for what she's done for me, and I know I can never repay her for how safe and comforted she's made me feel, and maybe I'm confusing feelings here, but I think I'm in love with her.
Now I'm not just a crazy kid who thinks he's in love because a pretty girl finally notices him, we've talked before and I always thought she was interesting. We both love animals, we have similar career goals, she's very social and outgoing and has told me she enjoys talking to me and values my opinions and insight. We have similar upbringings, had similar high school experiences, both love comic books, love the same tv shows, watch a ton of movies, and in general get along very, very well, I just never really paid much attention to her during class. So, bottom line, I don't know whether to pursue a serious relationship with her and risk a (potentially) lifelong friend, or to just thank her for what she's done and remain a close friend to her without pursuing anything at all.
I apologize for the lengthy explanation, but it's important for me to put this into words and to try and give you, the readers, the clearest picture possible on this whole situation. So what do you think, fellow Escapists, should I go for the downs, throw caution to the wind, and be the best damn boyfriend I can be? Or, should I take the prudent route and just be her friend until she needs me?
Edit: Sorry about the wall of text, this is the first time I'm translating this into words, and it got kinda lengthy. Secondly, I want to clarify something here. I don't really have "suicidal tendencies", I mean, this is the first case of mental health issues in my family, I've never been treated nor have I been diagnosed with clinical depression before this, and this is the first time I've even so much as thought about hurting myself in my life.
So I'd like everyone's opinion on this since I'm really conflicted in this matter and don't really know what I should do about this. So here's the deal, last Friday during finals, the stress and anguish of school and things going on in my personal life reached a breaking point and I grabbed a large kitchen knife and attempted to ram myself through the abdomen with it. After a few mostly unsuccessful attempts, I thought about what I was doing and realized that I needed help, so I dropped the knife and went straight to my school's counseling office and talked to a counselor about everything I'd been going through recently.
After some helpful advice and guidance, we decided that it would be best if I spent the night in a psychiatric facility to get some more help and to ensure that I was safe until I was ready to go home. After the first day, I was dying to get out of that place (seriously, that place was awful) but the only way I could leave is if I had a family member or close friend pick me up from the hospital to watch over me that night. Since it was the last day of our finals when I tried to commit suicide, most of my friends were gone and I wasn't ready to tell my parents about this. My only option was contacting a fellow classmate whom I'd sat next to the whole quarter and had some (not many) conversations with and felt generally comfortable with. The only thing was, I didn't know how she'd react once she found out I was in a psychiatric ward, so after wrestling with what to do for several hours, I finally decided that she was my best shot and I'd give her full disclosure and see what happened. So I called her, I told her that I was in the hospital, I was in a psychiatric facility being treated because I attempted to take my own life, and did she still want to pick me up because I'd fully understand if she didn't, and then the most amazing thing happened. Without the slightest hesitation, she says, "I'm on my way right now" and she came and got me.
Then, when she got me from the hospital, she didn't ask me anything other than "Are you hungry? Let's get something to eat" and didn't say anything about me trying to commit suicide. She just let me talk when I was ready and was really, really cool about the whole thing. She asked me why I chose to give her full disclosure and I told her that I had to let her know just in case she wanted to run the other way once she found out what I was in there for. She just laughed and acted like everything was perfectly normal.
That alone would have been more than enough, but then she took me to her apartment and let me stay over that night, making sure I was comfortable and safe. The next morning, she took me to my apartment and even came with me while I faced the place where I attempted to kill myself just a day or two before. Then every day after that, she called me to see how I was doing and to see how my day was. This is where I'm torn. Call it the Florence Nightingale Effect, but the amount of caring, understanding, and affection she's shown for me has been incredible, and has completely transformed her from "random classmate girl" to "extremely close friend/trusted confidant" in just a short amount of time. I can't thank her enough for what she's done for me, and I know I can never repay her for how safe and comforted she's made me feel, and maybe I'm confusing feelings here, but I think I'm in love with her.
Now I'm not just a crazy kid who thinks he's in love because a pretty girl finally notices him, we've talked before and I always thought she was interesting. We both love animals, we have similar career goals, she's very social and outgoing and has told me she enjoys talking to me and values my opinions and insight. We have similar upbringings, had similar high school experiences, both love comic books, love the same tv shows, watch a ton of movies, and in general get along very, very well, I just never really paid much attention to her during class. So, bottom line, I don't know whether to pursue a serious relationship with her and risk a (potentially) lifelong friend, or to just thank her for what she's done and remain a close friend to her without pursuing anything at all.
I apologize for the lengthy explanation, but it's important for me to put this into words and to try and give you, the readers, the clearest picture possible on this whole situation. So what do you think, fellow Escapists, should I go for the downs, throw caution to the wind, and be the best damn boyfriend I can be? Or, should I take the prudent route and just be her friend until she needs me?
Edit: Sorry about the wall of text, this is the first time I'm translating this into words, and it got kinda lengthy. Secondly, I want to clarify something here. I don't really have "suicidal tendencies", I mean, this is the first case of mental health issues in my family, I've never been treated nor have I been diagnosed with clinical depression before this, and this is the first time I've even so much as thought about hurting myself in my life.
