I need relationship advice

[ascari87]

I happen to agree with RAKtheUndead on this, for the time being it would be best to leave things as they are.

By asking her out know could possibly make things worse off for you, wait for a bit. Get some psychiatric help, to help deal with what has just happened, once done, then consider moving on with your life and relationship.

Hope all goes well for you mate!!

 

[IzisviAziria]

Just ask her out.

There really needs be a sticky entitled 'Looking For Relationship Advice?' of which only contains the words 'NO, SHUT UP. JUST ASK HER OUT DO IT' in the largest font possible.

If you'd read the big wall of text, you would see that this is just about the worst thing he could do.

Fine.

A Sticky with the words.

'NO, SHUT UP. JUST ASK HER OUT DO IT'

ANNNNNNNDDD

'CHICKS AREN'T EVERYTHING, DOOD'.

There. Sroblem Polved.

Man, normally I'm right there with you on relationship advice..."Grow a pair and ask her out, end of story". But I actually did read the giant wall'o'text, and dear god this one is just... all to itself. This guy really does need help.

To the OP: I wish you my best, I do hope you take the advice offered by RAKtheUndead and focus on yourself. This is not at all the situation to even begin thinking about relationships. It's cheesy as all hell but you really can't have a healthy relationship until you yourself are healthy. Focus on you, get the help you need, and be thankful that you have a friend who is good enough to give you the help that she gave you.

 

[eclipsed_chemistry]

First impressions:

1. She cares for you but you don't know in what way, you started out with full disclosure so if you want to tell her how you feel I'd stick with that.

2. No matter how cool she has ben about what you are going through she may feel pressured because she will not truly know your mental state and may worry that rejection will send you into another downward spiral (this as you can tell is not good for either of you)

I really appreciate your thoughts, particularly on points one and two. These were two things I hadn't really thought about or considered. Best of luck in your relationship with that girl, my friend. I hope everything works out for you, I really do.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

Oh Gee, this looks like a good thread, OH GOGHGHGHGH! *Drowns in wave of text*

Just ask her out.

There really needs be a sticky entitled 'Looking For Relationship Advice?' of which only contains the words 'NO, SHUT UP. JUST ASK HER OUT DO IT' in the largest font possible.

I am for this, it's usually the best course of action.

EDIT: NOTE THAT I SAID USUALLY!

 

[Krantos]

I don't know what to say... I got over my suicidal tenancies before I tried to develop any kind of relationship...

THis

It doesn't seem like you're in a place where you can form a healthy relationship at the moment. I'd wait until you sort things out in your own life before you bring someone else on board. Just be friends and do some soul searching to find out what you want out of life, and why you really were trying to get out of it. Maybe once you're healthy a relationship will form naturally, but until then just focus on yourself.

And this.

Never rely on someone else to solve your problems. It only leads to you placing unreasonable expectations on the other person. That person has their own life and their own problems, so it's unfair to ask them to solve yours. Having someone HELP is one thing, but most of the work should come from you. It's also not a good idea for that person to be your partner.

You really need to get a better handle on yourself before you bring anyone else into the picture in that way. It sounds like she's a good person to help you, but don't cross the line into relationship territory right now.

 

[eclipsed_chemistry]

They are awful for a reason apparently, it's too sort out the nutcases from the real nutcases. I had a friend to went through all sorts of problems and ended up on one of those wards, and thought she was mentally fucked up. Then she saw the other people in the ward, and decided she wasn't anywhere near as bad as the other patients, and it helped her turn her life around.

*snips*

Sounds like you've got a brilliant friend...and from what you tell me she maaaay quite like you, but of course i havn't seen this with my own eyes so it's hard to judge. I'd suggest you subtly investigate wherever she'd want to date you. If your confident enough, try to some gentle flirting and see what happens.

You could try this: Tell her you want to go somewhere (say...cinema), see what she say's. If she she's interested, then ask her if she wants to invite anyone. If she doesn't want to invite anyone, you've got a date. If she invites her friends, your're in her friendzone

[sub]Disclaimer: If this doesn't work, i'l warn you now that i'm not the most qualified of persons to give this sort of relationship advise.[/sub]

Yeah, after just a few hours in the psychiatric facility I knew I wasn't nearly as bad as most of the people who were currently residing there. It really made me want to get out of there and get treatment as soon as possible.

lol and don't worry about the disclaimer, I know what I'm getting into, and I know what the consequences are. Whatever happens will be on me, I'm just looking for different opinions in case I've missed something or haven't considered some important point.

 

[eclipsed_chemistry]

Wow, you did better then me you acknowledged you had a problem and decided to get help.

Anyway, wow thats quite something. If i were you, just start to hang out with this girl more doesnt have to be date-y things, but like movies and walks, msn etc (well actual yeh date things -.-) and if the feelings grow maybe try to introduce the fact just DO NOT move to fast. Think things over, use logic, and if all else fails be honest and open and tell her what has happened, from what i gathered she does care so hell it couldnt be bad. But of course if she doesnt like you that way, well...things tend to fuck up.

Well i doubt that helped but yeh, my two cents.

Thanks, yeah, I knew I needed to get help when I saw the knife in my hands and acknowledged that I was actually trying to end my life. The light just went on in my head and I decided to get help. My friends wondered how I went from "suicidal" to "wanting to get help" so quickly, but it's scary as hell holding a huge knife with some of your blood on it.

And thank you for your take on things, I think I might end up doing this (after much consideration, of course) but definitely if she's open to it I'll hang out with her more and judge what happens before I do anything. Thanks for your help, my friend.

 

[eclipsed_chemistry]

Do you have like a counsellor you could speak with? Or a psychiatrist? The one at your school still available? You might want to talk with them first, as they hopefully have some sort of training in the matter, and knows how it should be dealt with. Ask how to proceed, if you should tell this girl about it or not. As RAK mentioned, it may very well be a "by-product" of your mind at this stage, which, if followed, might lead into further unpleasantries.

Yeah, I'm actually seeing (the same) counselor on a regular basis now that I'm out of the hospital, and I'll bring up this up soon but I've been working through the other problems that have been troubling me up to this point. Plus, this is a relatively new thing and I haven't placed much weight on it until recently.

 

[Kortney]

We need something similar to the bat signal in batman for Bonsaik.

 

[eclipsed_chemistry]

I happen to agree with RAKtheUndead on this, for the time being it would be best to leave things as they are.

By asking her out know could possibly make things worse off for you, wait for a bit. Get some psychiatric help, to help deal with what has just happened, once done, then consider moving on with your life and relationship.

Hope all goes well for you mate!!

Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts, I really do. RAKtheUndead brought up a very, very good point and it's something that I plan on considering heavily before I decide to do anything one way or the other. Thanks for taking the time to respond, my friend.

 

[Blackadder51]

La Snip

Happy to help

Just remember to use logic and if you want anything else just PM me.

 

[eclipsed_chemistry]

Just ask her out.

There really needs be a sticky entitled 'Looking For Relationship Advice?' of which only contains the words 'NO, SHUT UP. JUST ASK HER OUT DO IT' in the largest font possible.

If you'd read the big wall of text, you would see that this is just about the worst thing he could do.

Fine.

A Sticky with the words.

'NO, SHUT UP. JUST ASK HER OUT DO IT'

ANNNNNNNDDD

'CHICKS AREN'T EVERYTHING, DOOD'.

There. Sroblem Polved.

Man, normally I'm right there with you on relationship advice..."Grow a pair and ask her out, end of story". But I actually did read the giant wall'o'text, and dear god this one is just... all to itself. This guy really does need help.

To the OP: I wish you my best, I do hope you take the advice offered by RAKtheUndead and focus on yourself. This is not at all the situation to even begin thinking about relationships. It's cheesy as all hell but you really can't have a healthy relationship until you yourself are healthy. Focus on you, get the help you need, and be thankful that you have a friend who is good enough to give you the help that she gave you.

Thank you, I really do appreciate people taking the time to respond and giving their opinions. And you're right, definitely in the short-term I need to focus on getting myself right and getting the help I need to get better. I'm going to try and take everything under consideration before I decide anything, and don't worry, her happiness and safety takes a number one priority in my mind.

 

[Angryman101]

snip

Call it the Florence Nightingale Effect, but the amount of caring, understanding, and affection she's shown for me has been incredible, and has completely transformed her from "random classmate girl" to "extremely close friend/trusted confidant" in just a short amount of time.

It's this. It's definitely this. A similar thing happens with psychiatrists who give counselling; you extrapolate certain feelings and misinterpret this for love. It would be an extremely dangerous thing to try making a relationship out of this. You need proper psychiatric help, to talk to your parents and to sort this situation out properly.

A relationship built on psychological problems is dangerous. It's just delaying the inevitable. If you're at all interested in preserving your life and happiness, DO NOT TRY TO FORM A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL. It's as much for her sake as it is for yours.

I usually do not agree with him, but I think Rak is right here, you should NOT be attempting to date right now, it's going to end in burning failure and you might end up attempting suicide again once that happens. Please get help, accept her friendship, and-once you feel you have recovered-see if you still feel the same way about her.

 

[RobCoxxy]

She sounds like a good trustworthy friend.
You don't want to ruin that, I'm afraid. Best to keep a close friend than risk making it weird.

 

[eclipsed_chemistry]

snip

Call it the Florence Nightingale Effect, but the amount of caring, understanding, and affection she's shown for me has been incredible, and has completely transformed her from "random classmate girl" to "extremely close friend/trusted confidant" in just a short amount of time.

It's this. It's definitely this. A similar thing happens with psychiatrists who give counselling; you extrapolate certain feelings and misinterpret this for love. It would be an extremely dangerous thing to try making a relationship out of this. You need proper psychiatric help, to talk to your parents and to sort this situation out properly.

A relationship built on psychological problems is dangerous. It's just delaying the inevitable. If you're at all interested in preserving your life and happiness, DO NOT TRY TO FORM A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL. It's as much for her sake as it is for yours.

I usually do not agree with him, but I think Rak is right here, you should NOT be attempting to date right now, it's going to end in burning failure and you might end up attempting suicide again once that happens. Please get help, accept her friendship, and-once you feel you have recovered-see if you still feel the same way about her.

Well, I don't know if this changes anything, but I want to try and clarify something here. I'm a pretty normal person, I mean, I wouldn't say that I have suicidal tendencies. This is the first time I've even thought about hurting myself, and this is definitely the first case of mental issues in my family. I'm extremely appreciative of my friend since she's been so understanding in all of this, and she's helping me through this difficult time in my life, and maybe I'm underplaying this, but I don't think I'm at a huge risk for hurting myself again, I mean, I'm taking time away from school, I'm receiving regular counseling, and my life is basically worry-free at the moment. And maybe this is going too far, but isn't there the chance that she's what I need right now?

 

[IzisviAziria]

And maybe this is going too far, but isn't there the chance that she's what I need right now?

I mean this in a purely helpful way, but the idea that you need her to help you get through this is unfair, both to you and to her. It's an awful lot of pressure to put on her, and it's unfair to yourself that you should need a female companion to get through this. It is also completely unhealthy to develop a relationship in which one partner is dependent on the other, and this is a clear-cut case of how that sort of thing starts. I advise you once again, focus on yourself and simply be thankful to have such a friend around.

 

[Gudrests]

tell her how much she has helped you in the last few weeks/days whatever...and ask if she would want to date becaues you feel she is such an amasing person and tell her right there and then begore she says anything that even if she says no you still want to be her friend out of the pure fact of how kindhearted she is to you...be genuine man...and DO NOT....take rejection as if she hates you...a no is never a perminant no..she may just need more time for you to grow on her

 

[Angryman101]

snip

Call it the Florence Nightingale Effect, but the amount of caring, understanding, and affection she's shown for me has been incredible, and has completely transformed her from "random classmate girl" to "extremely close friend/trusted confidant" in just a short amount of time.

It's this. It's definitely this. A similar thing happens with psychiatrists who give counselling; you extrapolate certain feelings and misinterpret this for love. It would be an extremely dangerous thing to try making a relationship out of this. You need proper psychiatric help, to talk to your parents and to sort this situation out properly.

A relationship built on psychological problems is dangerous. It's just delaying the inevitable. If you're at all interested in preserving your life and happiness, DO NOT TRY TO FORM A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL. It's as much for her sake as it is for yours.

I usually do not agree with him, but I think Rak is right here, you should NOT be attempting to date right now, it's going to end in burning failure and you might end up attempting suicide again once that happens. Please get help, accept her friendship, and-once you feel you have recovered-see if you still feel the same way about her.

Well, I don't know if this changes anything, but I want to try and clarify something here. I'm a pretty normal person, I mean, I wouldn't say that I have suicidal tendencies. This is the first time I've even thought about hurting myself, and this is definitely the first case of mental issues in my family. I'm extremely appreciative of my friend since she's been so understanding in all of this, and she's helping me through this difficult time in my life, and maybe I'm underplaying this, but I don't think I'm at a huge risk for hurting myself again, I mean, I'm taking time away from school, I'm receiving regular counseling, and my life is basically worry-free at the moment. And maybe this is going too far, but isn't there the chance that she's what I need right now?

I know it's hard, but I seriously think you should resist that impulse. It's not a joke that you tried to kill yourself, and for that to happen you had to have been in an incredibly vulnerable time emotionally, and you've latched on to her as a savior-figure. There is absolutely no way this could develop into a normal, healthy relationship, I'm sorry to say.

 

[Daveman]

Yeah well although initially I thought it was a bad idea because of circumstances involving you meeting, in that you were in a FUCKING PSYCH WARD FOR TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF, which probably explains why she was so nice to you because frankly everyone is nice to somebody after attempting suicide unless they're the biggest dick in the world. But then I read on and it seems you've really gotten to know her well and really do have a lot in common and really like each other. But frankly, it might all just be a bit too soon, I'd wait a couple of months until the initial buzz has worn off and see if you still want to. If so, do it.

I just think otherwise she might think that you really wouldn't take the rejection well and feel she has to go out with you, which is really souring the relationship from the start.

 

[DemonicVixen]

I don't know what to say... I got over my suicidal tenancies before I tried to develop any kind of relationship...

To be honest, that isnt always possible for some people. If this is his first case of it, then its probably just a one off peak that shouldnt really occur again. I can guarentee that at least 1 in 5 people have at least 1 incident of suicidal attempts at some point in their life. Some sadly even succeed without probably meaning to.
Im in a stable and happy relationship and im often suicidal, my fiance merely guides me through my moments and is there for me to talk to when i need to let off steam. If this girl can do that (and sounds like she can) then he's far better off trying to become a good boyfriend. If the stress crops up again, they'd both be good for eachother in the long run and it would show the strength of the relationship if they can hold out.