Oh, yeah, I totally understand what you mean. Alright, well yeah, I'll definitely think hard about this since you bring up an excellent point. Thank you, seriously. I really appreciate this.IzisviAziria said:
I need relationship advice
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I had a big response that I was going to make, then I realized that you're still seeing a counselor. Ask them what they think about this! They're getting paid to listen to your problems and help you sort through them and I'm sure they'll offer more sound advice than you're getting from strangers on the internet (no offense intended guys, for the most part you're all making coherent points). Hell ask a number of counselors, there's no rule that you only have to talk to one.
One thing I personally would like to add though, what worries me here is the time frame that this is all occurring in. How long has it been since you tried to kill yourself? A week? A few weeks? For me that is way too soon to firstly assume that you're even totally okay, or secondly that you should be getting into a relationship, especially not with someone who you really have a lot of emotion invested in. Also if it doesn't go the way you want, getting dumped/rejected while you're in a really bad place just makes it all that much worse, believe me. I wouldn't wish it on someone I hated.
One thing I personally would like to add though, what worries me here is the time frame that this is all occurring in. How long has it been since you tried to kill yourself? A week? A few weeks? For me that is way too soon to firstly assume that you're even totally okay, or secondly that you should be getting into a relationship, especially not with someone who you really have a lot of emotion invested in. Also if it doesn't go the way you want, getting dumped/rejected while you're in a really bad place just makes it all that much worse, believe me. I wouldn't wish it on someone I hated.
I never agree with Rak on these threads, but good Lord this. A relationship is the last thing you should be going for right now. Just stay friends with the girl and keep it that way.RAKtheUndead said:
Sorry to bust your bubble, but you need psychological help more than anything, and you need a friend right now, not a girlfriend. That would make it worse for everyone.
The girl sounds like a good friend, and possibly more than that. However, I would give it a few months. That way, you can make sure that you develop the healthy life habits you need to develop to help make sure you dont feel suicidal again. Im not an expert, but youd prolly want to build up your own personal boundaries and safeguards against the return of such suicidal thoughts. Bringing someone else in while you are still "reforming" elements of your life could have a negative impact on how you deal with issues, or even cause you to revert to being a danger to yourself. So, in all honesty, id steer clear of a romantic relationship for a few months, as the other guys suggested.
Good luck with resolving these issues man, you got my best wishes on that.
(if it seems like i repeat myself in some parts, sorry, havent been writing paragraphs for a while)
Good luck with resolving these issues man, you got my best wishes on that.
(if it seems like i repeat myself in some parts, sorry, havent been writing paragraphs for a while)
I wonder, do you realise how much stress you place on your fiance's shoulders? I've been in a long term relationship with someone who was often suicidal, and it was anything but stable - it was my responsibility to stabilise it, or else bear the consequences. You owe it to yourself and your fiance to keep trying to resolve your personal issues with professional help, as being 'often suicidal' is not a healthy way to be.DemonicVixen said:
Oh, and at OP: I agree with everyone who has said it's a good idea to wait, as it sounds to me like you may not handle losing her very well at the moment, and she will almost certainly feel pressured. But hey, this is what your counsellor is for - chat to them about your feelings, they're well placed to give far more targeted advice than the internet...
Go with your gut. The same thing happened to me (minus the asylum visit) a few years back. Anyway, a while after we'd been hanging out as really good friends I suddenly had the impulse to ask her out. I told myself to snap out of it and later that week she got together with one of my friends. We stopped talking the next day and never hooked up again.
If you really want her and you get "that feeling" then go for it.
But that's just my personal experiences and I'm probably just leaning on you to do what I didn't do. If you're still seeing the counselor, talk to them about it. They're a paid professional so they can probably offer more sound advice than me can.
Also, even though you feel stable, a emotional upheaval may push you over the edge (take it from someone who knows). If you ask her out, either she refuses (possibly reviving your suicidal feelings), she is pressured into saying yes because she things you'll go off the deep end if she says no (you'll break up in the near future and may have the suicidal feelings again), or she says yes because she loves you too. That's a 1/3 chance that something good'll come out of asking her out.
I'm not saying to ask her out or not to ask her out, I'm just saying go with your gut, but only checking out the situation first to make sure. Otherwise, just cool your heels for a bit and stay friends. Eventually, she might make a move if she sees your completely stable again. otherwise, you get to keep a friend.
If you really want her and you get "that feeling" then go for it.
But that's just my personal experiences and I'm probably just leaning on you to do what I didn't do. If you're still seeing the counselor, talk to them about it. They're a paid professional so they can probably offer more sound advice than me can.
Also, even though you feel stable, a emotional upheaval may push you over the edge (take it from someone who knows). If you ask her out, either she refuses (possibly reviving your suicidal feelings), she is pressured into saying yes because she things you'll go off the deep end if she says no (you'll break up in the near future and may have the suicidal feelings again), or she says yes because she loves you too. That's a 1/3 chance that something good'll come out of asking her out.
I'm not saying to ask her out or not to ask her out, I'm just saying go with your gut, but only checking out the situation first to make sure. Otherwise, just cool your heels for a bit and stay friends. Eventually, she might make a move if she sees your completely stable again. otherwise, you get to keep a friend.
The last thing I would have done, if I were suicidal, would be to post this exact question on an internet forum and expect decent answers.
I agree with everyone else though. If you just tried to kill yourself don't run into a relationship and in all honesty I would never be in a relationship with a girl who got me out of the nut ward.
What will you tell your children in 20 yrs? You met Mom when she picked you up after you tried to kill yourself?
I agree with everyone else though. If you just tried to kill yourself don't run into a relationship and in all honesty I would never be in a relationship with a girl who got me out of the nut ward.
What will you tell your children in 20 yrs? You met Mom when she picked you up after you tried to kill yourself?
I would remain close friends with her. You might love her, but you might not be IN love with her. Those are two very different things. If a relationship develops organically, that's one thing, but I wouldn't try to pursue one right now. You have a lot in common and value each other's opinion...that's not always something you find in a friendship. It's cliche, but relationships come and go, and friends are forever. Don't you prefer that you choose the option that has more staying power?
That being said, I hope you're feeling better.
That being said, I hope you're feeling better.
I'm not going to read everything you wrote cuz it's way to long but I'm asuming you want to know if you should ask a girl out or not, in which case yes. No harm can come of it and if she says no than don't take it hard, blame her. "whatever, she's a dumb ***** for not going out with me." see, works all the time
hahahahahahahaha, ah aha ahahahahahahaha, aah. Your such a dick and I love it. wanna be new best friends?Ross Perot said:
Ok read it all,
JUST BY READING WHAT YOU WROTE I think it might SEEM like she likes you because you tryed to kill yourself. I think (and I know other people said this too) you should take it very slow. See how things pan out and then maybe you can go for it
JUST BY READING WHAT YOU WROTE I think it might SEEM like she likes you because you tryed to kill yourself. I think (and I know other people said this too) you should take it very slow. See how things pan out and then maybe you can go for it
Personally. I wouldn't.
I think you'd be missing out on having, potentially, a friend that you will know for the rest of your life- while dating and sex and everything can mess feelings for other people up. Right now, you've shared something very, very personal with this girl and you've even said that you didn't really pay attention to her until now. But to suddenly take that experience and then turn it into a passion to be with them, romantically, just seems like it almost cheapens the experience (at least in my mind.)
You feel an attachment to her for the help that she's given you, but I don't mean it in a harsh way, but a lot of times people are so open and so 'normal' about these things if they don't find the person that threatening or very stimulating. It's not pity and it's not patronizing- it's someone who has a good heart and knows how to communicate and how to empathize with someone, rather than because they were attracted to them.
Basically, I'm thinking that you're looking at either a relationship that may or may not work out in the long run, and looking back on a fond and unexpected memory from when you were younger- growing a little. The other possibility is having a life-long friend that really could help you grow much more as a person to the point where, years and years down the road- you'll both be able to look back at that moment and see how much both of you have changed. It can be hard if you're attracted to them, and a lot of guys say that "The Friend Zone" is the worst thing to get yourself in to- and it might be, if you're looking at short-term or sexually.
There are some people, though, that have a special place in your life that will never see you as a romantic interest. That and I've always been a firm believer that the best relationships are the ones where both people can tell that the other wants to ask the other one out- that there is this kind of passion from both of them. And it doesn't seem like it's the case here. You'll meet many more women in your life, keep this girl around to confide in and to help you deal with the MANY hurdles in life you have yet to come to
I think you'd be missing out on having, potentially, a friend that you will know for the rest of your life- while dating and sex and everything can mess feelings for other people up. Right now, you've shared something very, very personal with this girl and you've even said that you didn't really pay attention to her until now. But to suddenly take that experience and then turn it into a passion to be with them, romantically, just seems like it almost cheapens the experience (at least in my mind.)
You feel an attachment to her for the help that she's given you, but I don't mean it in a harsh way, but a lot of times people are so open and so 'normal' about these things if they don't find the person that threatening or very stimulating. It's not pity and it's not patronizing- it's someone who has a good heart and knows how to communicate and how to empathize with someone, rather than because they were attracted to them.
Basically, I'm thinking that you're looking at either a relationship that may or may not work out in the long run, and looking back on a fond and unexpected memory from when you were younger- growing a little. The other possibility is having a life-long friend that really could help you grow much more as a person to the point where, years and years down the road- you'll both be able to look back at that moment and see how much both of you have changed. It can be hard if you're attracted to them, and a lot of guys say that "The Friend Zone" is the worst thing to get yourself in to- and it might be, if you're looking at short-term or sexually.
There are some people, though, that have a special place in your life that will never see you as a romantic interest. That and I've always been a firm believer that the best relationships are the ones where both people can tell that the other wants to ask the other one out- that there is this kind of passion from both of them. And it doesn't seem like it's the case here. You'll meet many more women in your life, keep this girl around to confide in and to help you deal with the MANY hurdles in life you have yet to come to
It's only natural to have an extreme trust in someone who saved you from yourself. Granted she didn't stop the knife, but she did come and get you when you needed someone. That says she was already ready to take that first leap and trust you as well. What I find odd is how ridged people keep their relationships. You talk like if you don't choose to persue a serious relationship, it'll never come to fruit. From my own romantic experience, things develop on their own whether you filed the person as a close friend or significant other material.
Personally, I filed the person as a punching bag and now, three years later, I'm engaged to him. Funny how it works, eh?
ANYWAY you need to have this converstaion with her. We can advise and say yay or nay, but the truth is she is holding all the cards in this. Don't pounce on her and be like OMG I LOVE YOU, but a nice night over at your apartment with a movie, popcorn, and some lounge time on the couch to just lay around and talk won't hurt. Just bring it up simply that you see things possibly going places, and simply wanting to know where she stands. Don't be like PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME, or something else that forces a cement decision, do it more as a status-check. "Hey, I feel this way. Are you on the same page or somewhere else?"
It's a converstaion that's tough to have, and people like to jump to conclusions in the middle sometimes. It's best to just buck up, put yourself out there, and remain calm no matter what turn it makes.
Personally, I filed the person as a punching bag and now, three years later, I'm engaged to him. Funny how it works, eh?
ANYWAY you need to have this converstaion with her. We can advise and say yay or nay, but the truth is she is holding all the cards in this. Don't pounce on her and be like OMG I LOVE YOU, but a nice night over at your apartment with a movie, popcorn, and some lounge time on the couch to just lay around and talk won't hurt. Just bring it up simply that you see things possibly going places, and simply wanting to know where she stands. Don't be like PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME, or something else that forces a cement decision, do it more as a status-check. "Hey, I feel this way. Are you on the same page or somewhere else?"
It's a converstaion that's tough to have, and people like to jump to conclusions in the middle sometimes. It's best to just buck up, put yourself out there, and remain calm no matter what turn it makes.