I swear I could have just died!

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SmegInThePants

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Feb 19, 2011
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Ok, ages and ages ago, back in high school, i was dating this girl. Her older sister had a job, and the girl i was dating took care of her oldest sister's kid (my girlfriend's nephew) after school while her older sister was at work. This nephew was just under 2 years old. And I was dating her, so I'd be around too, even while she was babysitting. Other family members would also be around. The t.v. was always going. Very active house.

Anyhow, my girlfriend, being a young woman, was very critical of other women, including women on t.v. And so when some overweight woman would be doing stupid things on jerry springer or what have you (whatever the shows were back then, i don't even remember) - my girlfriend would have to make critical remarks. If the woman on t.v. was overweight or eating a lot or otherwise being trashy, the inevitable comment from my girlfriend was - "Pig!!". I never thought much of it. But her nephew appearantly did.

So one day we were at a clothing store. We brought her nephew w/us as we were basically his babysitters. And it made us feel like adults and people would assume it was our kid which we thought was kind of fun to play act along w/.

Anyhow, one day we were in line waiting to purchase something and the lady behind us just happened to be a very overweight woman. So my girlfiend's nephew, who wanted to impress us, pointed at her and exclaimed - "pig!!". All while smiling and looking to us for approval. It happened to be a quiet moment and everyone in line turned to look. We were mortified and couldn't say to him - "yes, good job, you are correctly using that new word you've learned! Good boy". So we just stayed silent hoping he'd get the hint, and also because we just didn't know what to do, hehe. The silence just made her nephew feel like he needed to repeat himself, however, so again he pointed at her and exclaimed - "pig!!!!!". He did this a handful of times, w/a very interested crowd watching and a very upset lady who was turning a darker and darker shade of red.

Normally, he'd identify something correctly, learning to use a new word that he heard us or the television use, and he'd get congratulated for correctly using this new word and we'd all be very proud. I think he was looking for the same response here. And he knew he was right, yet for some reason we weren't congratulating him like we normally would.

The woman wasn't too happy.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
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I can't dance.

Know how badly I can't dance?

I can't dance so badly that I exploded a pair of khakis in my musical theater class.

Exploded. Khakis.

Even the teachers were dying laughing. D:

On the bright side, to quote Wally from "Dilbert", "This hurts, but I've never felt so free."
 

Voulan

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Jul 18, 2011
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I was once a part of a classical guitar ensemble as part of the music classes I was taking with the other students. I was 14, but the other students were only around 7-10, and three grades above me. Because of that, the pieces we played were always way above my level. Then one day our teacher said we were going to play a lunchtime concert after class, and because my mum heard there was no way I could run away and escape going. So I had to sit in this concert and play a piece that we'd only just got that day, and that I had no idea how to play - so I sit there pretending to play seriously, where in fact I'm only quietly playing some random notes that I knew. We had to play before a really good guitar group as well, so some of them probably noticed. It was horrifying, and my mum kept going on about how great I was afterwards, completely oblivious.

Needless to say, I quit not long after. Trying to keep up with those kids was just humiliating. It didn't help that I'm deathly afraid of crowds and being on stage. Going on a stage not knowing what to do is probably the worst scenario ever.
 

Zack Alklazaris

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Oct 6, 2011
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My french teacher in senior year of high school asked what land marks are in France. I said half asleep "Tower of London".

-shrug- I really don't have any big embarrassing stories. Most here seem to be about doing idiot things in front of Girls, but my longest relationship before my wife was 3 months so thats not nearly enough time to make an idiot of myself. And any idiot things I do in front of my wife is fine because I already won that game.
 

Pebblig

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Jan 27, 2011
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I thought this was gonna be a thread about literally nearly dying, which seems to be every time I go out cycling now some dick in a 4x4 or a large van nearly knocks me off -_-

Anyways, I had some absolutely fantastic Christmas socks, they were toe socks (With the individual toes) and had those rubber patterns which help with grip on them. Me, being the genius I am, decides that they looked better if said Christmassy rubber patterns were on top of my foot.

This lead to me saying "Look at me slide!" as I attempted to glide across the tiles in the dining room, while my legs slipped out from under me and I whacked onto the floor.

It wasn't too embarrassing as only my brother and girlfriend saw me do it, however they still mock me about it and pretend to slip over.
 

Musiclly enhanced

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Sep 8, 2010
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This diddnt happen to me but its still funny.
In science last year the teacher asked us what processor do we all have, pointing to his head implying the brain. So when he asked my friend he burst out "AMD BULLDOZER FX 4100 QUAD CORE" and I could of died as people turned to me and asked "whats he on about?"
FFS :(
 

IamQ

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Mar 29, 2009
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saoirse13 said:
This slightly disguisting but when i was 4th year in high school (15 years old) i think i felt really sick sitting in my english class, suddenly i thought i was going to throw up so asked the teach of i could be excused to go to the toilet, he refused and told me to sit down and stop complaining... all of a sudden my friend turned to me and said that i had turned green and looked terrible before i could even reply i vomited everywhere, all over the books and desk and over my friends shoes. everyoe just jumped up and started screaming and ran out of the class leaving me in mid spew... i swear i nealy died after i stopped as my teacher turn and said to me that i had clean everything before i could go to the toilet to clean myself up. i wanted the ground to swollow me up. didnt live it down for quite a few months.
The class started screaming and running?

"Oh no! Puke! Quickly, get to the batcave! We must flee the country this instant!"

OT: I got nothing for the time being.
 

JasonBurnout16

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Oct 12, 2009
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I was going down on a girl for the first time, was really nervous, so terrified and for some reason said "OPEN THE GATES OF MORDOR!"

Luckily she found it hilarious... I didn't think so though :/