So, to put this simply, I've only had one relationship my entire highschool career. It was freshman year, and it last like 3 weeks tops, and generally sucked. Now its senior year, I still don't have a girlfriend, and I've not got anyone particular that I like and no one seems to show an interest in me. I think this is unnormal for most guys, cause most people seem to think staying single for more than 6months is just plain weird, and I'm going on three years now. So, mainly out of desperation, I found a girl I thought was cute, and she seemed somewhat interested and I found out she was single. I just asked her if she'd want to hang out sometime or do something with me sometime. She looked like she was thinking it over, when her friend, who was in the same class, told her right in front of me, "Don't do anything him, honey, it'd be better if you just stayed single." Killer to my confidence as that was, I couldn't understand the harshness. Neither of them knew me well enough to make such a claim, and how is having no one better than me? I generally try to be nice, and It just kinda blew my mind. So, any ideas as to why this happened? Am I normal, even if I don't feel it? What would be the best course of action? And don't bullshit me with get out there, cause I go out everyday I don't work and I'm a fairly active individual, so not presenting myself isn't the problem.
I think I might be ugly or something.
- Thread starter Snowalker
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I wouldn't put too much stock into what high school kids say. Nor would I worry much about how many girlfriends you've had in high school, and you definitely shouldn't do anything out of desperation. It's not as important as some people seem to think.
Other than that it's hard to really say anything based on what you've said.
Other than that it's hard to really say anything based on what you've said.
Been single for almost a year, and I'm loving it. Too much drama and bullshit in relationships. Anyways.
The reason that girl's friend said that could've been the girl was in a bad relationship or had a bad break up and her friend was simply looking out for her. Or her friend was just a *****. Can't say for sure.
You are normal. Then again, its pretty hard to NOT be normal nowadays. You want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Not something I would agree on or I would ever do, but I see plenty of this shit happening everywhere. So its normal.
Now when you ask "best course of action," are you asking how to get this girl in particular or just any girl in general?
The reason that girl's friend said that could've been the girl was in a bad relationship or had a bad break up and her friend was simply looking out for her. Or her friend was just a *****. Can't say for sure.
You are normal. Then again, its pretty hard to NOT be normal nowadays. You want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Not something I would agree on or I would ever do, but I see plenty of this shit happening everywhere. So its normal.
Now when you ask "best course of action," are you asking how to get this girl in particular or just any girl in general?
Have you thought about asking that girl why she said that?
If most people think staying single for more than six months in high school is weird, that's absurd. Don't feel you need to rush into a relationship out of desperation. It might be counter-productive and give most girls you approach the feeling that something's not quite right. Focus on other interests to rebuild your confidence and wait until you find someone you'd be with not just out of desperation. You sound normal, btw.
If most people think staying single for more than six months in high school is weird, that's absurd. Don't feel you need to rush into a relationship out of desperation. It might be counter-productive and give most girls you approach the feeling that something's not quite right. Focus on other interests to rebuild your confidence and wait until you find someone you'd be with not just out of desperation. You sound normal, btw.
Don't let the angst of some stupid high schoolers get to you. I understand you're looking for someone, but people who act like that isn't going to help. I'm pretty sure you're not ugly, you just came across some inconsiderate people.
Also,
Apparently, Captcha is fond of tic-tac-toe now.
Also,
Apparently, Captcha is fond of tic-tac-toe now.
Just so you know, here's why she said what she said. She saw your desperation.Snowalker said:
Don't worry about what girls think. What do they know, anyway?
I really wouldn't worry about it too much, you've obviously got years before you have to start buying multiple cats and living in squalor.
High school is generally built upon tiers of popularity and if you're at the bottom, well it sucks. The real world of relationships is far more forgiving.
I mean i have zero self confidence and generally on my profile for dating sites i personally apologise for looking like i've shoved my face in a belt sander, but that's not all there is to me and luckily i've found someone who understands that.
After all, do you really want to be judged purely for the way you look?
High school is generally built upon tiers of popularity and if you're at the bottom, well it sucks. The real world of relationships is far more forgiving.
I mean i have zero self confidence and generally on my profile for dating sites i personally apologise for looking like i've shoved my face in a belt sander, but that's not all there is to me and luckily i've found someone who understands that.
After all, do you really want to be judged purely for the way you look?
Hard to tell without a picture. But hey I'm a handsome mofo and I was single most of highschool. Fortunately looks are less important being a guy, it's all about confidence and charm.
I'm 19 and I've only ever had 1 date. And I don't much care. I'm about average in the looks department too.
And don't put too much stock in what high school kids say, especially the girls, they can be just downright cruel at times.
And don't put too much stock in what high school kids say, especially the girls, they can be just downright cruel at times.
I was single till my junior year in college. So not having a girl friend for three years isn't that big of a deal. You will find someone when you do, there is no point rushing into something that you aren't certain ofSnowalker said:
High School's dumb, also, don't do anything in desperation. That's when you lose. Always, learned that the hard way...
Personally I've been single my entire life (17 years, ooh so amazingly long I've lived), and not found a problem with it. Most people I know are in the same position as me (though relationship frequency might differ where you live). To iterate what people have said, it's not a problem. I would suggest just living your life, doing whatever you feel is fun (and studying) until you find someone you like, though that might mean little after reading about my experience in the field.
As with a lot of others here: key word - 'desperation'. It implies clinginess, and girls don't like that in a guy (or at least, I've never encountered a woman who likes clingy guys).
Anyway, you're what... seventeen/eighteen? There is neither any real necessity or long term benefit to having a girlfriend at your age. That's not to say there aren't any benefits at all, but in the grand scheme of things, do you really need a girlfriend right now? If you do, why?
Besides, if you're after a meaningful relationship, high school's not the place to start looking for it (you pretty much have to wait until junior or senior year in college for the majority (read: not all) of people (both genders) to take 'boy + girl =/= sex 24/7' seriously). I'm part of a minority insomuch that I'm average looking at best and wasn't looking for a girlfriend and yet had two very long (considering my age at the time) and more importantly, meaningful, relationships in middle/high school. You will encounter very few people who are like that, so don't stress over it, otherwise you'll find your adult life as nothing beyond a succession of one-night stands.
Therefore, what you need to do, is to become comfortable in your own skin, because you're clearly not. That way, others will then be comfortable around you, especially in the way you want them to be. Otherwise, you'll only be shot down and hurt even more than you already are. Kids your age are spiteful, often unintentionally and that's arguably even worse. We can pigeonhole all we like, but you have to be honest in how you pigeonhole yourself. You're at an age when 'serious shit' really shouldn't be around, let alone bothering you. You're only young once, so stop with the worrying, have fun with your friends, enjoy your hobbies (whatever they may be), establish what you want from this life and above all, be comfortable in yourself. Then, you'll be able to approach girls without that air of desperation, rather with an air of ease and nonchalance since you'll realise that a girl saying no is not that big of a deal.
Anyway, you're what... seventeen/eighteen? There is neither any real necessity or long term benefit to having a girlfriend at your age. That's not to say there aren't any benefits at all, but in the grand scheme of things, do you really need a girlfriend right now? If you do, why?
Besides, if you're after a meaningful relationship, high school's not the place to start looking for it (you pretty much have to wait until junior or senior year in college for the majority (read: not all) of people (both genders) to take 'boy + girl =/= sex 24/7' seriously). I'm part of a minority insomuch that I'm average looking at best and wasn't looking for a girlfriend and yet had two very long (considering my age at the time) and more importantly, meaningful, relationships in middle/high school. You will encounter very few people who are like that, so don't stress over it, otherwise you'll find your adult life as nothing beyond a succession of one-night stands.
Therefore, what you need to do, is to become comfortable in your own skin, because you're clearly not. That way, others will then be comfortable around you, especially in the way you want them to be. Otherwise, you'll only be shot down and hurt even more than you already are. Kids your age are spiteful, often unintentionally and that's arguably even worse. We can pigeonhole all we like, but you have to be honest in how you pigeonhole yourself. You're at an age when 'serious shit' really shouldn't be around, let alone bothering you. You're only young once, so stop with the worrying, have fun with your friends, enjoy your hobbies (whatever they may be), establish what you want from this life and above all, be comfortable in yourself. Then, you'll be able to approach girls without that air of desperation, rather with an air of ease and nonchalance since you'll realise that a girl saying no is not that big of a deal.