..through a viscous alcoholic fug the sentence "Does your girlfriend truthfully have a running joke about her ex's cornhole?" insinuated itself into my mind.
I can only describe it's effect on me as much like a severe and prolonged whipping with a riding crop visited upon ones bare arse cheeks; startling and alarming at first, swiftly proceeding to painful, amusing and dreadful.
As I stared dumbly at it's spokesman, my drinking buddy Gordon or 'the hand' as we all knew him on account of his compulsive larceny, I began to experience what can only be described as a catastrophic moment of clarity. Not the kind replete with redemptive promise, offering so many sweet cherries hanging from a nearby bush like dangleberries from a truck-stop hookers splendid arse. Oh no.
Mine was conceived in chaos and birthed with a dark foreshadowing. It was ebeneezer scrooge like in it's forceful insistence that if I didn't stop being a shallow, spiritually bankrupt horses arse I faced an obscure yet damming and truly hopeless future.
So visceral and primal was it's effect on me I lurched from my chair, flew out of the bar and vomited gleefully into the gutter.
It was both the worst and most glorious moment of my life.
It was a man dying of thirst gulping down a huge glass of iced water knowing in his heart that his life slipped away and one fine day his remains may be discovered.
It was witnessing beauty so terrible you question every single fundamental thing you have ever held dear.
I can't honestly say i've ever been the same man since that day six years ago.
Then again, I cant honestly say that having a dangerously obese, potty mouthed single mother on welfare drop her panties, crouch down over your supine carcass and pinch out an alarmingly large loaf directly onto your chest is a disagreeable experience, as I have never tried it.
Post pivotal moments in your lives!
I can only describe it's effect on me as much like a severe and prolonged whipping with a riding crop visited upon ones bare arse cheeks; startling and alarming at first, swiftly proceeding to painful, amusing and dreadful.
As I stared dumbly at it's spokesman, my drinking buddy Gordon or 'the hand' as we all knew him on account of his compulsive larceny, I began to experience what can only be described as a catastrophic moment of clarity. Not the kind replete with redemptive promise, offering so many sweet cherries hanging from a nearby bush like dangleberries from a truck-stop hookers splendid arse. Oh no.
Mine was conceived in chaos and birthed with a dark foreshadowing. It was ebeneezer scrooge like in it's forceful insistence that if I didn't stop being a shallow, spiritually bankrupt horses arse I faced an obscure yet damming and truly hopeless future.
So visceral and primal was it's effect on me I lurched from my chair, flew out of the bar and vomited gleefully into the gutter.
It was both the worst and most glorious moment of my life.
It was a man dying of thirst gulping down a huge glass of iced water knowing in his heart that his life slipped away and one fine day his remains may be discovered.
It was witnessing beauty so terrible you question every single fundamental thing you have ever held dear.
I can't honestly say i've ever been the same man since that day six years ago.
Then again, I cant honestly say that having a dangerously obese, potty mouthed single mother on welfare drop her panties, crouch down over your supine carcass and pinch out an alarmingly large loaf directly onto your chest is a disagreeable experience, as I have never tried it.
Post pivotal moments in your lives!
