I've broken up... I don't actually know how you'd term it, but considering one involved a narrative verdict and another involved a miscarriage and PTSD, I'm not sure how I should take it... :/
I think we should break up.
- Thread starter MASTACHIEFPWN
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Well it got to the point with one of my exes that I had to show him receipts of what I had bought, otherwise he assumed another man had bought them for me because he thought I would have slept with him for it.
I regularly got accused on cheating with him with guys I hadn't even met and only spoke to online. He said all my guy friends only liked me cos they wanted to fuck me and said he hated them all despite never speaking to them.
I stayed at my aunties for a few days and he didn't believe me, he thought I was going off to meet other men so I said I'd let him speak to her to verify it and he accused me of asking the "guy" I was meeting to pose as my auntie.
More than once I got locked in the house.
He once said something SO fucking stupid I just stared at him. It was one of those moments when someone says something so dumb you just laugh. Most likely something like, "You were 5 minutes too long in the bathroom, what were you doing!?" So I stared, then I burst out laughing. He decided to shut me up by screaming, lunging at my neck to pin me to the bed and punching me in the jaw.
I stopped wearing make-up because one time I went to the pub with my mum and my gay neighbour, I put on some mascara and lippy and when I got back he shouted at me for "tarting myself up".
All this craziness because I had started to get close to some guy (who turned out to be a **** anyway so that was a waste of time) and when we broke up he still thought he could control me.
It was only until he was screaming in my face that I was a slag and a tart and telling me my mum hated me and everyone thought I was pathetic that something clicked. I had to endure watching my dad abuse my mum as a child and he was mirroring what my dad used to say/do.
I knew I had to get out, but I had been too scared. The feeling of constantly being on edge made me pretty messed up physically and mentally.
My current boyfriend saw how he treated me and they nearly had a fight then I left the **** for good.
Mum was happy to let me live with her again. And that's my miserable story of the day
It's all good now though. Now I know how strong I am I know nothing is going to beat me.
I regularly got accused on cheating with him with guys I hadn't even met and only spoke to online. He said all my guy friends only liked me cos they wanted to fuck me and said he hated them all despite never speaking to them.
I stayed at my aunties for a few days and he didn't believe me, he thought I was going off to meet other men so I said I'd let him speak to her to verify it and he accused me of asking the "guy" I was meeting to pose as my auntie.
More than once I got locked in the house.
He once said something SO fucking stupid I just stared at him. It was one of those moments when someone says something so dumb you just laugh. Most likely something like, "You were 5 minutes too long in the bathroom, what were you doing!?" So I stared, then I burst out laughing. He decided to shut me up by screaming, lunging at my neck to pin me to the bed and punching me in the jaw.
I stopped wearing make-up because one time I went to the pub with my mum and my gay neighbour, I put on some mascara and lippy and when I got back he shouted at me for "tarting myself up".
All this craziness because I had started to get close to some guy (who turned out to be a **** anyway so that was a waste of time) and when we broke up he still thought he could control me.
It was only until he was screaming in my face that I was a slag and a tart and telling me my mum hated me and everyone thought I was pathetic that something clicked. I had to endure watching my dad abuse my mum as a child and he was mirroring what my dad used to say/do.
I knew I had to get out, but I had been too scared. The feeling of constantly being on edge made me pretty messed up physically and mentally.
My current boyfriend saw how he treated me and they nearly had a fight then I left the **** for good.
Mum was happy to let me live with her again. And that's my miserable story of the day
It's all good now though. Now I know how strong I am I know nothing is going to beat me.
Alrighty then.
My most recent relationship was one I'd been building up to for ages. We'd been very close and flirty friends for several months and by the time I asked her out, I guess it was kind of inevitable. However, with university encroaching, we didn't have that much time. So it went on for a little while, and then we broke up, and decided to remain friends, which was pleasant, although riddled with sexual tension.
One of my childhood friends, whom she had met through me and got quite chummy with invited both of us over one night to smoke some weed (not condoning it on the site or anything, I'm just saying it is a thing that occurred, and is relevant to the story.)
Anyway, they started cuddling while we were watching various anime and whatnot under the blanket, making me quite a third wheel, which I was working at ignoring. Around 3am, my friend announced he was feeling tired, and we should go to bed. The initial plan for this was me and the girl going and sleeping on the twin sofas in the living room, although we'd all kind of assumed we'd pull an all nighter instead. Instead, the girl decided to stay in his room on the grounds she wouldn't be able to sleep on a sofa.
This basically culminated in me sitting up all night watching Rango and trying to drown out the sound of bed springs above my head as my friend and ex girlfriend whom at that point knew I still had feelings for her have sex.
My most recent relationship was one I'd been building up to for ages. We'd been very close and flirty friends for several months and by the time I asked her out, I guess it was kind of inevitable. However, with university encroaching, we didn't have that much time. So it went on for a little while, and then we broke up, and decided to remain friends, which was pleasant, although riddled with sexual tension.
One of my childhood friends, whom she had met through me and got quite chummy with invited both of us over one night to smoke some weed (not condoning it on the site or anything, I'm just saying it is a thing that occurred, and is relevant to the story.)
Anyway, they started cuddling while we were watching various anime and whatnot under the blanket, making me quite a third wheel, which I was working at ignoring. Around 3am, my friend announced he was feeling tired, and we should go to bed. The initial plan for this was me and the girl going and sleeping on the twin sofas in the living room, although we'd all kind of assumed we'd pull an all nighter instead. Instead, the girl decided to stay in his room on the grounds she wouldn't be able to sleep on a sofa.
This basically culminated in me sitting up all night watching Rango and trying to drown out the sound of bed springs above my head as my friend and ex girlfriend whom at that point knew I still had feelings for her have sex.
I was going out with a New Zealander (Kiwi) for a short while. She fell head over heels over me as I was the first guy she met that wasn't trying to get down her pants every 5 seconds (at the time, I was a virgin, and I really wasn't trying to bed her. I was more interested in cuddles, and romantic stuff like that).
A bit of a back story, on the first night I met her, I found out she was actually a professional model! Therefore, having serious self-esteem issues at the time, I didn't bother chasing after her, even though the signs showed she was clearly interested in me. I never thought I was good enough for her.
Instead, I chased after a South Korean women. But, after a single date, which went horribly, we decided to just be friends, and I soon started going out with the Kiwi girl.
Around this time, I actually took a 2-week trip to Japan. I immediately fell in love with the country and decided that's where I wanted to live in the future.
Upon returning to New Zealand to be with her, things deteriorated. The GF was pissed that I still spoke to the South Korean girl, as a friend, and we had the odd miss-communication too. However, as time went by, I quickly decided that Japan was my future and I didn't want to waste my time in NZ, a country which I REALLY didn't like. It was like a miniature England. Therefore, I told the GF that I was returning to England to save the money for Japan. She didn't take it well.
The whole week before I left the country, she was incredibly hot and cold. One minute very loving towards me, the next a complete *****, usually by giving me the silent treatment.
On the day I left the country, she refused to even get out of bed to say goodbye to me. That really cut deep.
It took me a long time to get over her. I spent almost 2 years in the UK saving the money for Japan, much of the time wondering if I'd made the right decision to leave a wonderful GF. Even when I did finally live in Japan, I sometimes wondered if I'd have been better off.
Thankfully, I've got an absolutely amazing GF now, whom I relate to even more than the Kiwi, and I couldn't care less about her, seeing as she was a complete arse to me sometimes.
All I can say is, in time, you will stop feeling shitty about things. You even come to realise you're not as much at fault with things as you were once lead to believe.
A bit of a back story, on the first night I met her, I found out she was actually a professional model! Therefore, having serious self-esteem issues at the time, I didn't bother chasing after her, even though the signs showed she was clearly interested in me. I never thought I was good enough for her.
Instead, I chased after a South Korean women. But, after a single date, which went horribly, we decided to just be friends, and I soon started going out with the Kiwi girl.
Around this time, I actually took a 2-week trip to Japan. I immediately fell in love with the country and decided that's where I wanted to live in the future.
Upon returning to New Zealand to be with her, things deteriorated. The GF was pissed that I still spoke to the South Korean girl, as a friend, and we had the odd miss-communication too. However, as time went by, I quickly decided that Japan was my future and I didn't want to waste my time in NZ, a country which I REALLY didn't like. It was like a miniature England. Therefore, I told the GF that I was returning to England to save the money for Japan. She didn't take it well.
The whole week before I left the country, she was incredibly hot and cold. One minute very loving towards me, the next a complete *****, usually by giving me the silent treatment.
On the day I left the country, she refused to even get out of bed to say goodbye to me. That really cut deep.
It took me a long time to get over her. I spent almost 2 years in the UK saving the money for Japan, much of the time wondering if I'd made the right decision to leave a wonderful GF. Even when I did finally live in Japan, I sometimes wondered if I'd have been better off.
Thankfully, I've got an absolutely amazing GF now, whom I relate to even more than the Kiwi, and I couldn't care less about her, seeing as she was a complete arse to me sometimes.
All I can say is, in time, you will stop feeling shitty about things. You even come to realise you're not as much at fault with things as you were once lead to believe.
Sorry to hear that dude. Indeed, no worse way for things to go than thatDenamic said:
I do it via text message. Crisis averted . Actually now that i think about it , no one ever broke up with me, i'm usually the one that get's bored first . Funny thing is , more often than not , my ex-girlfriends still want to see me for sex and hey , i'm not saying no to free sex. Yes i know i'm a terrible person , at least i'm honest.
Im happy for you. Dont ever let stuff like that happen again, if someone really likes you, he wouldnt pull stuff like that. Also, to add to the "strength" thing. People who bark the loudest usually become really insecure if they meet resistance. So, the sooner you show a douche like him that you wont take his sh*t, the sooner he will stop.EeveeElectro said:
Wow, i feel sorry for you man. But to be honest, i think your "friend" is an asshole. Even disregarding shes your ex, the "third wheel" thing is something you _NEVER_ do. Even if there isnt anything between the person youre banging and the other person visiting, it's just a mean thing to do overall. It's also the reason i dont go to such "parties" anymore. Anything involving an uneven number of boys and girls usually ends up in Couples hanging around everywhere, while i get horribly drunk. Jokes on them tough, nothing kills the mood faster than a 20 year old drunk singing "We're not gonna take it!" outside, while you are trying to get it on.Binnsyboy said:
My girlfriend of 11 months broke up with me multiple time. Twice in 2007 (year we met) and the final time in 2008. She was incredibly emotionally unstable with depression and anxiety and she self-harmed. She was also being molested by her father, which I didn't know about until months after we broke up.
It was tough for me because I cared about her a lot and the fact she did it over MSN Messenger and didn't even give me the satisfaction of an explanation made it all the worse. To this day, I don't even know why she did it, but I think I can assume that it was a combination of the above. I was in a massive depression for months, but at the time, I was a pretty hard-core Christian and I think that kind of gave me a bit of motivation to get past it, though due to the negativity of my thought processes, it made me question a lot of things in the church. Especially the members of the youth and the leaders of that group. I can expand if someone wants, but I'll just say for now that teenagers and Christianity don't tend to mix well in my experience.
She asked if we could get back together sometime in 2009, but I was way over her by then and flat out said no.
In any case, the breakup has made me a better person in the long run. I have way more confidence in recent years than I've ever had,[footnote]And I have a stutter which impacts negatively on self-esteem in most people.[/footnote] I have my life heading in a specific direction and I'm generally happy with my life. I haven't had a girlfriend since and I haven't been actively looking because, at the moment, I couldn't care less if I ever got another. I guess I got dealt a lucky straw for outlooks on life.
It was tough for me because I cared about her a lot and the fact she did it over MSN Messenger and didn't even give me the satisfaction of an explanation made it all the worse. To this day, I don't even know why she did it, but I think I can assume that it was a combination of the above. I was in a massive depression for months, but at the time, I was a pretty hard-core Christian and I think that kind of gave me a bit of motivation to get past it, though due to the negativity of my thought processes, it made me question a lot of things in the church. Especially the members of the youth and the leaders of that group. I can expand if someone wants, but I'll just say for now that teenagers and Christianity don't tend to mix well in my experience.
She asked if we could get back together sometime in 2009, but I was way over her by then and flat out said no.
In any case, the breakup has made me a better person in the long run. I have way more confidence in recent years than I've ever had,[footnote]And I have a stutter which impacts negatively on self-esteem in most people.[/footnote] I have my life heading in a specific direction and I'm generally happy with my life. I haven't had a girlfriend since and I haven't been actively looking because, at the moment, I couldn't care less if I ever got another. I guess I got dealt a lucky straw for outlooks on life.
Im actually very glad you understand, i usually get a lot of sh*t for this stance. But as you guessed, i establish the "trust" rule at the beginning of the relationsship. Being cheated on hurts me a lot, and destroys any trust i might ahve had for the person. Truth be told, if i _wanted_ i could have forgiven her and continued the relationsship. But to me, it would've just been sex on a regular basis with a Girl i dont really care about anymore. And that's something i will not do to a Girl, ever. I'd rather call my old buddy porn and his best friend handy than inviting Mr. Douchebag.DVS BSTrD said:
The first girlfriend I had... she was a blast. I don't exactly remember how serious our relationship was but we were in one of those things that wasn't just sex. She would actually would take care of me (mostly cooking) in a way that was practically domestic. Not the sort of thing you expect when you're 19 and just getting into your college life. Sadly, I was young and I lacked perspective. I broke up with her because I had this niggling doubt that, while she was great, there might be something better waiting for me in the future.
It took me two attempts to actually break up with her. The first time only resulted in hot makeup sex. The second time resulted in her throwing a stapler at me, which put her in the "Crazy ex-girlfriend" category. Little did I know that the throwing of staplers was hardly crazy in comparison to my second relationship.
A few months after my first breakup, I meet a girl at a party and we hit it off. This was probably helped along by me being completely shitfaced at the time but that's college for you. We ended up together and coupled up for about 2 years. But those two years brought many changes to both of us. She stopped drinking whereas I built up a formidable alcohol tolerance. She gave up meat whereas I started getting into complex cooking. The result of her not drinking ended up alienating a few of her friends (she was a real party girl back in the day) and her stress levels began to skyrocket.
I'm still not sure whether I had a hand in her changes in demeanor or if I was just along for the ride. All I know is that our relationship was over once she started calling me a "Whore-Collector" because I was talking to an old female friend of mine. Also, she sliced one of her wrists open right in front of me. We had just watched "It's Kind of a Funny Story" (stupid but optimistic film). She must not have liked the movie because I remember her saying "That movie made me feel like this" right before she slid a knife across her wrist. After panicking and a little first aid, I waited a few days before bowing out.
This is around the time I stopped dating, per se.
It took me two attempts to actually break up with her. The first time only resulted in hot makeup sex. The second time resulted in her throwing a stapler at me, which put her in the "Crazy ex-girlfriend" category. Little did I know that the throwing of staplers was hardly crazy in comparison to my second relationship.
A few months after my first breakup, I meet a girl at a party and we hit it off. This was probably helped along by me being completely shitfaced at the time but that's college for you. We ended up together and coupled up for about 2 years. But those two years brought many changes to both of us. She stopped drinking whereas I built up a formidable alcohol tolerance. She gave up meat whereas I started getting into complex cooking. The result of her not drinking ended up alienating a few of her friends (she was a real party girl back in the day) and her stress levels began to skyrocket.
I'm still not sure whether I had a hand in her changes in demeanor or if I was just along for the ride. All I know is that our relationship was over once she started calling me a "Whore-Collector" because I was talking to an old female friend of mine. Also, she sliced one of her wrists open right in front of me. We had just watched "It's Kind of a Funny Story" (stupid but optimistic film). She must not have liked the movie because I remember her saying "That movie made me feel like this" right before she slid a knife across her wrist. After panicking and a little first aid, I waited a few days before bowing out.
This is around the time I stopped dating, per se.
High school, huh?
Don't worry. The day will come later when you look back and realize how little all of this meant. Odd how it feels so critical at the time...
Don't worry. The day will come later when you look back and realize how little all of this meant. Odd how it feels so critical at the time...
I'm in an interesting boat with this one... I'm in a relationship I'm not particularly happy with. It's existed for 3 years now, but being at college away kind of made me more apathetic towards the relationship as opposed to being upset by it. I'm stuck between attempting to break up or not, as the girl is a depressive who doesn't have that many friends and I stand to be one of the very, VERY few. I don't break up for fear she'll do something terrible to herself, but I am trapped in a relationship based on guilt.
I should really end it, but I haven't the foggiest idea how and when...
I should really end it, but I haven't the foggiest idea how and when...
My ex and I broke up amicably, it just fell apart. We are still good friends which I'm pleased at.
that sounds kinda like what happened to me in a way. however, she fucking deserved it for cheating on me, with 6 people, in 1 night, then seemed offended i wouldn't take her back. anyway, she came up to me a bit after i was talking to a girl who i liked, knew she liked me, and we ended up going out for well over a year shortly afterwards, and the ex asked me for a dance. important note, after talking to this girl me and a few friends went out and had our first experience of a certain plant, so i came back in, and like i said she asked me for a dance. i gave a short "ha! no...." and walked off. i was pretty out of it anyway, but she has never tried speaking to me since.MASTACHIEFPWN said:
but yeah, the aftermath of that was i ended up being with a much better - in terms of 'for me' and in general - girl for a decent amount of time
I once broke up, and was broken up with once. Both were the same girl.
So, we had a long distance relationship - about 4 hours from each other. We were young - she didn't have the money to visit me, and I barely had it. So after a few months with about 3 visits, I broke up - because back then, I was an idiot. I thought she could find someone over there, and I could find someone here, and everyone would be happier. Boy was I wrong. So I called a good friend to ask how people break up. I was a social recluse back then, so I didn't know it. And thank god that my friend told me the right thing - that I should be honest, do it right now, and let her have the emotions she has. I did that. She didn't understand why I broke up, but she accepted it.
Well, we got back together. That's a long story, so let's skip to next the-breaking-up-bit.
After about 2 years in that relationship, it seemed obvious that once I finished my Abitur I would move closer to her and pick a university there. But... then, my three best friends approached me. They wanted to all live together. And they wanted to invite me, too.
I was dumbstruck. What should I do? Give up love, to live with my best friends, close to home, close to the support network of people I can trust? But that would mean going back on my promises. There were a lot of reasons on both sides, I won't bore you with the details. In the end, I decided to stick with my original plan and move closer to her - but this ordeal had put a huge strain on the relationship.
And right when I was writing to the universities, looking at prices for apartments and looking at the legal stuff, she stopped talking to me. Not completely, mind you. Whenever I wrote a two-part message, with one part asking if she has time for a Skype call at one point and the other being lovey-dovey icky stuff, she would only respond to the first part, and always say that she didn't have time that day. This was unusual - we normally skyped almost every evening. From calls and messages I could figure out she was watching all seasons of Doctor Who with a friend, who she had defended in a discussion earlier that month despite that not being her normal opinion. A picture began to form. (And yes, I know that isn't all that much and wouldn't have to mean anything, but I was always able to tell what she feels and thinks very quickly - something I unfortunately can't with anyone else.)
So, I called her and told her we had to talk. That demand was non-negotiable. In a nervous voice, she asked "why are you making such a fuzz? Is something wrong?" - I just replied that she would hear that during that talk and hung up.
We talked. She had fallen for him. He wasn't interested in her, but she thought that having a crush on someone means her relationship with me can't be "the one true love" (something a friend of her had gotten into her), so she wanted to break up. I told her that if she does this, it's final. It's over. No coming back. She broke up.
Two weeks later, I got the first SMS proclaiming regret.
So, we had a long distance relationship - about 4 hours from each other. We were young - she didn't have the money to visit me, and I barely had it. So after a few months with about 3 visits, I broke up - because back then, I was an idiot. I thought she could find someone over there, and I could find someone here, and everyone would be happier. Boy was I wrong. So I called a good friend to ask how people break up. I was a social recluse back then, so I didn't know it. And thank god that my friend told me the right thing - that I should be honest, do it right now, and let her have the emotions she has. I did that. She didn't understand why I broke up, but she accepted it.
Well, we got back together. That's a long story, so let's skip to next the-breaking-up-bit.
After about 2 years in that relationship, it seemed obvious that once I finished my Abitur I would move closer to her and pick a university there. But... then, my three best friends approached me. They wanted to all live together. And they wanted to invite me, too.
I was dumbstruck. What should I do? Give up love, to live with my best friends, close to home, close to the support network of people I can trust? But that would mean going back on my promises. There were a lot of reasons on both sides, I won't bore you with the details. In the end, I decided to stick with my original plan and move closer to her - but this ordeal had put a huge strain on the relationship.
And right when I was writing to the universities, looking at prices for apartments and looking at the legal stuff, she stopped talking to me. Not completely, mind you. Whenever I wrote a two-part message, with one part asking if she has time for a Skype call at one point and the other being lovey-dovey icky stuff, she would only respond to the first part, and always say that she didn't have time that day. This was unusual - we normally skyped almost every evening. From calls and messages I could figure out she was watching all seasons of Doctor Who with a friend, who she had defended in a discussion earlier that month despite that not being her normal opinion. A picture began to form. (And yes, I know that isn't all that much and wouldn't have to mean anything, but I was always able to tell what she feels and thinks very quickly - something I unfortunately can't with anyone else.)
So, I called her and told her we had to talk. That demand was non-negotiable. In a nervous voice, she asked "why are you making such a fuzz? Is something wrong?" - I just replied that she would hear that during that talk and hung up.
We talked. She had fallen for him. He wasn't interested in her, but she thought that having a crush on someone means her relationship with me can't be "the one true love" (something a friend of her had gotten into her), so she wanted to break up. I told her that if she does this, it's final. It's over. No coming back. She broke up.
Two weeks later, I got the first SMS proclaiming regret.
I guess this really depends on the relationship. I personally hated breaking up and was in a lot of pain because of it: even though I didn't want to be with her anymore (wait, why is the spellchecker underlining "anymore" - is that not a real word?), I still loved her as a friend and couldn't stand to hurt her feelings.manic_depressive13 said:
Better off breaking up with her, you cant be held accountable if she does something to herself. An you are just going to grow resentful and hateful towards her as the years go on. Eventually you will end it and you will do so in a nasty way. If the relationship isnt working then it would be better for you both in the long term. You seemed to still want to be friends still so i think you just need to work out the best way to end it. An that it doesnt mean your friendship will change.windlenot said: