I truly worry for her and want to help.

[Free Thinker]

I have a close friend. We've known each other since school started and we really clicked. We're always talking at every opportunity, and feels comfortable and natural, which is a first for me. I was talking to her on facebook when she went on standby for about an hour or so. She came back and said it was a call from her ex-boyfriend and that she felt very bad. I knew it didn't go well. So I said I'd try to make her day tomorrow. I gave her a hug and even stopped by starbucks to get her favorite coffee. She told me what the call was about and the situation behind it. Her ex-boyfriend, for lack of better words, is batshit crazy. He is an abusive, controlling asshole that since they broke up, has followed her, threatened her, and various other hateful things done. I felt absolutely terrible. I asked her why she didn't call the cops sooner. She told me his family is here illegally, and that if she called the cops, it'd turn into a shitstorm (pardon my language). I truly care for her and want to help her through this to whatever extent I can. At this point, I don't know what to say to her regarding this anymore and it's killing me on the inside.

 

[Aiden_the-Joker1]

Tell him that you will tell the police if he continues. So if he actually cares about his family he'll stop. If he doesn't well he called it upon himself.

 

[Chris Binkley]

I really hate to say this man ,having been in a similar situation my self, but people have to live with their choices. She chose to date him however long ago and now thing have definatly gone south. My suggestion and just about the only thing you can do for her is what you're doing know, be there for her and help when you can how you can.

Also how would calling the cops make things more of s shit storm seems they already are?

 

[GrinningManiac]

Warn him. Definately. You won't be causing the situation to tip either way, and it might calm him down

 

[Imp Poster]

If you ever see him while you are with her, tell him to control this. Then kiss her right in the mouth with a tongue dive.

 

[rium125]

I really hate to say this man ,having been in a similar situation my self, but people have to live with their choices. She chose to date him however long ago and now thing have definatly gone south. My suggestion and just about the only thing you can do for her is what you're doing know, be there for her and help when you can how you can.

Also how would calling the cops make things more of s shit storm seems they already are?

'cause it turns from a straight-up harrasment case into a full-blown inquiry regarding illegal immigrants, which she will no doubt feel guilty for

 

[Chris Binkley]

I really hate to say this man ,having been in a similar situation my self, but people have to live with their choices. She chose to date him however long ago and now thing have definatly gone south. My suggestion and just about the only thing you can do for her is what you're doing know, be there for her and help when you can how you can.

Also how would calling the cops make things more of s shit storm seems they already are?

'cause it turns from a straight-up harrasment case into a full-blown inquiry regarding illegal immigrants, which she will no doubt feel guilty for

Most of the time nothing will rally happen to them anyway even if their illegal status is found out. A sad fact but a true one.

Why would she have to feel guilty? Holy crap the guy was an abusive ass who is now stalking and threatening her if anything she should be happy if they get deported.

 

[Danzaivar]

Report him and his family to the authorities. Anonymously.

 

[Serenegoose]

Is the guy physically violent? If so, warning him could be the absolute worst idea. He doubtless already has some ideas on who the 'real villain' of this piece is and it isn't him. Threatening his family... I could see numerous ways that could go horrifically wrong. I'm assuming the rest of his family are innocent, and haven't done anything wrong, so yeah, getting them all deported would be a real shit of a thing to do. Did they break up recently? If so, the best course of action might be to let the guy get bored and wander off. If not, the best thing to do in my opinion would be to be there for her, keep her mind off things, and try to convince her just to report him. Yes, it might suck for the family, and I certainly feel for them - but she should not have to suffer on their behalf. If the family are reasonable people, it might be advisable to approach them with any evidence of his behaviour - perhaps they can restrain his actions before things go downhill. After all, they have a lot to lose and are probably not willing to be burned by his irrationality.

 

[Free Thinker]

Thank you for all these posts. I think I'll talk to her about it and ask how she feels about calling the authorities and ending this harassment, period. I just don't like to see anyone suffer, especially her.

 

[Sir_Tor]

Is he stronger than you? If not, beat the living shit outta him! These people understands force which you will apply!

Get her to notify you when she sees him and make notes detaling when and where it happned. Tell her to save any messagse she recives. You never know when stuff like that will be handy!

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

I agree with these guys. Warn him, but make sure you have all of your facts straight for the cops in case you do have to call them. Tell her to make sure that she's not alone for a while, because once you warn him, he's going to be desperate to get her back under control, and if he is as distuebed as you seem to believe he is, there's no telling what he might do.

If she sees him, she'll have witnesses, and he's less likely to do anything, and you can call the cops and have proof of his harrassment.

Make sure you have his first and last names, possible car tag numbers, address, and stuff like that. You need to have all your stuff ready to use on a moment's notice if he starts something, because if he tries something after you warn him, you need to be sure the cops get involved right away.

I might have been a psych major at one time, and I might have dealt with a situation or two like this. XD

 

[RocksW]

Dunno how youd deal with that man. Do you see this guy on a regular basis?

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

His family doesn't deserve to have anything happen to them, but definitely warn him to cease bothering her.

 

[SimuLord]

Be a man there, killer. You now have the bullet required to effectively get her nutty ex to back off, and if you're not man enough to fire it, you're not man enough to get the girl.

Now go out there and do what you have to do. ALL of what you have to do, up to and including ratting out the illegals. And if all else fails, a straight right hand right on his pig nose.

 

[archvile93]

Report this immediately. The family might get deported, but if he's as crazy as you say, there's a chance he'll kill her, and why should you and her pay for his family.

 

[Rhymenoceros]

I appear to be unnecessary. These people appear to have mass ninja'd me. Warn him. If he persists, then you call the police.

 

[Flig]

Is the guy physically violent? If so, warning him could be the absolute worst idea. He doubtless already has some ideas on who the 'real villain' of this piece is and it isn't him. Threatening his family... I could see numerous ways that could go horrifically wrong. I'm assuming the rest of his family are innocent, and haven't done anything wrong, so yeah, getting them all deported would be a real shit of a thing to do. Did they break up recently? If so, the best course of action might be to let the guy get bored and wander off. If not, the best thing to do in my opinion would be to be there for her, keep her mind off things, and try to convince her just to report him. Yes, it might suck for the family, and I certainly feel for them - but she should not have to suffer on their behalf. If the family are reasonable people, it might be advisable to approach them with any evidence of his behaviour - perhaps they can restrain his actions before things go downhill. After all, they have a lot to lose and are probably not willing to be burned by his irrationality.

This.

Also, if all else fails, golf clubs can be swung faster than a baseball bat, and have a smaller area of impact, increasing the intensity of the pain. Just a little idea for you to mull over.



[Disclaimer] Don't actually use a golf club. Srsly. Just don't. Go with Serengoose's plan. It's more legal.