If I go there will be trouble. If I stay it will be doubled.

[Aethren]

Change all your contact information and go get your stuff back.

Short of involving the court system, I see nothing else you can do if she's acting that way.

Sadly, you'll have to leave the child, but knowing he's alive and well should make this part easier.

 

[Beffudled Sheep]

Leave and start fresh somewhere else. I understand your point about actually being a part of your sons life but time will also heal that wound. Just go away from that place. Meet a new girl and make sure she learns nothing of your past. And don't tell your friends or even family where you are going to. It will be tough at first but everything will work out... I hope.

 

[traceur_]

Pick a direction and start running. I think you should bail on the whole thing, start fresh.

 

[UsefulPlayer 1]

First, I'm curious as to what the first girlfriend must be thinking, being so monumentally screwed over twice from her own mistakes.

Also, this boyfriend seems to be the agent of the devil or something because he keeps popping up, seduces women, and fucks everything up.


It's your son my fellow Escapist, it may be terrible at times but never despair. Take heart and father that boy. Least of all don't leave that woman and child to that evil man.

 

[Yoshi_egg80]

Be a dad not a father, and be there for him. Though I can't escape the feeling that you already know the answer and is just curious what us fellow cynical escapist would say.

Edit: I'd love to read it so either path you choose write!

 

[SmartIdiot]

I'm sorry but this has to be said. To all emo's/teenagers thinking they have it tough
: you think you have problems? Wait until you grow up!

Apart from that I wish I could offer something constructive at this point in time however I have no experience in this particular matter and I'm not about to bullshit anyone by pretending I have. Only thing I would offer is never give up. The length and depth of your rant clearly shows you love your child a lot and have thought about this to borderline insane levels (again, I say that because I don't understand what it's like to have a child) so if you feel that their life would be improved by being around, make the necessary arrangements.

 

[New Troll]

Leave and start fresh somewhere else. I understand your point about actually being a part of your sons life but time will also heal that wound. Just go away from that place. Meet a new girl and make sure she learns nothing of your past. And don't tell your friends or even family where you are going to. It will be tough at first but everything will work out... I hope.

I am still with the woman I was talking with when I found out my ex was pregnant with my child. She knows everything. I don't keep anything from her. She's actually the one who calmed me down through all the bad stuff my ex was saying about her. Some of the things she said made me want to drive up there and chew her out in person, but my fiance has a way of keeping me composed. She's another thing to think about also. Not going to run away unless she's able to meet me wherever I end up.

 

[Samurai Goomba]

Don't give in to your ex, you'll just give credence to her belief that she can get away with messing up her own life constantly and you'll always bail her out. Seriously, don't do it. If you get involved at all, make sure anything you do and anything you pay for DIRECTLY benefits the kids. Don't let her blackmail you. If you have to, take her to court on the grounds that she's not mentally stable enough to be a parent, although I would only suggest this as a last resort to save the kids.

She only contacts you when she needs help. You're not her dad. Let her know you will not tolerate this poor treatment of you and your loved ones, and that she has no right to trash-talk the people you care about after walking out on you. Take no crap from her. Say you'll help the kids, but that she's an adult and must take care of herself.

That's just my opinion, anyway. I've got some messed up people in my family, and the thing I've learned about them is they typically don't change. Manipulators (like my aunt, who would cozy up to people and then treat them like slaves) will continue to do this as long as they can. If you wise up and say no, they'll get angry. But so what? Better to move on with your life than let these types of people poison it.

 

[ae86gamer]

First off, you sound like an amazing person for even sticking around. Most guys just up and leave, but I am very glad to see that you love your son and are willing to go through so much for him.

The only advice I can give you is this. Ignore everyone else, what they say doesn't matter and never will. Focus on your son and no one else. Make him your priority, give him what he needs and be there for him when you can. If the mother doesn't think of you as a good father then fight for your son. Perhaps you can try to get full custody.

Anywho, thats the only advice I can give you. But I do hope everything works out for you

 

[Lord Beautiful]

Being that I'm 17 and haven't gone through nearly the amount of sheer bullshit that you've gone through, this advice may be one notch shy of worthless, but the best option right now seems to be starting a new life in another place. Running away isn't exactly the manliest of all life choices, but what else is there to do? Find a new home, change you contact information, and as another user said, write a book about this and make loads of money.

 

[The_Echo]

Write a book about this. Turn it into a best seller. Gloat. That's all.

Haha! Funniest part about this statement is I have thought the exact same thing. I do love to write and have several books started that will probably never reach conclusion, but with something so personal, I think I could more easily script through it in no time. Hmmm... choices.. choices..

I call Alex Award if that happens.

I kind of agree with everyone on this thread saying you should cut your losses and sever your ties. Might be hard letting go of your biological son, but it'll simplify and relax your life indefinitely in the long run, I'd think.

 

[Mozared]

I'd say give her the finger and move on completely, but I also know how hard that can be (and you're possibly making her sound like a more horrible person than she truely is).

Ask yourself what you really, really want. If you want to get to know your (biological) son, you might want to contact a lawyer and go about it the legal way if you can't talk sense into her. If you think you're too detached from her you're in luck, and starting over might be your best option (though, it doesn't even have to be in a completely different place; whatever you feel is right works).

Keep a positive thing in mind though; you've got money. You can allow yourself some mental slack because of this. I've heard stories similar to yours where the 'victim' lost his job and hope of a future with that.

 

[dodo1331]

Everything I could have said has been said; good luck to you man.

Bookmarking this thread.

 

[Mookie_Magnus]

When your second son is born, get a DNA test. If he is biologically yours, sue for custody. Odds are, that despite most often their siding with the mother, they'll see how much more stable the child will have it with you than with his mother.
At the very least, if the DNA test proves he is yours, you will have some rights over him. And then you can work your way from there.
BTW NewTroll. From the way it sounds, you're like in your mid-twenties? Am I right?

 

[Perticular Elk]

Damn...I am sending a prayer you way man. I don't think I have the right or the experience to council you. I wouldn't have confided with people over the internet thought. Its just bad policy (even for the "nice" people on here). I wouldn't give up on getting your son back. She may not be your responsibility, but he is.

 

[Kinguendo]

Okay so... there are 2 children, that you think of as yours now... and neither are yours biologically? Is that right?

Oh no. I see how that is misleading now, but my second son is biologicly mine. As far as I know anyways. The estimated time of conception was our last weekend together.

Well, then I recommend you get custody of your son while allowing the mother access and when he is old enough ask him who he would like to live with... the answer would be fairly obvious, if this woman is as devious as she sounds and he will appreciate the fact that you allow him to make his own important life decisions and that you trust him to make the right answer.
My father was the most important person to me, and when my parents split I chose to live with him. All that custody battles prove is how low your parents are willing to go for you and wether that is just to hurt the other person, a particularily ugly side of some parents. So better to get custody before the child can recognise what could potentially be his parents lowest points, and give him the freedom to choose when you feel he is capable without restricting access to the mother.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

in every situation I've ever heard of even remotely like yours. staying around and trying to "do" anything only causes you to get screwed over more and more until it gets ridiculous.
best course of action, wend email or whatever telling her that she made her choice or whatever and just break contact permanently. she'll live with her choices(both of em) kids'll grow up, you will have a life free of the BS that would otherwise be piled on you till you drowned in it...

P.S. I and many other men have grown up without knowing their fathers, it isn't uncommon or even that unhealthy overall in the big picture.

 

[Kinguendo]

Okay so... there are 2 children, that you think of as yours now... and neither are yours biologically? Is that right?

Oh no. I see how that is misleading now, but my second son is biologicly mine. As far as I know anyways. The estimated time of conception was our last weekend together.

Well, then I recommend you get custody of your son while allowing the mother access and when he is old enough ask him who he would like to live with... the answer would be fairly obvious, if this woman is as devious as she sounds and he will appreciate the fact that you allow him to make his own important life decisions and that you trust him to make the right answer.
My father was the most important person to me, and when my parents split I chose to live with him. All that custody battles prove is how low your parents are willing to go for you and wether that is just to hurt the other person, a particularily ugly side of some parents. So better to get custody before the child can recognise what could potentially be his parents lowest points, and give him the freedom to choose when you feel he is capable without restricting access to the mother.

This, very much this.
My sister and her husband are fighting for custody of the husband's children. However the "lawyer" for his ex is literally of the worst caliber. In court he turned one of the boy's statements, "I like to wrestle with my father, he's really nice", into sounding like child abuse, and they literally did it just to hurt him.
If it's your child, get it, and when he is old enough to make the decision, let him. Custody battles are never pretty, especially if the child has to grow up knowing their parents only used them to hurt each other.

I have so much wisdom for someone so young, I know(not modest though). XD
Seriously though, it just makes sense to me. I hated having to see my parents fight and I was too young for anyone to take my points seriously, it revealed some ugly truths that I may have to deal with later in life.