If Video Game Cliches Happened in the Real World

[cojo965]

As per Terramax's thread (If Anime Cliches Happened In The Real World) we will be discussing how the world would be if video game cliches happened in real life. Let's begin.

- Mass murders happen at the drop of a hat leading to massive shootouts that may lead to the instigator severely wounded by bullets or a car crash but they will be A okay if they get to the hot dog vendor across the street who is completely unfazed by the mayhem around him.

-The police can arrest the culprit but let them out shortly after just taking away their weapons, which are easily reaquired to continue the slaughter.

- War crimes do not exist, unless acnowledged by fate.

- Gun laws, what are those? Automatic weapons for everyone!

Edit: Oh fuck I forgot:

- Everything must be done three times, NO EXCEPTIONS.

- It's always, ALWAYS, an arrow to the knee.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

If you're...let's say, 35 or older, than it's highly likely you know a lot of people who died by either drowning or, falling into a pit. You are also lucky to have survived those same open pits and, bodies of water!

Food Allergies would go from being annoying-to-fatal to, AWESOME-to-Fatal; as certain foods will give you super powers

Food sanitation will not exist but it's alright! You can eat chicken out of a trash can or, turkey out of a wall and not only will you not get food poisoning, your health will go back to full!

There is no afterlife as everyone reincarnates. Murder is therefore not considered a big deal anymore.

Also about the Afterlife: there is no Heaven or Hell but every so many weeks there are going to be stories on the news about school kids murdering God, Satan and/or a newly revived Hitler (or some combination of the three)

Furries exist without wearing costumes (I should add that to the anime thread...)

Crushing/ killing bugs eventually makes you better at almost literally everything, even increasing your luck.

There is no afterlife but you can sometimes contact God in order to buy things that augment your life such as unique vehicles, houses, clothes, etc.

Spinning, walking and/or jumping in place like an idiot could magically give you money, health, stamina or, more lives.

---

Slightly off topic but have you ever noticed people who look and/or sound like other people? Like, to an uncanny degree? I bring this up because I have a theory that if our reality is The Matrix or, some other sophisticated virtual reality program, it has to have been made by the Overworld's version of Bethesda.

 

[Specimen-X]

-Police have trouble capturing fleeing criminals as every time they leave their line of sight for long enough the police completely forget what the crook looked like. Getting a new hat also has the same effect.

-No more getting tired from running! People got places to go and no time for getting tired. Know everyone just runs everywhere and are in great shape too! Even if it's all the same shape...

-Also, Nolan North appears to be voicing every third person you know. Even the women and dogs.

 

[RaginDrage]

Me, the humble common man down on his luck...

...Is chosen by the gods in a contrived prophecy that would foretell how I will save the world from an ancient evil with no good intentions to speak of, in a black and white moral society where heroes are super hot and the villains are ugly and/or not white!

I will go on an amazing journey with a young attractive female wearing skimpy clothing and with no personality to speak of! Off to seize the mcguffin of power in order to defeat the evil overlord of evil because evidently all the world's problems are solved by ancient items with cool names like in real life! I will conduct my adventure with a flurry of quick time events and take part in railroaded sections of gameplay built to impress spectators in an E3 preview!

Guns are ineffective because my giant sword wins at looking cooler and thus proves more effective in a mob of faceless baddies!

BA BUM!

Contrived plot twist!
That morally ambiguous teammate I thought I could trust was a DOUBLE AGENT the whole time....even though it would have made a lot of sense for him to have killed me earlier in the story when I had his trust!

Oh my goodness! The villain has me trapped....now I must listen to hours upon hours of exposition by him!

DEUS EX MACHINA to the rescue!

POWER OF FRIENDSHIP PREVAILS!

 

[karma9308]

1. Plumbers would get princesses...but she would always be in another castle.
2. All women would be supermodels and all men would be on steroids.
3. For some strange reason, people would have to sneak their way to work, and if they get seen by someone else they have to go back home and try again. Only on Forced Stealth Mission Fridays though.
4. Swords > Guns.
5. Gunshot wounds can be healed by wiping the jam off your face.
6. Deus Ex Machina would resolve everything when things get boring or too hard.
7. Marriages would always end with the wife being killed to make the husband more relate able as a character.
8. Everyone would be the protagonist which would cause the world to end in the same manner as dividing by zero.
9. Bombs would always be defused with 1 second to spare.
10. Children would have crappy voices and would act in ways that you wouldn't expect a child to act.
11. Cars can withstand a ton of damage...unless you're not the protagonist but see point 8 about that.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Inns would be more effective than hospitals.
You would be required to go on overelaborate fetch quests just to use the bathroom.
All towns/cities would have more people in them then they do houses. ...oh wait.

 

[Promethax]

- No one would care if you randomly walked into someone's house and raided his/her stuff.
- Energy drinks would heal you more than water.
- Everyone would be equally capable of handling weapons, regardless of training.
- Money would be easily found in trash cans and street lights and such.
- Every shop on the planet would take the same currency.
- Hospitals would be obsolete due to regenerating health and being able to cure diseases by sleeping in an inn.
- Bathrooms are now obsolete.
- Playing a musical instrument would require hitting brightly colored buttons in time to the music.
- Almost all social interaction would be dictated by a dialogue wheel.

 

[skywolfblue]

Everyone would get the customization screen at birth. Some kids were just born to be punk-rockers with orange hair I guess...

Have you ever tried to jump while aiming down the sights of a gun in real life? Well... everyone would be running around doing that, and looking completely stupid.

The armchair generals would invade real life. "OMG you noobs don't know how to play" Said armchair general proceeds to run facefirst into the enemy and dies horribly.

France: "OMG Blitzkrieg is so Overpowered." *Ragequits*
Great Britain *Ragequits*
United Sates *Ragequits*
Axis Powers: "Well, that was easy!"

People aren't the least bit bothered by the fact that protagonist and company are packing enough heat to take out the whole American army. They'll let him/her into the white house, into airports, into a pre-school with kids.

 

[krazykidd]

Everyone would have bright colored hair .

Women will wear thongs As body armor .

People can carry an infinite amount of items in their backpack.

You can carry a maximum of 99 of any item.

Panty shots everywhere .

Bars will serve milk to minors .

Nobody can swim .

And so much more.

 

[Misterian]

the world will be controlled by whoever manages to find exploitable glitches... until certain 'unknown forces' patch those glitches up.

 

[Exius Xavarus]

I don't care how angry you are. I have a whole turkey dinner here that says you don't have enough bullets to take my hungry ass down!

 

[Mikejames]

Having a health bar would bloody terrify me.

 

[deathbydeath]

You would only need one magazine per gun, and you just need to take it out and put it back in the gun instead of refilling it with bullets.

Also raspberry jam.

 

[Arklyte]

Are we talking about a world where all "bad russians", "bad chinese", "bad germans", ... in fact any "if it's not american you have the right to enjoy killing it" scenarious will come true?