If you could change one day

[rosac]

When would it be and why?

3 weeks ago I got mortal on a night out, my teams initiation where we all get absolutely wasted, run around the town half naked and get up to all kinds of stupid shit. I can barely remember it... Other than kissing a girl from a sports team who's face I can't even remember and name I didn't even learn.

I also saw a girl that I've been messaging and honestly didn't know what was going on with her. I blacked out after seeing her, and now she doesn't speak to me at all. We went from hugging every time we see each other, joking, sending snapchats and messages to her outright ignoring me both online and in person, being cold when she does speak to me. The worst thing is I don't even know what I did and she ignores my attempts to apologise. It's now painfully obvious that she was pursuing a relationship and I am really struggling with the thought that I have thrown something away. I miss talking to her, as although I am pretty well known and popular amongst my circle (I'm described as the team dad in an affectionate manner), I do not trust many people and she was one of the very few I trust in my current city. I am struggling with some other issues in my life and have nowhere to turn for a face to face conversation that I desperately need. She is not the only friend that has vanished from my life and it is hurting badly.

So... I would like to be less drunk on that night. I would have liked to tell her that she is important to me. I am trying to reconcile but she is blocking all attempt, and I do not know what I said or did. I regret it so much.


P.s. sorry for the vent, I just don;t have anyone to say this to so I figured here, anonymously, would at least help.
P.p.s. inb4 this is what you get for being a douchebag jock. I am aware. the 2 initiations we have are the single messiest nights of the year, and to be honest the nights I reallllly get to blow off some steam.

 

[votemarvel]

Sounds odd but have you tried writing her a letter? I've found that putting pen to paper can often produce results that a text or face to face will not match. If you've previously got on well with any members of her family, it might be worth seeing if one of them will speak to you, it'll help your apology if you know what you did.

When I was young I used to drink to excess like you. Know what stopped me? When I realised I couldn't remember what I'd done on a lot of those nights. Not only did I find myself in situations similar to your own but I began to worry about what would happen if I was accused of something, I'd have no way to defend myself because I wouldn't be able to remember.

Plus I started using alcohol to blow off steam and that ended up with me having a full on batshit crazy mental breakdown, as I kept on turning to the booze instead of dealing with my problems.

Honestly I wish I had the strength to give up boozing completely. It wouldn't be bad to see if you could manage doing that, especially if you think this person is important to you.

 

[Kae]

The day my father impregnated my mother, I would make sure they don't have sex that day.

Joking aside, one time when I was working someone kidnapped a girl outside the office building, I would very much like to be outside and stop it somehow.

 

[Silvanus]

I would change Monday into another Sunday.

 

[DrownedAmmet]

I would make halloween always be on the weekend, but I would keep it October 31st

(OT: best not to be too pushy with the girl, she owes you nothing. You don't know what dumb shit you did, give her some space. If she wants to come back, she'll come back. If she doesn't, suck it up and move on)

 

[Xprimentyl]

Oh man, TOO many days I?d like to do over, but most of them have been along the course my life has been on from the day I met my ex-wife, so I?d change that day. I?ve often wondered where I?d be today if I hadn?t let that heart-shaped ass and pouty lips distract me from the clinically insane person they were attached to?

 

[COMaestro]

There have been a few days in my life where I have made incredibly stupid decisions, so I would love to go back and not do those things. If I could only have one change though...that's a toughie.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Pretty much the day when I had trimmed my toenail way too much.

Having a couple of years or ingrowing toenails was not pleasant to say the least (the amount of times I had to go to hospital to get a new dressing over it, my badminton skill had decline badly, the stupid ass long wait to get it operated which was painful when it got there)!

 

[lacktheknack]

I'd go back to that time I said "Yeah, tech school for electronic engineering sounds fun" and punch myself in the face.

Then again, if I hadn't hated it so much, I wouldn't have ended up in missionary work, so maybe it's just as well I wasted the money.

 

[Drathnoxis]

Monday into anothe--

I would change Monday into another Sunday.

Crap! Well, I would have picked Saturday, because Saturday's way better than Sunday.

 

[Madner Kami]

The day I decided to become involved with a certain someone, who I invested way too much time, emotions and money into and which screwed me over big time repeatedly, both emotionally and in terms of decissions about how and where to lead my life. Sure, in the end it were all still my decissions which lead to me wasting money and basically abandoning my university-studies just to have the time I felt I needed for that person and everything that came with her, so not blaming her. But not ever having met her, would have made a lot more things easier in my life.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

I had a horrific motorcycle accident resulting in a severe TBI about 14 years back. Did some serious damage to my right frontal lobe. Also basically trashed a lot of my memory (good or bad) that I had to piece back together through talking with friends. I kind of woke up a different person, plus often I have to look at someone and repeat myself or ask them to before I fully understand what they're saying if I weren't looking at them to begin with, which makes life difficult as a researcher.

It's hard to describe, but you effectively have to 'rebuild' a reality around you. Make things make sense again, even if it feels odd or out of place, or confusing why you did them in the first place. That reality doesn't 'fit' mostof the time, or it takes conscious effort to recognize that I have to do things a certain way.

It was pretty bad, like re-learning how to walk straight bad. Rehabilitation was god awful. And inevitably you lose a lot of friends given you don't feel the same way you used to, or at least it doesn't seem like you have thew same connection, or can't for the life of you figure out why you were friends in the first place.

More over I have a sneaking suspicion the accident is responsible for other issues that have cropped up as I've gotten older.

So if I could change any day, I have a feeling it would be that. Even if I would have probably ended up a much different person, I don't think I'm a better person for having copious scar tissue on my brain.