If you could change your name to literally anything, what would you pick?

[Parasondox]

Stanley Morrison. Make is a boring ass name that has a hint of sounding important and a suit attached. With my current name there are 2 ways of pronouncing it and damn you French language for the masculine/feminine, "?" is pronounced differently to the other "e" silliness.

Language hard for Para. Even english.

 

[JohnZ117]

I'd keep mine.

John
Arthur
Zimmerman

First, the pattern (1,2,3) of syllables is nifty. Second, my middle name is my father's family's tradition, and I think I'm also named after my mom's father, a retired architect. Third, it can be translated to "God's gracious and noble gift to landlords," and I like the funny factor of that. Finally and best, my initials are J.A.Z.. and you can't get cooler than that.

 

[Lufia Erim]

Richard Hiscock.

The nickname for Richard is Dick, so my friends would call me Dick.

If i had a baby boy i would name him Richard. So he would be Junior hiscock the 2nd.

I put a lot of thought into this.

 

[Souplex]

My full name would be "Souplex Killsplosion Awesomegasm", and I would finally have a name worthy of me.

 

[Neuromancer]

Charles Derek May has a nice ring to it, don't ya think?

 

[2HF]

Charles Derek May has a nice ring to it, don't ya think?

Insert pic of Vin Diesel here.

That sounds like a serial killer name, is that what you are?

 

[Neuromancer]

Insert pic of Vin Diesel here.

That sounds like a serial killer name, is that what you are?

Guaranteed to blow your mind.

Anytime.

 

[TheMysteriousGX]

Negasonic Teenage Warhead.

 

[Breakdown]

I'd go for Burt Deathstalker

 

[Queen Michael]

Andromeda

 

[Cycloptomese]

Seanbaby's always had some good ones:

Trouble Cockwell
The Punchmaster
Dick Whiskey

Also, Dick Masters comes to mind, but I can't remember where I've heard it.

Blood Dragon's Rex Power Colt is a strong one. George Carlin had some strong ones:

Biff Webster
Spud Crowley
Chuck Steak

I don't know. Maybe I'd just prefer Chip.

 

[Kyrian007]

Brian. Jeff. Alan. Maybe something crazy like... Daniel.

Or, in case somebody doesn't get where I'm going, something freaking normal. Having a "different" or "unique" name... sucks. Anyone planning on being a parent... take it from someone who has that name that stands out. That "special" name that's different from the rest. DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR KIDS. Pick a normal name. AND THEN SPELL IT RIGHT. And put that on the birth certificate. You will be doing that child a HUGE favor. Call him Bill. Call her Jane.

I introduce myself... and then have to answer the questions. The same damn questions every single time I'm introduced to anyone. "Is that with a J? How weird. Is that short for anything? Where did your parents come up with that?" And so on...

I just want to get on with forgetting your name, and instead I have to spend 5 minutes explaining my name. The only reason I haven't already changed mine is because I tried and it failed. After high school I went to a college were no one from my high school was going or had gone for several years. I knew no one there. I was going to introduce myself as "Ryan" and that would be that. My "unique" name would be gone forever. And then I met my roommate, Ryan. And the guy in the dorm next to me, Ryan. And there was another Ryan at the end of the hall. And someone found out that wasn't my "real" first name... and that was that.

Plus, no one ever gave me a nickname. There was never any need. True, I wasn't saddled with a nickname that I hated that stuck... but no one ever even tried to give me a nickname. Considering my friends and I gave nicknames to 7 different Daves to tell them apart in conversation I feel kind of left out sometimes.

I feel your pain, my friend. Also, due to my "unique" name sounding similar to some more common names, and the fact that I'm somewhat soft-spoken, people usually mishear me and start calling me something else. I gave up correcting them a long time ago. Fortunately though, my plan to introduce myself with a more normal name in college was successful.

Please, anyone who reads this, give your children a nice, normal first name. Give them a weird middle name if you want. Just don't make them resent you every single time they have to introduce themselves.

Yeah, I'm there with you too on that one. My name does sound a little similar to a fairly common one (if you say it kind of fast, like I do on purpose when I'm introducing myself to someone I know I'll never or almost never have to interact with ever again) and yes I just stopped correcting people when they got it wrong. So I have to ask if you've ever encountered this... someone gets my name wrong and I just blaze past it without correcting them. Then YEARS go by, interacting with this person on and off kind of infrequently but enough for them to be an acquaintance. And then they learn what my name really is and how it is pronounced slightly different. In the couple of times that happened to me... they get angry. They're mad at ME? I do not get that. I was just trying to make interaction easier and they act like I've been concealing my identity like I'm living a double life under a different identity or something. That's just weird, and another reason for parents to name kids John and Sarah.

 

[Pseudonym]

Or, in case somebody doesn't get where I'm going, something freaking normal. Having a "different" or "unique" name... sucks. Anyone planning on being a parent... take it from someone who has that name that stands out. That "special" name that's different from the rest. DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR KIDS. Pick a normal name. AND THEN SPELL IT RIGHT. And put that on the birth certificate. You will be doing that child a HUGE favor. Call him Bill. Call her Jane.

Some further advice in that regard. Middle names to switch to. Language changes, or your kid might one day travel overseas, and then 'Dik Kok', the actual name of an actual person I once met that doesn't sound all that weird in Dutch suddenly has to introduce himself as 'Dik Kok' pronounced 'dick cock' to an audience of Englishspeaking businessmen. It's nice to have a backupname at that point.

As for me, I like my name as is. I also can't really come up with something funny. Sorry.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

I'm actually quite comfortable with my name, since I'm named after my grandfather and my last name is "fairly" uncommon, i.e. there's very few people that would actually share the same last name in my community.

I would, however, only like to be referred to by my first name only, as my family name is kind of losing meaning in a "he's part of that family" kind of way. We are not 'notorious' in any way, shape, or form, but other members of my family tend to gather friends and followers very quickly, they are very prideful about their surname, and when they fall from grace, they typically try to take down others of our family with them (thankfully, I've been able to avoid this completely, but the stigma still stands).

However, due to the religious nature of my first name, that might not go so well with others. In any case, I have plenty of nicknames and aliases, so I'd just choose the best/common one and go with that.

 

[necromanzer52]

Brian. Jeff. Alan. Maybe something crazy like... Daniel.

Or, in case somebody doesn't get where I'm going, something freaking normal. Having a "different" or "unique" name... sucks. Anyone planning on being a parent... take it from someone who has that name that stands out. That "special" name that's different from the rest. DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR KIDS. Pick a normal name. AND THEN SPELL IT RIGHT. And put that on the birth certificate. You will be doing that child a HUGE favor. Call him Bill. Call her Jane.

I introduce myself... and then have to answer the questions. The same damn questions every single time I'm introduced to anyone. "Is that with a J? How weird. Is that short for anything? Where did your parents come up with that?" And so on...

I just want to get on with forgetting your name, and instead I have to spend 5 minutes explaining my name. The only reason I haven't already changed mine is because I tried and it failed. After high school I went to a college were no one from my high school was going or had gone for several years. I knew no one there. I was going to introduce myself as "Ryan" and that would be that. My "unique" name would be gone forever. And then I met my roommate, Ryan. And the guy in the dorm next to me, Ryan. And there was another Ryan at the end of the hall. And someone found out that wasn't my "real" first name... and that was that.

Plus, no one ever gave me a nickname. There was never any need. True, I wasn't saddled with a nickname that I hated that stuck... but no one ever even tried to give me a nickname. Considering my friends and I gave nicknames to 7 different Daves to tell them apart in conversation I feel kind of left out sometimes.

I feel your pain, my friend. Also, due to my "unique" name sounding similar to some more common names, and the fact that I'm somewhat soft-spoken, people usually mishear me and start calling me something else. I gave up correcting them a long time ago. Fortunately though, my plan to introduce myself with a more normal name in college was successful.

Please, anyone who reads this, give your children a nice, normal first name. Give them a weird middle name if you want. Just don't make them resent you every single time they have to introduce themselves.

Yeah, I'm there with you too on that one. My name does sound a little similar to a fairly common one (if you say it kind of fast, like I do on purpose when I'm introducing myself to someone I know I'll never or almost never have to interact with ever again) and yes I just stopped correcting people when they got it wrong. So I have to ask if you've ever encountered this... someone gets my name wrong and I just blaze past it without correcting them. Then YEARS go by, interacting with this person on and off kind of infrequently but enough for them to be an acquaintance. And then they learn what my name really is and how it is pronounced slightly different. In the couple of times that happened to me... they get angry. They're mad at ME? I do not get that. I was just trying to make interaction easier and they act like I've been concealing my identity like I'm living a double life under a different identity or something. That's just weird, and another reason for parents to name kids John and Sarah.

I wouldn't say they get angry. Maybe a bit annoyed/slightly confused as to why I never bothered to correct them. The more annoying thing is when someone can't get past how super cool and unique your name is, and keeps asking questions about it while you just want to move on to something else.

 

[Remus]

Negasonic Teenage Warhead.

NO WAY! That is the COOLEST name ever!

What would I like my name to be? Literally anything else. My first name, I was named after my grandfather, who, well, saying he was physically abusive is putting it mildly. My middle name is the same as a popular monkey and a character played by Brendan Fraser. My last name isn't anything special, though I do have my own coat of arms.

So...Qbert Humperdink [last name here]. This way I change my first and middle but keep the coat of arms, should I ever go to a renaissance fair and need a banner.