Past Me: Who the fuck are you?
Future Me: It's late 2008, right?
Past Me:...yeah? Dude, are you me...from the future?
Future Me: Good, so I wasn't a total moron. Anyway, you are about to go through a lot of shit that will seem important now but trust me it isn't...like at all. Back your true friends even though they are total morons right now, just like you. None of it for like the next 3 years will matter that much, it's even fairly dull now but I've been changing things. Unfortunately that's about all the OP will let me say...
*starts to walk out*
Past Me: Oh! You've gone back and told Abe Lincoln to enjoy that play, right?
Future Me: *****, I got a time machine! You know I did that! Oh, and don't be so modest, you are fucking cool as hell, prick.
* Disappears in huge cloud of time travel smoke*