If you were jesus, how would you go about things?

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Dark Knifer

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Let's pretend that you are Jesus in the supernatural sense, like walking on water etc. How would you go about things?

Personally I'd get heaps of followers and crowd surf everywhere. Get some angels on electric guitars and go crazy. What would you do?

[sub]That pun was unintentional[/sub]
 

Vern5

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Mar 3, 2011
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I'd have a blast with my newfound abilities but I'd keep it to myself. If I ever revealed myself as the second-coming, I'm pretty sure I would be torn limb from limb by religious fanatics for not denouncing the "non-believers" of the world as sinners and fools.

The way I see it, there was already a second-coming of Jesus. It came and went. Some guy with miracle-hands was trying to do something nice for people, got found out by the Vatican or some secret religious cult, and was killed in secrecy for not being the Jesus "they" wanted. Do I have proof that such a thing has occurred? Of course not. But it would not surprise me in the slightest.
 

Drakmeire

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I'd convert myself to Super mecha deathchrist version 4.0 beta
http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z248/InvaderTAK42/Angry%20Video%20Game%20Nerd/Super_Mecha_Death_Christ_2000_by_mi.jpg
All sins shall be forgiven... FORCEFULLY!!!
 

subtlefuge

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May 21, 2010
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Vern5 said:
I'd have a blast with my newfound abilities but I'd keep it to myself. If I ever revealed myself as the second-coming, I'm pretty sure I would be torn limb from limb by religious fanatics for not denouncing the "non-believers" of the world as sinners and fools.

The way I see it, there was already a second-coming of Jesus. It came and went. Some guy with miracle-hands was trying to do something nice for people, got found out by the Vatican or some secret religious cult, and was killed in secrecy for not being the Jesus "they" wanted. Do I have proof that such a thing has occurred? Of course not. But it would not surprise me in the slightest.
The second paragraph sounds like a plot for a Dan Brown novel.

As for your first, I'm almost certain that Jesus was a universalist. The idea of Christian-exclusive salvation doesn't even appear in the Bible until after he died. I feel if more people felt the same way, the world would be a better place.
 

Snake Plissken

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I'd tell everyone to get rid of their damn crucifixes. Why the fuck would I want to see another one of those?
 

Vern5

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subtlefuge said:
Vern5 said:
I'd have a blast with my newfound abilities but I'd keep it to myself. If I ever revealed myself as the second-coming, I'm pretty sure I would be torn limb from limb by religious fanatics for not denouncing the "non-believers" of the world as sinners and fools.

The way I see it, there was already a second-coming of Jesus. It came and went. Some guy with miracle-hands was trying to do something nice for people, got found out by the Vatican or some secret religious cult, and was killed in secrecy for not being the Jesus "they" wanted. Do I have proof that such a thing has occurred? Of course not. But it would not surprise me in the slightest.
The second paragraph sounds like a plot for a Dan Brown novel.

As for your first, I'm almost certain that Jesus was a universalist. The idea of Christian-exclusive salvation doesn't even appear in the Bible until after he died. I feel if more people felt the same way, the world would be a better place.
It's true. I've never hear of any passage in the Bible where Jesus condemned anyone except maybe the Devil (who was actively messing with him) and himself (he really did let himself get nailed to a freaking cross after all).

The Death of Jesus was the downward turn for Christianity, in my opinion. Everything placed in the Bible after his death just doesn't seem to mesh very well with what he was preaching. Jesus was one of the nicest people to ever walk the earth and now there are folks killing each other in his name. Hell, if I really were Jesus, I would spend my life in a state of constant, agonizing disappointed. I would be that long-haired homeless guy shuffling down the street muttering, "Where did I go wrong?" over and over again.
 

blah_ducks

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Dec 21, 2009
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Step one: Create a unicorn and name it Sprinkles.
Step two: Grow a Jesus Beard

And with my life goals completed, I'd probably go help the poor countries and cure cancer...all while riding Sprinkles :D
 

Jonluw

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May 23, 2010
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Fixing shit.
I mean, I'm practically omnipotent, no?
Why not do the stuff god ought to have done with his powers?

Or do I only get crappy powers like healing touch and the occasional water walk if fate really feels up for it?
In that case I guess I'd just go hang around hospitals all day and touch random passerbys.
I'd probably wear some really fancy robes. Be all stylish and shit.

Wait... Does the fact that I've turned into Jesus also mean I've turned into a (for our time) tiny, arab jew?
Gotta wonder how that happened. In that case I need to revise my plans. An arab look really doesn't mesh well with the fancy robes I had in mind. Maybe I would dress more like Jafar instead... Nah, I'd get thrown out of the country.
 

SergeantAnt

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first of i'd make there be bacon EVERYWHERE and make it so you can not get fat eating bacon!

secondly i'd use my new power to kill the evil and be god of the new world with my notebook!! (obvious reference ;D)
but seriously i'd probably just try my hardest to make everything better
 

Small Dragon

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Well at first I would do all this good stuff and save everyone's souls and whatever else is needed doing if I was Jesus. And then I would have a hell of a lot of fun messing with reality. Changing things and what not. I would give myself white glowing eyes and have great big bat like wings (just because they are cooler than birdy wings). And I would do things like make a giant wirlpool in the middle of the ocean and float over it like the fucking awesome God I am >:D

@Dark Knifer: Just because I'm a god doesn't make you some kind of legendary-god-type-overlord. When I say I'm a legend you are not God! hahahaha
 

Yassen

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Well I'd keep my identity a complete secret. Part of what made Jesus so remarkable is his journey started from nothing, the more he did the more well known he became and that made things complicated. I'd go around, doing some good deeds everywhere I go and I suppose I'd write a book. I'd still not tell anyone who I am but I'd still be spreading my message and making a difference. Part of the problem with Christianity is how it's so open to interpretation and what Jesus would say about certain situations.

Well as modern Jesus I'd be setting the record straight. Hopefully they'd get picked up.
 

Frostbyte666

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Nov 27, 2010
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I'd do nothing and say it is not my place to run your lives for you, it is up to yourselves to live your lives how you see fit as long as you respect your fellow man. However I will bitchslap you after you've done something stupid and say now what have we learned?
 

Griffolion

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Aug 18, 2009
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Dark Knifer said:
Let's pretend that you are Jesus in the supernatural sense, like walking on water etc. How would you go about things?

Personally I'd get heaps of followers and crowd surf everywhere. Get some angels on electric guitars and go crazy. What would you do?

[sub]That pun was unintentional[/sub]
Well since I'm a Christian you can guess what my answer is. I'd probably do nothing different.

subtlefuge said:
The second paragraph sounds like a plot for a Dan Brown novel.

As for your first, I'm almost certain that Jesus was a universalist. The idea of Christian-exclusive salvation doesn't even appear in the Bible until after he died. I feel if more people felt the same way, the world would be a better place.
And yes, Jesus said that salvation was for both Jews and Gentiles (the two big cultural groups back in the day), it essentially meant it was for everyone. The message Jesus gave was perfect, simply love people and know God who loved you first, but we the people mess it up. As for it being Christian exclusive salvation, I know what you're saying. I think Christian is way too much of a separating term as it is a simple label in today's society. But you also have to remember that Jesus said He is the way, the truth and the life. No one goes to the Father except through Him. That ties into that when he was killed on the cross, the punishment we deserved from all the stuff we do wrong in this life was put onto Him so that we could be with the Father and know His love because all the stuff separating us from Him has now been taken away. You've seen the same sort of thing in the movies, bullet travelling towards someone in slow motion, you think 'they're a gonner', but then their saviour dives in-front and takes the bullet.

So anyway, as far as heaven and hell go. Jesus' message about that was very urgent, what you do with this life now matters. You have time on earth, why not love people, do good and bring heaven down here instead of twiddling your thumbs waiting to be taken up to it. Do I think God's mercy only extends to this one lifetime and this earth? No, I don't. I don't think hell is the eternal end for the so called 'unsaved' to go and suffer eternal torture and agony for what they did as mere flesh-sacks for 0 - 90 earth years (a flash in the pan as far as God's concerned). I think it's simply a place where we may go to learn the consequences of our bad actions in this life until we learn our lesson, in the same way a child gets sent to their room and grounded for being naughty in some way. I think God's mercy is everlasting and universal, so powerful it defeated death. As far as the bible goes, I get this idea from Ezekiel 16:53 where God declares He will restore the fortunes of all the cities and nations He previously devastated as punishment for their wickedness (as a bit of perspective, one of these cities is called sodom, where do you think we get the term sodomise from?). Sodom was destroyed back in the time of Abraham, in the old testament when God's wrath came unabated because no'one had made ultimate sacrifice like Jesus did. So that place and those people will have not gone to be with God for quite a while, you'd almost think He'd sent them to 'hell', but they will be restored one day.

But yeah, the one thing I always say to people who don't really understand my faith and call it a 'religion' is that the person I follow, Jesus, spent a lot of His time on earth basically slamming the religious people of His day for being pompous, arrogant and generally horrible. He even calls them sons of hell at one point! Using their own terminology, he totally slags them off! He essentially tells people to break away from all the chains of the oppressive religious law that had been created for them and to be free under the single law of love. So yeah, I personally can't stand religion the same way Jesus can't because all it does is drag people down into this hollow shell of ritualised emptiness. True Jesus following and true love breaks down the four walls of a church building and seeks to restore life and goodness.