If your pets could talk...

[similar.squirrel]

My dog would be like " Your Masturbating again?!" XP

This. My dog always seems to be watching me or at least in the same room when I'm doing that.

And you have no problem with that??
I suppose dogs do it too. But that's different. They have the hygiene pretext.

I don't even want to know what my cats would talk about.
They venture into the neighbours' houses. And defecate in their shrubbery. Who knows what kind of perverse motivation lies behind these seemingly wanton acts?

 

[DrDeath3191]

I imagine my dog would whisper threats to me as I sleep, and then wake me up to make me feed him.

 

[puppydogvaan]

PLAY LET'S PLAY LET'S PLAY WHAT ARE DOING PLAY WITH ME IS THAT FOOD I WANT SOME FEED ME LET'S PLAY LET'S GO OUT LET'S PLAAAAAY

>.< My dog is super hyper, as she's still mostly puppy.

My older cat, on the other hand, I imagine as being very suave (And sounding like Antonio Banderas): Why, hello. Yes, I am sitting on the mat. No, I do not want to go inside. Look, I caught a bird for you. Isn't it nice? I beheaded it for you, aren't you grateful? You silly person.

 

[FalloutJack]

What do you mean "if"?

It's all I can do to keep 'em quiet, sometimes.

 

[KINGxela024]

my cat when I come home looks at me like iv been waiting for you then ends it with and evil laugh.

 

[Julianking93]

My dog would be like " Your Masturbating again?!" XP

This. My dog always seems to be watching me or at least in the same room when I'm doing that.

And you have no problem with that??
I suppose dogs do it too. But that's different. They have the hygiene pretext.

I don't even want to know what my cats would talk about.
They venture into the neighbours' houses. And defecate in their shrubbery. Who knows what kind of perverse motivation lies behind these seemingly wanton acts?

Not so much a problem, but it was my uncle's dog and he passed away last year and it always feels like he's watching me through his dog. Ew.

 

[Random Argument Man]

I'd rather he didn't. Have ever own a pet bird who doesn't shut up?

 

[Emeli]

My cat's too much of a snob to talk to me.

My dog would be like "mum. mum. mum. mum. hey mum. hey mum. mum. mum. hey. hey mum. mum."

 

[Sprogus]

I have cats, so chances are they would just be saying, "Yes, do my bidding"

 

[Stoic raptor]

my guinea pig already squeaks enough. no matter how much she eats, she still wants to eat. see my avatar. thats her chewing on a carrot. she is a bottomless pit

 

[SpyderNynja]

My cat, batman: "Why the fuck did you name me batman? What kind of stupid ass name is that? Not only am I a bat or man, but you named me after a fucking powerless hero? My black and white, if you're gonna go with a crap superhero, go for rorschach or something. Now than, feed me or I will piss on your shoes again".

My other cat, Tycoon: "Shut the fuck up batman, I'm trying to sleep".

thats amazing

I have quite a fair share of animals so here goes:

-Cats-

Teddy - (bipolar cat) Mmmm, yes, see what I do with my eyebrows? I'm the only cat in this house capable of making facial expressions to attract your affection. Yes, pet me, pet me my human slave, right the- *SCRATCH* NO! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! -runs off-

Sookie - (tiny horny female) NEEEEED TO GET LAAAAAAAAID! TEDDY CANNOT SATISFY ME, HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HES DOING!!! (it's sad but hilarious, every cat is fixed except her and Teddy is the only male. He occasionally mounts her out of instinct and then proceeds to have no idea what the fuck he's doing, then leaves)

Minnie - (Ironically named fatass cat) I'm too fat to do anything and you still love me, scratch my belly cuz I said so.

Cookie - (psycho with herpes in her left eye) MILLLLLLLLLLK, ah my eye >.O


-Dog-

Dingo - (elderly canine) When are you guys gonna leave the house? I wanna knock over the garbage and eat paper plates again. You can't blame me, I'm senile.


-Tarantula-

Dante - Put your hand in my tank one more time asshole


-Turtle-

Gracie - Get me a damn filter! Every two days I end up swimming in my own shit!

sorry for the long ass post >.>

 

[Stoic raptor]

My cat, batman: "Why the fuck did you name me batman? What kind of stupid ass name is that? Not only am I a bat or man, but you named me after a fucking powerless hero? My black and white, if you're gonna go with a crap superhero, go for rorschach or something. Now than, feed me or I will piss on your shoes again".

My other cat, Tycoon: "Shut the fuck up batman, I'm trying to sleep".

thats amazing

I have quite a fair share of animals so here goes:

-Cats-

Teddy - (bipolar cat) Mmmm, yes, see what I do with my eyebrows? I'm the only cat in this house capable of making facial expressions to attract your affection. Yes, pet me, pet me my human slave, right the- *SCRATCH* NO! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! -runs off-

Sookie - (tiny horny female) NEEEEED TO GET LAAAAAAAAID! TEDDY CANNOT SATISFY ME, HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HES DOING!!! (it's sad but hilarious, every cat is fixed except her and Teddy is the only male. He occasionally mounts her out of instinct and then proceeds to have no idea what the fuck he's doing, then leaves)

Minnie - (Ironically named fatass cat) I'm too fat to do anything and you still love me, scratch my belly cuz I said so.

Cookie - (psycho with herpes in her left eye) MILLLLLLLLLLK, ah my eye >.O


-Dog-

Dingo - (elderly canine) When are you guys gonna leave the house? I wanna knock over the garbage and eat paper plates again. You can't blame me, I'm senile.


-Tarantula-

Dante - Put your hand in my tank one more time asshole


-Turtle-

Gracie - Get me a damn filter! Every two days I end up swimming in my own shit!

sorry for the long ass post >.>

sounds funny, though i feel sorry for her. how could you do that to her. ether fix her or get her an unfixed male
your tarantula sounds pissed, wat did you do