I'm an antisocial loner, Help !

[krazykidd]

Well i need help (though in more ways than one but one step at a time alright ! ). Basically heres the problem, i am very anti social, and spend most of my time alone, and i don't really have any friends. I want to be more social, be able to talk to new people , make friends, spend time with other, basically have a social life, but any situation where i am not alone makes me nervous. I don't have much self confidence when i speak , and i have no social skills, which makes meeting people and making friends very hard.I do have people that invite me places like bars or dance clubs but i always say no because im very uncomfortable around people ( especially when theres alot of people). The only time i am capable of having anything close to a normal interaction with another person is when im drunk, so i have two choices.

a) Learn to be more social
b) Be drunk all the time

Though i have no problem with option b) it would be very expensive and until i find an alcoholic breverage that doesn't leave you smelling like alcohol i dont think that would work.

So i'm asking , is there any tips or advice you guys( and gals) can give me to become more social , be more confortable around people , and to be able to go out of my confort zone to try new things and such .

( I thought up this thread because its friday night and im all alone at home in the dark playing Mass Effect 1 , so sad`T_T )

EDIT : Yeah, one more thing , i am scared to death of embarassing myself in public, which ironically when i try not to embarasse myself i end up doing it anyways in a worst way than if i had not tried damn you karma ! .

 

[Total LOLige]

It's because you're a "NO MAN!" "Just say YES!
Be drunk all the time.

 

[FuktLogik]

Be drunk all the time until you get used to being around people.

 

[DesiPrinceX09]

First of all, turning to alcohol to improve social interactions is a very bad idea. And forgive me for sounding zealous but I despise alcohol, I really do (which is why I will NEVER drink it). You don't need to go to bars or dance clubs to be social and you don't need to drink alcohol to be fun or have fun. Imho, if you need alcohol to have fun or be fun then you're obviously not a very interesting person (not pointing at you OP I'm just stating). I'm antisocial to and I like being alone but I am also very good around people and I speak very well, but this comes naturally to me. One of the best things I can tell you is speak clearly and know what you're going to say otherwise say nothing and don't be afraid of people because they don't bite (usually, but don't be paranoid). Be yourself for heaven's sake, don't be the liquored up version of you! Present the real you and if people don't like it then you don't need to be around them. The best place to be social is at a place filled with people with similar interests, where you don't have to be cool and drink in order to be somebody.

 

[GodofCider]

Snip.

Rather simple actually. Just force yourself into social situations. You'll adjust; it's as simple as that.

Having trouble gathering up the courage to go talk to someone?

Why is this even a problem? Just walk up to them and talk.

Here's a tip:

Treat each person you encounter as if you will never see them again. So be sure to leave a good impression and be friendly. ^_^

 

[Ryan Quirt]

Doesn't always work but trial by fire. People are great at adapting when they need to. Put your self in a position that gives you no choice but to change. That one is for you to figure out. You Canadian? Join the army reg force or reserve, basic training will MAKE you be part of a team.

 

[fun-with-a-gun]

Take those people up on their offers and simply be around people. You will improve in interacting, not in starting internet threads.

Learn from each experience and when people offer an opportunity to you, take it.

 

[Duck Sandwich]

The best place to be social is at a place filled with people with similar interests, where you don't have to be cool and drink in order to be somebody.

This is good advice. Your best bet would probably be to join a club or sports team of some sort. That way, when the conversational material runs dry, you can just talk to people in your club about whatever activity the club is on (ie: you try out for basketball, and you talk to people on the team about basketball-related stuff).

 

[Vault101]

Well i need help (though in more ways than one but one step at a time alright ! ). Basically heres the problem, i am very anti social, and spend most of my time alone, and i don't really have any friends. I want to be more social, be able to talk to new people , make friends, spend time with other, basically have a social life, but any situation where i am not alone makes me nervous. I don't have much self confidence when i speak , and i have no social skills, which makes meeting people and making friends very hard.I do have people that invite me places like bars or dance clubs but i always say no because im very uncomfortable around people ( especially when theres alot of people). The only time i am capable of having anything close to a normal interaction with another person is when im drunk, so i have two choices.

a) Learn to be more social
b) Be drunk all the time

Though i have no problem with option b) it would be very expensive and until i find an alcoholic breverage that doesn't leave you smelling like alcohol i dont think that would work.

So i'm asking , is there any tips or advice you guys( and gals) can give me to become more social , be more confortable around people , and to be able to go out of my confort zone to try new things and such .

( I thought up this thread because its friday night and im all alone at home in the dark playing Mass Effect 1 , so sad`T_T )

you just gotta force yourself thats it really...see how freinds and people interact with each other and try to emulate that if its really hard, mabye try to imagine how you come across from an outsiders perspective, finding others with similar interests always helps

and somtimes just dont think just DO,

its a real pain I know but just remember you CAN be as social as you want to be

 

[Crazy Zaul]

Option A doesn't work. Your born social or your not.
Option B doesn't work. Being drunk makes you an exaggerated form of yourself so makes boring people more boring.

 

[spartan231490]

Well i need help (though in more ways than one but one step at a time alright ! ). Basically heres the problem, i am very anti social, and spend most of my time alone, and i don't really have any friends. I want to be more social, be able to talk to new people , make friends, spend time with other, basically have a social life, but any situation where i am not alone makes me nervous. I don't have much self confidence when i speak , and i have no social skills, which makes meeting people and making friends very hard.I do have people that invite me places like bars or dance clubs but i always say no because im very uncomfortable around people ( especially when theres alot of people). The only time i am capable of having anything close to a normal interaction with another person is when im drunk, so i have two choices.

a) Learn to be more social
b) Be drunk all the time

Though i have no problem with option b) it would be very expensive and until i find an alcoholic breverage that doesn't leave you smelling like alcohol i dont think that would work.

So i'm asking , is there any tips or advice you guys( and gals) can give me to become more social , be more confortable around people , and to be able to go out of my confort zone to try new things and such .

( I thought up this thread because its friday night and im all alone at home in the dark playing Mass Effect 1 , so sad`T_T )

2 pieces of advice. If the nervousness is that bad, it might literally be a diagnosable and treatable psychological issue. talk to a therapist.
2nd piece. don't go straight to bar hopping. find someone with similar interests and make a friend. rinse and repeat. Eventually you will become more confident and comfortable around people(I think, it worked for me but I was never nervous around people, just unconfident)

 

[SmartIdiot]

Jump in the deep end. It's tough at first if you're nervous and probably will continue to be for the first few times, but keep doing it. Think of things before you go out which you could use to strike up a conversation, music, movies, tv, whatever basic subject you can think of, this is a gateway. Trust me when you can open up a conversation with one of these you tend to relax a hell of a lot more and thus, it's easier to be yourself. It's a tired cliche I know but surprisingly it's also a true one. Many sociophobes and introverts (not that you are either of thesed) are this way because they can't find a gateway into conversation. Humans are a sociable species, we crave interaction, even in its simplest form. When you get past the first few steps it's easy sailing. Occasionally you'll meet some idiots and some plain B-O-R-I-N-G/moronic people, just brush it aside, that's not who you want to be socialising with.

I was in a similar position a few years ago, I took a shot and went to go an live my life and in general people aren't nearly as awful as you think they might be. You just need to have that willingness to communicate.

 

[Lem0nade Inlay]

You can do it man!

Don't turn to alcohol, I mean it can help in social situations, definitely, but don't rely on it all the time or anything.

Just say yes EVERY SINGLE TIME you're invited to go somewhere! I don't care if you were going to play Counter-Strike with your online clan buddies, fuck them! Go clubbing!

And when you are clubbing don't stand there awkardly, hang with your friends, talk to their friends and talk to randoms!

Just talk to people, it doesn't matter if you embarrass yourself somehow because you'll never see them again and if you're their friend already then they obviously won't care.

Also are you at like college or uni or something? If you are then maybe try to get involved in any sort of extra-curricular activities.

 

[Dfmlege]

This is only tangentially related, but you're not antisocial. People who are antisocial are sociopaths who basically hate everybody, and they usually end up as serial killers or whatnot. You're actually asocial, which simply means you're not that comfortable in social situations. As for your dilemma, not much I can say other than hang out with people that have similar interests, as previous posters have suggested.

 

[sheic99]

As hard as it may be, you just need to talk to people. You're probably going to school or at least have a job, so when you have to outside of the house for those force your self to talk to people, even if it's just small talk about the weather. Start small at first, just make sure you talk to one new person every day. When you start becoming more comfortable talk to two new people a day. It may occur slowly, but sure enough you will become more sociable as time goes on. It just sucks at first.

 

[Mr.Numbers]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFmeFDPiDcs

Should explain everything you need.

 

[NoeL]

First of all, turning to alcohol to improve social interactions is a very bad idea. And forgive me for sounding zealous but I despise alcohol, I really do (which is why I will NEVER drink it). You don't need to go to bars or dance clubs to be social and you don't need to drink alcohol to be fun or have fun. Imho, if you need alcohol to have fun or be fun then you're obviously not a very interesting person (not pointing at you OP I'm just stating).

With all due respect, you're not in the best position to criticise alcohol if you've never, and will never, try it.

Be yourself for heaven's sake, don't be the liquored up version of you! Present the real you and if people don't like it then you don't need to be around them.

For me (and I know I won't be alone here) the liquored up version of me is far closer to the "real" me than the sober version. Being drunk doesn't change who you are (in most cases), it just quietens your inhibitions and lets the "real" you come out and play.

Regarding the OP, alcohol is good to loosen you up and will make it easier to communicate - especially with other people that are drinking. Once you get more comfortable with talking to strangers while drinking, ease off it and try talking to people while sober.

EDIT: Don't listen to my advice, it's bad. Listen to other people telling you to join a club or sport or something.

 

[krazykidd]

First of all, turning to alcohol to improve social interactions is a very bad idea. And forgive me for sounding zealous but I despise alcohol, I really do (which is why I will NEVER drink it). You don't need to go to bars or dance clubs to be social and you don't need to drink alcohol to be fun or have fun. Imho, if you need alcohol to have fun or be fun then you're obviously not a very interesting person (not pointing at you OP I'm just stating). I'm antisocial to and I like being alone but I am also very good around people and I speak very well, but this comes naturally to me. One of the best things I can tell you is speak clearly and know what you're going to say otherwise say nothing and don't be afraid of people because they don't bite (usually, but don't be paranoid). Be yourself for heaven's sake, don't be the liquored up version of you! Present the real you and if people don't like it then you don't need to be around them. The best place to be social is at a place filled with people with similar interests, where you don't have to be cool and drink in order to be somebody.

Oh im really not an interesting person , i actually made a thread on that asking if people find themselves to be interested, i for one am very boring.

 

[Heartcafe]

Don't worry, there is a lot of people just like you who have trouble making friends. I don't think drinking all the time will help you because you'll just end up being an annoying drunk to people.
When you meet someone and want to be friends with them, take a deep breathe and say hi and introduce yourself. Hell, you can tell them that you have problems making friends and you want to try to overcome it. If they are sympathetic to you, they would probably help you out. It helped me when I was insecure about myself.

Also, it helps to not be afraid to make a fool of yourself. Sometimes acting like an idiot brings laughter to a group of friends (but don't be an idiot all the time.)

 

[ZRendZ]

A. Go post this in the advice section
B. Get a Job or a Hobby, that'll make you more social-able since you're constantly in an environment with other people around you who are also quite social.
C. Hang around with your current friend and their friends