I'm an antisocial loner, Help !

[Adrian Neyland]

The way to learn to be more social is to spend more time around people, Being with other people will help you learn how people act and interact. Also resist the erge to talk about yourself allot, people tend to like it when you show a genuine interest in them.

 

[Sexy Street]

I would suggest working out. It really helps boost your confidence, and makes you feel better about yourself. Also hanging out with your friends (like at their house or whatever) will help you get out of your shell. You'll be getting wasted and hitting on drunk bitches in no time.

 

[Communist partisan]

1. Get shitfaced.

2. Go out and try to own the world.

3. Own the world and fuck bitches.

4. Get social experience.

5. ?????

6. PROFIT!

Funny thing is my troll logic work...

 

[General_Potatoes]

Don't turn onto alcohol. It's an incredibly bad idea. Second, justt talk to some people. Organize a get-together, have an xobx or ps3 party, just throwing ideas out there.

 

[Kargathia]

and to be able to go out of my confort zone to try new things and such .

Oh, that's simple. Never say no. (except when it'll cause bodily harm or STD's)

And if you're awkward, so what? It's better being awkward than being lonely.

 

[Dexiro]

I do have people that invite me places like bars or dance clubs but i always say no because im very uncomfortable around people

There's your problem! Always say yes!

It'll still be uncomfortable a lot of the time but stick through it and eventually some of that drunk confident you will leak over into your regular social life. Not only will going out with friends give you something to talk about and reflect on, you'll also start to learn conversational skills and such.

It might even help to discuss this with your friends. Tell them you want to try being more social and they might help you along a little bit more.

 

[Alrocsmash]

Option A doesn't work. Your born social or your not.
Option B doesn't work. Being drunk makes you an exaggerated form of yourself so makes boring people more boring.

WRONG WRONG WRONG on option B.

You dont drink much do you?

 

[Phlakes]

Take a look at your awkwardness and anti-socialness.

Go ahead. I'll wait.

Done?

Alright, now punch it in the face and tell it to piss off.

Now go to the next thing you're invited to. Done.

 

[SiegeJack]

1st! You're not antisocial, you simply have zero social skills. If you were antisocial, we wouldn't be posting about this. Two! Mimic others. I don't mean perfectly to one person. Simply try to watch how they act in a situation. Lots of gestures and talking easily? Mimic them. Loud and obnoxious? I don't need to explain. Three! Pretend you actually have social skills. Saying you don't won't make you gain them. Don't be awkward, talk freely. And don't be self-deprecating, unless it's for comedic reasons.

And thus, you have a formula for social interaction.

Protip: Don't drink and socialize, you'll inevitably make an ass out of yourself.

Alternatively, go join a chat group. That'll give you some social experience. At the possible cost to one's sanity/ creating friends/enemies.

 

[Stall]

Exercise. It will make you more confident. Trust me... just do it. It will work.

In addition, take baby steps. Start off by smiling to one passer-by everyday, then move on to a quick "hello" to those same passer-bys or conversing with the cashier when you are buying groceries or lunch. Eventually, you'll feel more and more confident in social situations. And as creepy as this sounds, don't be afraid to talk to yourself. If you can't talk to yourself, then you won't have any hopes talking to other people. You can even use this to help your enunciation and skill at oration in general, giving you even more confidence (look up techniques to do this... they range from cork at the back of your mouth to biting down on a pencil).

 

[Sam Doctorman]

i used to be like you i got over it by swallowing my pride

 

[zarix2311]

Well i need help (though in more ways than one but one step at a time alright ! ). Basically heres the problem, i am very anti social, and spend most of my time alone, and i don't really have any friends. I want to be more social, be able to talk to new people , make friends, spend time with other, basically have a social life, but any situation where i am not alone makes me nervous. I don't have much self confidence when i speak , and i have no social skills, which makes meeting people and making friends very hard.I do have people that invite me places like bars or dance clubs but i always say no because im very uncomfortable around people ( especially when theres alot of people). The only time i am capable of having anything close to a normal interaction with another person is when im drunk, so i have two choices.

a) Learn to be more social
b) Be drunk all the time

Though i have no problem with option b) it would be very expensive and until i find an alcoholic breverage that doesn't leave you smelling like alcohol i dont think that would work.

So i'm asking , is there any tips or advice you guys( and gals) can give me to become more social , be more confortable around people , and to be able to go out of my confort zone to try new things and such .

( I thought up this thread because its friday night and im all alone at home in the dark playing Mass Effect 1 , so sad`T_T )

EDIT : Yeah, one more thing , i am scared to death of embarassing myself in public, which ironically when i try not to embarasse myself i end up doing it anyways in a worst way than if i had not tried damn you karma ! .

That's not sad! I'm going on almost four days in my basement playing Diablo 1 and 2. That's sad!
Aside from that maybe give them both a test drive and see which one works better for you. (and your friends, if that's part of your concern.)

 

[Smerf]

never again leave your house. stay away from all people. you you see the light of day run back into your cave. oh, you wanted to be more social? then do the opposite of what i said.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Quotey stuff.

Strange timing, I was approached by a girl who had the exact same problem (minus video games as a hobby) and of course she had some other issues due to... a bad childhood. What she needed and what you need is to just throw yourself into the world, baptism by fire style.

Hell, a few years ago my life was Xbox Live and Games For Windows, that was it (along with The Sims). How did I improve? 2 reasons: 1, I wanted to and 2, I used the friends I made online to support me, they lived like 10 miles away from me and I ended up going to the same college as them. Anyone can turn their life around, you just have to want to.

Anyway, my reccomendation is try going into a bar, order some food and have some casual drinks (don't get drunk), see what everyone else around you does, if anyone just randomly approaches someone else, see if what they're doing works and if you can do it, too. Look at it as gaining experience in your socialising skill, if you like. You start off watching everyone else do the demonstration, then you try the tutorial and finally apply it to the game for real.

Sorry I can't offer any more, but I hope what little I've bashed out here was of use, somehow.

 

[Turing '88]

For me (and I know I won't be alone here) the liquored up version of me is far closer to the "real" me than the sober version. Being drunk doesn't change who you are (in most cases), it just quietens your inhibitions and lets the "real" you come out and play.

Regarding the OP, alcohol is good to loosen you up and will make it easier to communicate - especially with other people that are drinking. Once you get more comfortable with talking to strangers while drinking, ease off it and try talking to people while sober.

EDIT: Don't listen to my advice, it's bad. Listen to other people telling you to join a club or sport or something.

Haha, I would agree with you, except that means the "real" me likes getting naked and acting like a twat!

OT: I could understand if you had trouble making friends, talking to randomers can be hard and takes practice. If you have friends already inviting you out though realise you are already a step up from many people.

Just force yourself to go out, or like others have said join a club. There is no solution other than talk to people, go out and meet people and stuff like that to get more confidence. A few things to remember though (these may or may not apply to you!):

1. Everyone says stupid stuff. I know a lot of people who fret over daft things they say. If you do this, remember everyone says daft stuff but everyone else forgets what you say too

2. You don't have to be the centre of attention. If you're not comfortable being in the limelight that's fine, don't try and be.

3. Get Friends who you get on with(sounds daft and obvious but is important). My mates wouldn't even know what linux means, most of them struggle to uninstall software on their PC, meanwhile I'm using DLL injections and API Hooks to edit existing software which, while not hard, is something they couldn't begin to fathom. Yet we still get on. You don't have to have the same interests, just see if you 'click'. I've dropped attractive girls and not spoken to "friends" before just because I didn't 'click' with them and you should too, although don't be rude.

Have you tried asking for mates on here? See if anyone lives near you? Most people on here seem sound tbh.

By the way, if i've come across patronising anywhere I apologise, it's just hard to tell what people know and what they don't .

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

EDIT : Yeah, one more thing , i am scared to death of embarassing myself in public, which ironically when i try not to embarasse myself i end up doing it anyways in a worst way than if i had not tried damn you karma ! .

This right here shows why you only play nicely with others when you're drinking. To illustrate, all my life I was a terrible dancer. As a musician, I was capable of sticking to the beat, but my movements were always stiff, never graceful. The reason? I was too self conscious to loosen up and properly move with the music. Fast forward to the year I turned 21, and I find out I actually can dance -- It just took a little (alcoholic) push to make me loosen up and stop being so critical of myself. Now, I have to point out, it's not the alcohol that allowed me to dance -- it's the loosening of inhibitions that the alcohol brought on. What you need to do is get out there and put yourself into social situations, and not exclusively the kind that involve alcohol. If you spend enough time around other people, you'll hopefully learn that they aren't all that scary. That said, you might want to talk to an actual therapist about this; internet armchair psychologists aren't the best source of information for something like this.

 

[Kevlar Eater]

This is only tangentially related, but you're not antisocial. People who are antisocial are sociopaths who basically hate everybody, and they usually end up as serial killers or whatnot. You're actually asocial, which simply means you're not that comfortable in social situations. As for your dilemma, not much I can say other than hang out with people that have similar interests, as previous posters have suggested.

This. Oh dear god, this. So many people mistake asocial for antisocial, and so few people know the difference between the two it's disheartening.

 

[Radelaide]

Manning up is always an option. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you need to push through whatever anxiety is making you like this and beat the crap out of it.

 

[thedeathscythe]

How old are you? If you're still in highschool, talk more in class. Now, I'm not talking about chatting to your neighbour, but join in any discussions. If you have a group project, take the lead and talk to everyone. You feel like you're antisocial but you just don't have good social skills is all. Entertaining people is not easy or a skill everyone has, public speaking is not a skill everyone has, but you can work on them. I found as I participated more in highschool, I became more confident. Most of the people were my friends, but some people I rarely talked to, so it was sometimes nerve-wracking being in a group of 5 people and I don't say more than a hello to each of them everyday. Have fun with stuff like that and you'll find your groove.

Some of my buddies aren't necessarily antisocial. My friends and I were talking to these girls, and they were pretty hot. My one friend who I'll call Ace, isn't the most social person. He's not shy, but he usually talks the least out of any in our group if we're around strangers. Now, he probably hit it off the best with these girls since he would always choose what he said wisely, and came in with jokes and interesting comments. I talked my ass off, and probably blew it with all of them (not that we even got any of their numbers, but if we tried, I'm sure they'd say "Yeah, give us all your numbers, oh but not you, we don't need it."), and he came in here and there and totally charmed them.

Maybe you're not going to be the main act when chatting with girls, maybe you're more of a sniper and come in here or there, you don't really know yet and I think that that's you're problem. You're not antisocial, you just don't know your own strengths and you haven't honed your abilities.