I'm in need of some one to talk to.

[Devilskins]

I've had what is possibly the worst few weeks of my life. Me and my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years are on a break because of problems with my relationship, this has terrified me to no end because of how much I love her and it makes me feel incredibly ill thinking that we'll break up. this also came around the same day that I got diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression, the former of which is what I think started the relationship problems.
I really don't know what to do with myself and I feel scared and miserable almost all the time. I feel so scared that this might be the end of a relationship with the woman I love and eventually wanted to marry, I also feel like I just won't meet anyone else because of the kind of person I am... I'm not confident in myself at all and just thinking about trying to meet someone else kills me. I've been trying to get counselling but because of the time of the year it's taking a lot longer than expected to sort out and see someone and I'm not sure how much longer I can go without talking with someone...

 

[Shymer]

Hello. I saw your post and I am sorry to hear of your situation. It's clearly a difficult time for you, and feelings of loneliness and anxiety can be particularly strong at this time of year. Hang in there - things will improve.

It's a really positive sign that you're looking for counselling. Far better, perhaps, than an online forum for meeting people who can listen to you. I know how hard it can be to reach out for help. It's a good sign and a great first step.

Your low mood and anxiety are connected to your thoughts and behaviour in a complex mesh. On the downside, this means that dwelling on the future or the past too much will not help. A bit of reflection and planning are essential, but worrying about the future may only continue the low mood. On the upside, it means that small changes to your daily activities can help re-establish more positive thoughts and alleviate symptoms of anxiety (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy "CBT" courses offer good material for this if you can get on one).

In the short-term - until you can talk your situation through with a counsellor or other qualified person, I suggest you start small by identifying some activities that make you feel better. Then have a look at the them and make sure you have activities that include others (sociable), activities that give you a sense of achievement and activities that your enjoy. Make a sketch weekly plan that includes a blend of these activities - with necessary or routine activities (working, paying bills). Then just try following the plan. It is sometimes useful to include 30 minutes worry time where you are allowed to fret and worry about the future for a bit.

My list includes taking a shower, phoning a family member, taking a friend out to lunch, walking for 30 minutes. I find a blend and balance of activities is important. Then check your diet and exercise. B vitamins are useful and you may not be getting enough of them. Regularly exercise can really help with low mood.

I hope that helps and I wish you good luck.

 

[Glongpre]

...

You could try working out, as there are studies, and many anecdotal stories that have shown it is extremely effective in treating depression.

I deal with anxiety all the time, but in the past few years I have gotten much better at dealing with it. I focus too much on the past and future, thinking what could go wrong, what are they thinking, etc. You need to let go of your fears and focus solely on the present (which is freaking hard, I tell you what). Try meditation. No specifics needed really, find a nice quiet and/or peaceful place (for you), close your eyes and focus on deep breathing. Don't actively suppress thoughts, but just let them come and go. Try and stay in the present, listen to your surroundings, feel the air on your skin, the taste in your mouth. Do not think of why, just sense it and know it is there and move on.

You do not need a partner to be happy. But you do need to be happy with yourself. Once you learn to love yourself more, you will feel so much better. It starts with letting go of fears, and thus your anxiety. To let go of fears you must live in the present. Introspection is incredible important, but DO NOT FOCUS ON NEGATIVES. Ask why? Why do I feel this way? Should I feel this way? Explore your thoughts.

Do not worry about the loss of this woman. This is not love, it is possession. How does she feel in this relationship? Perhaps she does not share your feelings? Is it fair for her to stay?

I like reading quotes, because it allows me to think about myself, what my ideas about life are.
There is one quote,
"If you love a flower, don't pick it up.
Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love.
So if you love a flower, let it be.
Love is not about possession.
Love is about appreciation." -Osho

Appreciate yourself for what you are. You are not an anxious or depressed individual! Those are your fears manifesting themselves. Do not be afraid to be yourself! When you can truly express yourself, whether through showing excitement for a comic book(or whatever you like!), or through expressing your emotions(or whatever gives you anxiety), you will become happy and content.

But a question. Have you talked with your girlfriend? Have a very honest talk with her. This is very important because it seems like many of your problems are stemming from this relationship. Have a very honest talk with her.

Shymer gave good advice.