I'm not doing so well.

[Azure Sky]

Uhm... It's more ups and downs now. I can be surprisingly, and unnervingly, happy for no reason. Quite strange.

Firstly, martial arts seems like a big old waste of time and money to me.

Also, I do have a hobby, it's video games but I guess everyone knew that. I also used to drum until I started feeling like this. I realized that it's not worth the time or money, so I cancelled my lessons and sold my drum kit. It's not as easy as saying "Go find something to live for" because I can't. I just can't.

If it is ups and downs, then it is more than likely one of the more common branches of Depression.

The reason I suggested Martial Arts (And the reason I also do them, actual interest notwithstanding) is because the mental discipline that comes with it probably the best natural counter to the standard feelings of 'can't be arsed, waste of time, not in the mood, etc' that I have found. Way cheaper than the cocktail of meds that the doctors would probably recommend at any rate.

As for hobbies, I am also a gamer, as well as avid anime watcher. =3

So I really mean it when I say that having something that takes you out of the house and pushes you a little was the best choice I made in years.

You never know until you try it, right? =3

 

[Azure Sky]

Now personally, I like to view depression and chronic anxiety as a symptom for something else. (Yes, there's just depression, but soooo many things can cause it, its good to be thorough) Are you eating right? Getting enough sleep? Getting some exercise? Are you having any health or physical quirks? Take note of anything abnormal and get it checked out.

Also, why don't you have any aspirations for the future? Does nothing appeal to you? Feel like everything's out of reach?

Eating less than normal, I feel exhausted a lot of the time, no exercise at all and, I don't think it's relevant but, I've had a cough and a cold that should last a week or two but has lasted 4x that.

Also, yes. Nothing appeals to me. It's not that everything's out of reach... It's just that... I just don't find anything worth aspiring for.

(Didn't see the second post, cfa editing)
Just advice from personal observation.
1, Eating less, if it is not completely choice, is probably caused by a slow metabolism/low energy requirement (see #2)
2, Constantly exhausted is probably caused by not doing anything, which is fed off depression and its feeling of nothing is worth doing. Bad bad cycle, been there, very hard to break.
3, Being sick like that is caused by a slowed metabolism unfortunately, having that exhausted feeling amplifies this.

Depression has that feeling of nothing is worth it/appealing, most people who have suffered from it know the feeling, and we know how hard it is to change it.

 

[Jaranja]

Uhm... It's more ups and downs now. I can be surprisingly, and unnervingly, happy for no reason. Quite strange.

Firstly, martial arts seems like a big old waste of time and money to me.

Also, I do have a hobby, it's video games but I guess everyone knew that. I also used to drum until I started feeling like this. I realized that it's not worth the time or money, so I cancelled my lessons and sold my drum kit. It's not as easy as saying "Go find something to live for" because I can't. I just can't.

If it is ups and downs, then it is more than likely one of the more common branches of Depression.

The reason I suggested Martial Arts (And the reason I also do them, actual interest notwithstanding) is because the mental discipline that comes with it probably the best natural counter to the standard feelings of 'can't be arsed, waste of time, not in the mood, etc' that I have found. Way cheaper than the cocktail of meds that the doctors would probably recommend at any rate.

As for hobbies, I am also a gamer, as well as avid anime watcher. =3

So I really mean it when I say that having something that takes you out of the house and pushes you a little was the best choice I made in years.

You never know until you try it, right? =3

When I don't feel horribly down, I do go to school and whatnot but it's a struggle for me to get out of bed when I am down. I mean, the other day I woke up at 5AM and got out of bed at 11AM.

 

[Azure Sky]

When I don't feel horribly down, I do go to school and whatnot but it's a struggle for me to get out of bed when I am down. I mean, the other day I woke up at 5AM and got out of bed at 11AM.

While it's not as severe, I do know that feeling. (having sleeping hours that seem to be utterly random doesn't help, but that's something else entirely)

I do find that if you have something to aim at, even if it just for the sake of say... Completing a certificate, daily list, schedule, etc, that it becomes a little easier.

Getting my ass started on something was more than half the battle, the rest just fell into line after that. (I am sooo glad I am no longer in school, no way I could keep those times XD)

In the end, while I am the last person to recommend medication as the answer to something, it will probably be worth just taking a look around for info, how other people deal with it, etc.

 

[similar.squirrel]

Same situation, except I'm embarrassingly 20. Get your head down and focus on learning something that will earn you money in future.

 

[Aphex Demon]

This is probably stupid, stupid talk, but do you play games online?
I'm no professional so I'm not gonna make a speech but you more than welcome to come play games with me and my friends, whatever that game may be... #dofeelfreetotellmetofuckoff

 

[BonsaiK]

I feel like I have nothing to live for. I feel like I don't have a future. I have no aspirations or motivation for anything. Almost all the joy in my life is gone. I don't get satisfaction out of games anymore and I feel like I'm just drifting through life.

I had something similar to this about a year ago for a few years and it's come back since my girlfriend dumped me.

Give me some advice.

I feel you. I have problems with clinical depression too. In approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes the security buzzer in the building I'm typing this message in, is going to go off. That means someone is at the door. I'm going to open it, and a well known cult musician, someone considered a pioneer in his genre, a person that certain groups of people around the world would kill to meet, is going to be standing there, pleased to see me. We're going to shake hands, he's going to give me a bunch of fantastic free stuff and then we're going to talk live on a radio station for about 2 hours. I'm nonchalant about it to the point where I forgot he was even coming in until I reminded myself by typing this message to you just now, because my emotions are deadened by the depression that haunts me all the time. Remembering it now, I'm not even excited. I deal with the depression not with drugs (against my beliefs) or with therapy (too expensive and they can't tell me anything I don't already know) but by positive thinking. I tell myself that I'm going to ride on through the depression and get to the other side, and I always do. It sucks and it's difficult, but it's not impossible, and I'll never quit, because there's too many assholes in this world, and if I check out, it means that they win. Fuck that, I'm never checking out, I hate the assholes I know enough to make sure I'll stay as permanent an annoyance to them as I can.

Your depression is situational - there are specific things that are impacting it. It may be partly biological as well (clinical depression) but there's definitely a situational element. You'll know if you have clinical depression, because everything in your life will be sorted out, you'll have all the things you want in life and you'll still be going "goddamn I'm depressed". Until that point, we just don't know.

Drumming is cool, you should have kept that up and joined a band. Not too late to start again though. Drummers are always in high demand too, so easy to get in a good band if you can drum a bit. I've drummed in touring bands and I'm a shitty drummer, imagine what someone with a bit of skill could achieve. When you're depressed, you have to force yourself to do things. You probably know this all too well. Depression is like a railcart made of lead - it takes a lot of effort to get it moving in a good direction. However, just like the lead railcart, once you get it moving, you'll find that it never stops moving, it's got a ton of momentum and it's just as difficult to stop it as it is to start it up. Get the momentum going and you can achieve amazing things, with ten times the stamina of anybody. That's what I've done and that's why I'm now sitting in the room that I'm sitting in, waiting for this guy - that's partly the result of decisions I made over ten years ago. People can say nice things but no-one can make the lead cart move but you. You just have to do it.

Or, go see a doctor. I wish I had that option. You could try it, but be careful - medications affect everyone differently, and they all have side-effects. Research is your friend. Good luck in any case.

 

[Jaranja]

I feel like I have nothing to live for. I feel like I don't have a future. I have no aspirations or motivation for anything. Almost all the joy in my life is gone. I don't get satisfaction out of games anymore and I feel like I'm just drifting through life.

I had something similar to this about a year ago for a few years and it's come back since my girlfriend dumped me.

Give me some advice.

I feel you. I have problems with clinical depression too. In approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes the security buzzer in the building I'm typing this message in, is going to go off. That means someone is at the door. I'm going to open it, and a well known cult musician, someone considered a pioneer in his genre, a person that certain groups of people around the world would kill to meet, is going to be standing there, pleased to see me. We're going to shake hands, he's going to give me a bunch of fantastic free stuff and then we're going to talk live on a radio station for about 2 hours. I'm nonchalant about it to the point where I forgot he was even coming in until I reminded myself by typing this message to you just now, because my emotions are deadened by the depression that haunts me all the time. Remembering it now, I'm not even excited. I deal with the depression not with drugs (against my beliefs) or with therapy (too expensive and they can't tell me anything I don't already know) but by positive thinking. I tell myself that I'm going to ride on through the depression and get to the other side, and I always do. It sucks and it's difficult, but it's not impossible, and I'll never quit, because there's too many assholes in this world, and if I check out, it means that they win. Fuck that, I'm never checking out, I hate the assholes I know enough to make sure I'll stay as permanent an annoyance to them as I can.

Your depression is situational - there are specific things that are impacting it. It may be partly biological as well (clinical depression) but there's definitely a situational element. You'll know if you have clinical depression, because everything in your life will be sorted out, you'll have all the things you want in life and you'll still be going "goddamn I'm depressed". Until that point, we just don't know.

Drumming is cool, you should have kept that up and joined a band. Not too late to start again though. Drummers are always in high demand too, so easy to get in a good band if you can drum a bit. I've drummed in touring bands and I'm a shitty drummer, imagine what someone with a bit of skill could achieve. When you're depressed, you have to force yourself to do things. You probably know this all too well. Depression is like a railcart made of lead - it takes a lot of effort to get it moving in a good direction. However, just like the lead railcart, once you get it moving, you'll find that it never stops moving, it's got a ton of momentum and it's just as difficult to stop it as it is to start it up. Get the momentum going and you can achieve amazing things, with ten times the stamina of anybody. That's what I've done and that's why I'm now sitting in the room that I'm sitting in, waiting for this guy - that's partly the result of decisions I made over ten years ago. People can say nice things but no-one can make the lead cart move but you. You just have to do it.

Or, go see a doctor. I wish I had that option. You could try it, but be careful - medications affect everyone differently, and they all have side-effects. Research is your friend. Good luck in any case.

I'm going to start replying to everyone in this thread now but, this one first. Your situational doesn't sound all that nice and I certainly do not envy you.

I had a huge mood swing last night and became very depressed, almost to the point of suicide... I even told my best friend that I never want to speak with him again and... I miss him. I'm going to try and sort everything out with him later.

Since about 11AM I've felt nonchalant, apathetic. To me, this is the best time to talk about what's going on so I went to see the doctor. He said I have depression but, as he was just a GP, he couldn't tell me what type. He also told me that I probably have a thyroid problem. I'm going to get a bloodtest done next week to confirm.

So basically, I have depression and it might well be exacerbated by an under active thyroid. Hooray for me.

It's too late. My drum kit cost £700 and I don't have the money to start practicing again.

This may seem a bit redundant but I hope everything goes well for you and this famous guy.

 

[Jaranja]

This is probably stupid, stupid talk, but do you play games online?
I'm no professional so I'm not gonna make a speech but you more than welcome to come play games with me and my friends, whatever that game may be... #dofeelfreetotellmetofuckoff

I'm not going to tell you to fuck off. I used to play online games but now I mostly stick to Single Player.

 

[Jaranja]

When I don't feel horribly down, I do go to school and whatnot but it's a struggle for me to get out of bed when I am down. I mean, the other day I woke up at 5AM and got out of bed at 11AM.

While it's not as severe, I do know that feeling. (having sleeping hours that seem to be utterly random doesn't help, but that's something else entirely)

I do find that if you have something to aim at, even if it just for the sake of say... Completing a certificate, daily list, schedule, etc, that it becomes a little easier.

Getting my ass started on something was more than half the battle, the rest just fell into line after that. (I am sooo glad I am no longer in school, no way I could keep those times XD)

In the end, while I am the last person to recommend medication as the answer to something, it will probably be worth just taking a look around for info, how other people deal with it, etc.

I'm against medication. I saw how the medication my cousin took completely changed him. He's not my cousin anymore.

Everyone keeps telling me to get up and do something but... It's so hard to push myself to do anything, even something that people would find fun.

Also, when I do start doing something, there's always something to knock me off. I try to play a game, it doesn't stop crashing. I buy myself a new graphics card, they charge me twice and don't pay me back. I try to get into school, I get verbally abused by the teachers and get tons of work dropped on my head AND I get all the other people at school making fun of me for being stupid and never coming into school...

Living is hard enough when you don't do anything but... Everything just makes it impossible to bear.

 

[Jaranja]

Same situation, except I'm embarrassingly 20. Get your head down and focus on learning something that will earn you money in future.

Thanks for the advice but... It's not very good advice.

 

[Aphex Demon]

This is probably stupid, stupid talk, but do you play games online?
I'm no professional so I'm not gonna make a speech but you more than welcome to come play games with me and my friends, whatever that game may be... #dofeelfreetotellmetofuckoff

I'm not going to tell you to fuck off. I used to play online games but now I mostly stick to Single Player.

Well Halo is always a great laugh when me and my buddies play... hit me up if you fancy it man.

 

[BonsaiK]

I feel like I have nothing to live for. I feel like I don't have a future. I have no aspirations or motivation for anything. Almost all the joy in my life is gone. I don't get satisfaction out of games anymore and I feel like I'm just drifting through life.

I had something similar to this about a year ago for a few years and it's come back since my girlfriend dumped me.

Give me some advice.

I feel you. I have problems with clinical depression too. In approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes the security buzzer in the building I'm typing this message in, is going to go off. That means someone is at the door. I'm going to open it, and a well known cult musician, someone considered a pioneer in his genre, a person that certain groups of people around the world would kill to meet, is going to be standing there, pleased to see me. We're going to shake hands, he's going to give me a bunch of fantastic free stuff and then we're going to talk live on a radio station for about 2 hours. I'm nonchalant about it to the point where I forgot he was even coming in until I reminded myself by typing this message to you just now, because my emotions are deadened by the depression that haunts me all the time. Remembering it now, I'm not even excited. I deal with the depression not with drugs (against my beliefs) or with therapy (too expensive and they can't tell me anything I don't already know) but by positive thinking. I tell myself that I'm going to ride on through the depression and get to the other side, and I always do. It sucks and it's difficult, but it's not impossible, and I'll never quit, because there's too many assholes in this world, and if I check out, it means that they win. Fuck that, I'm never checking out, I hate the assholes I know enough to make sure I'll stay as permanent an annoyance to them as I can.

Your depression is situational - there are specific things that are impacting it. It may be partly biological as well (clinical depression) but there's definitely a situational element. You'll know if you have clinical depression, because everything in your life will be sorted out, you'll have all the things you want in life and you'll still be going "goddamn I'm depressed". Until that point, we just don't know.

Drumming is cool, you should have kept that up and joined a band. Not too late to start again though. Drummers are always in high demand too, so easy to get in a good band if you can drum a bit. I've drummed in touring bands and I'm a shitty drummer, imagine what someone with a bit of skill could achieve. When you're depressed, you have to force yourself to do things. You probably know this all too well. Depression is like a railcart made of lead - it takes a lot of effort to get it moving in a good direction. However, just like the lead railcart, once you get it moving, you'll find that it never stops moving, it's got a ton of momentum and it's just as difficult to stop it as it is to start it up. Get the momentum going and you can achieve amazing things, with ten times the stamina of anybody. That's what I've done and that's why I'm now sitting in the room that I'm sitting in, waiting for this guy - that's partly the result of decisions I made over ten years ago. People can say nice things but no-one can make the lead cart move but you. You just have to do it.

Or, go see a doctor. I wish I had that option. You could try it, but be careful - medications affect everyone differently, and they all have side-effects. Research is your friend. Good luck in any case.

I'm going to start replying to everyone in this thread now but, this one first. Your situational doesn't sound all that nice and I certainly do not envy you.

I had a huge mood swing last night and became very depressed, almost to the point of suicide... I even told my best friend that I never want to speak with him again and... I miss him. I'm going to try and sort everything out with him later.

Since about 11AM I've felt nonchalant, apathetic. To me, this is the best time to talk about what's going on so I went to see the doctor. He said I have depression but, as he was just a GP, he couldn't tell me what type. He also told me that I probably have a thyroid problem. I'm going to get a bloodtest done next week to confirm.

So basically, I have depression and it might well be exacerbated by an under active thyroid. Hooray for me.

It's too late. My drum kit cost £700 and I don't have the money to start practicing again.

This may seem a bit redundant but I hope everything goes well for you and this famous guy.

It'll be fine. But he's late! He should have been here 10 minutes ago. Goddamnit.

Get a secondhand kit, 700 pound is huge, you don't need to spend even a third that much to start practicing. Just get a shitty kit for now.

Life is always going to hand you sucky things, that's just how life is. You can't change that, that's not within your circle of control. You can however change your attitude towards it. Don't get so easily discouraged. Power through the shitty stuff and get to the good stuff - or just get to more shitty stuff and then power through that too. Don't ever stop.

Shit, h'e's here. bye now.

 

[Jaranja]

I feel like I have nothing to live for. I feel like I don't have a future. I have no aspirations or motivation for anything. Almost all the joy in my life is gone. I don't get satisfaction out of games anymore and I feel like I'm just drifting through life.

I had something similar to this about a year ago for a few years and it's come back since my girlfriend dumped me.

Give me some advice.

I feel you. I have problems with clinical depression too. In approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes the security buzzer in the building I'm typing this message in, is going to go off. That means someone is at the door. I'm going to open it, and a well known cult musician, someone considered a pioneer in his genre, a person that certain groups of people around the world would kill to meet, is going to be standing there, pleased to see me. We're going to shake hands, he's going to give me a bunch of fantastic free stuff and then we're going to talk live on a radio station for about 2 hours. I'm nonchalant about it to the point where I forgot he was even coming in until I reminded myself by typing this message to you just now, because my emotions are deadened by the depression that haunts me all the time. Remembering it now, I'm not even excited. I deal with the depression not with drugs (against my beliefs) or with therapy (too expensive and they can't tell me anything I don't already know) but by positive thinking. I tell myself that I'm going to ride on through the depression and get to the other side, and I always do. It sucks and it's difficult, but it's not impossible, and I'll never quit, because there's too many assholes in this world, and if I check out, it means that they win. Fuck that, I'm never checking out, I hate the assholes I know enough to make sure I'll stay as permanent an annoyance to them as I can.

Your depression is situational - there are specific things that are impacting it. It may be partly biological as well (clinical depression) but there's definitely a situational element. You'll know if you have clinical depression, because everything in your life will be sorted out, you'll have all the things you want in life and you'll still be going "goddamn I'm depressed". Until that point, we just don't know.

Drumming is cool, you should have kept that up and joined a band. Not too late to start again though. Drummers are always in high demand too, so easy to get in a good band if you can drum a bit. I've drummed in touring bands and I'm a shitty drummer, imagine what someone with a bit of skill could achieve. When you're depressed, you have to force yourself to do things. You probably know this all too well. Depression is like a railcart made of lead - it takes a lot of effort to get it moving in a good direction. However, just like the lead railcart, once you get it moving, you'll find that it never stops moving, it's got a ton of momentum and it's just as difficult to stop it as it is to start it up. Get the momentum going and you can achieve amazing things, with ten times the stamina of anybody. That's what I've done and that's why I'm now sitting in the room that I'm sitting in, waiting for this guy - that's partly the result of decisions I made over ten years ago. People can say nice things but no-one can make the lead cart move but you. You just have to do it.

Or, go see a doctor. I wish I had that option. You could try it, but be careful - medications affect everyone differently, and they all have side-effects. Research is your friend. Good luck in any case.

I'm going to start replying to everyone in this thread now but, this one first. Your situational doesn't sound all that nice and I certainly do not envy you.

I had a huge mood swing last night and became very depressed, almost to the point of suicide... I even told my best friend that I never want to speak with him again and... I miss him. I'm going to try and sort everything out with him later.

Since about 11AM I've felt nonchalant, apathetic. To me, this is the best time to talk about what's going on so I went to see the doctor. He said I have depression but, as he was just a GP, he couldn't tell me what type. He also told me that I probably have a thyroid problem. I'm going to get a bloodtest done next week to confirm.

So basically, I have depression and it might well be exacerbated by an under active thyroid. Hooray for me.

It's too late. My drum kit cost £700 and I don't have the money to start practicing again.

This may seem a bit redundant but I hope everything goes well for you and this famous guy.

It'll be fine. But he's late! He should have been here 10 minutes ago. Goddamnit.

Get a secondhand kit, 700 pound is huge, you don't need to spend even a third that much to start practicing. Just get a shitty kit for now.

Life is always going to hand you sucky things, that's just how life is. You can't change that, that's not within your circle of control. You can however change your attitude towards it. Don't get so easily discouraged. Power through the shitty stuff and get to the good stuff - or just get to more shitty stuff and then power through that too. Don't ever stop.

Shit, h'e's here. bye now.

Well, I got a 700 pound kit because I've been playing for about 5/6 years now.

EDIT: I was in a band but got kicked out because a better friend of the rest of the band members wanted to be the drummer instead.

Happens a lot.

 

[KiKiweaky]

Not exactly a doctor or anything but you sound alot like me, minus the shitty moods and exaustion. I came home from college yesterday saying I was going to do alot of stuff and then just sorta did nothing til about 12... Its called being lazy. I've even come to odd point where computer games are actually kind of boring, well single player anyway. I got Shogun 2 and I'm not really playing it that much, I'm going to blame mmo's for this though as I really enjoyed them and the laugh you can have with 10 - 15 people on vent shouldnt be under estimated.

Compared to alot of people most of us on this forum have nothing to complain about, I hate to use the term 'white people problems' but thats what they are. You have so much time on your hands your bored or whatever. Do something anything, ring yer mates n go watch a film go for a drive whatever it is you do.

Have you talked to anyone besides people on the forum about what your going through?

To tell you the truth once I finish college I'm shit scared about what I'm going to do, get a job? I can barely get out of bed myself, I got lucky or unlucky I'm begining to think that I never had to move out to attend college and now with responsibilities looming I dont know how well I'm going to handle it. But fuck it I can give it a go anyway =D

 

[Azure Sky]

I'm against medication. I saw how the medication my cousin took completely changed him. He's not my cousin anymore.

Everyone keeps telling me to get up and do something but... It's so hard to push myself to do anything, even something that people would find fun.

Also, when I do start doing something, there's always something to knock me off. I try to play a game, it doesn't stop crashing. I buy myself a new graphics card, they charge me twice and don't pay me back. I try to get into school, I get verbally abused by the teachers and get tons of work dropped on my head AND I get all the other people at school making fun of me for being stupid and never coming into school...

Living is hard enough when you don't do anything but... Everything just makes it impossible to bear.

Half agree on the medication thing, the many types have different effect and side effects, it's kinda scary how many types of meds there are for the same problem.
I was also taking meds for various things since I was 4, till about 15, so yeah, I even avoid meds for the common cold. =3

But yeah, that's the hardest part of depression, things do take so much effort to start, and every little thing that rocks the boat hits like a truck. The best advice I can give is to pick something, one thing, and keep trying. Like my Martial Arts suggestion for instance, not many outside influences that can hold you back, like with the band example you mentioned in another post. I always found a more hands-on learning waaay more effective anyway, I seriously sucked at any form of 'book learning'. =(

Edit: Well, I avoid 'pharmaceutical' medication at any rate.

 

[BonsaiK]

EDIT: I was in a band but got kicked out because a better friend of the rest of the band members wanted to be the drummer instead.

Happens a lot.

Simple solution to band woes - do what I did. Start a new band, one where you call the shots and decide who you want to play with.

 

[Jaranja]

EDIT: I was in a band but got kicked out because a better friend of the rest of the band members wanted to be the drummer instead.

Happens a lot.

Simple solution to band woes - do what I did. Start a new band, one where you call the shots and decide who you want to play with.

Not forward enough. I don't have my drum kit anymore and I don't have any money that I'm willing to use. I don't have a job either.

 

[BonsaiK]

EDIT: I was in a band but got kicked out because a better friend of the rest of the band members wanted to be the drummer instead.

Happens a lot.

Simple solution to band woes - do what I did. Start a new band, one where you call the shots and decide who you want to play with.

Not forward enough. I don't have my drum kit anymore and I don't have any money that I'm willing to use. I don't have a job either.

So get a job then.

Surely you can rustle up a secondhand kit with very minimal money, even without a job. I work with some of the brokest people alive and yet they can acquire instruments somehow. And a great way to be more "forward" is to get practice at it. Practice makes perfect with anything whether it be drumming or talking to other people.

 

[ChaoticKraus]

I won't say i had a depression (i didn't get it properly checked) but i did have a "downer" period for a little over 7 months a couple of years. It was pretty much what you described in your OP.

I really agree with previous posters, you really have to push yourself to do something and try to make an improvement. I started to run, every day in an effort to improve physical condition and lose weight. Even if it took me the entire day to gather the will to do that i would force myself to do it, no matter how hard it was.

It really is you against your own demons, you can't let them win. When you're at rock bottom you have nothing to lose, set a goal and just do it. It doesn't matter what it is, following BonsaiKs advice and picking up drumming again makes sense if you already have experience doing it.

In the end i came out of the process much stronger than i was before and are now in a much better place mentally, physically and educationally. If the pathetic wretch that was me could do it, so can anyone. Fight your demons, you have nothing to lose.