I'm not successful when it comes to the ladies.

[Jordi]

My serious advice is just to persue your own interests and eventually someone will come along.

Don't worry, OP. It seems hard now, but you never know when everything may change. Just keep on doing the things you like, and, yes, be yourself.
It's cliché, but it's true. One day, you'll meet someone and then everything changes.

No need to rush it. Along that path lies danger anyway. Live your life, meet people, do what you like doing and you might get lucky enough to find someone compatible with you.

I don't know if you guys literally meant to say "keep living your life as you always have and just wait until a right girl will eventually come along", but I just want to make sure that everyone reading this knows that that generally isn't the best advice. If you have been living your live in a certain way for an extended period of time and you haven't gotten certain results, don't expect to get them without changing anything ("Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results." -- misattributed to Einstein, but still rings true).

What you should do, is examine what is preventing you from getting those results and changing that. Even if you're a great person having fun with a varied and exciting life, if you haven't been able to find an interested girl who is interested in you too in five years, you've got to wonder what the reason for that is. It could be that it was just pure 100% bad luck and that you already did everything right, but that seems a bit unlikely. Even if it really was just bad luck, there is probably something you can do to increase your chances. Maybe you need to start hanging out at other places. Or maybe you're not as great as you think you was and you need to change your behavior/looks a bit.

I'm not saying that you always have to do everything and anything to accomplish your goals. You may have to wonder if it's worth making certain changes; maybe you want things for the wrong reasons and obviously there are other things to worry about in life. And you have to be smart about it. In the case of romance, you don't want to make a desperate impression. But going to different venues, taking better care of yourself, being nice etc. don't make you desperate, so you can still do things to help your chances.

Nonsense. I think if one is highly motivated and persuing their own interest they're likely going to come across other people that share those same hobbies. Friendships will form, and odds are one of them is going to let them stick their dick inside of them.

That depends entirely on what their own interests are. There are a lot of hobbies where you won't meet many people, or maybe just not many people of the opposite gender. And even if you do occasionally meet new people, you say "friendships will form" as if that's a given. That's not true for everybody by a long stretch. And "odds are" also that those friends will not want to sleep with you.

I'm sure "just living your life" works for most people. But consider this: the people who have these types of problems have also been living their lives. But for some reason it hasn't happened for them. What is that reason? All I'm asking is to examine that and possibly work on that. Maybe the reason is that it is 100% luck and there is nothing you should do to increase your odds. But after a certain time of being single against your will, that becomes less likely.

 

[Silverslith]

I'm a good looking guy, I'm smart, I'm athletic, I work out, I explore art, I'm cultured, and I am also a nerd.

Im a student in college, and I still haven't gotten laid. But the thing is, I don't care. Sure, I would love to get laid, but how about I meet a girl who actually can get me up there? I mean, my bud tells me I have to "expand my interest". I have already expanded my interest to reading, art (Even more than the first time). And, then transportation comes up.

Some girls I talk to don't believe me when I tell them I'm not successful with women, because of my appearance. My friend who is barely successful with women tells me all of this crud I gotta do, or I'm not gonna get what I want. But how can I take the mans advice seriously? He tells me he wants to "make love" not "have sex" and he is still just "having sex" but that's just it, if I just wanted to "have sex", I could just masturbate, and it doesn't cost a damn thing, and it isn't a chore to be around myself. I can say this, only girls whom I have shared mutual interest with, but nothing came of it were fun to be around.

I mean to get laid, do I have to start doing all of this crap I hate doing and spend all this cash for the possibility of sex? Sex by the way might not even be that good? I say fuck it, whatever, I'll actually TRY to turn these situations girls of whom I have mutual interest with into something more than just interest. I don't hang around people who bore me, let alone date them.

Just be yourself.

Doing cheesy tactics like your friend is suggesting won't work. They aren't even working for him, so why would he expect his methods to be successful for others? Following his advice will only 1) Make you feel uncomfortable because you are not being yourself and 2) Be outwardly evident to other people that you are putting on an act.

I found college to be the most amazing place to meet people. Its full of smart, goal-oriented people, of which many are geeks and nerds as well. How did I meet people? I simply chatted up the person sitting beside me in class. Nothing major, small talk about the course and maybe notes sharing. Sometimes the convo stayed there, sometimes it turned into a friendship. Its an easy ice-breaker, and getting to know someone slowly and naturally builds trust and depth. If a mutual attraction blooms from that, hey, you're golden.

Pick-up lines and acts of desperation are more appropriate for drunken bar nights. I don't think you are on that level.

 

[Silverslith]

First off, all of the people telling you to just be yourself and keep doing what you're doing are giving you bad advice. As someone else pointed out, expecting things to change by doing what you're already doing is insane. Most men throughout history did not have offspring while most women did( http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/08/20/is-there-anything-good-about-men-and-other-tricky-questions/ ). This fact informs much of the male/female dating dynamics.

Also, unless you're in the upper 10-15% of attractive men, you do not exist to women unless you make them notice you in the context of a possible romantic partner. Women only tend to notice men who are very attractive or are already taken. As bad as it is women see taken men as having pre-approved mate value. Women like to compete with each other and see the opportunity to steal another woman's man as a way of affirming that she is more valuable than other women. This is something that can be exploited if you aren't above subterfuge, but not a good way to start a relationship.

Also the standards for what women find attractive are not something you will likely be able to objectively see yourself. If you believe that you are attractive, women may not share that opinion. Conversely if you think you look like something that probably gave your parents second thoughts about their decision not to abort you, women may in fact think your hot. Do what you can about hygiene, but anything else you do outside of that has as much a chance of making you ugly to women as it could make you more attractive. Individual women's tastes tend to be all over the map.

Remember, most women are pampered and catered to. Especially if they are attractive. Attractive women are used to special treatment and favors from men because most men are idiots who think that by doing this it will make them stand out to that women despite that most men do little things for them as well. Often times standing out means being firm with them. In some cases even mean if called for. Just don't be cruel. Though if you find yourself having to be mean to get them to respond to you DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM!!! Just trust me on this. Sex is fine, but for the love of all things holy, do not get attached.

Ah, an expert on women. *claps hands sharply together* Everyone! Please take notes.

/sarcasm off

Disregard all the above advice.

 

[5mj7R7yf4Dwr3gdZyyu9PeGNwYjlNrjzuh3iTXQG]

arn't we all usucessful when it comes to girls. I mean we're all nerds here.

That presumes that nerdiness is intrinsically unsexy or undesirable, which isn't entirely the case. Certain stereotypical habits, say lack of hygene or poor conversational skills[footnote]By conversational skills I don't mean only talking about the subjects of others, (though being well-versed helps) but the ability to balance talking and listening an even amount according to the size of the social circle (e.g. if you're in a group of four people, then you are talking a quarter of the time and listing the other three quarters).[/footnote] are unattractive, but favoring computer games and geek culture over sports and mainstream culture (respectively) doesn't matter so much.

Nerds are now far more diversified (we're not just all computer nerds, and literature nerds have a gender demographic about the opposite of literature nerds). Nowadays, we're marginalized because we're elitist and favor rationality and school learning, not just because we're into the weird contraptions and the weird science.[footnote]Plastic tubes and pots and pans [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jm-upHSP9KU], bits and pieces and magic from the hand we're makin'[/footnote]

238U

EDIT: misspelling, damn you!

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Look, dude?and any other loveless dudes out there (Jesus, I sound like an agony uncle, but really, I?m probably more inexperienced than the lot of you)?there?s no ubiquitous formula to getting girls. Personally, I?ve tried pretty much everything that my friends have advised me to do: be confident, flirt with them, bring up a good conversation point, get drunk with a girl, blah blah blah. None of that will fucking work if the girl in question simply isn?t attracted to you, nor can you make any girl attracted to you. There?s no love potion in the world that can fix you into an easy relationship like that. I?m a socially awkward 17-year-old virgin in all senses of the word who hasn?t even had a proper girlfriend before, I come off as a rapist whenever I get drunk and try to flirt with girls, and simply has a lot of other issues to deal with before I can learn to love myself.

If it?s casual sex you?re looking for, that?s a little easier. Go to a bar where it looks like everyone?s just trying to hook up with everyone, maybe get a little drunk, hopefully go back to your/their place with them, and do the dirty. Or ask a female friend if they?d be alright with some sexual experimentation (but, of course, you?d have to approach this carefully). Or, if you?re desperate about it, go to someplace where prostitution?s legal and pay some poor dame to shag your brains out.

Either way, it?s a never-ending cycle of trying to fulfil your biological imperative on this planet, until you realize that it?s all worthless anyway and, at least in our sorry generation, it?s rare for a long-term relationship to still be going strong until death. If you don?t want to work for it, then you won?t get it. Compromise is essential.

Also, most important of all: realize that, despite being the opposite gender to you, all women are still human. So treat them as such. They are not a hive mind. Not that I'm arguing that you're treating them badly or anything (I couldn't; I don't personally know you), but I see so many guys that did a pretty piss-poor job of moaning on FaceBook, "Female who isn't interested in me and who I don't understand at all, why won't you just OPEN YOUR LEGS AND LET ME PENETRATE YOU because I bought you nice chocolates?!" And I'm just thinking, "Yeah, this is why you have such poor luck with women."

 

[5mj7R7yf4Dwr3gdZyyu9PeGNwYjlNrjzuh3iTXQG]

Regarding the original post the revelation I had to come to was that women are just folks too. And some want the same things you want, and the trick is mostly finding them.

It's already been mentioned if you're merely looking for a bit of the ol' in-out in-out [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Clockwork_Orange] then there are a number of matchmaking resources online (and a few that are off) that will score you a good summer fling with a big of persistence. In that regard, make sure you're datable (e.g. hygienic and in a modest state of health). If you've had any contact more than making out or heavy petting, then recently tested is also a plus.

In the early '90s the most common places for people to find long term relationships (LTRs) were work, school, church, friends of family and friends of friends. These days it's a bit more complex since there are fewer church-goers, school is less relaxed and an unwanted approach at work can be misinterpreted as sexual harassment (also, many people find the awkwardness of post-rejection or post-relationship nonconducive to a good work environment). If you don't go to church, get involved in your local community center or look at community activities (which range from gardening to fun runs to scrabble to Linux Users Groups) and find ones that have an even gender mix.

Or, compose and submit a lonely-hearts ad on Craigslist or OKCupid or wherever. There are enough free sites that you shouldn't have to pay for a premium service. Look what others have done. See an approach you like. Invoke humor. Develop your own style of humor. Persistence, experimentation, adaptation, evolution.

Regarding dates, unless you live in a region with very traditional values, usually people pay their own way for the first couple of encounters. Many women don't want even an inferable obligation to "put out" if they don't want to, and here in the US economy, a lot of men in the working class are being replaced by women (possibly taking advantage of the paycheck gender gap), so often women are more solvent then men, and...

Movies are (in my humble opinion) a bad idea if you're trying to learn more about your date. I find myself blasted and overstimulated after a show, and then only able to process what I had just experienced. The best date formula I've encountered is coffee or a small meal and then a scenic walk (not a hike that will leave you breathless) which gets the blood flowing into the brain and allows a couple to think clearly and talk about each other.

Booze generally makes people obnoxious. If you get obnoxious when inebriated, don't drink (or keep it down to one). If both of you drink, then you'll get to know each other as you are when drinking, which can be drastically different than as you are when sober.

Respect her limits. Know and respect your own limits. "No" means no until you negotiate otherwise. Use safewords. Honesty is the best policy. Don't be cool, be yourself. Mind what you have learned. Save you it can.

238U

 

[scorptatious]

Next time you talk to a girl, just whip it out.

Things will either go very well or very poorly. Either way you'll get a pretty clear indication where her head is at.

Looking at your avatar, Roger would definitely say something like that. If the show he was in wasn't aimed towards kids.

OT: I've never been that successful when it comes to the ladies either. I wouldn't mind the idea of being in a meaningful relationship, but it's not exactly a huge priority for me.

In terms of advice? Well, obviously I can't help you much there. I guess all I can say is that you just be yourself.

Also, this thread reminds me of today's Cyanide and Happiness:

 

[phantasmalWordsmith]

I've had little success too but the success I have had, have taught me something; I only succeeded in those relationships because I wanted them more than I was afraid of the repercussions. I had to find someone who I liked being with, found attractive and had similar interests because it made me want to be with them enough to go out on a limb.

Also, try growing a good looking - and emphasis on good - goatee. Worked for me; all of my partners were big fans of my well groomed goatee.

 

[Odbarc]

Talk to women. Talk to every woman.
Eventually you'll accidentally get stuck in a conversation neither of you want to leave and once you realize how much time you've wasted, drop your number and leave.

 

[Eddie the head]

A lot of you are just plain creeping me out. I'm just saying the emotional manipulation and the creepy attitudes, I don't know I just feel uncomfortable reading this kind of thing.

 

[mwhite67]

I would say house parties are an easier place to meet girls than bars or clubs. The girls are usually more comfortable there and chances are you will know someone they know and can be introduced. Also I've found meaningful eye contact where you don't quickly turn away when they notice you looking at them works well(just don't look all leery)If they hold the eye contact instead of looking away you are in business. then just go talk to them. It helps to know a large amount of useless information because then you can find out what a girl is into and actually know something about it to talk to them about. Girls love when you know about stuff they're into, the easiest would be what they're studying/job, musical tastes etc. After a good conversation get the digits. Go on a real date with the girl somewhere that is fun that you will be able to talk. Also always have a bottle of wine or some weed or something at your apartment, it gives you a great excuse to bring a girl back to your house. You can say," hey I've got a bottle of wine at my house do you want to come watch a movie or something?" It's a nice innocent sounding reason to get a girl to your house, the girl will still know whats up and if she likes you she will take you up on it. After 2 glasses of wine most girls will be down to mess around, and I think you can take it from there. This technique has worked for me numerous times. Just don't come off as abnoxious, eager or needy. Always play it cool and you should be ok.

 

[Riku'sTwilight]

Lower your standards, try hitting on girls that aren't super-model looking and you'll be able to get laid probably quite easily i'd imagine.

If you don't want to get laid, then just wait. It'll happen eventually.
The thing is to be confident in yourself, and you should be from your description of yourself.

When I was in uni and 18/19 I couldn't care about girls and went about my studies and friends knowing that I was happy with who I was, and honestly - girls noticed.

I was in a coffee shop once on my own, writing notes and reading and when I got up to go and get another drink a whole table full of girls, pretty girls just looked at me and I smiled. A few of them smiled back and then carried on talking with each other and I went back to my table and continued to make notes.

20 minutes later and the waitress came up to me and handed me a slip of paper. I thought it was the bill but she said "Here, I was told to give this to you from one of the girls who was sitting on that table over there (pointed to the table where all the girls were sitting)" and she handed me the piece of paper with just a name and number on it.

Now I didn't know which one of the girls it was who gave me her number, but I texted her later that day and we met for coffee the next day. We had...'fun' for about a few months and it all came from me just smiling at some pretty girls.

 

[Fidchell Attano]

Guys, I get a lot of comments, so lemme shed some light. First off, I'm not a straight arrow that has a bunch of bundles and pieces working towards one straight shot purpose.

Yes, I wanna make love, but I'm still young, I wanna fool around too. I don't wanna watch my youth burn out and remember all of those things I didn't do.

If you saw me walk, you would probably say: "Can you believe the ego on this guy?"
I act like I have a massive ego, but it betrays me, it's just a mask.

I have been smiling a lot, and I have noticed that it has gotten a lot of people to become attracted to me than what I used to do. A smile opens doors, because it says "Welcome" and it has been welcoming a lot of people.

I'm not gonna lower my standards, I tried lowering my standards, but that doesn't work at all. Women are vain, she can be an old lady and think: "Oh, maybe he will like this."

I tried asking a girl who was wider than most (And an acquaintance) out, she gave me an excuse which was a lie, I just said "meh" to myself and moved on. Tried asking a girl who worked at my school gym out who was wider than most as well, she gave me her number we planned to have coffee, then she cancelled on me and said "I have a boyfriend". Neither of these girls were attractive by my standards, but a friend suggested I lower my standards. Here is where I figured out once I gave them the time of day girls egos will skyrocket, they thought to themselves: "If I can get him to give me the time of day, then I can get anybody". I'm not sure that's what they were thinking, as I do not believe in absolutes, but I got from point a to point b and point b is the same old same old.

Case and point, lowering your standards doesn't work, and why should it even be bothered? Back when I sucked at reading signals, I found out later that a lot of good looking girls were attracted to me.


I'm just done giving a crap so much when it comes to girls and just going to do my own thing. My friend tells me "I have to get an interest in knowing whats good around town, know fashion, have a car, all of that other crap"
, and then he says the "S" word, skill set, when he brings that word into play during our conversations on girls it just makes my blood boil, I just hate it when he says that, I don't know why yet, I just do.

It just urks me when he talks about what I should be doing with girls, makes me feel kind of inadequate when he talks about something that I can fathom, but just don't care to apply or use. I want to do my own thing, not his thing.

It just strikes me as this stupid method and telling me to stop being myself or I won't get what I want.

It's like this, if the girl really digs me, she would drive me around, or come to my house by bus to meet up with me. If I really dig her, then I will run 10 miles to meet up with her, and I easily could! I want the attraction to be mutual, yknow? But I don't wanna dive into the emotions, I wanna flow through the motions first. Fool around, but still be honest with her, and not do that 1 night stand crud, yknow?