I'm tired of the bullshit.

[Chase Yojimbo]

It has been some time since I needed to do this. I no longer ask friends for advice, because frankly I never get answers. Also for people to reference ages I am 19 going on 20, but I act more like 60.

I am 'different'. Different in the sense that I take things seriously; I over-think situations when they should just fly out the window; and I am overweight. I had a crush on a girl recently. She was good looking from my perspective, very nice , and I was acting as moral support for her since she has been having problems with guys recently. However before I knew it, instead of "You're a great guy we should hang out more often" I got, "I got a total crush on that hottie, i'm totally gonna flirt on him" and after that she rarely speaks to me and only speaks to like maybe one other guy (for moral support) and the hottie, and leaves me out of everything (From what I understand, she found out I liked her and for some reason she didn't like that "I guess"... so am I repulsive in some way?).

2 days ago I popped my leg, so I have been crippled to an extent (And since I'm overweight I don't want to put too much pressure on it, and end up damaging it further) So I was already not in a good mood. I figured out that she got her 'hottie' and I'm left with shit literally. I've never had a relationship, and every women I ever met has always ignored me and only views me as the "Writer/Gamer" and ignores my personal life all together... and I'm tired of the bullshit.

Many times have I made the Ultimatum that I am perfectly alright with dying alone, because more often than not it actually looked like it was more possible than actually meeting a woman. Every woman I meet only wants that guy who makes her laugh, or makes her smile, or makes her horny; and for some reason I don't seem to fill any of those functions for woman and it makes me feel inadequate, and very useless...

I don't know... Maybe I thought just pouring out my woes and getting some advice would help me out, but maybe also it's everyone else who is fucked up for not accepting who I am and not looking past the "major flaws" that I apparently have.

Thanks to anyone who reads this, and thanks again to anyone who replies.

 

[Lvl 64 Klutz]

Every now and again, life hands us a shit hand. It's just a fact of life, and some of us get dealt shittier hands than everyone around us. The good thing is, I can promise you that life does not deal shit hands every round for anyone.

All I can really say is that tenacity is a wonderful thing. Keep your chin up, your hopes held high, and your foot in the game and things will turn around. It's all about keeping a positive attitude through life's many shit-storms.

 

[Svenparty]

That girl sounds like she was just misleading you in her actions. Many people want moral support and are usually aware of the signals they are sending out, I became bored of giving advice to someone who wouldn't really discuss anything with me unless they had a problem.

It is better to overthink than underthnk, you are being pretty hard on yourself at 19 it's not a sign you are going to die alone. You just need to try and meet people throughh whatever means you have such as college and you'll begin to feel more confident when you make friends.

 

[ryderawsome]

gotta agree with katakori, a big part of it is looking at yourself and asking what you want out of it and being honest about how to get it. i want a girlfreind but instead of wishing it would happen (like ive done for yars) ive started dieting and being more social. it starts of shitty but after the first couple of weeks when you look at the scales or see how you've started to need a belt you gain tons of confidence, and thats when the girls start smiling your way.

 

[Chase Yojimbo]

Thanks for the support guys/gals/its. You are right most of all Katakori-kun, I just need another reason to like myself and to be happy. The last time I felt this bad, it required an entire summer of intense gym training, but even after that the girls didn't smile my way (still lost 50 pounds, but women are fucking picky where I live).

I suppose this just means I have to get back onto that routine... but I will have to take care of my leg first before I do anything as intensive as that was. Until than I will just have to do some soul searching. If anyone else has some more advice, or even some Psychological Input, that would be great.

 

[Gralian]

First of all i'd like to say that you're not alone. Not for a second. I'm a 21 year old male who's also facing that exact same prospect of 'dying alone', who feels incredibly inadequate around the fairer sex. Who thinks there's something wrong with him because he actually bothers to lend an ear and shoulder for moral support instead of adopting society's culture, who feels bitter towards those who do succeed through what he might deem questionable actions and morality.

The thing is, and i know i have yet to get over this hurdle myself, you have to make sure the number one thing you do is to not hate yourself. Not ever. If you start to hate yourself for all of your perceived inadequacies, you'll let the voice in. You'll let it whisper doubts into your mind and it'll make you evermore bitter and convinced that your situation is hopeless. You can't let the darkness win.

There's a certain comfort in accepting what it says, in believing that you shouldn't have to change and that you're better off maintaining your status quo. But the moment you give in to the temptation of acceptance and self pity, you fall into a hole, and the more you believe it the harder and harder it gets for you to drag yourself out of it. The hole gets so big that it swallows you whole, if you'll excuse the mild pun.

You have to will yourself into change. You have to be defiant. Don't talk to the voice. Don't even give it the time of day. Talk to YOU and tell yourself that today will be different, that you'll go to the gym or get some new threads because YOU WANT TO, whether you feel awkward doing so or not. Don't worry about feeling like you're betraying some sort of self-image or that you're going against your principles; if you want the situation to change, you must be willing to accept the changes. You must believe in yourself that you will make it happen. Trying starts with 'try' and ends with an 'oomph!'

 

[SuperMarshmallow]

The first question is, how delicate is your social situation? Can you afford to take risks without enduring too much misery, or would say, telling that woman to go fuck off next time she needs help put you in a painful position?

Secondly, you're only as "repulsive" as you think you are. Confidence is hugely significant,and it's something that anyone can have and should have. Just know the difference between self-assurance and arrogance.

Thirdly, you must have made this woman feel good at least once if she kept coming to you for moral support, so you're really not useless. You seem to be an empathetic person and eventually, women will pick up on that.

But seriously, if she tries to play you like this again, you plant your feet in the ground and give her a piece of your mind. Don't sacrifice your integrity to that woman.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

Every now and again, life hands us a shit hand. It's just a fact of life, and some of us get dealt shittier hands than everyone around us. The good thing is, I can promise you that life does not deal shit hands every round for anyone.

All I can really say is that tenacity is a wonderful thing. Keep your chin up, your hopes held high, and your foot in the game and things will turn around. It's all about keeping a positive attitude through life's many shit-storms.

When life deals you shit hands, stab it in the face with that knife you snuck into the casino.

 

[Geekiest]

Firstly, if she just stopped talking or hanging out with you when she found out you liked her, she was never your friend, and was likely just using you. Or if I'm being generous, it's also possible she's so shy she can't face uncomfortable situations. Although if she's "pursuing a hottie" I doubt it's that.

To address the main concern I see here:

I hear a lot of "No one of the [insert gender of preference] pay attention to me!" from Geeks, and I've begun to notice a theme in those geeks: They're not advertising that they're a desirable partner. And no, I'm not talking about going to the gym (although if you want to do that, go nuts, it can't hurt, just make sure it's to please yourself, not other people).

It's not actually the body, but how you treat it, that makes people take notice.

Dress to impress. Wear things that suit your shape, and colors that flatter you. Most geeks go for Jeans and a T-shirt, and that's fine, but even that can be done both right an wrong: wear a well-cut jacket to dress-up that t-shirt, leather if you don't want to look too non-casual. Take the extra time to find that perfect pair of jeans. And for the love of all that is holy, make sure it all falls to the right length. Proportion is everything. Wearing clothes that point arrows at your flaws or your attempts to hide them will always give the impression of insecurities or apathy that may not be there.

Keep a suitable and maintained haircut, as well. Some girls can measure by your hair how long it's been since your last relationship, if any. If you don't have the funds to keep a fancy salon on the budget, do some research on easy-to-maintain looks that flatter your face shape. This includes facial hair. Do the research, and then keep it up with meticulous attention.

Use personal hygiene. A guy that smells nice (please, god, no Axe anything. Nothing screams "douche" louder than that god-awful mustard gas) is also an indicator of a guy with his life in order. There are scent themes that have been proven to be more attractive to the opposite sex: go for it. Amber, vanilla, chocolate, baked goods. All can be pleasant without abandoning manliness. And if anyone gives you a hard time, ask them to remember what happens when you put a plate of cookies in front of hungry girls. You don't have to go for cologne, either. There are plenty of shampoos and body-washes that are more than enough to keep one fresh and pleasant-smelling if used daily.

...That's probably more in-depth advice than you wanted. Sorry. I've had that one on my chest for awhile.

 

[Chase Yojimbo]

--snip-

Ah, an Individualist's Approach. I did have this approach for a time, but than I have these moments where I question whether my individuality is really so special.

I'm an Amateur Author, Social Scientist, and Theorist. Within my group of friends i'm viewed as a Wikipedia of knowledge, and a wonder as to how I can have 19 books crammed into my head. But than I question whether or not all of this 'Mental Wealth' is so great? I feel miserable at times when I cannot have what everyone takes for granted. I suppose I am just jealous. I see nothing but woman getting their hearts broken around me because they keep getting the wrong men, and than I see people all together ignoring the knowledgeable wealth around them all for the sake of learning "Whats In" so they can keep up to date with society. I haven't been up to date with Society since I was... hmm... never. Since I was born I just didn't care about what other people cared about for some reason, because I grew up with the concept that every person was their own person and social trends were nothing important.

One of my theories actually is that because of this attitude I grew up with in Elementary/High-school, I did not grow up with what I call the "Societal Response Program" that every other Human Being was able to generate at a young age around their peers. This Program is naturally developed and is purely a generator of greetings, farewells, responses to situations, acts, and anything that happens within a Society (Different between each and every individual and every culture). The theory is that I simply just didn't develop it properly, and it's damaging my later life because of my carelessness of "The small things in life". (Everything said here has nothing to do with the Social Response Theory, which involves Crime and Deviancy, but I wouldn't be surprised if this theory was already made, I simply have to find it; I'm an amateur after all).

But I am rambling, and I am sorry for that. When I get caught up in a topic I am interested in I tend to do so. Too continue on I shall state that when it does come to woman there is one thing I always understand: there will always be flaws. Perfect Beings are Imperfect, and vice-versa (A debate I can have on the Escapist another time). I usually don't understand other people. They keep expecting that the perfect person will just walk up and say "Hey, I'm perfect, make out with me". Even the girl I had a crush on wasn't good looking. Her teeth were severely gapped; she was a little chubby; and she was tremendously shy; but one thing I took into equation was that I didn't care. She was a woman that I was mentally and physically interested in either way. However she is the one that decided that she wanted that "Perfect" person. What is odd is that she got her person, but she will get a rude awakening when she finds out he is just another guy. People are so god damn stupid sometimes.

-snip-

Interesting... Using a combination of all these things that you have mentioned have merit (Though I feel like an idiot for not seeing it earlier). I constantly take care of my hair (Pony tail that is constantly combed along with combed front. I suppose it could be viewed as a "Pony-tail Mullet" but I hate the word mullet), and I have a trimmed mustache, goatee and soul-patch. I always was referred to as 'baby faced' so I grew facial hair and this turned out to be my favorite combo.

As for hygiene, I find that I very rarely smell, but when I use cologne I usually use a small amount of Old Spice (doesn't smell like that Axe shit). I suppose I could use Vanilla, since it actually is an aphrodisiac, and is known to attract people much more than any other known smell (Nearly impossible to get natural products though).

As for clothing... I usually just wear whatever. I don't really have a look. Usually I just wear what is available in my drawers (Jeans, Button Shirts, T's) I have dress clothing but that stuff is only meant for work, but Sharp Clothing I do know is my greatest strength, but I'm too poor to get such clothing lol.

Every now and again, life hands us a shit hand. It's just a fact of life, and some of us get dealt shittier hands than everyone around us. The good thing is, I can promise you that life does not deal shit hands every round for anyone.

All I can really say is that tenacity is a wonderful thing. Keep your chin up, your hopes held high, and your foot in the game and things will turn around. It's all about keeping a positive attitude through life's many shit-storms.

When life deals you shit hands, stab it in the face with that knife you snuck into the casino.

You deserve a cookie.

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