I'm trying to write a book!!
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Agree with those asking for more descriptions. Also, I would like to add that you should probably add some more distinction between thought and speech. That's what turned me off when I read the first bits of Eragon when the dragon starts "talking"; not to be disrespectful to the author, but it was a clusterfuck having no distinction between normal text and "telepathy".
In general, I've seen italics for purely personal thoughts, and "parenthesis" for regular talking, with whispers being in 'these' (forget what they're called, sadly enough... and I did so well in high school English D: ). Also, using "'smaller parentheses' within larger ones" usually denotes when a character is quoting another character.
For me, myself, if there's two people speaking to each other via some sort of telepathic communication, I use a 'combination' of the "three", depending upon what I want, and whether multiple methods are being used or not (ie- soul-speak and telepathy at the same time). But that's just me o:
There's different styles depending upon the author, but the first three I mentioned are the most common standard. I've seen telepathy in ~italic squigglies~, but for long speeches that can get confusing. Point is, try to make some distinction, so the audience knows how one is speaking. Even when telling the audience beforehand or afterwards, its best just for distinguishing what is what.
What I do like is your distinction as to who is talking. Some people (and I've caught myself doing this) tend to just have their characters go on and on, with no difference in who is talking, or if there was a pause or moment of consideration. They might use "...(add words here)" but that's it. I applaud you.
Also, the pacing was fairly good, though a bit rough. Some revision would help.
And yes, revision can mean rewriting. You wouldn't believe how many errors you can find just by revising a few paragraphs. It also means watching out for new mistakes as well, though. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar checks are crucial for the final version, but I would do them constantly, as that means less work later on. Finally, on a similar note to earlier, don't forget to keep your descriptions clear and clean, so people know what they are; even if you make up words for something, be sure that people can figure out what they are so they can enjoy your writing as much as you do.
If you want a solid, short example of a well-written novel/book, I would suggest The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (the translated version, unless you can read Portuguese). Read it in my senior year of high school, and it gave me inspiration to write again after I'd given up
Its short and sweet, but deep and enthralling all the same... like the game Portal
On that note, I should get back to my own story, which I continue to neglect due to this forum and my ADHD complex (just more proof that boundless energy can be a curse DX ). To conclude, for a first draft, this is fairly excellent, and I don't say that very often, being the overly-opinionated and slightly-pompous bastard that I have become. Why IS Jaiden (or whatever his name ends up being) different from the others? WHY!? Keep writing, and never give up on your dreams and ambitions.
In general, I've seen italics for purely personal thoughts, and "parenthesis" for regular talking, with whispers being in 'these' (forget what they're called, sadly enough... and I did so well in high school English D: ). Also, using "'smaller parentheses' within larger ones" usually denotes when a character is quoting another character.
For me, myself, if there's two people speaking to each other via some sort of telepathic communication, I use a 'combination' of the "three", depending upon what I want, and whether multiple methods are being used or not (ie- soul-speak and telepathy at the same time). But that's just me o:
There's different styles depending upon the author, but the first three I mentioned are the most common standard. I've seen telepathy in ~italic squigglies~, but for long speeches that can get confusing. Point is, try to make some distinction, so the audience knows how one is speaking. Even when telling the audience beforehand or afterwards, its best just for distinguishing what is what.
What I do like is your distinction as to who is talking. Some people (and I've caught myself doing this) tend to just have their characters go on and on, with no difference in who is talking, or if there was a pause or moment of consideration. They might use "...(add words here)" but that's it. I applaud you.
Also, the pacing was fairly good, though a bit rough. Some revision would help.
And yes, revision can mean rewriting. You wouldn't believe how many errors you can find just by revising a few paragraphs. It also means watching out for new mistakes as well, though. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar checks are crucial for the final version, but I would do them constantly, as that means less work later on. Finally, on a similar note to earlier, don't forget to keep your descriptions clear and clean, so people know what they are; even if you make up words for something, be sure that people can figure out what they are so they can enjoy your writing as much as you do.
If you want a solid, short example of a well-written novel/book, I would suggest The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (the translated version, unless you can read Portuguese). Read it in my senior year of high school, and it gave me inspiration to write again after I'd given up
Its short and sweet, but deep and enthralling all the same... like the game Portal On that note, I should get back to my own story, which I continue to neglect due to this forum and my ADHD complex (just more proof that boundless energy can be a curse DX ). To conclude, for a first draft, this is fairly excellent, and I don't say that very often, being the overly-opinionated and slightly-pompous bastard that I have become. Why IS Jaiden (or whatever his name ends up being) different from the others? WHY!? Keep writing, and never give up on your dreams and ambitions.
Why eh? It's coming! Don't worry. Follow the story on my blog ;-) I've already improved the first chapter, though I haven't posted it yet!swytchblayd said:Agree with those asking for more descriptions. Also, I would like to add that you should probably add some more distinction between thought and speech. That's what turned me off when I read the first bits of Eragon when the dragon starts "talking"; not to be disrespectful to the author, but it was a clusterfuck having no distinction between normal text and "telepathy".
In general, I've seen italics for purely personal thoughts, and "parenthesis" for regular talking, with whispers being in 'these' (forget what they're called, sadly enough... and I did so well in high school English D: ). Also, using "'smaller parentheses' within larger ones" usually denotes when a character is quoting another character.
For me, myself, if there's two people speaking to each other via some sort of telepathic communication, I use a 'combination' of the "three", depending upon what I want, and whether multiple methods are being used or not (ie- soul-speak and telepathy at the same time). But that's just me o:
There's different styles depending upon the author, but the first three I mentioned are the most common standard. I've seen telepathy in ~italic squigglies~, but for long speeches that can get confusing. Point is, try to make some distinction, so the audience knows how one is speaking. Even when telling the audience beforehand or afterwards, its best just for distinguishing what is what.
What I do like is your distinction as to who is talking. Some people (and I've caught myself doing this) tend to just have their characters go on and on, with no difference in who is talking, or if there was a pause or moment of consideration. They might use "...(add words here)" but that's it. I applaud you.
Also, the pacing was fairly good, though a bit rough. Some revision would help.
And yes, revision can mean rewriting. You wouldn't believe how many errors you can find just by revising a few paragraphs. It also means watching out for new mistakes as well, though. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar checks are crucial for the final version, but I would do them constantly, as that means less work later on. Finally, on a similar note to earlier, don't forget to keep your descriptions clear and clean, so people know what they are; even if you make up words for something, be sure that people can figure out what they are so they can enjoy your writing as much as you do.
If you want a solid, short example of a well-written novel/book, I would suggest The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (the translated version, unless you can read Portuguese). Read it in my senior year of high school, and it gave me inspiration to write again after I'd given up
On that note, I should get back to my own story, which I continue to neglect due to this forum and my ADHD complex (just more proof that boundless energy can be a curse DX ). To conclude, for a first draft, this is fairly excellent, and I don't say that very often, being the overly-opinionated and slightly-pompous bastard that I have become. Why IS Jaiden (or whatever his name ends up being) different from the others? WHY!? Keep writing, and never give up on your dreams and ambitions.
I thought about the "direct thinking" thing, and maybe it would be a good idea to put that like this so I think I'll do that. It can seem very confusing otherwise?
Thanks for the long reply and praisde, though
EDIT: And good luck on your story
I will try to follow as I get the chance to. Have like a hundred things going on all at once and none of them are finished. I'm sure we all know what that's like >..< That's actually somewhat helpful, as one can come back and read what was written years ago if they so wish
Sorry about making it so long though. I have a terrible tendency to just begin rambling. Its usually how my stories start, even when I don't want them to. And actually, this current one is the most confusing thing I've ever come up with that will (hopefully, along with some serious development on all fronts) actually make sense eventually. Don't want to ruin anything good, but it involves a female soldier, her favorite game, a cat-chick-thing (no furry fan-flic pr0nz, thankfully), and some pendants.
See? I'm rambling. Can't help it.
Anyhow, thanks o: I'll try hard to keep up with it, and not let it die like my other projects.
Sorry about making it so long though. I have a terrible tendency to just begin rambling. Its usually how my stories start, even when I don't want them to. And actually, this current one is the most confusing thing I've ever come up with that will (hopefully, along with some serious development on all fronts) actually make sense eventually. Don't want to ruin anything good, but it involves a female soldier, her favorite game, a cat-chick-thing (no furry fan-flic pr0nz, thankfully), and some pendants.
See? I'm rambling. Can't help it.
Anyhow, thanks o: I'll try hard to keep up with it, and not let it die like my other projects.
hand. 'So he hit me in the hollow of my knee,' he thought.
Just standing there, looking at Jaiden, Paul finally opened his mouth, pointed to his left and said, 'Hah! I got you good there, didn't I? We thought you might run, so I hid in the bushes there, waiting for you to run by!'
You can't use inverted commas for thoughts and for speech. For thoughts, italics is more appropriate.
Just standing there, looking at Jaiden, Paul finally opened his mouth, pointed to his left and said, 'Hah! I got you good there, didn't I? We thought you might run, so I hid in the bushes there, waiting for you to run by!'
You can't use inverted commas for thoughts and for speech. For thoughts, italics is more appropriate.
Good, because you really got me wondering.Boneasse said:I'm getting there, mate. Don't worrybarryween said:
I would really go out and buy a copy if it ever got published, you'll have to PM me the title and where I could find it if anything does happen.
Also, I kinda agree with the name Jaiden. It's not the most heroic. i mean it doesn't matter too much, but if you think of a better one then by all means, use that.
Stylistically, rhetoric is just plain weird in fiction. Find alternatives, make the reader infer his mental state, empathize with his character and worry about what he will do next, don't take shortcuts.
I was thinking about starting another book today, and seeing this post sealed the deal.
*Fires up Microsoft Word*
What you have there is definately a good start. I would work a little on grammar and spelling in a couple of areas (yeah, that has been said already). There is definately room for the characters to grow, just be sure you don't get too carried away with character development... I did that with one of my (unfinished) books, and it became troublesome to read.
*Fires up Microsoft Word*
What you have there is definately a good start. I would work a little on grammar and spelling in a couple of areas (yeah, that has been said already). There is definately room for the characters to grow, just be sure you don't get too carried away with character development... I did that with one of my (unfinished) books, and it became troublesome to read.
Yeah I might change it. I just liked the way it sounded.barryween said:Good, because you really got me wondering.Boneasse said:I'm getting there, mate. Don't worrybarryween said:
I would really go out and buy a copy if it ever got published, you'll have to PM me the title and where I could find it if anything does happen.
Also, I kinda agree with the name Jaiden. It's not the most heroic. i mean it doesn't matter too much, but if you think of a better one then by all means, use that.
So, not let him wonder in a question, but actually diverge into the options he has.Uncompetative said:
Gets worse!KingTeabag said:
Well, again I'm glad to be of assistance :-D And I'll not let it get too complicated.tsb247 said: