I'm your mother and "I can do whatever I want" attitude

[Skratt]

Yes, you mother could be more courteous. It sounds like she is passively aggressively trying to get you to move out.

That being said, don't be such a grumpy asshole. 9am is not that early, unless you work the night shift. Also, if you DO work night shift and you get a place with a roommate, this could very well happen to you again. The sooner you stop letting it bother you, the sooner you can be living a happier life.

 

[_Cake_]

Sounds like shes doing that passive aggressive thing. It really messes up a relationship and for no reason. Usually I would say cut someone who plays mind games out of your life ASAP, but thats your mommy so you gotta at least try.

Try talking to her and find out if there is something else she's really upset about. Tell her it driving you away. Try to keep your room as clean as you can also. If none of that works try waking her up vacuum if she tries to nap or sleep in, maybe she will see how annoying it is.

 

[Varrdy]

Oh for crying out loud! The guy wasn't saying it was in any way unfair ("annoying", maybe) that he was woken up or how awful it was that his mother cleans his bathroom! His rant was about the whole "I can do whatever the hell I want because It's my house and I'm your mother" attitude. True or not, it's a lousy way to excuse anything!

Yes, it may very well be her house but to use such a line as an argument settler is somewhat unreasonable in my opinion. OK cleaning a bathroom is hardly a heinous crime but I suspect what it really tweaking Jiraiya's switch was the invasion of privacy aspect.

I am in a similar position in that money is too tight for me to live alone (especially now I've been made redundant) so I have had to move back to my parent's place. Yes I pay rent, yes I pay my share and yes I clean up after myself before anyone starts. What I am saying is that I can synpathise because I've been on the receiving end of pretty much the same thing and it got nasty.

The debate was never about wether or not he/she should have got up earlier or cleaned his/her own bathroom - it was about common courtesy and I think he/she had grounds to be grouchy about the response he got. After all, isn't saying: "I'm in charge and I can do what I like and if you don't like it, tough nookies!" the same way Dictators usually work?

Wardy

 

[similar.squirrel]

Trust me, you do not want to live in a house where your mother thinks that housekeeping is not a high priority. It's nasty.
And 9 in the morning is a pretty late time to wake up.

 

[The Austin]

Stop whining.

Your mom woke you up while cleaning the shower, big deal. I think you should just be happy that she actually cleaned it for you.

 

[Et3rnalLegend64]

Yep, my dad has that problem. Simply disagreeing over the most mundane things is tantamount to insubordination. He keeps saying "why do you back to me like that?" when all I say is "I don't agree with x thing you believe in." We had an argument about fucking SANDALS once.

"I don't want to wear your old sandals. They're too small and give me marks/blisters/whatever else super tight sandals can give you. I'll go buy myself a bigger pair."
"You talk back to me like that?"
"Nope. Stop yelling at me."
"Oh, now you want to be the father?"
"No, I just want my own sandals so STFU for once in your damn life and stop overreacting."

He also has a bad habit of throwing insults at me before he tells me to do some chore and thinks I'm just lazy when I get pissed at him for being so stupid for so long after I've explained countless times. He thinks I just want to keep playing video games rather than help him, even when I'm not playing anything at all. Then my mom has the audacity to tell me about respecting others to get respect. Then I say it's not a matter of respect, I just don't want to be insulted all the time. Then they wonder why I'm angry and say I don't listen enough. I swear my parents are retarded sometimes, no joke. Or it's a stupid Asian thing where the old people are geniuses and should be obeyed no matter what.

 

[kelnadine]

Wow. Really? If this is what you complain about, you must have an easy life.

I miss the days that my mom did the cleaning for me. Now I have to do it all and I get sick of it. Let me also say, my mom woke me up with noisy cleaning all the time, and while nobody likes getting woken before they are ready, I don't feel it's appropriate to complain about this. At least she cares enough about you to clean for you. She could leave the place a disgusting mess, or make you get up and clean the shower at 9am. How would that be?

 

[Le_Lisra]

Yes, the issue the OP had isn't very hard, but it is part of something that pisses me off too, which is even more strongly present in what others posted as well.

There are always (and why is that?) somewhere parents who go out of their way to be annoying with silly (!) and trivial stuff that should not be a problem at all. Parents need to be harsh and annoying sometimes, too much freedom spoils as I'm well aware, but it sometimes gets silly.

Some circumspection would make the whole relationship easier but neither side is willing to do so.

I had a girlfriend a couple of years back who's mother was such an ill-tempered, disrespectful and self-righteous dragon (not just to me, the older stranger who dated her daughter out of the blue but to her own children!) that it but immense strain on the relationship and was partly responsible for the eventual breakup. It was not necessary. A little respect and all the work she gave us would have been fine. But neither her kids, or I ever got respect.

I don't even mind doing chores when I'm a guest at someones house.

And I live alone btw. and do all my stuff myself, so..

tl;dr
the is a huge respect problem. but from both sides.

 

[Et3rnalLegend64]

Mostly Snip

Respect is what you owe parents, teachers, and elders as a given. The respect you earn is for everyone else.

Respect is NEVER owed. No one ever deserves respect by default (above the basic human respect that causes me not to plant a car bomb every time someone cuts me off, obviously).

I think differently. I think it is owed until proven otherwise.

Ditto this, forever. As a default, I am kind to everyone and everything until they prove themselves to be jackasses. My dad often proves himself to default to jackass when it comes to me and has long since lost my respect. His actions do nothing to get it back, what with his "with status comes owed respect" mentality.

I really don't see how everyone here is agreeing with the mom. 9 in the morning is not insanely late (yes, I've seen the post that said it was and I disagree). No one has any reason to be incredibly loud in the morning. We're not little kids anymore, so we don't jump on our parents in the morning and ask to play. Loudly doing your business in the morning does not automatically warrant a "thank you" as some people believe. It's just a little peeve of mine (or not so little), but I hate when parents reprimand you when they aggravated you (mine do that all the time and forever). A small "sorry for waking you" and they could both be on their way.

 

[Chrono212]

This literally just happened to me.
I was playing Alan Wake (just rented it today) and had just been killed on the train bridge and had respawnd when my mum threw down the news paper and said:
"Ok, this has been going on for too long now. It's too noisy and too repetitive and has been going on for hours"

Reading between the lines "Turn that sh**t off NOW!"
Bearing in mind that I had been dragged around the shops on her behalf and a theatre (don't ask) for the majority of the day and I this is my first full weekend for 2 weeks now.

Just a little too much to ask for some free time to do my own thing?

Plus now I my computer is in the same damn room as the living room with the TV so now I can't even make a call on Skype

 

[Odbarc]

Cool story, bro.
1) Clean it yourself, she wouldn't need to.
2) Don't like living at home? Move out.
3) She CAN do whatever she wants in her home. Refer to #2.
4) You show disrespect by not keeping her things she owns in a condition she wants them in. Why do you deserve respect?
5) Wake up earlier, like at 6, and you'll have had three hours to not have any problems with her 9am cleaning habits.

 

[Samarith]

Things to try:

Clean the bathroom yourself on Friday night and tell her you did it.

Ask her if she would mind doing your bathroom last because you need to sleep late due to....

Take the rent you're paying and give it to a real landlord in return for your own private space then don't give her a key.

Live with it.

 

[Sleekgiant]

Respect is what you owe parents, teachers, and elders as a given. The respect you earn is for everyone else.

Respect to me should be earned, even your parents need to earn it. My parents do not earn it for I'm officially called the house slave.

 

[nicholaxxx]

Get off your high horse.

you really like that as an argument, huh? you do know she can kick you out of her house any time she damn well pleases, right? she can cut off your supply to food, television, internet, or even that shower that, by cleaning, she is responsible for and therefore she owns?

how about you get off of your goddamn high horse and do some shit in the house that you seem to think is yours.


is that attitude right? no. is your answer to that attitude right? absolutely not!

god, I wish I had your life, where the most hardship you endure is being woken up at 9 in the morning, where the most you have to complain about is being woken up by your mother who is cleaning your shower for you. Christ, I'd hate to be around if she asked you to do the dishes or something.
[small]god, some people[/small]

Just thought I'd toss in, I pay for EVERYTHING. All my expenses, everything, I pay for. I shouldn't have to tell anyone this just so they think I deserve courtesy, but being the judgmental bunch many of you are, I don't have much of a choice. I also work mostly night shifts. Also, my parents get money. So there you have it.

so your old enough so that you can pay for everything you need, and you haven't moved out yet? Yet you still complain when your mom does shit for you? now I feel even less sympathy for you...

 

[Eri]

Cool story, bro.
1) Clean it yourself, she wouldn't need to.
2) Don't like living at home? Move out.
3) She CAN do whatever she wants in her home. Refer to #2.
4) You show disrespect by not keeping her things she owns in a condition she wants them in. Why do you deserve respect?
5) Wake up earlier, like at 6, and you'll have had three hours to not have any problems with her 9am cleaning habits.

1) I never asked her
2) Never said that
3)Just because you can doesn't mean you should
4)Disrespect? Don't be daft. Are you somehow implying bathrooms never get dirty?
5)Once you grow up, you'll understand just because you have to wake up at 6, it is still fair for other's to wake up later.

Get off your high horse.

you really like that as an argument, huh? you do know she can kick you out of her house any time she damn well pleases, right? she can cut off your supply to food, television, internet, or even that shower that, by cleaning, she is responsible for and therefore she owns?

how about you get off of your goddamn high horse and do some shit in the house that you seem to think is yours.


is that attitude right? no. is your answer to that attitude right? absolutely not!

god, I wish I had your life, where the most hardship you endure is being woken up at 9 in the morning, where the most you have to complain about is being woken up by your mother who is cleaning your shower for you. Christ, I'd hate to be around if she asked you to do the dishes or something.
[small]god, some people[/small]

Wow, you have some balls to say that. I pay her, so no. She'd at least have to give me a month's noticed since I paid. My attitude is wrong? Look in a mirror bub. God.

 

[Master_of_Oldskool]

My parents are exactly like this. My dad wants to wake me up at 6:00 every school day because he thinks I need hours every morning to walk the literally 10 feet to school? "I'm your parent, I decide what's best." He wants me to spend every weekend and all summer helping him with inane personal projects while things that actually need done rot in a corner? "I'm your parent, I decide what you do around the house." I want to buy a game or a book- with my own money that I earned working as a farm hand, e.g. one of the most backbreaking and tedious jobs on earth- and he doesn't like the look of the content? "I'm your parent, I decide what you can and can't have."

Bullshit.

 

[minus_273c]

Sorry dude. Regardless of how completely unreasonable you consider her behaviour, it's a case of "Their house, their rules". If you don't like it get your own pad and live in whatever squalor you wish, lying in until whenever you wish.

 

[Kailat777]

I really don't see how everyone here is agreeing with the mom. 9 in the morning is not insanely late (yes, I've seen the post that said it was and I disagree). No one has any reason to be incredibly loud in the morning. We're not little kids anymore, so we don't jump on our parents in the morning and ask to play. Loudly doing your business in the morning does not automatically warrant a "thank you" as some people believe. It's just a little peeve of mine (or not so little), but I hate when parents reprimand you when they aggravated you (mine do that all the time and forever). A small "sorry for waking you" and they could both be on their way.

You see, I can understand where you're coming from, but at the same time, it's a little unreasonable to assume the mother should be the one apologizing. Would you expect an apology if, say, someone woke you up because they were serving you breakfast in bed? I would expect no (unless you REALLY don't like being woken up). What we have here is the same in principle. The topic creator was woken up by his mother doing something for him. The larger problem with this is here:

When I woke up this morning, my first thought was "Who the fuck is in my shower at 9 am, and why is someone in my shower period". I open the door and thank my mother for waking me up and she gives me her typical "I can do whatever the hell I want because It's my house and I'm your mother". In addition, her tone was that 'how dare I question her'. Yes, no shit you can do whatever you want.

Essentially, the complaint is that the topic creator got an attitude with his mother for doing what honestly should be his chore, and she responded with an attitude. I'm pretty sure most people here would respond in a similar manner. Also, if instead the topic creator were to, say, "thank my mother for cleaning the bathroom", he may have gotten his apology. Respect is a two way street, and nobody is owed anything for being mildly inconvenienced.

 

[MongodPenguin]

I've had the same situation more times than i care to count. Usually happens when my mother feels her intelligence is being threatened by me.

 

[Paddin]

Well this thread seemed to turn in to a "let us berate the younger generation because they don't understand respect", when really we don't know his current situation.

I personally hate it when I try a rational argument with my parents and they pull the irrational "because I'm your mother/father", and while at times if they pull that argument I just comply because, yes, they are my parents and I do owe them, they should have a level of respect when dealing with me and should try and rationalise their arguments if they want me to see their side.

Also, awful lot of sob stories here...

Well let me tell you OP, back in my day (I believe it was 1941, or 42?) we had to wake up at 2am to a whip across the face from a bullwhip, and go out and scavenge through the dead bodies of people who had died in the Blitz because we had no money to feed ourselves, so if the corpses didn't give us money for food, we starved for the night. Then I had to walk 18 miles in the snow and wind to fetch a bucket of water and be back in time to give to my dying grandmother. Did I mention I didn't own shoes? The frostbite had already claimed both my arms, so I had to take the bucket back with my teeth. So heed my story next time you talk about your fancy modern day technology like "showers" and "cleaning"