Imported goblin explodes, kills six.

[Technocrat]

Premise - mysterious explosion in Chitunwiza, Zimbabwe kills six people.

Chitungwiza blast - Goblin fought back
SUNDAY, 27 JANUARY 2013 13:44 EUGENE MAJURU NEWS

A traditional healer and survivor of the Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded.

The survivor, Ms Clara Banda, who escaped with visible minor burns and eye injury, says the blast occurred soon after her counterpart, 24-year-old Speakmore Mandere, popularly known as Sekuru Shumba, beheaded the goblin.
She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony. In a state of shock, she ran to her nearby home soon after the blast.
According to Ms Banda, transport operator Mr Clever Kamuyedza approached Mandere seeking help to dispose of the troubling goblin. He was to pay $15 000 for the ritual.

?The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba,? said Ms Banda.
According to the traditional healer, Mr Kamuyedza acquired a money-spinning goblin from a nearby country to boost the fortunes of his transport business.
He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started ?to make extreme demands."
Mandere is said to have assembled a team of traditional healers including Ms Banda, to assist in conducting the ceremony. ?After assembling the team, Sekuru Shumba invited Mr Kamuyedza, his wife and two of their associates to his home for consultations,? said Ms Banda.

?The consultations lasted three days during which we discussed whether or not we could handle this kind of ritual.?

Ms Banda said during the three days Mr Kamuyedza kept the goblin at home and only brought it to Sekuru Shumba?s lodgings for destruction on the fourth day. ?Sekuru was in the bedroom with three other men who were members of the group. I was with Mai Tsitsi (Mr Kamuyedza?s wife) and Virginia (another healer) in the lounge.
?Other members of the group sat outside since the house was already packed. Sekuru Shumba beheaded the goblin. Clever (the businessman), subsequently, told his wife to collect the US$15 000 from their car that was parked outside.
?That is when Sekuru shouted that the goblin was fighting back. All I remember after that is a loud sound coming from the bedroom. The walls of the house crumbled. Virginia and I struggled to get outside.?

Ms Banda ? who was slightly injured by debris ? says she later disappeared from the scene before crowds gathered. Another healer is believed to have been among those rushed to hospital for treatment.
?I was hit by debris falling off a crumbling wall, but my friend Virginia was not as lucky. She is still nursing serious injuries from that blast,? said Ms Banda. A neighbour, Victoria Sarangera, said the explosion occurred at around 1520 hours. She said she was the first person to see victims of the blast.

?I was outside doing the dishes when all of a sudden there was a loud bang and I was hit by a brick,? she said. ?When I turned back, there were two men who were already dead. Their skin had turned black. One of them had a deep gash on the head and his brains could be seen while the other man?s body had been ripped into two. ?A cloud of smoke went up into the air. Sekuru Shumba was lying motionless. The businessman was also dead. At that moment, a tenant at the house, Mai Kelly, was looking for her daughter whose corpse was later retrieved under a bed. ?Limbs and other human parts were strewn all over.?

The mysterious blast killed five people, including Sekuru Shumba, the businessman and a seven-month-old child. Investigators are still trying to establish the cause of the explosion that also damaged 12 other houses.
National police spokesperson Assistant Commissioner Charity Charamba said specialists in the police bomb disposal and ballistics unit were yet to ascertain the cause of the blast. ?The investigation is likely to take longer. There is no likelihood of the findings coming out next week,? she said. sunday mail

http://www.zimdiaspora.com/index.ph...in-fought-back&catid=38:travel-tips&Itemid=18

tl;dr - Zimbabwean businessman Clever Kamuyedza buys goblin from abroad to spin money for him. When the goblin starts making unreasonable demands, he arranges for local traditional-healer to dispose of the creature. Goblin fights back, causing explosion which kills six people and damages houses in the neighbourhood.

Moral of the story: don't buy shoddy imported goblins. Buy American goblins. :911:

Spoiler

The actual problem involves local con-men selling unexploded munitions to people. They find a victim, say "this land-mine contains valuable red mercury in its fuse, which is worth thousands of dollars if you can get it out. But I'll sell it to you for just $1,500." Of course, the bombs contain no such thing, and tend to deal with the witnesses by themselves.

Whatever the problems we may have with society in the West, at least I can say that people blaming home explosions on the supernatural would not be reported credibly in the media.

A follow-up article from the same source [http://www.zimdiaspora.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=10813:chitungwiza-blast-police-says-explosives-used-&catid=38:travel-tips&Itemid=18] with useful information following a little bit of investigation, and more information about the munition-selling scammers.

 

[ShinyCharizard]

Well it is standard procedure to try and kill your money spinning goblin when it's demands start getting too extreme. You have to make sure that you gag it first though so it can't use its goblin magic.

 

[The Almighty Aardvark]

For some morbid reason all I can think of are [mtg_card=Goblin grenade] and [mtg_card=Goblin Arsonist]

 

[MiskWisk]

What next, will people be buying Mogwai's and feeding them after midnight?

 

[Quaxar]

Silly Zimbabs, goblins don't spin money, you need Rumpelstiltskin for that.

 

[Angie7F]

This is why you should stick to domestic brands. I use Panasonic.

 

[lechat]

ok. wow
for starters i'm not surprised in the slightest that the goblin exploded since they are known to do that. the problem i have is mostly in the fact that exploding magic money spinning goblins more than likely don't exist outside of video games.

what interests me the most is that someone had reasonable intelligence enough to gather 15k but at the same time thought spending it on witch doctors was a wise investment so i'm gonna go out on a limb and say at least in that guys mind he really did have a magic goblin

 

[IronMit]

goblins are real? wtf is going on

 

[Mazza35]

Wait, I'm missing something
I thought a goblin was a fucking cup, fictional creature or a statue?
It's now a bomb? WHY DO YOU BEHEAD A BOMB I AM CONFUSE! D:

 

[elvor0]

Wait, I'm missing something
I thought a goblin was a fucking cup, fictional creature or a statue?
It's now a bomb? WHY DO YOU BEHEAD A BOMB I AM CONFUSE! D:

A goblet's the cup

I'm not entirely sure what the story is here. I /think/ it's that an explosion went off, yet a few of the people involved seem to think it's the work of goblins, because they're mental.

Either that or Goblin a coloquial name for a type of landmine, and these people think they're magic devices. To be honest, this article has reached some sort of bizzare singularity, that beyond the event horizon, it becomes a joke, satire, fantasy, stupid and real all at the same time.

 

[K84]

Goblin....Bombs....
Norman Osborn?

 

[Apollo45]

Looks like the Goblin Techies [http://www.playdota.com/heroes/goblin-techies#skill409] are at it again... That Suicide Squad skill was always so annoying.

 

[Mazza35]

Wait, I'm missing something
I thought a goblin was a fucking cup, fictional creature or a statue?
It's now a bomb? WHY DO YOU BEHEAD A BOMB I AM CONFUSE! D:

A goblet's the cup

I'm not entirely sure what the story is here. I /think/ it's that an explosion went off, yet a few of the people involved seem to think it's the work of goblins, because they're mental.

Either that or Goblin a coloquial name for a type of landmine, and these people think they're magic devices. To be honest, this article has reached some sort of bizzare singularity, that beyond the event horizon, it becomes a joke, satire, fantasy, stupid and real all at the same time.

Yes but I'm still confused on...
Goblin...explosions...they were beheading it?

 

[Pinkamena]

I was so confused until I read that the "goblin" was a land mine.

 

[Hagi]

Yes but I'm still confused on...
Goblin...explosions...they were beheading it?

Would it help if you knew the Goblin in question looked like this:

 

[Mazza35]

Yes but I'm still confused on...
Goblin...explosions...they were beheading it?

Would it help if you knew the Goblin in question looked like this:

Who calls this a Goblin? Just...THEY BROKE LOGIC!

 

[Hagi]

Yes but I'm still confused on...
Goblin...explosions...they were beheading it?

Would it help if you knew the Goblin in question looked like this:

Who calls this a Goblin? Just...THEY BROKE LOGIC!

Welcome to African witchcraft. Logic needs not apply.

South African hospitals for example have cases they call "ritual enema induced colitis" which is fancy talk for patient had too many dried plants shoved up his/her ass by local witch-docters.

 

[6_Qubed]

For some morbid reason all I can think of are [mtg_card=Goblin grenade] and [mtg_card=Goblin Arsonist]

Oh thank God I'm not the only one. :V

 

[miketehmage]

Nobody in their right mind would attempt to "behead" a landmine.


I guess they just get bored.

 

[Rawne1980]

Next week on news Chitunwiza....

Local strong man wrestles this Ogre....