Well my fellow Escapists, it seems like I'm at the end of my rope and I could really use some advice. This place may not be the first place people think of when they want a source of wisdom or advice, but I've found that you all seem to dish out good thoughts and advice.
First off a bit of context is in order: I'm 28, male, been a nerd for at lest 20 of those years. I'm currently trying to get my act together after working a regular job since I was about 20, maybe 21. It's been a long time since I've been there. It's regular work and it pays, however not enough for me to live on my own and my parents have been kind enough to let me stay with them in exchange for a bit of rent, and helping to do things around the house that they simply can't do very easily anymore due to age. I'm in the throes of my first semester back in college since I realized it was MORE than past time for me to get things together in life. I feel a lot of shame for how I've lived the past almost-decade and while at times I feel like it's too late to even try to do anything with myself, I keep going.
My problem is that I feel rather...alone, I suppose. Since my ex girlfriend broke up with me a year or so ago, I've been in a bit of a conundrum about people to be around. It wasn't a painful break, and she's still my best friend. We talk frequently and while she does have a boyfriend I've found it doesn't bother me anymore. He's a good guy and she's happy and that's what's important.
I have other friends, but they're more blue-collar types. Interested in drinking to excess, smoking...things that I don't and won't smoke....cursing at and insulting eachother as a form of joking around, and playing games. We originally met because we all play Magic the Gathering as well as other video games and things.
I don't mind them. They're fun to hang out with on occasion and watching their texts shoot back and forth on GroupMe is usually rather amusing. Recently though we haven't been able to hang out much, or more likely I don't get the chance. They're largely night-owls and that's not how I operate, though I don't blame them since all of them work day-jobs. I'm also feeling just...tired of their behavior, I guess. I feel like I'm drifting away from them and with my best friend moving along with her own life, I don't want to burden her with being the only friend I have. I feel terrible coming to her to talk about my problems when she just got home from a job she enjoys and is probably talking to her boyfriend.
I'd like to meet more people, possibly find a girlfriend. I know I have some personal work to do about the latter but just meeting people in general shouldn't be difficult for me, yet it is.
Mostly my problem seems to be that I'm not terribly comfortable in places like bars. Loud music, drunk people, can't hear myself think. The life and energy is nice to feel, but most people there are not the kinds of people I share interests with, so I end up feeling alone more often than not. It shouldn't surprise me since I'm a nerd in a typically non-nerd setting but even when I am in a nerd setting things can be kinda difficult. Going to a Friday Night Magic is tough since it's a competitive event and most people are there to stomp faces in or at least focus on play over meeting others. I've met some nice folks, but I've never seen them again after meeting them once. the nerd-pack at my college is somewhat fractured by both interests and schedules. Again I've met nice people, but somehow there's not been people that I've really connected with. It's not that I want friends for life or anything, but I've found that I can't even fill up the fingers on one hand with people I feel like I can talk to or have a good time with that aren't my ex. If I knew more people I was comfortable around it might even make going out to bars or other things more bearable, but as it stands I'd be going alone which doesn't bode well for me.
I miss the affection of my ex and the influence of simply having a positive force in my life instead of the typical male 'I'm going to insult you to show you're my friend!' bit. I'm not sure that a relationship is good for me right now, but good, quasi-positive friends to talk with would ease the burdens of life. But where do I find these people? Even if they're not physically nearby, just being able to load up Trillian and seeing people who actually WANT to talk to me would be nice.
I guess the bottom line is I'm feeling very alone and have been for quite some time, I'd like to expand my circle of friends and people that I trust, but I'm having trouble finding the right conditions to meet such people, either online or in real life. Any thoughts?
First off a bit of context is in order: I'm 28, male, been a nerd for at lest 20 of those years. I'm currently trying to get my act together after working a regular job since I was about 20, maybe 21. It's been a long time since I've been there. It's regular work and it pays, however not enough for me to live on my own and my parents have been kind enough to let me stay with them in exchange for a bit of rent, and helping to do things around the house that they simply can't do very easily anymore due to age. I'm in the throes of my first semester back in college since I realized it was MORE than past time for me to get things together in life. I feel a lot of shame for how I've lived the past almost-decade and while at times I feel like it's too late to even try to do anything with myself, I keep going.
My problem is that I feel rather...alone, I suppose. Since my ex girlfriend broke up with me a year or so ago, I've been in a bit of a conundrum about people to be around. It wasn't a painful break, and she's still my best friend. We talk frequently and while she does have a boyfriend I've found it doesn't bother me anymore. He's a good guy and she's happy and that's what's important.
I have other friends, but they're more blue-collar types. Interested in drinking to excess, smoking...things that I don't and won't smoke....cursing at and insulting eachother as a form of joking around, and playing games. We originally met because we all play Magic the Gathering as well as other video games and things.
I don't mind them. They're fun to hang out with on occasion and watching their texts shoot back and forth on GroupMe is usually rather amusing. Recently though we haven't been able to hang out much, or more likely I don't get the chance. They're largely night-owls and that's not how I operate, though I don't blame them since all of them work day-jobs. I'm also feeling just...tired of their behavior, I guess. I feel like I'm drifting away from them and with my best friend moving along with her own life, I don't want to burden her with being the only friend I have. I feel terrible coming to her to talk about my problems when she just got home from a job she enjoys and is probably talking to her boyfriend.
I'd like to meet more people, possibly find a girlfriend. I know I have some personal work to do about the latter but just meeting people in general shouldn't be difficult for me, yet it is.
Mostly my problem seems to be that I'm not terribly comfortable in places like bars. Loud music, drunk people, can't hear myself think. The life and energy is nice to feel, but most people there are not the kinds of people I share interests with, so I end up feeling alone more often than not. It shouldn't surprise me since I'm a nerd in a typically non-nerd setting but even when I am in a nerd setting things can be kinda difficult. Going to a Friday Night Magic is tough since it's a competitive event and most people are there to stomp faces in or at least focus on play over meeting others. I've met some nice folks, but I've never seen them again after meeting them once. the nerd-pack at my college is somewhat fractured by both interests and schedules. Again I've met nice people, but somehow there's not been people that I've really connected with. It's not that I want friends for life or anything, but I've found that I can't even fill up the fingers on one hand with people I feel like I can talk to or have a good time with that aren't my ex. If I knew more people I was comfortable around it might even make going out to bars or other things more bearable, but as it stands I'd be going alone which doesn't bode well for me.
I miss the affection of my ex and the influence of simply having a positive force in my life instead of the typical male 'I'm going to insult you to show you're my friend!' bit. I'm not sure that a relationship is good for me right now, but good, quasi-positive friends to talk with would ease the burdens of life. But where do I find these people? Even if they're not physically nearby, just being able to load up Trillian and seeing people who actually WANT to talk to me would be nice.
I guess the bottom line is I'm feeling very alone and have been for quite some time, I'd like to expand my circle of friends and people that I trust, but I'm having trouble finding the right conditions to meet such people, either online or in real life. Any thoughts?
As it is I like the stage, the lights and an audience that are mostly strangers! So to the theatres! *cue 60s Batman segue*