lacktheknack said:
After that, I lock all the doors, cover shattered windows with tarpaulin, crack out the Brita filters, put Aphex Twin's "Rhubarb" on repeat and wait for rescue.
I approve the choice of music, but there's a good chance your modern electronics will be toast and even the old transistor (which, you know, we all have) radio an absolute unsuable mess until the ionosphere calms down. Interesting point though that older analog electronics do better in unsheilded EMP exposure than new miniaturized digital stuff (apparently). Still vulnerable, but old analog circuits, vacuum tubes and telephone relays aren't as susceptible to instant-bricking. I wonder if that would work for vinyl records and passive speakers? Might wish to invest.
Anyway, realistically, in the unlikely event one is in a situation where nuclear warheads are exploding in one's municipality, I'm kinda of the opinion you want to either be far enough away as to not be affected at all... OR...
Alternately, you may wish to be close enough to the detonation to either be in the fireball or high psi shockwave, as this will afford one the opportunity to be atomized or black out instantly from the impulse of G Force before you realize what's happening. It's the far-middle ground you want to avoid; the thermonuclear radiation released as light during the initial reaction, about 24.4 km for a standard Chinese ICBM, airburst. Exposed tissue or chromatically absorbent clothing (black) safely guarantee 100% probability of 3rd degree burns and heavy direct irradiation. The good news is that the flash-incineration will destroy most of the nerve endings in any exposed tissue, which in tandem with extreme shock will make the experience less immediately painful than you might expect. The bad news is that despite being optically cauterized, as the soft tissue breaks apart and disintegrates, you will be highly susceptible to infection, disability and will likely require amputation of affected areas (if you can reach a doctor). Back on the bright side, these physical nusiances might not be a long term issue for someone in attendance of a thermonuclear detonation, since the intense irradiation will prove fatal to approximately 60-75% of those not immediately vaporized within a few hours to weeks, depending on individual constitution of intensity/duration of exposure.
For a comparison of relative yields, Fat Man, leveled Nagasaki with 20 kilotons, though allegedly only 5% of fissionable material reacted during detonation. US Trident D5 Warheads contain 455 kilotons, the largest aircraft carried bomb, the B-83 contains 1.2 megatons (1200kt) payload. The Soviet R-12-SS-4, concerned during the Cuban missile crisis, have 2.3 megaton payloads. The current Chinese standard ICBM, the Dong Feng-5 (CCS4), (which china has 20 of, capable of simultaneous launch at targets over 13,000km) has an impressive 5 megaton payload.
Were you to know of the approach of any such device, LacktheNack, I would strongly recommend an immediate drive west to Wabamum. Your city is pretty isolated, but it has the unfortunate strategic importance of a large military base and airport (both of which would be within the relevant thermal distance of the epicentre of a downtown attack).
All of these projections are supported by sophisticated predictive models, but are still rather iffy and conditional, but please be careful in a pending nuclear attack. My post apocalypse would be a bit dimmer without you playing Aphex Twin from abandoned forest ranger station emergency radio, like Three Dog, but with good taste in music.
Mind you, I'd probably have joined the rest of the causalities in the great infinite myself at that point, but I'd like to think you'd keep the signal alive for my green Giger ghost to dance to in the ashes.