Insult Swordfighting!

[Rolling Thunder]

*Downs a bottle of Bells Whiskey, which mingles with his Scots blood and makes hims uperhuman, which convenieantly protects from the blast AND regenerates all his limbs.*

Do you call that an explosion sir? Why, I have seen better explosions while staring at a brick wall, which has coincidentaly just landed on your head and punctured your skull.

 

[General Mostly Electrified Steel]

I raise one of my ascerbic eyebrows, and acid drips from my mouth:

"Ah, but no explosion could top that explosion of wit, my good sir!"

 

[Shatners Bassoon]

I look upon my foe, I notice his right hand, six fingers!

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!"

I couldn't resist.

 

[General Mostly Electrified Steel]

I hurl iocane powder at Shatners. As this was not a miracle feat, I did not invoke the powers of my God.

 

[000Ronald]

The Logician, conveniantly having forseen the attack, used Fareore's wind to teleport out of harm's way; right behind General Mostly Electrified Steel. Blood drips from the good general's mouth as he realizes he's been run through. He falls to the ground, dumbstruck.

"Your lack of decripition of such descriptive skill was your demise, friend. Describe how it killed me, or I'll still be alive."

The Logician then looks to Fondant.

"You know, I think I prefered the white space better. You're one ugly motherfu-"

Before The Logician can finish, a massive explosion engulfs the war zone. The mushroom cloud from the explosion is seen half a world away; everyone on the field (except The Logician), many innocent bystanders, and a cute puppy are vaporized instantly.

The Logician turns to his friend. "Thanks for showing how to really use a destructive move, Chuck."

Chuck Norris tips his hat, and walks away, as The Logician aplogizes to the families of all the innocent people Chuck Norris killed, and the people who owned the puppy.

 

[The Potato Lord]

Not to miss out The Potato Lord leaps in with a frozen shortsword and stabs The Logician between his ribs. "You would enjoy having chuck "show" you a "destructive move" wouldn't you?"

 

[000Ronald]

It would seem The Logician has fallen; but behold! The sheer awesometicity of his being protected him from harm. The blade, while appearing to skewer him alive, actually bent around his skin, as it was not worthy to make physichal contact with the badassatude of The Logician. The Logician counters the attack by drawing his katana and running both Swift and The Potato through. "C'mon," he says. "We all know both of you are as queer as a fruit basket! Now get you're gay on!" The Logician then sweeps the blade out of their sides, causing their intestines and other digestional facilities to fall to the ground.

A sly smile appears on The Logician's face. He rummages around in his robe for a moment before pulling a small golden statue out. "I've been saving this for a special occasion. Assist Trophy, Away!"

The Assist trophy shatters, and on the ground appears, cocked up cap and all, Ashton Kutcher! "This is Ashton Kutcher," He says. "And you've all been Punk'd! Nut Shot!"

Everyone on the field of battle experiences an immesurable pain where there testicles should be, and clutches their crotch as they fall to the ground. Ashton, laughing, disapears in a puff of smoke.

As The Logician rolls on the ground with uproarous laughter, we find he is too busy to apologize to any of you n00bs. So f*** off.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

And so I, Fondant did walk across to the logician, rolling on the floor like a drunken priest, and kick him in the head with such violence one of his ears was torn clean off in a spatter of blood.

And as Ashton disappears, Sasha the khornate Weimaramr did swallow him whole, destroying his body and casting his worthless soul down into the darkest depths of tartarus.

As the Logician rolls (this time to avoid being beaten and desperately attempting to protect his gimpy elfin girl-face) I, Fondant , do speak.

I may be ugly sir, but you are asexual. I may have children sir, wheras you cannot.

 

[000Ronald]

The Logician, tired of being beaten senseles, grabs the foot of Fondant and flings him into the air. He then leaps into the air himself and preforms a Falcon Dive, followed by a Falcon Kick (being as he's using Super Smash Brothers Attacks, no blood is spilt, but it does hurt). He then grabs Fondand and body-slams him into the ground, crushing every bone in his body. As The Logician gets up, he says, "You will only ever have children if you can find a woman. Who isn't your mom. Or sister. Dear god, you make me sick."

Then, for good measure, The Logician turns him into swiss cheese again, only more thoroughly. This time he turns Fondant into a fine powder. And urinates on it. And apologises for the smell.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

I rematerialise fifteen feet directly above the logician, landing directly on his skull and crushing him and his body into a bloody, intestinal pulp which, while demostrating the colourful nature of the human anatomy, also shows just how weak the Logician is.

'My family goos sir?! Kindly do not assume all of us are similar to you in your sexual preference. In fact, it would be best to assume that you are at all similar to me, or, for the matter, any male of the genus homo sapiens sapiens. Most of us have a bone structure made out of something other than glass.'

 

[000Ronald]

"You would, wouldn't you?" The Logician asks, reapearing behind Fondant. "Luckily, I have the ability to turn into any material of my choosing. So while you thought you crushed me, I, in all actuality evaded your attack. Now to kill you in the most humiliating way possible."

The Logician pulls out a small brass flute. Before Fondant knows what is happening, The Logician plays a particular note on it; Fondant clutches his stomach and moans "No, anything but this!"

That's right, The Logician thinks. The E Note! You are litterally going to shit yourself to death!

Fondant begs and pleads for awhile, then stops moving. The smell is horrid. The Logician tucks the flute back in and says, "Might wanna wash your clothes out now. You smell really bad." And apologizes to everyone who had to smell that.

 

[000Ronald]

Swift, walking away smugly, suddenly realizes that he has no left arm. Or right. Or a body for that matter. In fact, he seems to be flying from-

Swift's head stops thinking as it hits the ground. The Logician, unscathed by the mama joke, had lobbed off his head. Picking up Swift's head, The Logician says, "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggareted. You, on the other hand, are mincemeat." He then refuses to apologize, becuse that was funny.

 

[Chicago Ted]

*Kicks a door down and comes out wielding a Tommy gun in one hand and a rapier in the other*

"I feel that this battle has laid dormant for far too long! Now which of you white flag waving cowards is willing to face me!?"

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

I chuck an empty tin can at Chicago Ted while screaming, "social ineptitude!"

Then I hide behind a bush.

 

[Chicago Ted]

"WHAT WAS THAT?! NO ONE IS SAFE FROM CHICAGO TED!"

*Begins firing into the bush*

 

[RavingPenguin]

*After skydiving from 4,000 feet, RavingPenguin lands on Chicago Ted's head katana first, then jumps away completely unharmed

Dear me, it seems someone may have died, but alas I have no time to mourn, for there seems to be a battle to be had. Will no one else join the fray?

 

[Crosseyes]

*Despite his tardiness to battle, Crosseyes is undeterred, and gives his over-curved scythe a swing, managing to miss every target and instead cleaving into his own vital organs*

"blub urgh guh *bloody cough* glub urk kaahhhhh!"

 

[TaborMallory]

Behold, fiends and peasants! I have joined the battle!
I fire a steel pellet the size of a marble at mach 9 from a railgun into RavingPenquin's unfortunate head.