Insults

[Lord Krunk]

This is a simple and straightforward topic, needs no explaining.

What is your favourite insult?

Here are 2 of my favourites (off my head):

"You suck so hard, when you tried to hit puberty, puberty kicked your ass!"

and

"If Moses saw your face, he would have made an eleventh commandment!"

Anyway, please post your own favourites.

And please avoid using "Your Mum" jokes, please...

 

[Aries_Split]

Alright. My favorite insult is a punch to the face. I like slapstick.

 

[Ultrajoe]

I often call people of a chunky persuasion 'Jiggles the Hutt'

But only because they are assholes, never use your powers for evil.

I like to use the threat "Im going to hit you so fucking hard your grandchildren will fall over". It actually works.

"if there was a line for laziness you wouldn't show up"
"If there was a line for the stupid you'd manage to end up going backwards in it"
"[variations on the line formula]"
"Sweet jesus, were you tied to the back of the ugly truck and dragged through the ugly forest? you honestly make me want to eat a pile of dog shit to get the taste of you from this distance out of my mouth."
"Sometimes i think god loves all of us, and then i remember you"

 

[Danny Ocean]

Well, my most used insult is just, "Idiot."

However, my favourite would have to be, "Your so dumb, you'd trip over a cordless phone."

 

[Spleeni]

(Has to be said quickly) "Now, I can see just how stupid humanity is now and again,
Here's the average (hold hand at head level)
Here's the stupid ones (hold hand a bit lower)
Here's the retards (hold hand far lower)
Here's the utter and abject scum of the earth (hold hand far lower)
*pause*
And THEN there's you."

 

[Iron Mal]

You are the ony person in town who has a car with skid marks.

I heard that you were going into the ugly contest when they said 'no professionals please'.

If you're such a smartass, why don't you sit on a tub of ice-cream and tell me what flavor it is?

 

[000Ronald]

"You suck so much that if you, Paris Hilton, and a black hole got into a sucking contest, you would lose because nothing sucks more than Paris Hilton, but it would be a close second!"

Said lightheartedly to a friend. He laughed. Good times were had.

And then I got hit by a car.

Apologies abound.

 

[Cpt. Red]

Your moma is so hairy, the only language she speaks is Wookie!!!
just had to be done...

 

[pha kin su pah]

"you are a good excuse for an abortion"

 

[Crack_Duck]

"If i wanted a comeback, i would wipe your chin."

Edit: But i don't know if this is technically a 'Insult'.

 

[MartnRendrs]

mine are "cunning bastard" and "twat" for among friends (we use it in dutch cuz we al speak English quite well and it sound pretty funny too)

 

[Cpt. Red]

I like to insult people by insulting myself at the same time. It still makes them mad but at the same time it gives them less ammunition to use at me. eg. "You are even uglier then me" or a milder version "You are almost as ugly as me"...

 

[Evil_Valentine_Marshmallow]

"Darwin called, he wants his prehensile thumb back."

 

[Zack81]

Bright as a broken light bulb.

 

[sirdanrhodes]

If this is for online, I mainly just say "Grow up you high pitched american 5 year old moron".

 

[anNIALLator]

One time a friend said, 'i have no money' so i said, what did you spend it on, ugly cream?

 

[Alienmen1]

(Has to be said quickly) "Now, I can see just how stupid humanity is now and again,
Here's the average (hold hand at head level)
Here's the stupid ones (hold hand a bit lower)
Here's the retards (hold hand far lower)
Here's the utter and abject scum of the earth (hold hand far lower)



I like to use the threat "Im going to hit you so fucking hard your grandchildren will fall over".


"Sometimes i think god loves all of us, and then i remember you"

Epic Truly Epic

 

[John Galt]

I don't do insults much, but if I want to mess with someone's head, I straighten my face, look them square in the eyes, and tell them "I'll cut your dick off." If done properly, that is, in the classic Christopher Walken deadpan, you can unnerve pretty much anyone you're talking to.

 

[Conqueror Kenny]

I don't do insults much, but if I want to mess with someone's head, I straighten my face, look them square in the eyes, and tell them "I'll cut your dick off." If done properly, that is, in the classic Christopher Walken deadpan, you can unnerve pretty much anyone you're talking to.

I have done that one in a football match. Some flash twat was constantly doing stepovers, flicking the ball over his head and the such so while he was waiting for the ball to come to him I walked past and whispered it into his ear. Needless to say he didn't come near me for the rest of the match.

 

[the monopoly guy]

"You're a few Lucky Charms short of seven different marshmallows" said like the lucky charms guy.