Introducing your significant other to family

[nylonshred]

My current girlfriend who I live with now, her family blames me for EVERYTHING! Also they are Asian. Her dad bad talks white people and is currently trying to bribe her to break up with me, by saying he will pay off all her debt if she does and moves to Cali with him. Her brother is cool and one of the best pianist I've met(the girlfriend and her brother are piano majors). And the little sister is extremely suicidal. So yeah, probably best to not have met her family.

 

[soren7550]

The way it went with me & my boyfriend was that they were tossing out my stuff (after they tossed me out), so I had him come with me so that I could salvage some clothes and a few other things. Let's just say that it didn't go well.

The only other time the boyfriend has seen my family was at a funeral, and that ended up even worse.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

The mother hated my guts, probably because she is VERY religious and when I was introduced, she put holy water on me (she has a fountain of it in her hallway) and I grabbed my fave screaming "IT BURNS" My cousin (who was present with us at the time) and my girlfriend laughed, the mom was...not amused.

HOLY WATER? Who the hell pours holy water on people they meet?

OT: Can't really say anything, I've never been in a romantic relationship.

Well when you've got the fountain, you kind of have to justify the expense

 

[Rascarin]

I'm in a same sex relationship with a drinking, smoking, trans person, and I introduced them to my family at my dads Mormon wedding.

 

[KaosuHamoni]

I'm probably not a good 'template' to go by, for the most part. Never introduced anyone to the folks, but I've been introduced once. First relationship, everyone knew everyone anyway, so there was no need to introduce, and third didn't last long enough to reach that point. Second though... ah...

Her: "Um... Mom, Dad... this is AJ."

She's basically crushing my hand as she says this. Her mother then proceeds to sit down and struggle not to cry, while her father just nods to me, leaves and doesn't come back. Meeting her brother was strange as well, as he took me aside and said he'd help if I needed him to. I got what he meant so it didn't actually strike me as weird until I broke up with her and remembered that...

You've piqued my interest. Would you care to elaborate as to why she chose such a melodramatic response?

 

[SckizoBoy]

You've piqued my interest. Would you care to elaborate as to why she chose such a melodramatic response?

Like the guy who posted after me, my ex was/is (not sure, voluntary cessation of contact) a manic depressive, so virtually everyone had to walk on egg-shells around her (hell, we met at therapy). Consequently, she had relatively few friends, and for her to turn up with a boyfriend... her mom was happy beyond belief, her dad was just relieved and her brother wanted to be supportive. For all the six years that it lasted... *sigh*

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

So how does it usually go for you guys? Tips or advice? Funny, wonderful, or horrendous stories?

Well, it helps if you tell your family a little about your sig other first - by phone or whatever if you don't live nearby. Let them know what to expect to avid awkwardness later. Likewise, inform your sig other of what to expect from your family.

Or you can do what I did when I came out as bisexual to my father - show up at the door with your new girlfriend.

 

[Jacco]

My family already knew my ex-girlfriend before we started dating, so it wasn't awkward in any way.

My ex-girlfriends mother and father? The mother hated my guts, probably because she is VERY religious and when I was introduced, she put holy water on me (she has a fountain of it in her hallway) and I grabbed my face screaming "IT BURNS" My cousin (who was present with us at the time) and my girlfriend laughed, the mom was...not amused.

The dad, who is also heavily religious, was not there when that...scene occurred, but he was alright, he didn't approve of his daughter dating, but knew it was something teens do, he didn't like how I was an atheist but ultimately respected my right to not believe in god, so he tolerated me and was an okay chap, he did tell me that if I ever slept with his daughter before marriage, he would end me and I believed him, he was an intimidating dude as well. Me and my ex did have sex and I don't think he ever knew about it, considering I am not 6 feet under right now.

Ugh. That infuriates me when I hear stuff like that. There's no need for threats. I grew up learning never to threaten someone unless you have every intention of following up so I take all threats in that way.


I dated a girl once who's dad did the "shotgun" routine in that he set it out in front of us with some shells next to it. We had our conversation and as we were leaving, I told him if I ever saw that gun out like that again, he had better be ready to use it because the trigger was getting pulled one way or the other. Never saw it out of the cabinet again.

 

[darlarosa]

Do it in the form of a Cluedo game. You know, smuggle her head in with the suspects and then ask "Is the suspect in a relationship with me?"
When they say "um... no", you remove her picture. That should give them a good clue.

All of life's problems can in the end be solved with a board game.

But what if the boardgame is LIFE D:??

I live in my mother's house so it was kind of inevitable that my boyfriend would meet her. It was just a quick introduction before we bailed. I don't like my family, nor do I care about their opinion of the people I associate with. My mother is the last person from whom I would accept a value judgement, what with the scum she brought into the house. My father is also an ass and I'd like to spare my boyfriend the misfortune of meeting him, which shouldn't be hard since I see him maybe twice a year.

I've never met my boyfriend's family and don't really care to. He doesn't get along with them either. I gravitate towards people with shitty family lives since I can't relate to people who get along with their parents. In fact I tend to resent them.

That is unfortunate, but understandable. What is it that makes you resent people with healthy familial relationships?

Depends on how your family feels about who you're dating.

But don't they have to meet him first? Generally if I told my family anything about my prospective they would probably shit themselves...then fling it at me... They won't care that he's white its the...age difference and the class difference and the future life/career prospects...and that shit that scares me

 

[Quaxar]

Do it in the form of a Cluedo game. You know, smuggle her head in with the suspects and then ask "Is the suspect in a relationship with me?"
When they say "um... no", you remove her picture. That should give them a good clue.

All of life's problems can in the end be solved with a board game.

But what if the boardgame is LIFE D:??

You <url=http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wOAwrufBIbc/TZTvJWr7bXI/AAAAAAAAABY/JppqmP7AFgU/s1600/Game-of-Life.jpg>play together and share a car so everyone knows what's up.
But I'd much rather go with the Cluedo approach, that game doesn't suck as badly. Or Mouse Trap, although I am not quite sure how you would incorporate a girlfriend-introduction there.

 

[darlarosa]

Do it in the form of a Cluedo game. You know, smuggle her head in with the suspects and then ask "Is the suspect in a relationship with me?"
When they say "um... no", you remove her picture. That should give them a good clue.

All of life's problems can in the end be solved with a board game.

But what if the boardgame is LIFE D:??

You <url=http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wOAwrufBIbc/TZTvJWr7bXI/AAAAAAAAABY/JppqmP7AFgU/s1600/Game-of-Life.jpg>play together and share a car so everyone knows what's up.
But I'd much rather go with the Cluedo approach, that game doesn't suck as badly. Or Mouse Trap, although I am not quite sure how you would incorporate a girlfriend-introduction there.

"Guess what's being trapped....IT'S NOT THE MOUSE !!!!!!!" I guess?

[
Um... unsure if by "Significant Other" you are mentioning someone the same sex as you? Normally I only here "This is my Husband/Wife/Fiance'/Boyfriend/Girlfriend". Even if they were the same sex.

Anyways, quick and easy. Talk to your family beforehand, have them meet you half-way spend a day with them and leave. Do that once every few years and you (should?) be fine.

No I'm heteroromantic, so it's a guy. It's just little differences race, age, class, and this feeling my parents will say I could do better...plus he's an awkward guy

I feel like even half a day would be too much time with him and them together which is the problem...x.x

 

[SwimmingRock]

You could just...you know...not do it?

Got it in one. My parents are racist, homophobic nutbags. I visit my mother once or twice a year and only contact my father via e-mail, so I don't see any reason for anyone I'd be dating to meet them. Never talked much to the rest of my family, on account of being raised on an entirely different continent an ocean and 11-hour flight away.

As for meeting the family of anyone I might end up dating, I'd leave that up to them. Don't really feel the need to meet them since family has never been important to me. Still, I generally get along well with people and if I can't stand them, for whatever reason, I'll be honest about it to my partner and we'll just have to deal with that.

EDIT: Oh, yeah. My mom once found out about a girl my older brother was dating. She wouldn't stop harassing him about every little detail regarding her entire family and life history and then insisted on meeting her in a 6-hour "dinner party" (my brother used the word "interrogation" to describe it). He actually told me once:"If you ever have a relationship, don't let mom find out about it. She'll ruin it." So there's that too.

 

[Something Amyss]

Guess bitter taste has been left in mouth.

Can't say as I blame you. I've been treated like some sort of monster from the get-go several times. It's really lost its appeal for me. Unfortunately, it always seems to be a faire devoir (side note: accidentally typed 'devour,' which probably counts as a Freudian slip) for me.

Gah.

With my family, the first girl I brought home was so terrible that I bet I could bring anyone this side of Hitler home to them, and they'd give me credit for at least setting my goals higher. XD

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

I will admit that there was probably only one girl back in high school that I would have been happy to introduce to my family. We were not officially dating, however, but that didn't stop them from meeting her and acting as if we were.

Thanks large Mexican family. Thanks a bunch.

Seriously, I would not be so quick as to present a girl that I am dating to my ENTIRE family (as it is tradition). I would probably only mention her to my family, if they ask, and maybe bring her around my immediate family from time to time over the course of a year and then, present her to the rest of the family.

Family can make things "awkward" in a new relationship. Especially one like mine.

 

[Lugbzurg]

Yikes... I've read every single one of these posts so far and nearly all of them are depressingly-negative. I can't say I'd be able to relate to most of you. I haven't had to be put through all this soul-crushing crap like the majority of you have found yourselves in. I haven't had to deal with this type of situation so far, but dang... Several of you have had to fight for your last breath in these situations in ways I'd never truly know. Plenty of people would actually kill themselves over far lesser things. You all are still here. The lot of you are strong. Don't forget that.

 

[Spinozaad]

"Hey mum, I'm coming over for a visit this weekend/whatever."
-"Hello son! That's nice! Anything you'd like to have for dinner when you're here?"
"Well, I would love some of your delicious roast honey-chicken, but <girlfriend's name> would like to tag along as well, and she's a vegetarian."
-"Oh, that's nice! Well, I'll make sure we'll have some nice vegetarian snacks and dinner. What does she like to drink? Wine, beer or something else?"
"I think she's okay with anything, really."
-"Okay, good to hear. Are you taking public transport to , or do we have to pick you up from the bus terminal in ?"
"She has an exam in the morning, so the buses won't be active when we get to , so a pick-up would be nice!"
-"Okay! We're looking forward to meeting . See you then! Love and kisses from your father and me!"
"Bye, mom!"


Like this, basically. But my parents are great.

 

[Not Matt]

you know what i just realized...... i have never done this. i have been introduced to her family. but they always just.....bump in to mine while i am not around. in the supermarket, on town, or something like that. and they get to know eachother there before i even get a chance to introduce them.

 

[Neonbob]

I had a hell of a time introducing my now wife to my Mom. To start off, we met online, and after a few weeks of talking, we decided to meet up. That went fantastically. Meanwhile things at home were getting tense with mom, and after about two months of dating, she and I decided I should move in with her, about an hour and a half away from Mom. Mom promptly had a worry shit-fit. After we got married, it took way too long to get the two to meet. My wife thought Mom was an overly controlling ***** with a self-righteousness complex, and Mom probably thought I'd married a crazy chick. But when they did meet, it was civil enough, but the fact that it was such a trial to meet caused a bit of a rift between my wife and mother. They've gotten better over time though, so there's hope that one day they'll really get along instead of a mutual...slightly better than tolerance.
Dad was a different story. We didn't meet with him until a good while after being married, and we invited him out to dinner. He accepted, came along, and met the wife, me, and her family. That went just fine.
Honestly, if you're an adult, things should be just fine as long as people in your family are somewhat normal. Even if they don't like it, you're a grown up, dammit! You can make your own decisions!