MOUNTAIN DEW
An Abridged History
By: Cpu46- Memory Unit; Department of Miscellaneous Information
Designed in the 1940's in response to the war in europe. The original formula was meant to boost a mans fighting strength tenfold and give him the burst of energy he needed to fight the Nazi forces. Unfortunately the tests proved that the formula was too potent, 95% of test subjects spontaneously combusted within seconds of ingestion. The 5% who survived exhibited increased reaction times and a boost in endurance for a short period of time. However the success rate coupled with the limited duration caused the government to label this brew a failure and demand it reworked. The original formula was added to a flammable jelly substance and is to this day known as Napalm. While this was an unexpected and successful application there was still no progress in the soldier drink. For years the project seemed to be at an standstill. By the time any progress had been made on the "Mountain Brew" project, named so because of the isolated mountain facility in which the fluid was created, the Nazis had lost and the japanese were the only major threat left. While the Napalm proved widely successful against the dug in japanese forces the soldiers needed that boost.
In 1945 a breakthrough came in the dropping of the atomic bomb. The project had been using chemical energy all this time to get all of the power into the drink. These bonds at such a level were incredibly unstable. The idea of using this newly revealed energy source was posed and again tests were held. However the war had ended and there was no more need for such a project to exist. Their funding was cut and only preliminary tests using nuclear energy had been done. Attempting to at least get something out of this they abandoned the more expensive energy producers and settled with simple sugar and caffeine. This produced only a fraction of a percent of the energy displayed in the original formula, however it did allow the drink to be released to the public. The creators also reworked the potent flavoring they had been forced to add to the original formula in order to cover up the taste of ones digestive tract burning and added that to the caffeine based concoction. Like Irn Bru they were unable to brand the drink as "Mountain Brew" since no brewing actually took place. Deciding to keep the "Mountain" part of the name out of nostalgia they settled on "Dew" because of its auditory similarities to "Brew".
The drink was released to the public with mixed success. It competed well with the colas and soft drinks but never truly outpaced them. There was just too much energy in the drink for the average person to release... That is until the introduction of Arcade games in the early 70s. The act of playing these contraptions left many exhausted. Having been released a little over 20 years earlier the properties of Mountain Dew were known by some of these gamers and the drink was adopted by many in order to increase the length of time they could play without rest. The drink has been synonymous with gaming of all kinds ever since.
I shall also leave the best damn Irn Bru advert ever made,
