Is anyone else in perpetual identity crisis?

[MammothBlade]

From American Psycho:

"There is an idea of a [my name]. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.

There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone; in fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others."


Does anyone feel the same?

 

[Friendly Lich]

I don't feel like that but I find myself wearing "masks" for different people like a social chameleon. I don't know who I am at all. I always try to analyze myself with different kinds of tests but none of it is consistent. I cant define myself, sometimes I feel like I'm losing touch with reality as if everything around me is fake. I don't want my pain to be inflicted on others but sometimes I hope for an utter void to cast everything into absolute nothingness. Its a very selfish hope.

 

[MammothBlade]

Since you're participating in discussions on this forum and actively seeking out compassion from people who feel like you, I doubt you actually think like Patrick Bateman did.

There are some similarities. Those two quotes make sense to me, I'm just trying to fill the void in a different way. I don't expect some sort of internet compassion, only external input and reflection.

 

[Ilikemilkshake]

For the first paragraph I can completely empathise, even my best friends who I've known for the best part of a decade don't really know much about me. I don't want to sound all emo acting like "no one understands me" but it does feel that way sometimes, even if it's entirely my fault.

The internet knows more about me than anyone I actually know. Even writing this post now is opening up more than I usually do, which is strange because it's hardly private.

As for the second paragraph, I do hope for a better world for others but what angers me most is my lack of ability or willingness to do anything about it. I wouldn't wish that feeling upon anyone.

 

[MammothBlade]

I don't feel like that but I find myself wearing "masks" for different people like a social chameleon. I don't know who I am at all. I always try to analyze myself with different kinds of tests but none of it is consistent. I cant define myself, sometimes I feel like I'm losing touch with reality as if everything around me is fake. I don't want my pain to be inflicted on others but sometimes I hope for an utter void to cast everything into absolute nothingness. Its a very selfish hope.

Yeah. internet tests only serve to make one more uncertain of their own identity. Seek an identity, only to confirm a lack of it.

I feel like I am the void, the fake, the homunculus. Completely superficial and lacking any sort of defining personality.

 

[Friendly Lich]

I don't feel like that but I find myself wearing "masks" for different people like a social chameleon. I don't know who I am at all. I always try to analyze myself with different kinds of tests but none of it is consistent. I cant define myself, sometimes I feel like I'm losing touch with reality as if everything around me is fake. I don't want my pain to be inflicted on others but sometimes I hope for an utter void to cast everything into absolute nothingness. Its a very selfish hope.

Yeah. internet tests only serve to make one more uncertain of their own identity. Seek an identity, only to confirm a lack of it.

I feel like I am the void, the fake, the homunculus. Completely superficial and lacking any sort of defining personality.

I've actually taken professional tests, but yeah I agree with you.

 

[MammothBlade]

For the first paragraph I can completely empathise, even my best friends who I've known for the best part of a decade don't really know much about me. I don't want to sound all emo acting like "no one understands me" but it does feel that way sometimes, even if it's entirely my fault.

The internet knows more about me than anyone I actually know. Even writing this post now is opening up more than I usually do, which is strange because it's hardly private.

As for the second paragraph, I do hope for a better world for others but what angers me most is my lack of ability or willingness to do anything about it. I wouldn't wish that feeling upon anyone.

Ditto on not even opening up to friends. Most of the time I've said more revealing things anonymously on the internet.

Similarly, I try to care about other people, but my lack of power to do anything about it makes me apathetic and often spiteful.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

I'm pretty much a case of 'what you see is what you get'.

Sure, I act differently in accordance with certain social scenarios, but I don't try and pretend I'm something I'm not

 

[Relish in Chaos]

I lack a defined identity, unlike my peers. I?ve pretty much been the same guy from Year 7 up until Year 12, which is what I?m in now, while I see other people I?ve grown up with drastically change into infinitely better beings. Also, I act like a fucking tag-along weirdo at school, a moody shut-in at home, and a shy introvert in public and around strangers. I don?t really have many people to talk to about ?real stuff? either.

Oh yeah, and I?m depressed. So that?s me.

 

[Fappy]

I think I've got a good definition of me. It's ever changing, but I think I've got a good grasp of my own identity. If you don't feel the urge to drop chainsaws on to people you've probably got nothing to worry about.

 

[Pyrokinesis]

I know the feeling, my only exception is the "wanting to inflict it on others" bit. Should be careful with that line of thought. Its one thing to be suffering its another entirely to want to inflict that.

 

[Dr. Cakey]

I don't feel like that but I find myself wearing "masks" for different people like a social chameleon. I don't know who I am at all. I always try to analyze myself with different kinds of tests but none of it is consistent. I cant define myself, sometimes I feel like I'm losing touch with reality as if everything around me is fake. I don't want my pain to be inflicted on others but sometimes I hope for an utter void to cast everything into absolute nothingness. Its a very selfish hope.

Yeah. internet tests only serve to make one more uncertain of their own identity. Seek an identity, only to confirm a lack of it.

I feel like I am the void, the fake, the homunculus. Completely superficial and lacking any sort of defining personality.

But if everyone is the same in this respect (and they are), that makes everyone "the void, the fake, the homunculus". Which is to say no one is, and you are probably pretty normal.

 

[Bobic]

Just a quick question to throw out there, but what do you think having a personality would be like? A personality is not something you have or don't have, unless you happen to be a robot. It's just what guides your thoughts and actions. Now, I'd argue that this may just be a case of over analysis, you see people, and they all seem much happier and sure of themselves than you. You feel that there's something wrong, so you seek the evidence to prove it, and then, thanks to the wonders of confirmation bias, you find it, you wear a mask, you don't have a real personality. But here's the kicker, everyone has masks, we all hide our true selves, those people you see seeming so cool and self sure, they're bundles of self doubt and confusion on the inside too. You may think about this kinda stuff more, and this could be a minor case of depression, or it could just be part of your personality, but you are nowhere near as different as you think.

Now, I'm not going to say that you're perfectly fine and everything's dandy, I don't know you, and if I did, I'm not a psychologist so couldn't form a proper diagnosis anyway. What I do have is experience. I'm schizophrenic, I've gone through all the the 'what's wrong with me, why am I different phase' and I've gone through the

sometimes I feel like I'm losing touch with reality as if everything around me is fake.

phase. You're sure something's wrong, so every doubt, every fear, becomes some more evidence to be piled into the 'there's something wrong with me' pile. That's a dangerous path to go down, it's a vicious cycle and a self fulfilling prophecy. It may be hard but you've gotta just tell yourself 'No! This is bullshit, I'm driving myself down a self destructive path, so goddamnit, I am not as broken as I think I am, Fuck you self doubt'. And then you'll feel like a tit for talking to yourself and not even believing it, but, eventually, it could help.

 

[James Joseph Emerald]

Technically, EU regulations are supposed to supersede member state's laws, and all citizens of an EU country can live and work in any other EU country, so it almost is like the USA.

Whoops wrong thread.

 

[SpectacularWebHead]

"They got more of the *BLEEEEEEP* Than they got the likes of me :'("


In all seriousness, I feel exactly the same as you. Sometimes I analyse the world around me to such a deep level that it almost seems like nothing is important, morality is no existant and every other human is hiding something.


Then I play some videogames.

 

[Friendly Lich]

Just a quick question to throw out there, but what do you think having a personality would be like? A personality is not something you have or don't have, unless you happen to be a robot. It's just what guides your thoughts and actions. Now, I'd argue that this may just be a case of over analysis, you see people, and they all seem much happier and sure of themselves than you. You feel that there's something wrong, so you seek the evidence to prove it, and then, thanks to the wonders of confirmation bias, you find it, you wear a mask, you don't have a real personality. But here's the kicker, everyone has masks, we all hide our true selves, those people you see seeming so cool and self sure, they're bundles of self doubt and confusion on the inside too. You may think about this kinda stuff more, and this could be a minor case of depression, or it could just be part of your personality, but you are nowhere near as different as you think.

Now, I'm not going to say that you're perfectly fine and everything's dandy, I don't know you, and if I did, I'm not a psychologist so couldn't form a proper diagnosis anyway. What I do have is experience. I'm schizophrenic, I've gone through all the the 'what's wrong with me, why am I different phase' and I've gone through the

sometimes I feel like I'm losing touch with reality as if everything around me is fake.

phase. You're sure something's wrong, so every doubt, every fear, becomes some more evidence to be piled into the 'there's something wrong with me' pile. That's a dangerous path to go down, it's a vicious cycle and a self fulfilling prophecy. It may be hard but you've gotta just tell yourself 'No! This is bullshit, I'm driving myself down a self destructive path, so goddamnit, I am not as broken as I think I am, Fuck you self doubt'. And then you'll feel like a tit for talking to yourself and not even believing it, but, eventually, it could help.

That is helpful, thanks.