Is it bad to be negative sometimes?

[ThePurpleStuff]

I don't have a very high self esteem when it comes to certain things about me. Like my talents in 3D modeling, or my arts and crafts skills. Also things about me personally but, won't get into that. I don't give mindless praise, nor praise myself when I know it's not worth that. Yet I'm also told I should think higher of myself, but I'm afraid it will just inflate my ego and turn me into someone I'd hate.

An Example:
I'm a big text roleplayer. I love to roleplay and make new friends in such communities who are into the same things I am. But I also don't think I'm that great of a writer. Even though I'm always contradicted and told that I'm a wonderful writer, creative, other positive words. I still think I'm mediocre at best.

Is it wrong for me to think my talents are nothing but average and positive comments aren't all honest? Is my mentality that if I am negative about something, it will make the actual, trusted praise that much stronger?

Am I alone in this as well? Do you have similar feelings and thoughts that I do about your own talents? Do you think positivity is falsely given out to people who clearly don't deserve it? Share them here and discuss.

 

[Nouw]

Well as an example, I definitely have some negative feelings about my clarinet playing but I've turned that negative energy into practicing and, pardon the cheese, becoming the best clarinetist I can be. It's an inevitability I think with anything you do, to stop and consider whether you're actually any good. As long as you don't wallow in self-loathing and continue to enjoy whatever it is you do, I think it's okay.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Everyone has their own little niggles, things they overthink or are neurotic about. Anyone who doesn't is either lying or lives a very, very sheltered life.

It's perfectly healthy to doubt your own abilities from time to time, it's a sign of modesty, god knows people need to be a little more humble in this day and age.

Nothing niggles at me more than a saccharine overabundance of positivity, I immediately distrust it.

"Come on guys! I know we can make this a better place if we just try!"

Yeah, no, fuck off, let me despise you in peace.

The key is to not let it rule your life, take the bad with the good and try to make something better out of it.

You can be a positive person without making everyone around you vomit. I consider myself a generally positive person, but that doesn't mean I won't tell you to fuck off if you're annoying me, and I honestly couldn't give less of a toss about your problems if I don't know you.

That's not to mean I won't listen and try to offer advice, I just won't lose any sleep over it unless I actually know and like you.

 

[JoJo]

In regards to what you talk about in your OP, I think there's a difference between negativity and constructive criticism. Take for example a YouTube video, a comment saying 'this video sucks!' may perfectly express the viewer's feelings but it won't help the creator improve, as he has no idea why his video sucks. On the other hand, a comment saying 'the lighting and editing were poor, video went on far too long' at-least gives the creator the chance to put right those errors in his next video.

In a more general sense, negativity is a tool that can be useful but only in the right occasions. For example, I'm sure most of us would agree that negativity against murder is well deserved. Equally, there's nothing wrong with being honest and admitting you didn't enjoy a particular video game or other media. Too much negativity however, harbouring grudges about things that don't affect you, leads to the toxic atmosphere which you see on YouTube, with people attacking rival fandoms, countries etc for the sake of doing so. Getting the balance right is key.

 

[Bertylicious]

I'm afraid it is bad to be negative; people will switch off or think less of you. This is why it is important to have someone in your life you can be genuine with; i.e. someone who feels negative about the same sort of things you feel negative about.

It is possible, however, to be down on something but it in an upbeat way through passive aggressive techniquies. It still bores, annoys and depresses people but there's less chance they will associate the mindset with you and will instead associate it with the thing you're denigrating. Maybe it is best not to be a twat though and just face up to the reality that you have opinions that others may disagree with and those people should go fuck themselves, but that may constitute immaturity?

 

[mistahzig1]

Always expect the worst in things and to yourself. That way you'll be pleasently surprised at every turn ;o)

 

[Johnny Impact]

There is a difference between being negative and being realistic.

Spoiler: personal example

I paint Warmachine models. My friends and family tell me I am an awesome painter. I am not awesome, not even close. What I really am is adequate, but the relevant point is I am a much better painter than my friends and family. As they don't paint, this is only to be expected. I look at paint jobs far beyond my skill level and marvel at the incredible ability of the artists. My friends and family are doing the same thing when they look at my models. Since they don't paint, however, their skill level is zero. Any paint job above zero skill is therefore unbelievably good in their eyes, and their compliments are thereby rendered somewhat suspect. It is equivalent to being complimented on your driving skills by a person who has never operated a motor vehicle simply because you got to the grocery store and back.

Does this mean I suck as a painter? No, it does not. I know my own ability level and it is certainly passable, my best pieces might rate as high as 7 on the Gallery http://www.coolminiornot.com/browse.

Does it make all compliments worthless? No, it does not. People are doing their best to encourage me and that is a good thing. People don't have to understand what you're doing to wish you success at doing it.

I don't stop painting just because I produce less-than-perfect work. That is exactly the reason NOT to stop.

Brutal honesty? Odds are you are a mediocre writer. There is an ocean of printed words out there and most written works are, by definition, average. Without reading any of your material, I'd have to guess it is passable but unspectacular.

This does NOT, however, mean you have no skill, or that you should stop practicing. Writing even an average story is something the vast majority of people can't do. I certainly can't. I'll go you one better: writing even an average story is something the vast majority of people will never bother to make an honest attempt at.

You're doing more than millions of people will ever do. Ask yourself this: Does it have to be a masterpiece?

 

[[REDACTED]]

SNIP

That was... oddly inspiring. Thanks for the much-needed motivation!

 

[FalloutJack]

Writing

Too many times, I see people of decent worth sell themselves short while I proclaim that I am good and people agree. Sometimes, you gotta believe - after some time, at least - that you have the skills.

 

[Risingblade]

There's nothing wrong with that, if anything it just leaves room for self improvement.

 

[Phlakes]

Is it wrong for me to think my talents are nothing but average and positive comments aren't all honest?

Only if you're wrong about being average. Hopefully it means you're able to look at your work objectively, but in that case you'd also need to be able to recognize when you're doing well. I do pixel art for a living, and for the first like eight years everything I did sucked and I knew it, but every now and then these days I'll make something and go "damn that's sexy" and then go right back to making something that's complete shit.

But yeah, never trust friends/family on judging your work. If you really want to know, get some objective critique from people who are actually experienced. I can show some of my art to a friend and they'll think I'm a god, then show it to some professional friends and get torn apart. Which, coincidentally, is the only (or at the least the best) way to improve.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

Is it wrong for me to think my talents are nothing but average and positive comments aren't all honest? Is my mentality that if I am negative about something, it will make the actual, trusted praise that much stronger?

It isn't particularly effective in my experience. Perspective is always the most important thing when judging the quality of something you do. For example, I'm a pretty good fencer and my rating suggests I'm well above average (C 2013 in foil) but compared to your average Olympic fencer I'm only marginally more skilled than a person just off the street. Comparing yourself against the best of the best in this case is only useful if your goal is to be the best and even then it's a fool's errand. The only comparison that matters is against yourself so next time, ask yourself this question: Do you write better today than you did yesterday? Looking at your desired end goal and comparing it to your current state is generally foolish in most cases as it makes any task seem insurmountable.

 

[Afro Man]

"Moderation in all things."

It's bad to be negative all the time.

Just as it's bad to be positive all the time.

Exactly, for myself I tend to keep my negativity to myself as it doesn't help me accomplish anything. As for feeling positive and such; just take it in steps.

 

[bartholen_v1legacy]

No, it's not bad to be negative. It's how you bring it across that makes the difference. Saying "everything's gonna suck anyway" or sulking about how you suck doesn't help anybody and just gets everyone down. But saying "Well this isn't going to be a masterpiece, but if we do this..." will give it a more positive edge.

 

[geK0]

Maybe; but I can't say that it isn't good to be double negative.

 

[The Wykydtron]

I suppose you have to be negative sometimes, though i'm usually the most positive person in the room at any given moment. I can find a silver lining out of any negative situation, it's a knack of mine. Funny trait for someone with such low self confidence to have I would imagine and I don't exactly know why but i'm always looking for a comedic spin on whatever I or someone else is doing. Find one post i've made on this site where I haven't at least included a small jab at humour. It's why I can't post on those pesky -ism threads, someone takes my joke seriously and shits the bed over it every time.

I can't take praise of any sort for some reason. I seriously don't know how to react to it. In fact the deciding factor on getting out of working in nursing was when a patient told me how grateful he was and I felt literally nothing. I had the thought I should have been motivated by his thanks and use that to deal with the difficult job but i'm not that kind of person.

 

[[REDACTED]]

Maybe; but I can't say that it isn't good to be double negative.

You. You are awesome. Please continue being awesome. That is all.

 

[Something Amyss]

Even though I'm always contradicted and told that I'm a wonderful writer, creative, other positive words. I still think I'm mediocre at best.

Pretty much everyone who's read the stuff I've written has enjoyed it, and I still have trouble with any sort of confidence in either my writing or anything similar. Yeah, it's a bad thing. I've sort of circumvented it in my head by telling myself I don't care so much as long as I enjoy doing it.

The only problem I have as such is attempting to get published, because it's still hard to sell a product when you have trouble pitching it as "good." Or maybe I do suck, but again, I don't care. Either way, it can be hard to retrain your thinking.

 

[Someone Depressing]

I'm a negative person. My wit is drier than the trees of siberia, my optimism as existent as something poetic or something.

I don't think it's bad to be negative. Not about needing self-improvement (which, really, is a good thing. You can never be as good as you're ever going to get at something. That's simply a fact) or just in general.