In my experience i am having a better experience after learning to love someone than falling in love with someone. What do you guys think? learn to love or fall in love.
Is it better to fall in love with someone, or to learn to love someone.
- Thread starter brucelee13245
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Falling in love is a biochemical response to their reproductive potential.
Learning to love someone is finding and appreciating a persons ability to compliment your mind(soul).
You pick the one you want.
Learning to love someone is finding and appreciating a persons ability to compliment your mind(soul).
You pick the one you want.
Learning to love it better in my opinions you gain trust over time that is not as breakable and you learn more about them.
Learn to love is the safer bet but you need to 'find' that person to learn to love... And that means you have to find someone attractive at least or something like that. Usually if you fall head over heels for someone it's pretty sure the love will fade away - not necessarily completely but at least some of it - after you discover the truth behind the person you so fiercely loved.
Unfortunatly love can hit at any time. Sometimes you just have to be at the right place at the right time. God i went to college after severl years of broken relationships, with the plan of not getting a boyfriend until after i had gotten through the two year course. First day, before class even starts i look down at the lad sitting on the floor, he looks up and thats it. Now we are together constantly. We were only friends for two weeks before i dared to ask him out when i realised how much he meant to me. Now, several months (yes before anyone dares kill me for it, its early) we are engaged and still going strong. Yes we have battles, who doesn't, but they are not enough to destroy us yet. Both families are content with his, his dad likes me and my mum likes him and his sisters like me and the rest of my family like him.InsanityWave said:
Point is, you can't control what happens. I didn't want a boyfriend but it hit me anyway and this time is the best ive ever had in my life and he is the longest also without any split ups (if you don't count a 3yr relationship aged 11-13 that i had which contained three months worth of splits). Yes trust for me has been an issue, we live a bus ride away which makes things awkward for us, and sometimes i used to think he didn't love me or that he was cheating but this was only because i had come to belive that i would never get someone who wouldn't and my mother always likes to say "something isn't right with that boy" so adds to my paranoia. I am now gaining trust slowly and leave him to his own devices instead of "stalking" him as often and constantly checking up on him or arguing over when he isn't online and doesn't answer when i txt. If you fall in love you can still learn to trust them as i have. My past records of lads have shown lies, deceat, pain and using. All lead to hurt, anger and untrust for any future partners. This will never leave me but i can learn to control it.
I love him and that is all that matters to me and i know he loves me. It hit us when we didn't expect it but as far as im concerned, fate brought us together, something i never belived existed but look at it this way:
I complained about the past, how my education was screwed up due to bullying and through lack of support from the teachers. But i chose to go to Newcastle because i knew it was a good college. I also found the course that i had wanted to do for several years had just begun being taught in the college. I signed up but was told later that it didn't exist. I almost gave up and chose another course but i decided to go to the open day to make sure, and sure enough it was still on so i had to reaply for it. Eventually i got onto the course.
So basically if i hadn't struggled in school and 6th form i would never have come to this college and would never have looked down into the eyes of the one i love.
"Love is a rebelious bird wich no man can tame. And it's all in vain to call it if it chooses to refuse."
Attraction is a wonderful thing, but it won't keep a relationship going for more than, at the very most, six months or so (and most flings flame out far sooner than that). Yet it is attraction that lays the groundwork for "learning to love", as you rather inaccurately put it.
The "learning" process is where the deeper mind begins to assess the character, values, and intellectual and emotional (rather than physical) reproductive fitness of a mate. I would venture two things about this process; that it can only be truly gained through bitter experience in all but the rarest of cases, and that if found in someone who is too young (and when I say "too young", I mean "younger than late twenties") runs extreme risk of change in a way that may be incompatible further down the road.
Our cultural emphasis on love short-circuits this process and I would say it is the single greatest cause of what is colloquially known as "relationship drama".
The "learning" process is where the deeper mind begins to assess the character, values, and intellectual and emotional (rather than physical) reproductive fitness of a mate. I would venture two things about this process; that it can only be truly gained through bitter experience in all but the rarest of cases, and that if found in someone who is too young (and when I say "too young", I mean "younger than late twenties") runs extreme risk of change in a way that may be incompatible further down the road.
Our cultural emphasis on love short-circuits this process and I would say it is the single greatest cause of what is colloquially known as "relationship drama".
Good reply, I give you +5 on that. Its from personal experience that I've found learning to love better. Went through a stage of coming in and out of relationships and I just sayed to myself to stop with it and really get to know the person first. So I did that, I came across a girl and as I got to know her more over a few weeks I found I liked her even more and more. I'm now with her we've been together for nearly 10 months nowlongest I've ever gone out with somone and it's still going strong we see each other nearly every day. Which is why I think that it is better to learn to love somone.DemonicKitten said:
learning to love someone. It's a much stronger bond that is based on past experiences and past struggles, or simply just from learning that someone isnt a total *****. That's how I got to know my current girlfriend.
People who think they are falling in love usually aren't. They're either falling in "lust", or they're developing emotional co-dependency.brucelee13245 said:
Learning to love is often the better option for your mental health. People are not slaves to their emotions and can choose to love somebody. In any case though, you can't force a relationship with someone you're not really into by this way - there has to be some kind of attraction or pre-existing potential there already.
I have to say learning to love, because falling ends messily with someone you might not be necessarily compatible with, if you can find some one that you have alot in common with that you get along with its better to learn to love them than just to fall for someone that will only end badly.