Is it really better to have loved and lost?

[Sutter Cane]

To quote YES, "Owner of a lonely heart Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart"

what about the owner of a lonely broken heart? I think YES set up a false dichotomy

 

[sumanoskae]

Loss is an unavoidable facet of life, I'd rather experience the highs and lows then stagnantly lay in the middle.

If you can enjoy it, you can lose it, there's no getting around that.

 

[Astoria]

Personally I would prefer to have never loved at all but it's a bit late for that. Whenever I think about losing my boyfriend it brings tears to my eyes and that's just thinking about it. I can't imagine how much the real thing would hurt. At least if you've never loved you never have to go through that pain.

 

[Freaky Lou]

It depends how you "lost". A relationship that you mightily cherished that all turns out to be a lie...well, you may learn some things from it, but that's always going to be a painful memory you'd probably rather not have.

If you lost someone in a car crash, to a disease, etc...then while that's horrible, too, you'll be grateful to have known them while they were alive.

Then of course there is familial love; is it better to have had a family that you loved and lost than to have never had a family? The answer to that question seems to me an obvious yes.

 

[Daniel Ferguson]

As someone who's loved and always failed, I'd say it is, but only if you've never loved in the first place. Still, it's best to have loved and achieved, and kept, than either.

 

[beniki]

Hello Escapist! I have been thinking about this for a while and wanted to know what you guys thought. Is it really better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all? I personally believe if you`ve never experienced love then you dont know what your missing as apposed to having had love and then knowing what you`ve lost. What are your thoughts on the matter?

Um... speaking from a purely 'pragmatic' view, then yes, it is better to have loved and lost.

Saves money on certain kinds of videos when you have your own memories to fall back on.

But really, it would be kind of crappy not to. Kind of like saying you're never going to eat pizza because you'll get hungry again.

 

[INF1NIT3 D00M]

If I had to choose, I'd rather have loved and lost.
I'm in love now, and before I met this girl I really didn't know anything about love.
I've done some awesome things. Some stupid things too, but mostly good things. I'm not going to rant, but seriously, my girlfriend makes me the happiest I've ever been in my entire life.
If I lost her tomorrow, yeah, it'd suck ass. I'd be depressed, I'd flip out and declare that I'd never love again, or something equally dramatic.
If I never loved her, I'd never have had the good times. I wouldn't have the stories to tell my children. I'd have no concept of love.
I'd rather love for a day, then deal with the loss for a thousand years, instead of living for any length of time without ever loving in the first place.

And when I say 'love' I'm not talking about sex. Yeah, that's part of it, but when I say 'love' I mean the whole package, not just 'making love'.

 

[BehattedWanderer]

It absolutely is better. You had the balls to go for it, and even if it didn't work out, at least you don't spend your whole damn life wondering what could have happened. You learn from it, and know what to do better next time.

 

[Thaluikhain]

It is better to have loved and lost than to listen to an album by Olivia Newton John.

 

[tthor]

Yup. Pretty simple. You just gotta remember, relationships aren't everything, and that there will always be another.

 

[])rStrangelove]

There's no point in living if you can't feel alive. Without love you never have.

 

[Wuggy]

I know appropriate Type-O-Negative lyrics for this topic!

Did one say so cruel
'Tis better to love and lose
Ignorance is bliss
Wish not knew your kiss
So many times been burned
This lesson goes unlearned
Remember desire only fuels the fire
Liar!

And now that I read them individually like that, they sound like some emo pseudo-punk lyrics. Meh, the song is good anyways, it's "Anesthesia" by the way.

Anyway, I think this goes on an individual basis, like a lot of things. Personally, I don't think the saying "It's better to have loved and lost" rings true, to me personally anyway. Having loved has majorly screwed me up in the past. My ex-girlfriend sees it otherwise, she's said to me that "I look back at our time positively", but I just simply don't see it that way. I know the time we were together was a very happy part of my life, but what I take away from that relationship (un-voluntarily) is how badly it ended and how I don't have any of those good things anymore.

 

[Haratu]

It is better to have loved
It is better to not have lost
Therefore it is better to have loved and not lost.
Therefore, It is worse to have loved and lost.

Logic wins and we prove that it is not better to have loved and lost.

 

[Powereaver]

im always told i should have some "Warmup relationships" aka people im not attracted to at all to gain experience in the area.. i think thats just unfair to the women involved.. but OT i think its better to have loved and lost cuz not being loved sucks.

 

[])rStrangelove]

im always told i should have some "Warmup relationships" aka people im not attracted to at all to gain experience in the area.. i think thats just unfair to the women involved.. but OT i think its better to have loved and lost cuz not being loved sucks.

From my experience its ok to get to know a person because of what she has in common with you (character, hobby, job, outlook on life) and go from there, because with time you can learn to love any person.

Love on 1st look and then slowly realizing you 2 have nothing in common is far worse.

 

[Floppertje]

speaking as someone who has just lost... yes it fucking is!
just because it sucks right now, doesn't mean the months before that weren't amazing.

 

[jumb]

Every day I ask myself this question. Every day, I change my mind.

 

[holy_secret]

I really don't know. When I think of what I've loved and lost, I usually start going on a little cycle of self-mental destruction. It never really gets better no matter how many years have passed.

But then I think of how things would have been had I never loved anyone. It would have been just lonely and I would've wanted to know how it was to love and be loved, a feeling probably just as heavy as having loved and lost over and over again.
Right around after my ex passed away (she did so in 2008), I would snap every time I saw something like this or if someone asked me this. I would always respond "If you ask that you don't know how it feels like to lose something precious".
Now, I really don't know. I think life is about experience, good and bad, not about finding love.

 

[Candidus]

Whether or not it's better obviously depends on why and how you lost.

 

[KiloFox]

i am in love, and have never lost (with my first and only mate, love him dearly) and by now i can't really imagine life without him, though i lived perfectly well before we ever even met. and before we met i was completely uninterested in being in a relationship. so if i had never loved at all, yeah i would have missed out on a wonderful feeling, but if i ever lost him i'd imagine i'd be so devastated that it'd easily be twice as bad if not worse. i have a friend, my best friend who's practically my brother, who loved and lost once, and it seemed to do more damage to him psychologically than never having loved in the first place. he's in another relationship now, which i hope for his sake lasts. his last one ended while we were still in High School and he really only survived the ordeal because he had me and all his other friends to lean on and support him. now that i've moved and we've all graduated. we're not as able to support him as we once were.

so here's to hoping i never lose! which is really the best situations isn't it?