Is it that hard to find a virgin?

[Charvale]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it.

The funny thing is that I said the same thing to my class while in High School, and they had the same reaction. My only response was that I treated virginity as a precious treasure given out only to the one woman that I truly care for and cherish. I told people that I plan only to give it to my wife, and when I do so she would realize just how precious she was to me because I waited, the same as I would expect from her. When a guy told me that he'd rather "sample the goods" while simply dating, I told him (and the class) that if they treated sex as something to give out to everyone without any consideration for what it means, then they make it a cheap piece of trash, which reflects upon them.

Your standards are nothing to give up on, and I urge you to keep in mind that when I met my current wife, she was a virgin, and I couldn't be more in love with her than I am now. She was worth waiting for, and I urge you not to let others dictate your standards. Just because they haven't the high standards you have, doesn't mean that they're right.

 

[dave1004]

I'm a virgin! And I don't drink or smoke. Too bad I'm a guy though, huh...And not exactly the most stunning one around, if you know what I mean. Lots of people in my community are one-hundred percent honest-to-god virgins, being a combination of a small town (Everybody's family!) and the majority of them major Christians.

Then again, maybe it's just because I'm a little runty coward. There's roughly 1,400 people in my town, and a good 400 of them 18 or under. I don't think very many of them have had sex. Like, seriously, if you did, EVERYBODY would know. I once through a rock at a pigeon and the whole town knew the next day. It's madness I say, madness!

 

[khantron]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it.

The funny thing is that I said the same thing to my class while in High School, and they had the same reaction. My only response was that I treated virginity as a precious treasure given out only to the one woman that I truly care for and cherish. I told people that I plan only to give it to my wife, and when I do so she would realize just how precious she was to me because I waited, the same as I would expect from her. When a guy told me that he'd rather "sample the goods" while simply dating, I told him (and the class) that if they treated sex as something to give out to everyone without any consideration for what it means, then they make it a cheap piece of trash, which reflects upon them.

Your standards are nothing to give up on, and I urge you to keep in mind that when I met my current wife, she was a virgin, and I couldn't be more in love with her than I am now. She was worth waiting for, and I urge you not to let others dictate your standards. Just because they haven't the high standards you have, doesn't mean that they're right.

What about virginity is a precious treasure? How does lacking a rather pleasurable experience equal treasure? If someone said "I've never played tennis before I've been saving myself for you." I'd think that was silly.

 

[Togs]

EDIT="All men"? Kinda insulting tbh.

I don't see where I said "all men". You mean my addressing "men in this thread"?

I can change it to "men in this thread except Togs" if you like.

In all seriousness, I don't make a habit of tarring all men with the same brush and if you feel I have here then it was unintentional, and I apologise - but you have to admit, the level of what-the-fuckery in this thread is off the charts. I've always seen Escapists as a more civilised, educated breed of forum users. Now I want to stab a worrying number of them with a spork.

Seems my brain added the "all", sorry about that- I think it was because this thread is dangerously similar to a personal "red button" topic.

 

[SilentCom]

I also am from the west coast in Washington and also have not done any of those. It isn't necessarily hard to find someone else who hasn't done those things. You just have to look in the right place. For example, there are probably plenty of people on these forums who haven't had sex yet or drank or smoke.

If you want to find people with high moral standards, best thing to do is go to places where they group up.

 

[elvor0]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it.

The funny thing is that I said the same thing to my class while in High School, and they had the same reaction. My only response was that I treated virginity as a precious treasure given out only to the one woman that I truly care for and cherish. I told people that I plan only to give it to my wife, and when I do so she would realize just how precious she was to me because I waited, the same as I would expect from her. When a guy told me that he'd rather "sample the goods" while simply dating, I told him (and the class) that if they treated sex as something to give out to everyone without any consideration for what it means, then they make it a cheap piece of trash, which reflects upon them.

Your standards are nothing to give up on, and I urge you to keep in mind that when I met my current wife, she was a virgin, and I couldn't be more in love with her than I am now. She was worth waiting for, and I urge you not to let others dictate your standards. Just because they haven't the high standards you have, doesn't mean that they're right.

No, it's not about having "low standards", stop acting all high and mighty, people have sex, it's a fact of life, something that humans engage in, I can understand saving yourself for marriage (ish), but waiting to find someone that you love that is ALSO saving themselves is VERY unlikely, further more whether or not the girl has had sex doesn't have any bearing on her personality (well unless she's a cheating whore), if you truely feel as if you love someone, you should be able to overlook the fact that she performed a perfectly natural act at some point in her life.

I mean personally I saved my virginity for someone I felt I really loved (the akwardness is easy if you're in a relationship, I wouldn't reccomend a one night stand for your first time) but I generally save myself for when I'm in a relationship, although I've had a few one night stands if I'm desperate, and because it's fun. Which is the point, sex is fun, and sex is good, why should you deprive yourself of it if both parties want it? But I'm not going to berate people because they like to sleep around, I've got a staunch stand on cheating, but if you're single why not?

Although I do congratulate you on your "virgin marriage", I cannot imagine how unlikely it is that would happen in this day and age. (that sounds more offensive than it should, I speak more in terms of astonishment )

 

[Forgetitnow344]

I also am from the west coast in Washington and also have not done any of those. It isn't necessarily hard to find someone else who hasn't done those things. You just have to look in the right place. For example, there are probably plenty of people on these forums who haven't had sex yet or drank or smoke.

If you want to find people with high moral standards, best thing to do is go to places where they group up.

The problem with that is no such place exists. You don't think church groups can be a haven for sexual deviance and drug abuse? Ha. The best thing to do is not concern yourself with the habits of another because at the OP's age, you aren't looking for a soul mate. You're looking for a companion.

OP, I'm not saying you should just wave your dick at any girl who walks past, but you shouldn't be so closed-minded. Just date someone and get to know their lifestyle. You may even find that what you once considered immoral is actually what makes you happy.

 

[Anaklusmos]

Should go on a Video Game course, about 3/4 of all the girls are virgins, and 1/2 of those girls are quite attractive, although they are timid and shy, which makes it impossible to actually you know... ask them out...

 

[Woodsey]

I've seen a lot of "good job on the high moral standards" posts, which is... interesting. The OP just comes across as shallow as anyone else (even if it's in an unconventional way).

 

[snappydog]

I'm just turning 18 in a couple of months, and I have never drunk any alcohol whatsoever, smoked, or had sex (or any sort of sexual experience really). While I don't think finding a girl like that would be impossible, I do think it's a bit unusual that you're so specific and absolute with the kind of girl you want. I mean, I know people have ideals and stuff, but they usually just end up with the person they fall in love with, who doesn't always fit their preconceptions of what they wanted.

 

[albinoterrorist]

The funny thing is that I said the same thing to my class while in High School, and they had the same reaction. My only response was that I treated virginity as a precious treasure given out only to the one woman that I truly care for and cherish. I told people that I plan only to give it to my wife, and when I do so she would realize just how precious she was to me because I waited, the same as I would expect from her. When a guy told me that he'd rather "sample the goods" while simply dating, I told him (and the class) that if they treated sex as something to give out to everyone without any consideration for what it means, then they make it a cheap piece of trash, which reflects upon them.

Your standards are nothing to give up on, and I urge you to keep in mind that when I met my current wife, she was a virgin, and I couldn't be more in love with her than I am now. She was worth waiting for, and I urge you not to let others dictate your standards. Just because they haven't the high standards you have, doesn't mean that they're right.

You...?
Huh.
While i'm sure you didn't mean that to sound as it did, it has caused me to pause and realise my own statement may need clarification to avoid false interpretation.

Basically, all i'm saying is don't hold anyone to higher standards than yourself.
If you can do that, you should turn into a great guy.

While you shouldn't expect others to surpass the standards you achieve (meaning they deserve recognition and/or respect in such an event), you also shouldn't look down on others who don't meet them.
Remember, your standards are entirely subjective.
Others may have wildly differing beliefs, and should be free to act as such without being looked down on for "inferior morality".

The only time you can really take offense at the life of others is when it directly opposes your own ability to live life as you see fit.
I do not mean "Ugh, I can't have a virgin, because all the people aren't", I mean "Ugh, these people trashed the library, impeding me from bettering myself mentally."

 

[Catie Caraco]

It's not impossible. I graduated high school with my virginity in tact, and to this day I've never smoked or done recreational drugs. I had drank alcohol in high school, but as part of my Italian culture. I.E. - one glass of wine with Sunday dinners occasionally, one flute of champagne on the Holidays, and one beer with pizza and wings. And honestly, I think I turned out the better for it, as I now have an appreciation for alcohol and don't abuse it. I've never been drunk, and the idea of drinking to get drunk is unappealing.

So don't lose faith, but also, don't shut a door in a girl's face just because she needed to experiment a little to find out what she wanted in life. Sometimes it takes making mistakes to realize that isn't the sort of life you want to live.

 

[Eggsnham]

The thing about highschool is that pretty much everybody drinks and does the soft drugs, but only about half the people have actually ever had sex, at least in the earlier years of highschool. Everybody lies about it constantly, but it's true.

It's not going to be easy to find a girl who matches your standards, or at least admits to it, though.

The thing about serious dating though, is that you can only plan so much of what happens, so don't be too strict about things like that.

 

[Char-Nobyl]

I fail to see how wanting to experience a wide range of things is "disturbing."

Because you're trying to include "Sex with minors" on that wide range of things. The lowest US age of consent is 16.

I want to try everything in life out just to see what it's like, or just to say I have. Sky-diving? Hell yeah. Drugs? Why not? So long as they're safe. Dating girls from many backgrounds to try to get a better understanding of human nature? Yeah, I don't see a problem with this.

Wait, what? "From many backgrounds"? You're not talking about girls who come from different parts of the country, or have a different religion or ethnicity. You're talking about girls who are barely teens an your quest to seek out and deflower them.

On my list of things I want to accomplish in life, the sex category has a bunch of subsections. For example, I'd like to one day have sex with a fat chick just for the hell of it, but I wouldn't do it under false pretenses because I'm no longer a dick.

...wait, what? What "false pretenses" would there be when your goal is "I'd like to...have sex with a fat chick just for the hell of it"? Are you going to say outright "I want to fuck you because you're fat"?

Ditto for a particularly tall chick, just for the hell of it. It's not that I particularly "want" to, but more that, if given the chance, I would go for it to add to the number of different experiences I've had.

...there is so much wrong with that sentence when it's being used to talk about sex.

And pardon me, I should have clarified. I see no problem with freshmen dating seniors as long as their is mutual understanding, no coercion or abuse of power.

And that's the problem. My point was that the difference in age becomes less and less of an issue as you get older for you and people close to your age. If you thought an 18 year old being with a 14 year old was creepy when you were in that age range, it doesn't suddenly seem okay once you're 20 because she's still 14, and he's still 18.

 

[lord.jeff]

You'd be surprised how many virgins there are out of high school, it's just a bit harder to find them as they tend to be doing something other then looking for guys.

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

You can find virgins that havnt had a drink, smoke or did drugs....but that would make you a pedophile. Thing is, depending on age, you have to accept partners have been through life. If a girl is say 22 then its obvious she has done a lot more of the stuff you hate than a girl thats 16. Once they hit 18 they can legally smoke and drink and have sex, that is if they havnt done that already.

Faithful is to be accepted, regardless of the number of partners they have had before you. Although you wouldnt want to date a whore, i get that. Also not wanting a girl that does drugs is also fair enough. Smoking and drinking are both legal, although id prefer a girl that drinks than one that smokes.....i guess that would be down to preference.

Thing is your putting your search to a very small niche of woman, not good. Be open and look around, for all you know your perfect woman smokes the odd cigarette. But if the personality is great then maybe the cig thing isnt so bad and can be accepted. There is no such thing as perfect, we all have failing points, accept that, have fun.

 

[SilentCom]

I also am from the west coast in Washington and also have not done any of those. It isn't necessarily hard to find someone else who hasn't done those things. You just have to look in the right place. For example, there are probably plenty of people on these forums who haven't had sex yet or drank or smoke.

If you want to find people with high moral standards, best thing to do is go to places where they group up.

The problem with that is no such place exists. You don't think church groups can be a haven for sexual deviance and drug abuse? Ha. The best thing to do is not concern yourself with the habits of another because at the OP's age, you aren't looking for a soul mate. You're looking for a companion.

OP, I'm not saying you should just wave your dick at any girl who walks past, but you shouldn't be so closed-minded. Just date someone and get to know their lifestyle. You may even find that what you once considered immoral is actually what makes you happy.

Places like that do exist, I would know being a virgin myself. Also, not all churchs are havens for sexual deviance and drug abuse, as a matter of fact, if the people in the church are at least somewhat serious about upholding a moral standard, they wouldn't likely be resorting to deviance or substance abuse. And frankly, the reason I'm concerning myself with the habits of another is for the same reason everyone else who posted here is. The difference is I could relate a little better than most seeing that I'm in the same situation and live in the same region. He asked where he could find virgins so I tell him to look to places where they group up.

The OP is 18 and legally an adult therefore it is his choice whether he is seeking a companion or soul mate. Just because many other people at the age of 18 are seeking companions doesn't necessarily mean he is. Lastly, I don't believe the OP is being close-minded for having standards, perhaps he is just picky in what he wants in a girl. All it means is that his selection isn't very large.

 

[SilentCom]

So I have this thing about dating where I won't date anyone who has had sex with another man or who smokes and/or does drugs. Call me old school or call me weird, but it is just part of my moral system. And today, during my sociology class, we got on the topic of sex and dating. I told the class my stand on such and they all chuckled. When I ask what was funny, someone told me that the chance of finding a girl like that now-a-days is almost impossible and that I should just give up on it.

The funny thing is that I said the same thing to my class while in High School, and they had the same reaction. My only response was that I treated virginity as a precious treasure given out only to the one woman that I truly care for and cherish. I told people that I plan only to give it to my wife, and when I do so she would realize just how precious she was to me because I waited, the same as I would expect from her. When a guy told me that he'd rather "sample the goods" while simply dating, I told him (and the class) that if they treated sex as something to give out to everyone without any consideration for what it means, then they make it a cheap piece of trash, which reflects upon them.

Your standards are nothing to give up on, and I urge you to keep in mind that when I met my current wife, she was a virgin, and I couldn't be more in love with her than I am now. She was worth waiting for, and I urge you not to let others dictate your standards. Just because they haven't the high standards you have, doesn't mean that they're right.

What about virginity is a precious treasure? How does lacking a rather pleasurable experience equal treasure? If someone said "I've never played tennis before I've been saving myself for you." I'd think that was silly.

Sex isn't just a pleasurable experience. Sex is done in an intimate relationship, I mean what is more physically intimate than cramming your you know what into a girl's you know what. Intimacy speaks of loyalty and trust. If you're giving it away to everyone, then how could they truly trust you. It's like telling them you love, only to go chasing after another girl later. Then telling that girl you love them despite having saying the same thing to other girls in the past. Even if you aren't verbally telling them you love them, your heart speaks through your actions.

Ultimately, it often ends up in broken hearts and resent toward Exs. While do you think there are so many divorces and broken families and relationships nowadays? People think sex and relationships are disposable. They aren't.

 

[Char-Nobyl]

The funny thing is that I said the same thing to my class while in High School, and they had the same reaction. My only response was that I treated virginity as a precious treasure given out only to the one woman that I truly care for and cherish. I told people that I plan only to give it to my wife, and when I do so she would realize just how precious she was to me because I waited, the same as I would expect from her. When a guy told me that he'd rather "sample the goods" while simply dating, I told him (and the class) that if they treated sex as something to give out to everyone without any consideration for what it means, then they make it a cheap piece of trash, which reflects upon them.

See, that's the problem: you're incapable of distinguishing between "sex while dating" and "fucking everything that moves." The two are very, very different.

And you know what? The guy was right. Sex is a statistically important part of a happy marriage. Why shouldn't you see if you're sexually compatible before marriage? Marriage isn't something to be taken lightly.

Besides, if she's actually had experience before marriage, and you tell her that your gift to her on your honeymoon is your virginity, she's going to be putting fresh batteries in her vibrator in preparation for the inevitable bedroom disappointment.

Your standards are nothing to give up on, and I urge you to keep in mind that when I met my current wife, she was a virgin, and I couldn't be more in love with her than I am now. She was worth waiting for, and I urge you not to let others dictate your standards. Just because they haven't the high standards you have, doesn't mean that they're right.

Whoa, hold up there.

That's another part of the problem: these aren't "high standards." They're arbitrary, unreasonable, and downright insulting when you talk about them like they give you the moral highground over us drugged-up hedonists.