Is it that hard to find a virgin?

[CardinalPiggles]

I'm a Virgin, 21 years old. I'm not exactly proud of it, but I'm not ashamed either. Look towards the quieter people, they tend not to be party animals.

 

[Ris]

Thats alot of rules you just decided on when it comes to picking a partner. The way the world works, you will meet a virgin and have a happy life together, Then when you turn 40 and your rocking your third kid on your knee, your going to look back on all the fun you missed out on. This is a gift from above, have safe sex and enjoy yourself.

That's a load of crap. I've never heard of anyone ever who regretted not being more promiscuous when they were younger, not counting mid-life crises...but that's more a case of fearing that you've made all the wrong decisions in life.

REALLY, though, people look back on their wild younger years mostly in regret.

Well, let me step in, I am 36 and I have litterally lost count of the number of sex partners I have had. I REGRET not having more sex when I was teenager, when I was at my sexual peak. I could and intend to continue to have sex until I litterally cant get it up anymore, but I will NEVER be able to have more sex as a teenager.

Are you married? That makes all the difference in the world here, because if your objective is to just screw as many women as you can before your porkhammer fails you, then obviously you're going to regret getting a smaller head start.

But for someone who wants a meaningful relationship (and if he won't date anyone who's not a virgin, I'm guessing OP does) then you gain nothing from sleeping around all over the place in your younger years. It does give you problems in your marriage, particularly if your spouse didn't do the same.

Alright. I'm 27 and I can count the number of sexual partners I've had on one hand. Half of one hand. I've never had sex outside of a serious relationship.

I bitterly regret not sleeping with some of the men I had the chance with when I was younger. That's not to say that I wish I had been promiscuous - I know I wouldn't personally get much out of having lots of sex outside of a relationship - it's just that sometimes physical attraction is an incredibly powerful thing. Quite possibly, the best people to explore that notion with are behind me now.

Would my sleeping with those men have an effect on my future relationships? Hell no. I would never be with someone who couldn't understand that I tend to want to have sex more often than I have soulmates wander into my life.

 

[Strife17O7]

I'm a Virgin, 21 years old. I'm not exactly proud of it, but I'm not ashamed either. Look towards the quieter people, they tend not to be party animals.

Same here. *brofist* Only I'm 22.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

You're extremely naive and I don't mean that as an insult. Your views on other people and especially the world are so distorted I'm inclined to think you've been living in a bubble your entire life.

 

[DracoSuave]

Very good example. Yet most of non-virgins lost their virginity in sex "for fun". And they did not do that once or twice. What that means? Such wife will most likely have sex with other men when you are not around, just for fun.

Consider the person AND the history. Because history says a lot about person.

What misogynistic nonsense.

Has it occured to you that maybe, because she enjoys sex... she might enjoy having lots of sex with you!?!

See... here's the thing with good, enjoyable sex... it's creates endorphins, and dopamine. Bother of which cause you to get a rush of contented happiness... an evolved reaction designed to make you want to be with a person more.

If you're married, and having great sex with your partner, that's AWESOME. That's why virginity is overrated. Great sex is great sex, and you kinda need that in a monogamous marriage.

 

[Alandoril]

Yes, not to put too fine a point on it you should give up. When it comes to women, give up any and all expectations and you'll be satisfied. If you don't then they will just moan at you for not forgiving them every single, tiny fault.

 

[Forgetitnow344]

I don't see what the big deal with virginity is. Frankly, I'd prefer it if at least one of us knew what they were doing.

Knew what she was doing like a prostitute? Im sorry I just hate always hearing that answer, especially when it comes from elmo.

What's up with all the moral high ground? Why do you people assume sexually active people are all deviants who just spend all day being irresponsible and worthless?

I know a 20-year-old at my work who is very in-the-moment and spontaneous, and right now her goal in life is to just go to school and maintain the status quo. She has the outward vibe as a whore, but she has shown that she actually has standards and her only objective is not The Dick. I personally asked her out, and she said yes. We had fun, but she could tell I was looking for something different than what she was and so she shut it down before it even began, and in retrospect it was definitely a good thing. We're friends now, and she even invites my current girlfriend to hang out. I later heard from my other friend that in the heat of the moment, she refused to bang him because he wouldn't wear a condom. To be able to shut down sex when you're right at that point is an admirable feat, and she did it because she's got a good head on her shoulders. She just likes to have fun.

My point is that life should be experienced. If you intentionally choke off your life because of some arbitrary morals that are ultimately bullshit, you'll end up regretting it. Don't hate fun. Come up with some kind of REASON if you're going to refuse something. Case in point: alcohol is literally poisonous and not that much fun for some people. You can just say no. But if your only aversion to having SAFE sex is the fact that you told yourself when you were 13 that you'd save yourself for a predetermined period of time, you're just inhibiting life.

 

[DracoSuave]

Would my sleeping with those men have an effect on my future relationships? Hell no. I would never be with someone who couldn't understand that I tend to want to have sex more often than I have soulmates wander into my life.

This. There's nothing whorish about having sex or wanting sex, any more than you're being gluttonous for having a meal, or greedy for making money at your job.

Sex is a natural and necessary part of the human condition. Yes, pathological overindulgence is unhealthy... but you know what? So's pathological underindulgence.

And if you buy that 'women who are fun are whores' thing, that's blatantly pathological. It's ultimately self-hating.

I don't see what the big deal with virginity is. Frankly, I'd prefer it if at least one of us knew what they were doing.

Knew what she was doing like a prostitute? Im sorry I just hate always hearing that answer, especially when it comes from elmo.

Actually, women who are taught that sex should be for duty and not for pleasure are the ones who do it like prostitutes. The ones who have sex for pleasure are awesome, because they're not taught self-hating anti-social garbage by men who are afraid of their own balls.

 

[Justanewguy]

*snip*

Second, do you really expect them to be honest with you about it?

*snip*

I'm not going to comment on the entire rest of this thread/post, because my ideas on this aren't important. What's been said through the thread covers a vast majority of the views on both sides. That said, I have a distinct problem with what was asked here.

Do I expect my partner to be completely honest with me about their sexual history? Hell yes I do. I expect the girl I'm with to trust me enough to tell me what she's done, because if she doesn't then she's not someone I want to be having sex with. Some people have different views on casual sex, but my view is that I don't want to be having sex with someone unless I genuinely care about that person and am in a mutually respectful relationship with them. It's not unreasonable to want your girlfriend to be honest with you, and an open and honest relationship is the only way that that relationship will last for any long period of time.

So yes, I do expect my partner to be honest with me. If she's too embarrassed to tell me about it, then I feel I've done poorly as a boyfriend in giving her a safe environment to be absolutely truthful with me (that's my failing). If she doesn't tell me because she's lying to me about things, then I have no interest in her anyway (that's her failing). Either way it seems to me that in either of those scenarios we're simply not emotionally ready to have sex with each other.

 

[Justanewguy]

But if your only aversion to having SAFE sex is the fact that you told yourself when you were 13 that you'd save yourself for a predetermined period of time, you're just inhibiting life.

Generally I agreed with your post, Lunch, except for this little bit. If a person doesn't want to have sex, that's not inhibiting life, it's simply a life choice. I've known a lot of people who save themselves for the right moment, and haven't found it yet. If you want your first time to be with someone special or at some specific point in your future, that's your prerogative, just like choosing not to drink or smoke until you're legal to do so. It's not inhibiting life.

 

[Colour Scientist]

From what I skimmed in this thread, quite a lot of you enjoy sloppy seconds and used goods.

Personally I don't go for used goods, since the previous handler usually ruins the product.

I like my women like i like my products: new and unused.

That was such a vile string of sentences I don't even know where to begin.
Ideas like that are just revolting to me.
It's unsettling to think that some people still think like that.

I don't understand why people are so afraid of female sexuality.

 

[Cat Cloud]

It seems to me that quite a few people tend to go for sex because it's what seen as natural, giving into desires. I think people look for virgins not because they think that non-virgins are horrible people without morals (because they aren't) but they're looking for people who share similar views on sex.

I think having similar views on sex is extremely important in a relationship. I don't think the OP necessarily deserves the... "contempt" he's getting. Matching views is part of being in a relationship, and everyone has their own set of views.

As a girl, I find it interesting that this conversation has almost exclusively focused on female virgins. What about male virgins? Or is it so shameful for a guy to be a virgin it's not worth talking about?

 

[dudycat1]

lucky you don't live in the united kingdom then.
I'm 13 and in year 9 and nearly everyone in my year (excluding the nerdy type people) have.
1. smoked weed.
2. drunk alcohol.
3. smoked tobacco.
4. had sexual intercourse.
I'm guilty of 1-3 and I'm not proud of it in any way, neither is my girlfriend who has also committed 1-3, what you need to under stand is that some people have done things like that in there life and that the majority of them will 1. regret it, or 2. not regret it but they won't do it once they reach a certain age.

 

[fenrizz]

From what I skimmed in this thread, quite a lot of you enjoy sloppy seconds and used goods.

Personally I don't go for used goods, since the previous handler usually ruins the product.

I like my women like i like my products: new and unused.

Yes, because woman are items and should be treated as such.
/sarcasm

Do you hold yourself to that standard?

The way you formulated your post seems to suggest that you do not.
If that be the case, then you are a bloody hypocrite.

And how the hell is a woman ruined by having sex?

 

[Mortier]

Seeing as most of this thread is basically just about the sex part...

I sort of get what you mean. For me, it's always been... weird I suppose. It simply makes me *cringe* whenever I think of the fact that someone's been there before me (<-- this basically haunts me). It somehow makes me feel less appreciated I guess. I'm not sure if that's what it comes down to for u, in any case.

Needless to say, I'm a virgin myself (age 20).

However, I can tell u this: whatever your 'standards' may be, or how you may think of people, there's bound to be someone out there who will make you think twice. Someone who will make you feel just happy about all this and expell your doubts.

Now I'm off to wander & wonder why I put up this post ._.

 

[Forgetitnow344]

But if your only aversion to having SAFE sex is the fact that you told yourself when you were 13 that you'd save yourself for a predetermined period of time, you're just inhibiting life.

Generally I agreed with your post, Lunch, except for this little bit. If a person doesn't want to have sex, that's not inhibiting life, it's simply a life choice. I've known a lot of people who save themselves for the right moment, and haven't found it yet. If you want your first time to be with someone special or at some specific point in your future, that's your prerogative, just like choosing not to drink or smoke until you're legal to do so. It's not inhibiting life.

You're right, but my phrasing must have been unclear. If you want to save yourself, that is okay. It's a choice you have to make on a case-by-case basis though. You can't just decide at some point, "And now I will not have sex for the next X years." You never know what life will throw at you or how you will change.

 

[DracoSuave]

My legs actually clenched at the thought of that.

I know, right? Guys don't realize the first time is not exactly going to be a picnic for her. Virginity is WAY overrated.