Is it weird/predatory for an 18 year old to date a 21 year old?
- Thread starter CrazyDiamond
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Use the general rule of (half the older age) + 7. (21/2)+7 = 17.5, so 18 is fine. Just.CrazyDiamond said:
I'm half joking - half because I actually think the rule is a lot more useful than might be initially thought.
Generally I think things are liable to work best when both people are in relatively similar phases of life. These phases tend to shift rapidly in youth, and slow down as people get older. School to ~18, then maybe ~3-4 years university or early career, up to the mid/late 20s later development and settling in, then stability (kids, mortgages, etc.) throughout the 30s into the 40s, then middle age to retirement, old age the rest. Applying the above formula, chances are you're with someone at least reaching distance of a similar perspective.
If you want to date someone well out of phase, it greatly reduces the chance you're really on a level. At the worst, it can even be unhealthy such as an older partner who craves the admiration of the naive and physique of the young rather than their value as a person. It's not always going to be bad, of course, but ultimately I suspect large age differences rarely tend to be most constructive for the relationship or either partner within it. Mind you, lots of the relationships will also break down when a change in "phase" occurs, as the alteration causes reassessment of circumstances, relationship included, and the bigger the age gap, bigger the problem.
I suspect I could struggle to have a deep emotional and personal relationship with someone considerably younger / older than myself. I might like them in many ways, but I fear it's unlikely we'd really be looking in the same direction in life much of the same time, have the same cultural reference points, etc. That, I suspect, would always leave a substantial gap between us.
Umm...CrazyDiamond said:
Yeah, this is getting weird. I have a feeling OP has just been biding their time, being interested in someone else but doesn't have the balls to just ask them out. So they keep wondering in their mind if it's creepy to date them due to age... when they probably know sub-consciously that it's not about that, they're just being really creepy by obsessing over this one person for this long.Silentpony said:
That's just my guess. But it's my best explanation as to why this keeps coming back
Age of consent here in NZ is 16, but you'll only get the book thrown at you if you're like 25 and you sleep with a 13 year old. My former flatmate slept with a 15 year old when he was 30, and most people's reaction's around here were "that's pretty messed up" in a frowny way, not in a moralising way like sex offender christian politicians.
The op doesn't say anything about sex, just dating. Ok, yeah, that might be implied, but not necessarily.
Wakey87 said:
No. I'm just anxious worried about my age a lot and ruminate about it quite a bit. Kind of going through a quarter life crisis.Elvis Starburst said:
In theory, a 15 year old could prey on a 30 year old - it'd just be much less likely. Sexual predation (not including physical coercion) is really about exploiting psychological vulnerability. Obviously naivety is a very significant form of vulnerability the young are particularly prone to suffer, but there are plenty more.CrazyDiamond said:
Ages of consent basically reflect very general rules, sort of population trends. A random person of that age is sufficiently likely to be competent to consent under normal conditions that it may as well be the cutoff point.
Nope, not even remotely. Wouldn't even bat an eyelid at that. In fact I find it weirder that you'd even ask that question.
Notably, it used to be 16 for different gender couples, but 18 for same gender couples in Queensland until fairly recently, and didn't the usual suspects make a fuss over getting it set on 16.