Is it wrong to not care?

[HeatproofShAdOw]

Hey guys,

So a few days ago, my grandfather on my mothers side recently passed away suddenly at his home. Understandably, my mum is really quite down about the whole thing, but that isn't the issue. The issue for me is that I just don't really care, or at least I'm not sad.

The same thing happened a few months ago when my grandfather on my dads side passed away a year ago. Again, I didn't really get too sad over the whole ordeal. My parents seem confused over the way I've handled these two events, mainly me just continuing as normal and laughing about ordinary things. I had a good relationship with both of them, meeting with them frequently at family events and the such, and it just seems strange, to me at least at how I haven't been feeling any shock or disturbance at all over their passing.

So my question would be, is this wrong? Should I at least be a little sad over this whole thing? How would you have handled this? For reference, it's been a little over the year since my 1st grandfather died, and nothing really has happened, so don't say I'm dealing with shock.

 

[Signa]

Well, two questions. 1) were you close at all to your grandparents, and 2) were they really old? If you weren't close or they were really old and hanging on death's door for a while, it would be rather normal to not mourn for them.

 

[Something Amyss]

It's weird to feel bad you don't feel bad, isn't it?

 

[Hazy992]

Hmm, that does seem a bit abnormal, I mean I was really upset when my grandad on my dad's side died and I hated the guy. I was never close to him and he was a complete asshole. It seems a little strange that you've had almost no emotional reaction to their passing.

 

[St.Augustine6]

Death gets easier to cope with the more that you have to deal with it, so I don't see any problem with your lack of strong feelings over the death of your maternal grandfather. Now when your paternal grandfather died, that is when I would of expected some shock or remorse, or whatever. This can be a good thing in that you are just the type of person who handles this stuff well. The world needs people with that kind of mindset to ease the pain when others do have strong feelings after a personal death.

 

[HeatproofShAdOw]

Well, two questions. 1) were you close at all to your grandparents, and 2) were they really old? If you weren't close or they were really old and hanging on death's door for a while, it would be rather normal to not mourn for them.

I was reasonably close to both of them. I wouldn't say I visited them every week, but I kept in touch and saw them every month. My 1st grandfather was dealing with a long illness and eventually forgot who I was, so I suppose that would be a reason, but for my mothers father he was 75, and passed suddenly and unexpectedly.

It's just, weird, to be feeling not bad at all.

 

[shrimpcel]

Well right or wrong are concepts that purely depend on your own personal opinion. I personally would not say it is wrong, but I strongly advise you not to repeat this in person to other people.

 

[TheProfesser]

Maybe you suffer from psychopathy It makes you show lack of remorse.

 

[The Madman]

Congrats, lack of empathy is one of the primary signs of a psychopath.

Much more likely however is that you're a typical teenager full of angst and disregard for others, in which case you'll grow out of it so don't start bragging quite yet.

Teenagers...

 

[comadorcrack]

Emotions are a difficult thing to grasp. I'd put money on it that you do in fact feel something, but you're dealing with it in a very internalised way. Its not unheard of for people to feel nothing at first instance then completely break down years later.

Soooo no, I wouldn't feel bad about it.

 

[DarkRyter]

It's never wrong to not care. From a relative(hehe) standpoint, there's no reason to care much about anything.

You feel how you want to feel, man. It's not like you're pissing on his grave and eating his descendants like some unholy cannibal. THAT would be a bad thing.

 

[Screamarie]

You and I seem to be in the same boat. In the last five years or so my great grandmother on my mother's side, my grandmother on my step-father's side, and my aunt on my mother's side have all passed away. I felt that it sucked that they had died, but I didn't get very emotional or upset, I didn't cry, and I went on with life as normal.

But at the same time I know I'm not heartless, because I know if something happened to my mother I'd be bawling like a baby and probably enter a deep depression. So many it's not necessarily the amount of time you spent your grandfathers, maybe it's just you didn't share any special bond with them. Beyond that, they were both getting on in years so maybe you knew subconsciously it was going to happen sooner or later.

In the end though, you can't help how you feel, I mean maybe it didn't shock you and maybe you didn't cry, but that doesn't mean you wanted them dead right? And maybe you're not freaking out over their death but that mean that you don't wish they were still alive. Do you have some sympathy for your parents having lost their father? Unless you've had some kind of history of not giving a damn when some of the people closest to you (parents, best friends, siblings) got hurt or sick and maybe kicking a puppy or two just because you can, I don't think you have anything to worry about. You just feel how you feel. And if I'm wrong, well, then we're probably both psychopaths so at least you're not in the boat alone ^_^

 

[Woodsey]

My biggest worry in situations like that, is that I hope nobody ends up crying in front of me. Not because I'm worried about crying too; but because its just plain fucking awkward.

So you sound perfectly normal to me, people aren't affected by stuff - and don't handle it - in the same way.

 

[MaxwellEdison]

Right or wrong, it's nothing you can control. We each handle these events in our own way, that's just how it is.

 

[DarkSeraphim02]

I wouldn't say it's wrong, atypical maybe but not wrong.

I didn't cry when a friend of mine died years ago nor did I cry when my grandfather died, If anything I'd say you're just reacting more stoically than the average person.

If others are going to look at you strange or try to label you because you aren't breaking down into tears and acting like the world is ending I'd say they are forgetting something, namely that everybody reacts to death differently.

 

[The Madman]

Asshole. What am I, bragging over my disregard for other people? Fuck off. I'm just curious about this whole ordeal, and here you come in on your high and mighty "Oh, I've been a teenager and know exactly what this is, your just an attention whore". Fantastic contribution there, really stellar comment.

Oh relax, I didn't think you'd be insulted by it or I wouldn't have typed that. I happen to have a teenage sister and she's asked the exact same thing before, it's just a phase a lot of kids go through.

The fact that you care about caring or not is a good thing and perfectly normal as far as I know.

 

[Mestraal]

As mentioned by various others above me, everyone reacts differently. It just works out that the most common image shown by the media and the like is MOURN MOURN MOURN WEEP.

Hell, I lost my mother 4 years back, and I'm yet to shed a tear. I make jokes about her, for gods sake. It's my way of dealing with things, and if people don't like it they can't just bugger off. So many people have accused me of supressing emotion, blah blah. Not everyone has to cry, y'see? It all comes down to the person.

All in all: Wrong, you are not.

 

[jimahaff]

Everyone deals with death differently. So I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it. That seems to be the general consensus of the form so ya... there you go.

 

[Badong]

It's not normal, but that doesn't make it wrong; if you're not respecting their memory, then that's wrong.

My advice may be a bit invalid though, since I personally didn't give a shit when my suicide attempt failed spectacularly.

 

[Flailing Escapist]

If it was wrong to not care would you care if it was wrong?